A year later.

Giving birth to Liv was the most amazing and happiest thing I’ve ever done. Yeah, there was some pain involved (and crazy animal sounds) but I’d do it again at this very moment to have her here. You could take all the hard parts, bottle them up, ask me to drink it, and I’d do it in a second. This past year was a whirlwind of memories: baby giggles, fresh wet hair from the bath, tiny fingers wrapped in my hand, little perfect legs out of diapers, and big gummy smiles, later with some teeth poking through. Milestones, learning, evolving… on all of our parts. With all of the beauty, there was also a lot of anxiety, which was condensed into the first few months of Liv’s life.

For the first few months after Liv was born, I had an elevated heart rate throughout the day and pretty much always felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack. I remember one time when she was only about 4 days old when my mom and nana came over. They knew it had been an all-nighter, and told me they’d watch Liv so I could take a nap. I went upstairs, crawled into bed, and felt like my heart was about to explode from my chest. That feeling remained with me, and I was always worried about Liv’s wellbeing, that I was doing everything I could to take care of her. Was she warm? Was her belly full? Was she happy?Β 

I told myself that I’d wait to write about the anxiety until I knew it was gone, because I’m not the type of person to put up a “woe is me” post in the moment, when emotions are too fresh. I’d rather write about it after the fact, when I’ve made it through the experience, and remain mindful of the tips and strategies that helped me so that I’m able to share them.Β And here we are, a year later. I had no idea that life could be this good and after all of the anxiety, which slowly started to melt away, I can easily say that it’s gone. Of course, I still worry about her and want to do my very best to take care of her, but it’s a mindfulness instead of a panic now. And, a year later, I can 100% say that I’m myself again.

Often, I’ll wonder if it would have been helpful to write about what I was experiencing on the blog. I feel like I did a disservice to all of you by failing to document it, but then again, some emotions are too raw, too intense, and too confusing to adequately express to the masses. So for that, my dear reader friends, I am truly sorry.

Also, I feel like there would be no point in trying to explain what I went though, why it happened, and what could have helped me even more, because I never went to get help.

I was in a place in my life where I was surrounded by intense negativity. It seems silly now, because I was so fortunate to be surrounded by many people that love us, but I sought it through an outside source. At first, it was a way for me to receive helpful feedback, but in a fragile state, the personal and hateful nitpicking finally started to get to me. Being a first-time mom is challenging, but even more so when there are people watching to jump on a potential learning opportunity. Top that with serious sleep deprivation and a hormone dump, and it’s a pretty awful combo. I started to guard my blogging, my life, and my writing in hopes that they wouldn’t find anything to talk about.. but they always did, even if it was a salad from 2008.

When you have a semi-public life, you’re subject to criticism from others. I’m aware of that, appreciate it, and understand that it’s part of the package. At the same time, I felt like if I went to talk to somebody about what I was feeling, I was letting the hateful critics win. I realize now, that by failing to get help when I needed it, that’s indeed what I did.

While I don’t think I had postpartum depression (I’ll never know if I did or not), my struggle with breastfeeding intensified everything I was feeling. I was devastated with my low supply, even with all of the steps I took to boost it. (I even took placenta pills- something else I haven’t written about.) Pumping was miserable and I hated the fact that I spent so much time pumping when I could have been snuggling my baby. I am happy I was able to give her 6 months of breast milk, but for the next child, I’m not going to be so hard on myself.

That’s the main purpose of this post:

I can look back now at the mistakes I’ve made and things that helped me along the way.

If you’re experiencing what I went through, my heart goes out to you. Don’t be afraid to talk to someone about it and get help. Don’t let potential judgment from others prevent you from doing what you Β need to do to take care of yourself. Also, please don’t be afraid to email me.A few new moms have, and while I obviously can’t give medical advice, I’m pretty good at virtual hugs and pep talks.

There is enough negativity in the world- why seek it out? Now, I don’t allow the words of people, who have never met me, make me feel badly if that’s their only intention. Chances are that they have something else going on in their life causing them to share their toxic energy with the world. The aforementioned negativity has been out of my life for quite a long time- I’m much happier without it.

