unplugging
Hi friends. <3
So, things have been a bit bananas lately. The Pilot left for airline training and was gone two weeks, and between the blog, podcast, Summer Shape Up, and taking care of the girls solo, I just feel kind of worn down. I treasure getting to spend my days with the girls and be the one who takes care of them, but when the Pilot is away (and our main babysitter has moved to another state), I find that every second I’m not actively doing stuff for the girls, I’m working on my business.
It’s been like this since the girls were born, and I’ve hustled along because I LOVE what I do and I feel so dang lucky to be able to have this community. I’m able to create an income and support our family all while staying home with the girls. If this means I stay up late most nights and have to be super strategic about my time, I’ll take it.
At the same time, I need to find a way to take care of myself a bit more by finding some help/resources with blog stuff, or even taking a step back for a bit while I figure out my life.
It’s hard to work in social media when you have small kids. It’s always been my goal to not have my phone in my hand (or in their faces!) while they’re around or awake. This means I do most of my work while they’re asleep or at school/camp, but since we’re in summer and they’re only in camp for 3 hours a day, it doesn’t leave a lot of extra time. I struggle with how to navigate blogging and social media as they get older. I have a feeling they’ll be around this virtual space less and less, but at the same time, they’re such a huge part of my life that their absence would feel so weird.
In the 11 years that I’ve been blogging, I’ve never really felt the need to “step away” because each day filled me with so much excitement and inspiration. It doesn’t feel like that right now, which is a good sign that I’ve hit my burnout point. I’ve spent a lot of feeling completely overwhelmed, mostly at the gravity of taking care of two small kids by myself most of the time, in addition to keeping this blog afloat. I haven’t had the energy to be creative in a long time, and I miss it. I want to create a home workout warrior video series, maybe launch an app, or even have my own studio here in Tucson. But when I finally have time and silence to work and pull out my laptop at 9:30pm at night, I really want to just crawl into bed.
Beyoncé has the same 24 hours in a day. Gary V. says to hustle until you die. But, I kind of don’t want to live like that. I guess what I’m saying is I’m craving some kind of balance or normalcy, especially in our lifestyle, which is about to become a heck of a lot crazier.
Here are some things I’m going to do:
– Unplug. I spend a lot of time scrolling Instagram instead of connecting with others. I’m using it more like a lurker’s platform than a social platform, and one that often just kind of makes me feel like I could be doing so much more. Also, because they changed the algorithm, my feed is filled with accounts I don’t even really like that much? I *should* be on Instagram more because brands care a LOT about IG numbers, but other than posting on IG stories, I’m going to stop mindlessly scrolling through my feed.
– Plan small one thing for myself every single day. I used to be good at this, but it’s slipped away with everything going on. It can be something small, like 15 minutes to drink tea and read a book, or something bigger, like a girls’ night. If I don’t take even 10 minutes to do something I enjoy, the day is a series of tasks until I go to bed.
– Take a day off each week. It’s really easy to get into a “work all the time” mentality, but I think it will do wonders for my sanity if I take Sundays off each week. I often use the weekend to catch up, or even better get ahead, on work stuff, but it’s draining to feel like you’re in a content rat race every day of the week.
– Read the tips in this post, over and over again.
So, tell me friends: how are you crushing it? How do you make time to do things that make your soul feel happy while also accomplishing your goals? Anyone else dealing with burnout right now? What’s one thing you think would make you feel better?
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I may have missed the post, what is happening to make life crazier?
the pilot started flying for the airlines, so his schedule is going to be bananas this year and he’ll be gone a lot
I saw you are in the same FB group as me-my husband flies for the same airline. Good luck with the first year-it’s a great company. We moved to base bc we wanted to be together and it was easier to pick up trips that way, but I understand staying near family-it was hard to be here away from family with a then 3 and 6 yo….It gets so much easier. Have y’all considered moving to base? Take care of yourself and keep it real! 🙂
Is he out of the Army now?
he was air force but is no longer active duty
Get on a plane and come to Cape Cod for a little salt water therapy. <3
that sounds AMAZING
Maybe you can just re-frame things for yourself…. instead of thinking of yourself as a stay-at-home mom with a side hustle, think of yourself as a working mom who happens to be self-employed (and therefore has a bit of schedule flexibility, when needed). I have a feeling with a blog this big and all the “extras” that you’ve added (videos, podcast, Beauty Counter, etc.) that Fitnessista has far exceeded the “side hustle” scope! (And Gary V and Beyonce probably have tons of hired help on many fronts, so no comparison!).