The night before Liv’s birthday, she woke up with teething pains a couple of hours after she had fallen asleep. I quickly went upstairs to hold her and give her a teething strip, and as usual, she fell asleep in my arms as we laid on the couch together. It was surreal to think that exactly one year before, it had been the most primal night of my life and here I was now, in the most serene. My eyes pricked with tears, and as I looked at the stars illuminating the ceiling from her Twilight Turtle (which I had turned back on), I half-expected to have some sort of cliche epiphany. But, everything I felt in my mind and heart were cementing the truths I already knew. “You’re going to do everything possible, for the rest of your life to be the most loving mom and take the best care of this little girl.” I felt her legs draped over the the side of my body, when a year before, she easily fit in the crook of my arm. I thought about how tiny she still is and yet how much she’s grown and changed, how proud I am of all of us for being a team through the peaks and valleys, and how grateful I am for my little family.

Even with my struggles this past year, it’s been, by far, the most blessed. During the depths of my anxiety, I was always thankful to be Liv’s mama and that we were so fortunate to have a healthy, happy baby. It’s always felt too good to be true, but now that the fogginess is gone, I can confidently say that it is.

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. How brave of you to share your story. I find it amazing how easy it is for people to sit behind their computers and say hurtful comments to bloggers who are allowing us a ‘peek’ into their lives. Being a new mom is hard and the one thing I finally learned over the first year of my daughter’s life is that someone will think a certain decision or action makes you a great mom, while another person criticizes it. As women and especially mama’s we need to support and encourage one another and not judge. I am not a blogger, but made the difficult choice to remove a negative person from my life this year because I was spending too much time worrying about her comments when I should have been focusing on my family. I know it isn’t as easy for you just ‘block’ those negative readers, but at least try to block them from your mind. You are doing an amazing job!

  2. Jenna Ferar says:

    Beautiful, beautiful post, Gina. As a new mom to a 3.5 month old, I am so grateful for your honesty. It makes us all feel less alone – to know that others are going through similar experiences. Thank you so much.

  3. This was such a great post…and I’m sure it was one that was extremely difficult to write. As a long-time reader, I can tell through your writing that you always strive to be honest and upfront and an overall good person. I think it sucks that people have come down on you for your decisions and struggles. The important thing is that you’re trying, and that’s all that anyone can do. I struggle with anxiety at times too, and more often than not it’s from a number of different sources, and it’s very hard to get a handle on. My heart goes out to you for what you’ve been through, and it also gets a little bigger because of how wonderful and shiny the other side is. You rock Gina. xo

  4. Thank you for such an honest post. My husband and I are trying to get pregnant and I love reading your family updates and getting excited for what the future holds. I know I don’t know you, but I think you are a wonderful mom and I often think that I will reference your family posts once I do have a baby. I think you are a great example. Thank you for sharing so much of your life with us. Your blog is my favorite and it always brightens my day.

  5. I came across that site looking for an article written by one of the fashion bloggers I follow, and surprise they ripped her apart too. I couldn’t believe what I saw, page after page of pure negativity and mean words. I really hope you read this comment and know that
    1. It would be impossible to silence them as they will always find something to criticize, that’s generally how it works with very negative malcontent people.
    2. They are not an authority on anything.
    3. You don’t owe anything to anyone. You don’t owe it to them to change anything about your blog and you don’t owe it to us to share anything before you are ready to.
    I have been following you for 2ish years and will continue to do so, you are an inspiration and please don’t let other people’s rudeness get to you. The internet can be a really ugly place when people have the luxury of sitting behind a computer anonymously.
    Peace to all πŸ™‚

    • Lauren W. says:

      So well stated!! I had never seen the site, and I could NOT believe what I was reading….I was horrified. I was trying to say something along the same lines as your comment, but this was so very well put. Cheers.

    • Perfectly said. I can only echo it. Gina, love to you three – whoops, five!

  6. What a heart-warming and honest post. Thank you for sharing.

  7. I love that you wrote this! I am all too familiar with that anxiety, having just had my 2nd son 4 months ago. Even though I was more relaxed with #2, it all became overwhelming, and I was crying often, feeling like I “just couldn’t do it.” Being a mom of a 2 year old and a newborn was hard! At my son’s 2 month check up, my husband urged me to tell our family doctor. Just crying there in that exam room and pouring my heart to a professional made me feel so much better! Our doctor empathized with me and even told me her own experience, which made me feel less alone.
    I’m so sorry you went through that, and I’m glad you are in such a great place now! Thanks for sharing your story.

  8. When I think about how fragile I felt as a new mom (and still do sometimes), I can’t imagine reading the things that were written on GOMI during that time. That being said, I think that if you were a little more honest during this time that it would have been a better approach. It’s your life and your blog and ultimately you answer to no one, but sugar coating everything as if its perfect when it isn’t doesn’t come across as really relatable. It’s part of the reason I mostly stopped reading other mom blogs since I had my own baby. I would read them and wonder, “Doesn’t ANYONE feel the way I do about new motherhood?” Either way, I’m happy that you are feeling like yourself again and I’m glad you decided to share your story.

  9. Hi Gina, thanks so much for such an honest and moving post. Dealing with criticism is never easy, especially when so many people are looking on. My husband and I have been having some issues trying to get pregnant and it’s been hard reading about people who just seem to have it all together all of the time. Of course I’m sorry you had to go through such a hard time, but it’s comforting to know that even those we look up to deal with their own struggles and heartache. I’m glad you’re in a better place now. We just got some good news on Wednesday — so we may be turning the corner as well πŸ™‚ http://lifewithacrazypup.com/2013/01/11/test-results/

    Have a great weekend!

  10. I think that this is a really thoughtful post. I have enjoyed your blog for a while now, Gina and am so sorry that you went through such a hard time. I suffer from anxiety too, and I always appreciate hearing about other’s experiences. That said, there is no need for you to feel like you *should* share parts of your life unless you are comfortable with that. For me, feeling like I should behave a certain way often exacerbates my anxiety. You’re doing a great job, Gina. Follow your heart and don’t let anyone drag you down.

    • Well-stated!

      This is an interesting conversation. I am surprised by the number of people who are upset about bloggers who share too much, or not enough, or not in the *right* way, or whatever- on their personal blogs. Call me old-fashioned, but when I don’t like a blog, I don’t visit it. Everyone has the right to be his/her own, beautiful self. Love it or leave it!

  11. Amanda Lee says:

    Thank you for writing about this.
    I’ve yet to have children but through my friends and family that do have kids I can see (and I do worry about when I have kids) the constant putting down even family members have on new mothers. ‘Your baby’s clothes are too small!’ ‘Why are you spending money on more clothes!?’ It’s a constant battle that most people don’t realize. Even listening to my co-workers talk about how another co-worker is handling having her 2nd child.

    We need to end the negativity and support each other!

    You’re a fabulous mom to Olivia. Anyone can see that. As I would tell one of my close friends(and myself). Soak up the love from Olivia and Tom. With them you can get through anything.

  12. I don’t have time to read through the other comments right now so this has probably already been said a hundred times but Thank You for sharing this story with us. πŸ™‚ I’m so sorry you were going through that at a time when any sane person should have been supportive and happy for you and the new little one.

    You don’t ever ‘owe’ us anything. Just because you chose to share some parts of your life with your readers it doesn’t entitle us to anything more than you’re willing share. (I do wish you would have told us about the negative person though so we could have gone and told them what they could do with their comments.) πŸ™‚

    The first baby experience is so very hard and all women should support new Moms. You made it through no doubt stronger and with a beautiful happy sweet little angel. Congratulations. πŸ™‚ (baby number 2 will be a breeze) πŸ˜‰

    • Replying to my own comment here.

      I don’t know if you want us to comment on this or not so if not delete this or don’t allow it or whatever. I just couldn’t help myself I had to go figure out what the heck this GOMI thing was all about. Disgusting beyond words.

      Please don’t ever waste your energy worrying about the comments from a group of people who see nothing wrong with (supposedly grown adults) putting down the looks of a baby (wow whoever raised them must be so proud).

      Put your energy and focus back on those of us who see you for what you are – a young mother, wife, and fitness enthusiast who seems to love her family, friends, Zumba and blogging (plus many other things). You enjoyed blogging (or seemed to) before these vultures got in your head. Go back to blogging YOUR way. Not the way some internet hoodlums want to define you. πŸ™‚

      • I had to look up GOMI too. That’s pure poison. Like mean girls on steroids. I look forward to every post Gina, whether it’s a recipe, fun photos, fitness tips, fashion, or family. Thanks for letting us get a glimpse of your beautiful life. Sorry about everyone who’s obviously jealous and/or hurting from a lot of pain in their own lives and feels the need to take others down with them.

  13. I felt the same way about the first few months. Mine actually went a good 6 months before I felt normal and happy on a regular basis. Same feeling at breast feeding. I think the pressure to be a “success” may have hindered me from enjoying those precious days, but I feel grateful I could provide milk via pumping for 9.5 months before baby 2 dropped my supply. This time around I’m going to try and not worry so much. You are doing great. And its ok to admit struggles, I always thought you had it easy. I guess you have to remember with blogs that not everything is as it appears. Thanks for sharing.