My son loves after school care during the school year (it’s like having daily play dates!), and has a blast at camp in the summer. Every family is different, of course, but if signing your kids up for childcare (that you don’t have to leave in the middle of the day to transport them!) makes your work / life balance better and gives them extra time with their friends… do it. Personally I find that having childcare away from the house (vs. a babysitter playing with the kids while you’re squirreled away in your office) is easier because you can’t hear them (and feel guilty for not being with them).
Hang in there, mama! Any choice you make will be the right one… 🙂
I think we all feel burnout at different times and it’s so reasonable to feel that way. Since you do work a lot, maybe getting more help with the kids (camps, etc) and/or household tasks, if possible?
yes, i love this idea. they’re doing camps right now, but they’re pretty short. i interviewed a babysitter that is going to come 1-2 times a week for a few hours just to see if that helps!
I definitely feel this! While I don’t have kids, I do have a full time job and started working at a new studio in addition to the one I was already teaching at. Now I am teaching 5 days a week, and trying to get my own workouts in either super early (5 am) or after work, which can be exhausting, and means I am missing out on quality time with my partner and friends.. I’m trying to take my “rest” day during the week now (traditionally it was sunday) to open up my schedule to see people and relax, and using my weekends, where I traditionally have more flexibility, to get my own longer workouts in. I definitely support the unplug option- another thing I had to do for my sanity.
I am totally with you, Gina! You inspire me with your commitment to healthy living in spite of the chaos of daily life. I am a professor at a university, a mama to a five year old, a wife, daughter to aging parents that are in an assisted living facility with medical issues, and sister to a brother that is an addict. My plate is so very full emotionally and physically. Though it is summer and I am not teaching, all my research and preparation for the next year is happening. Like you, I dont want to hustle 24/7 and I dont want to be “plugged in always.” These are a few things I do:
1) I go to my CrossFit box M-F at 6:30am when my husband does morning duty with our daughter. I am sometimes tired going in but I leave feeling much better about the world.
2) my smart phone is “dumb” so I have no apps like Gmail or social media. It contains Google maps (I would be lost otherwise- like really lost), Facetime, and text messaging and phone call capacity. That is it. I only use my email etc when I can get to my desk. Sometimes that means I don’t respond quickly- and that is okay. The world doesnt stop if I dont email.
3) I keep a paper planner with a master list of all my tasks for everything (work, home, family, parents healthcare etc). I use that as my guide for planning my days. It keeps me on track when I am at my desk or have time to work alone at home.
4) I try to extend a lot of compassion to myself. Having a sibling addicted to drugs has been hard. The outlook is not so good. I love him but I maintain a benign detachment. I have a great therapist. There are some days I want to cry my eyes out- so I shut the door to my office or run a hot shower at home and cry cry cry. I put on an old murder She wrote episode and just relax on the sofa in my pajamas.
That was a very long comment but I want you to know you aren’t alone and I support you taking time to care for yourself.
Nadya, I love #2 for self care. I removed FB and IG from my phone, but I’m thinking of even taking Gmail off like you did. I also relate to #4, as my brother is also an addict. My mom, sister and myself have maintained the benign detachment you talk about, while my dad continues enable him and try to “fix” him. That’s caused a lot of strain in our family and in my parent’s marriage.
<3 i'm sorry to hear you've been going through this.
thank you so much for taking the time to type out all of these steps. i’m writing them down so i can remember, especially when things feel overwhelming. sounds like you have an extremely full plate and i’m sending you love and good luck as you navigate everything.
xoxo
Sending you hugs, Gina! Hang in there. You’re doing an awesome job and sounds like you have your priorities in line. Take care of you & get that time for yourself every day! You’ll be the best mom, wife & business owner if you do, right? When my kids were your girls’ ages, I felt like I was in survival mode every single day. I wasn’t even working! You’re rocking it! Remember that you’re human and no one expects you to be super human.
xoxo
A full time job+ 3 kids + a husband regularly Away for long periods = feeling to be on survival mode sometimes, constantly frustrated not to enough for work/the kids/ myself…. Long story short, I unfortunately have no advice but send you big virtual hugs!
My husband is a Realtor and never takes time off. He works while on vacation. It’s beginning to manifest in him physically. I keep fussing at him. I’ve just started my own business and already take time when I need it. Maybe not the best for growing my business but the best for me. Take care of you…..you need it.
Totally in burnout mode right now. I work full time and have an 8 month old who’s still super needy. I don’t really have time to workout before work because she wakes up at 530 or after work because I’m prepping meals, etc for the next day. And I’m pumping. All. The. Time. I know it’s just a short time but man I’m tired. I’ll try and take 10 min a day for me and see if that helps. I don’t think I can get much more time right now.