  14. Awesome post. Nice to be reminded that bloggers are real people too!
    I can see myself feeling the same way once I have a kid. I mean, we’re not even trying to get pregnant yet, but when I was buying my car a couple years ago, I freaked out when I found out the safety rating for the back seat was only a 3/5. It was bad. My parents were all, we can return it. Turns out the safety rating was for whiplash which isn’t really going to affect an infant in a car seat…

  15. Love this post! You are an amazing mommy. P.s. What are these teething strips you speak of?

  16. I’m sitting at my computer, literally shedding tears. Mostly happy tears from the beautiful end of your extremely thoughtful post, but also some sad ones for the anxiety you went through and being reminded of some of the hateful posts I’ve seen some people post on your site from time to time :-/ because I just don’t understand why people take the time to write about the negative. I’m such an emotional person that, I don’t know if I could handle it. I can relate with the postpartum anxiety, it is tough stuff. I was that mom everyone hated because her newborn would sleep 4+ hours a night from the start, yet I wasn’t sleeping because my heart would be racing, my mind would be racing and I couldn’t ever fall asleep. I’d spend hours watching Evan’s chest rise and fall, even when I’d close my eyes I would listen for sounds from him and the littlest coo or sound would startle me awake.

    I cannot even begin to describe how happy I am that you are in such a good place now, Evan is just shy of six months and I’m finally (sort of) finding my groove. You are a huge part of that inspiration! (I kid you not, Namaste November, saved my sanity… Reminding me to be present, to try to relax and really put me back in tune with my mind and body). Your uplifting posts, and your very real posts are the reason I’m a daily reader.

    Happy [a few days after your] Birthday, Liv! Your mom is a trooper!!!

  17. Gina, you are a strong and incredible mother. Please don’t let mean people hurt your feelings. You are an inspiration to so many people – both in fitness and in family life. πŸ™‚

  18. Hi Gina catching up on blogs and wow this was an honest post. I’ve never commented before but have been lurking for years now. And of course had to go check out gomi and it was really quite nasty and catty, however there was a common thread underneath that nastiness of I guess concern? Because for as long as I’ve been reading and enjoying your blog, I am definitely alarmed at times, especially when you used to document your meals regularly. I never commented because I saw these comments were generally dismissed quite defensively and with “don’t read my blog”. I know you have been feeling attacked this last year, so this may not be a good time to finally comment, but there is some truth in that it didn’t appear you were eating a healthy amount of food and truth be told you almost look thinner these days than before baby. Don’t know exactly what I’m trying to say, but I don’t think the people on gomi were referring to a specific salad back in 08, I think the people on there were sort of freaked out by possibly disordered habits. The language used is too harsh for you to feel anything but attacked, but I am honestly just wanting to ask you- are you ok?

    • Fitnessista says:

      i think this “concern” is feigned because if someone was really worried, they would email me, not post accusatory and inflammatory comments on a public blog or forum behind my back. i’ve never posted every morsel that went into my mouth, and when i first started the blog, i was transitioning from diet foods to real foods, and also from weight loss mode to maintenance mode. for 2 years i was getting ready and trying to get pregnant, then pregnant, then back to “normal” for the first time. that’s a lot of changes to go through in 5 years.

      my eating has changed significantly since i started the blog, and i’ve written about it each time. it’s impossible to gauge if someone is eating a healthy amount from a collection of sporadic blog photos. this isn’t a food blog- a fitness blog with some healthy meal ideas sprinkled in, or something fun that i wanted to share.

      now, i only respond to negative comments like that if they’re really hateful. in that case, yes, i will tell them they’re not welcome here- but at the time, i was pretty annoyed that an outsider was trying to tell me how to feed myself, not knowing anything about what i’ve eaten that day, my activity level or body composition.

      • I didn’t realize there was a protocol here, that it would have been more seemly for me to email this vs posting a comment here. Listen, I am an infrequent follower of these blogs, as they are often entertaining and informative, they also strike me as cliquish and odd at times, and reading through gomi only confirms that. My concern wasn’t feigned, and I have a better appreciation now for the complaints I’ve read, that if a comment isn’t full of flattery, even if there are legitimate observations, the response is overtly hostile. I didn’t mean to put you on the defensive, yet again, but I can’t help what I’ve observed and how that has made me feel.