I’m sorry you are going through this…i don’t have any advice but it sounds like you have some good starting points. Keep your sanity and happiness a priority…things will fall into place xo
thank you <3
hang in there. when you said “pumping,” my toes started to curl. once i stopped pumping, i felt FREEDOM. i hope that you’re able to get some time for yourself, too <3
Oh man, I feel this. I think we (I am about the same age as you) were brought up to think that we always had to be busy, working hard, getting the next thing! I don’t believe that anymore. I was so burnt out last year – after climbing the ladder at work for years, I “made it” and “it” ABSOLUTELY SUCKED. I felt like I had no life outside of work, but more than that, I didn’t have a good sense of who I was anymore. I realize that this isn’t the same situation that you are in, but I feel like it’s a similar feeling. I would really encourage you to take some time off of blogging/social media to just be in the world. I’ve been doing that, and it feels really good (plus once I stopped obsessing over work, I met a great guy, and people keep giving me free vacations. This never happened when I spent all my energy at the office). It’s okay to decide you don’t want to blog on a set schedule, or do x number of posts a month, or whatever. It’s okay to change the direction of your brand if you decide that’s what you want to do. Will you lose readers if you don’t post every day? Maybe. Will you feel better about yourself and your real world relationships though? I know people say that if you choose work you love, it won’t feel like work – but I think it’s more accurate to say that you’ll kind of be working all the time. And that shiz is tiring. Take a break. You deserve one!
Also, first-year airline schedules SUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!! Ask for help whenever you can!
You are so LOVELY! REAL, HONEST, and GENUINE! I respect you so much for conveying your thoughts with such heartfelt emotion. You are doing a great job. But as my hubby often reminds me, ” Melissa, you are only ONE person.” I sometimes try to tackle it all- and while I consider myself a great multi-tasker- it can come across as making all these “jobs” look easy when in reality -I run on empty alot. Take it from me – the years do go by quickly. My sons are 20, 17 & 16. Life is a gift, not an emergency! Whatever you need to do for your personal well-being,Gina, do it. We will all be here if & when you return! Sending hugs& prayers❤️
thank you, lovely. i really appreciate it. i’m going to remember that life is a gift, not an emergency <3
xoxo
Thanks for sharing, I can imagine it was hard to share given that for your readers, and maybe even for yourself after all these years of writing, your identity is a bit wrapped up in this blog! (And hi! Long-time reader and you recently helped me with some Beautycounter recommendations 🙂 )
I have a lot of thoughts on this topic… I will say I (now I see incorrectly) assumed you’d be the last person to suffer from this, because I envisioned you as the perfect picture of balance, being able to be there for your girls, focusing on your mental and physical health, and having creative channels that are both fulfilling and lucrative. Selfishly, reading this post makes me feel like my struggle is not unique and there’s some comfort in knowing that everyone likely faces this challenge eventually. So, I’m here with you and I’ve learned that so are most humans at one point or another.
I’m a CEO of an engineering company with one daughter and another on the way, and the breadwinner currently. So you can imagine what that looks like–breastfeeding during board meetings, traveling 50% of the month, 16 hour days, etc. I spend a lot of time in leadership/CEO/peer groups and this is one of the most common topics: how do I know if I’m burnt out? Why am I burnt out? Can I just tweak what I’m currently doing and be happy again? Small changes or big changes? Will I just get burnt out again doing something new?
Basically, no one seems to have the answer and the 80 year old grandparents I ask about the “secret” say they’re still searching. I think we can all just experiment with what will bring more fulfillment and balance, whether it’s a short break, a change in schedule/commitment, learning new skills on the side, or making a big change altogether, and giving yourself the space to explore and see what happens! (I did get one good piece of advice which was to try to put yourself more in your “zone of genius” however you can–shedding tasks, hiring employees or babysitters, adding new projects and ditching old ones, etc.)
Anyway, that’s all to say, good luck, give yourself room to explore, and I’m excited to see where it takes you.
No real advice here just wishing you some peace and rest.
thank you so much for taking the time to type this out. i hop you know how much i appreciate it! it was comforting to hear that i’m not alone; so many readers are juggling families, jobs, and so many tasks. i love the idea to put myself more in my “zone of genius” and ditching or outsourcing the things that are distracting, causing pure dread (emails. woof) and hindering my productivity.
thank you again and hope you had a wonderful holiday weekend.
I hear you and have definitely been there! As always, thanks for the honesty! When I feel burnout, as much as possible, I do try to take a step back – it’s amazing what even a week or two of removing something off my plate can do…and it’s so worth it to feel refreshed and excited to get back into it! We’ll all still be here when you get back, if you need to take a little break 🙂
Also, I recently went through this book: Design Your Life. I left with a few small tangible changes to make to my lifestyle that have made a big difference!