        • DEAR GOD. It’s not some insider “Fitnessista protocol”. It’s common freaking sense to avoid putting comments like that on a public forum. You don’t know this woman personally. You don’t know the ins and outs of her day to day life and you’re going to accuse her of having an eating disorder in the comment section of her personal blog that her friends, family, co-workers and thousands of total strangers read? I mean… REALLY?! Nothing about that strikes you as even remotely inappropriate?

          I seriously am not a cyber-nerd. I read 3 blogs (usually when my babies are napping) and comment maybe once or twice a week, but some of these threads made me feel like I was in the twilight zone! I’m losing faith in humanity.

          • Good lord. I’ve never been into commenting on the things I’ve found disturbing on blogs and now I see why. It’s downright cultish here. No differing thoughts allowed. I’m almost as disgusted as when perusing gomi. I have naively been enjoying several healthy living blogs sporadically, but I have such a bad taste in my mouth now.

        • Fitnessista says:

          thanks for the comment and i’m sorry it came off that way. i get a bit defensive when someone references gomi with any significant degree of credibility, but i see where you’re coming from. i would argue, though, that most people on gomi are no more genuinely concerned about my wellbeing than a tabloid is concerned about kim kardashian’s latest front-page “problem” (based on the way they discuss their “concern” – of which you’ve already alluded). at very best, they’re concerned with how they perceive the content of my blog effecting others (often referring to events from 4 or 5 years ago which may or may not reflect my current educated philosophy of health and fitness).

          • Thanks for your thoughtful response. I read it after my response to the woman commenting on my last reply (if that isn’t confusing enough). It weirdly gave me a sense of what you maybe have been through, how obnoxious it is to have someone jumping all over you for no good reason. I wish you the best, and I’ll keep enjoying your posts.

          • Fitnessista says:

            thank you, katie- i really appreciate it.

    • >>however there was a common thread underneath that nastiness of I guess concern? Because for as long as I’ve been reading and enjoying your blog, I am definitely alarmed at times, especially when you used to document your meals regularly.

      (I’m just jumping off your comment, Katie – not directing this specifically at you.) πŸ™‚

      Something I think people forget is that this is only a blog it’s not some 24 hour live look into the life of Gina. She shares the food she wants to share here not every crumb that crosses her mouth. (How boring would that be? To both read AND for her to write.)

      I was very overweight at one (and only) point in my life. I lost the weight and have never gained one bit of it back. It’s not uncommon at all for people who have lost weight to log and keep a very close watch on their food – for the rest of their life. In fact the national weight loss registry presents strong evidence showing that those who do log (or keep track of in some way) their food are those MOST likely to keep the weight off. Because of that I’d also guess that those of us who have lost significant amounts of weight (and kept if off) present behaviors that look somewhat ‘alarming’ or even disordered to those around us. To keep it off many of us HAVE to be ‘controlling’ in ways other don’t understand. If I went and got real ice cream every time I wanted it (which believe me would be daily) I would be huge again. Instead I find ways to mimic the taste at home – saving the real thing for once a month or so. Until one has had to walk in those shoes they’ll never understand it.

      I don’t think Gina looks bad. She looks tired and worn down some days but have those critiquing her chased after a toddler lately? Have they also had to (what I’m just guessing) toss and turn for weeks (or months) worrying about bullying and hate speech being directed at them? They might look pretty dang tired and worn down too after dealing with that. She still looks a million x infinity better on the outside than all those attacking her combined will EVER look on the inside.

      • Fitnessista says:

        i want to hug you right now.

        • I wanted to hug you last night after reading some of that stuff. πŸ™‚

          (If it seems like I got way too worked up over this – well, I adore Gina’s blog but more than that I’m a preschool teacher and everyday I have to deal with the damage people like that do to their little ones. To know that there is a place for grown ADULTS dedicated to such hate and hurt just really riled me up.)

      • Amen! This is exactly what I was thinking Jennifer. People can be so critical and nit picky it is unreal. Just remember that haters are gonna hate no matter what. You can’t please all of the people all of the time. You have more positive followers (like me!) than negative. Remember that next time someone tries to attack you. We love you! <3

  19. Thank you so much for writing this. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard it must to be to get criticized for every personal decision you make. When I first had my son, I felt like I needed to be perfect and not let anyone know how I was really feeling. I had anxiety, depression, fatigue, and weight problems. I never went to the doctor because I was so afraid of being looked down on. I finally had some routine bloodwork done and found out that I was severely hypothyroid. I wish that I would have gone to the doctor sooner. I feel like I missed out on the first year of my son’s life because of this. I now have two kids and the second was a lot easier and more laid back, but I can definitely relate on the anxiety! Glad you are feeling better. Thank you so much for showing other mom’s that it is okay to have real feelings!! You really are an inspiration:)))

  20. I’m really glad to read this post. I like that issues regarding new motherhood are being discussed more openly now, what with A Cup of Jo posting about postpartum depression awhile back and now this. I don’t have kids yet, but depression/anxiety runs in my family and I always worry about whether it’ll hit me when I do (hopefully someday) have a child. When people talk more openly about these things, it makes me feel like I can be open if it affects me in the future, if that makes sense. And that makes me a little less worried. So thank you for that.

    That said, I agree with the above commenter that this is YOUR life and you’re not obligated to post about personal things if you don’t want to. I hope you don’t feel any guilt over waiting to talk about this. Nobody owns your personal information just because you’re a blogger, so you’re more than entitled to hold onto things yourself if you want to.

    And happy Bday to little Liv! I hope you and your family have lots of happiness and joy going forward.

  21. A thoughtful post…. It might be beneficial to add talk to a professional if there are concerns about postpartum depression. It is a serious condition and more and more OB\GYN offices and pediatrician offices are screening for it. It is different from the baby blues which “begin the first two to three days after delivery and resolve within ten days” of which “symptoms include nervousness, poor sleep, emotional reactivity and irrItability” (American Family Physician journal article on postpartum depression).

    I too had major issues with breast feeding in the beginning and completed a PPD screening during my 6 week postpartum checkup. What I was experiencing though was different from PPD and I was glad that a screening was done anyway and that I had a health professional that I trusted to talk to about my struggles. Definitely important to pick medical providers that you can talk to without worry……

  22. wow, you’re an amazing woman!

  23. Thanks for your honesty, Gina. I am expecting a baby this month and I have a propensity for anxiety but don’t take meds. It will be really helpful for me and my family to recognize the signals of depression or anxiety.

    I also want to voice my disdain that people would host and frequent sites that are so toxic and cruel about people (in this case bloggers). I had no idea that people wasted such time and energy in negative endeavors like this.

    • Seriously agreed. Who has time to read blogs they don’t even like and then go post nasty bullyish things about them???

  24. I’ve been lurking for years and never commented (shame, shame, I know my name), but I just want to say that I think this is may be the best example of your writing and your true voice I’ve read yet on your blog. I love it.

    Haters gonna hate. Your honesty is beautiful and touching, and I commend you for it. Kudos, girl!

  25. I am likely repeating what so many others have written above. However, I really appreciate your sincerity and honesty in writing this post. I’m due in a few weeks with our first, and have been feeling optimistic and relatively calm about everything…until lately. All that anxiety you described (between the labour process and the aftermath- am I doing the best I can?) is starting to overwhelm me. Although I have followed your blog for some time now, I have found myself returning to read past pregnancy and family posts to help me relax and think positively about all that is to come. I hope you know that everything you have shared over the past year (+ 9 months prior) has been so beneficial and appreciated. So many women and new/expecting mothers hold everything inside. You’ve been part of a movement to change this philosophy, and you should be so proud! Thank you, Gina!

  26. Wonderful post. I only experienced a sliver of this, but enough to make me realize that post-partum issues are intense, and not to be taken lightly. I remember the day I came home from the hospital, our whole familes were at our house…my mom told me to go take a nap, so I went to the back bedroom for some quiet. Even with my head crammed under a pillow all I could hear was my baby crying – she wasn’t crying. I just couldn’t relax and accept that if she needed me my mom would bring her too me, I was so tightly wound that I couldn’t get the noise out of my head. And she wasn’t a baby that cried much! So rough. Luckily some good sleep helped me snap out of it. I can’t imagine feeling that way long term. You’re a great mom! I hope if you experience that again you seek help, and do blog about it. And screw the haters πŸ™‚

  27. Thank you for posting this. It’s good for people like me who struggled with some type of post partum issue to see that we’re not alone. You come across as a great mom, a cheery person, and someone who just loves being a mom, so it’s nice to see that this sort of thing can happen to anyone.

  28. Beautiful and well said. Favorite post ever πŸ™‚

  29. I really enjoy your blog, Gina, and your posts about your daughter and adjusting to life as a Mom. I went over to gomi (had never heard of it) and was a little underwhelmed to say the least. Sad that others would devote so much time to negativity.

    Keep doing what you’re doing! I’m inspired by your meal ideas, fitness routines, and the way you try to balance everything as a new mom. Thanks for doing what you do!

  30. Hi Gina…you are a terrific blogger…you provide us readers with so much inspiration…thank you for giving and sharing your best with us!! One herbal anxiety remedy that really works for me is Rhodiola…it is a wonderful anti-anxiety/anti-depressant, totally natural…and it works. Check it out, and maybe it can be useful for you in times of stress.

    πŸ™‚

  31. Why are you even referencing a site that most people don’ even know about? Your post was excellent until you started talking about your “haters” then it just fell into a pit. You negated everything you had to say and any true help you we’re trying to give people by bringing the “haters” into your post. Very distasteful and immature.

  32. Post partum anxiety is more common than the depression! Both are highly linked to hormones, and pp anxiety is 100% normal- It turns us into mama bears that protect our young πŸ˜€ It is moderate to severe in almost every PP Mama I know. If we would just have midwives and care providers that would warn us, we could prepare ourselves, if only just mentally, for the occurance. I’ve jokingly talked about it as the final stage of labor- Lasting into 4-5mo PP. It’s a big deal! It affects us very strongly, though no one exactly the same.

    • Also, for anyone else who is struggling with PPA, there ARE safe herbal teas and such that can help. Chamomile was one I used, passionflower is another to look into

  33. I have been reading your blog for a while now. Let me just star by saying this, you freaking rock! I love the honesty and dedication that you pour to this site.

    I think I have never posted a comment here, actually I almost never read the comment section. Today I did, and what I found, well I have to say I am so disgusted by some of the comments, I kind of went stalkerish and read the GOMI site and all, well I have to admit that anger and disappointment are some of the feelings that I am experiencing.

    I am from Mexico and maybe is the culture, but there is a sense of awe for new mothers. I think new moms are in a fragile state between extreme love, confusion and anxiety. I am not a mom, but my sister is, and let me tell you, she was very vocal about what she needed, and everybody was FINE with it. If she wanted to take a nap and not clean her house, I was there, or my mom, dad, aunts even friends helped out. I mean what are family and friends for if not to help out in rough times, right? At least, that is how I see it.

    I do believe that as a blogger you are exposed to this kind of negativity, buuuut I would expect less hate. I mean, we have been realizing more and more the power of bullying and how it can affect a person. I am not assuming that Gina cries all day about this (actually I would really like to think that she does not gives a second thought to these kind of horrible comments) but as a human I do not think that negativity is a good way of living. For all the haters out there I would like to encourage them to stop reading or doing the things that provoke this feeling. I mean if GinaΒ΄s blog is not your thing, it is OK, just stop visiting and save yourself some time that you can maybe invest in something that you like.

    Now, if you just did not like a particular post, it is also OK, and if you have a powerful need to share to the rest of the readers and to Gina why you did not like it, then do it, but in a respectful and mindful way. I do believe in constructive criticism, but we have to remind ourselves, that even tho it may feel like we know Gina, we actually do not so keep that in mind before casting a judgement.

  34. What a beautifully written post!

    Such a shame that someone had to take something you wrote and use it to (attempt to) tear you down, even after you said how it affects you. I don’t normally comment, which also means I don’t normally scroll through comments that other people have written. I never realized how negative some people are when they comment. Particularly because I find your blog to be so positive and motivating! Online bullies make me sad.

  35. You’re an amazing mommy and I have LOVED following your journey. I had a little girl in July so I’ve been jotting down notes and just getting inspiration from you!
    Thanks for sharing this. Moms feel like they should hide this too often out of shame. That right there is a shame!
    Also I restarted my blog and thought some of you and your mommy followers could check it out. It’s a literacy blog for preschool children. Just everyday activities to do with your little one.

    Cuddlenread.blogspot.com

    Can’t wait to read more about your journey!

  36. I, like many others, had to go check out this GOMI site and yep. WOW! I’ve read you intermittently for a year or so now and have never commented. Honestly, I have a job that is all or nothing and with that, I find ways to pass the time. Your blog is one that I roll to on a whim, but like a few others, I felt the need to comment on this post.

    First, like someone else said, haters are gonna hate. Second, people only talk about you if they feel you are worth talking about. I mean, all of these people that claim to dislike you are clearly familiar with even the most recent posts of your blog. They come here to find reasons to dislike you and yeah, I get that you ‘could have’ posted this or you ‘could have’ said that to make you more relatable, but this isn’t our blog. You discuss what you need to. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise, and then hide behind their right to freedom on speech by bashing you, is only depriving you of the same. You are free to say what you choose, when you choose.

    I am sorry that you let this stuff get to you and the best advice many have given is, don’t go there. Eleanor Roosevelt said it best – “Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.” Sweet girl, do not give the small minds that are discussing you any credence.

    xoxoxoxo – N

  37. Hi Gina! Longtime reader, leaver of few comments πŸ™‚

    I just want to thank you for your honesty here and for the content that you post every day. I have maintained a 60 pound loss for about a year now and I get so much inspiration from your meals and workouts. Doing the routines you post here has helped me boost confidence in my workout classes (it’s nice to try something at home first before you do it in a room with others sometimes).

    The internet makes it easy for people to hide and say awful things and then not feel the consequences. That’s just the stupid reality of it. I say screw it and live your life, girlfriend. You’ve got one cute husband and one precious bebe and a job you like and a family you love, and the list goes on and on. Just keep doing Gina.

    • Fitnessista says:

      thank you so much, erika. i appreciate your kind words- made my morning so much brighter.
      congratulations to you on your weight loss and maintenance! you are amazing
      xoxo

  38. Gina,

    First of all-you are not alone in your feelings of anxiety of raising a little one. I think all moms (first time especially) are rocked by the changes that a child will have on your life. It is wonderful, but can also be incredibly stressful at the same time. It looks like you are doing a great job.

    Second, I am a little confused about some things in the post and the comments. Where is the reference to GOMI? Is this something that the commenters are inferring from the post? I am not seeing it in the post at all. And are you saying that GOMI caused your anxiety or possible post partum depression?

    Third-I am not a psychologist but I think it is safe to say that you probably didn’t have PPD if you cured it yourself. I truely hope you didn’t and never will with subsequent children. I am currently struggling with a PP mood disorder and it is the worst thing ever. It is the darkest place I have ever been and am working through it with therapy and a psychiatrist. Many people don’t realize that PP mood disorders include depression, anxiety, obsessive/compulsive tendencies, etc. Often times we are in denial for a long time before we seek treatment. The earlier it is detected the better. I am thankful you have urged your readers to seek help. I was reluctant because I thought meds/therapy were for “other people” and was worried that there would be a negative perception about my ability to mother from other people. Now I realize that I am a better mother for trying to improve myself.

    And Gina, if you still are feeling anxious and think there was the slightest chance you had PPD, I would urge you to STILL seek help. One session with a MD and a therapist can confirm that your feelings were/are “normal” or not. PPD can manifest in many ways that no one talks about-anxiety, panic, obsessive thoughts about your child such as constant worry that they will be hurt; checking to make sure they are “ok” when you know they are, excessive bottle washing/bathing, being intensely overprotective, etc.

    Also, kudos to removing yourself from whatever negative environment you were referring to. One of the first things I learned in therapy is to NOT watch or read things that will heighten your anxiety.

    Take Care!

  39. You do a lovely job – thanks for your post.

  40. Shaheen says:

    Came back to read your post πŸ™‚ brought tears to me eyes yet again.

    Hope you’re well!

  41. This was a great post and you’re brave to share. I’m a new mom and appreciate this very much right now. You’re doing a wonderful job!

  42. Alexandra says:

    I remember reading this post when your first published it and thinking it was so beautifully written but I couldn’t relate to it much because I didn’t have any children of my own… I just gave birth to our beautiful little girl 8 days ago and while I am over the moon with love and happiness but have been so unbelievably emotional- crying at the drop of a hat over nothing and then feeling like a horrible mom for being upset when I’ve just been given the best gift in the world! Reading thigs like this really helps me to feel more “normal” and know that things will get easier every day- postpartum hormones and sleep deprivation are no joke! Thanks so much for writing such open and honest posts!

    • Fitnessista says:

      ahhhh! hang in there. you’re in what i think is the toughest spot. it gets better <3 it's weird because it really is the best thing ever, but hormones and lack of sleep can really mess with you

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