I love the idea of unplugging. Obviously this would be hard for you because of your business, but one thing I did was deactivate my Facebook account. When it came out, I was in college and my school was one of the first to connect, and I loved being able to keep in touch with friends who I may not have otherwise. However, as the years went by, I found myself spending time comparing my life to the lives of others instead of living my own life. I’ve found that not having that distraction has made me happier, and I honestly don’t feel like I miss much by not having it! I still have Insta, but I have cut way back on the time I spend scrolling through the feed. Do what you need to do to get in a better place! We all need to take a step and re-evaluate back from time to time. Also, Beyoncé might have the same 24 hours in a day, but she also has nannies, chefs, and billions of dollars, so… 🙂
I’m not crushing it. Struggling to make it through the day with my 2 little ones. Trying to be present and not have my phone out (often fail) and have energy to make dinner and have normal conversation my husband when he gets home. From what you share it looks like you overachieve everyday, I’m not surprised you need a break! Take one! And come back refreshed 🙂
hang in there. it sounds like you have a lot going on, too! sending you a hug and a virtual wine cheers <3
I take for granted and don’t always realize how much you put into this blog, podcast, Summer shape up and all the other things you do for us! You are amazing and I have had burnout before and it can be the worst thing for you and your health not to mention your family. The best advice I ever got was to take care of yourself and family as they will always be there. The other “stuff” is just stuff. BTW did the barre workout today and loved it. Thanks for all you do and I will take what you give only after you take care of you!
thank you so much. i hope you know how much i appreciate the support and kind words <3
Thanks for being so open with us, Gina. You are an amazing entrepreneur and mama! Give yourself some grace. You have a lot on your plate. Take some time off, hire some help, decrease the to do list. I definitely deal with burn out. Usually saying no to commitments for a while helps. Take some time for yourself. Many hugs.
thank you, friend <3
First of all, thank you for being so open. I’m sorry that you are struggling. But I have to say, I don’t really believe anyone is truly crushing it. We all have our own issues and struggles, even if they aren’t apparent to the rest of the world. My husband and I always joke because we’re so different: he’s totally ‘type a’ & never happy with anything & I’m much more content because I’m not a perfectionist. I just don’t believe in trying to make things perfect because they will never be perfect enough. Pray that god will give you peace and direction & do what’s best for you and your family. You can’t worry about anything more than that. Sending love and prayers.
i totally agree. everyone has their own struggles. thank you so much for the heartfelt comment. i hope you know how much i appreciate the kind words <3
Thank you for being so open and sharing this with us, Gina. I have been following you for a LONG time (OG Valdosta days!) and love your blog and the content that you provide; I feel like I know you, haha. You take on so much and have a lot on your plate, that’s for sure. I really admire your hustle, but it’s definitely crucial to take care of yourself; if you don’t, what’s the point of everything? I hope that you’re able to give yourself some time to just do nothing/ do things for fun, and don’t worry about your to-do list (easier said than done, I know – I basically live and die by my to-do lists, ha). But it does help me when I just kind of ignore my to-do list for a bit and enjoy things like reading, being outside, watching a TV show, etc. Sending big hugs your way <3
thank you so much, i hope you know how much i appreciate it. i feel like i know you!! you’re definitely one of the names i instantly recognize around here <3 thank you so much for being here for so long!
I’ve been really feeling the burnout too. Working full-time, biz on the side, new puppy & summer has worn me down haha — we recently went away for 2 short camping trips & I didn’t post a thing while I was away. I scrolled through FB & Insta a wee bit, but didn’t put any update on for myself personally or business-wise. IT FELT SO GOOD. I just rested & enjoyed the downtime so, so much. I’ve been doing a bit of bullet journaling lately and I am really focusing on the habit tracker this month to ensure I make time for the things that are important for my sanity. Every night before I go to bed I take a few minutes to reflect & fill out the habit tracker to see what daily habits I completed and which ones I missed. I’m also doing a gratitude journal & a mood tracker so I can see how I feel & keep some perspective on the hard days. Spending that 10 minutes journaling every night is already proving to be a great wind down and I am able to go to bed without the monkey mind going full speed ahead. Sending you lots of R & R vibes as you slow things down <3
LOVE the idea to do a gratitude journal. i’m going to try that, even if it’s just a sentence a day
Thanks for your honest post. I echo what everyone else has already said. We all get it! the amount of hard work you put into Fitnessista is evident, including behind the scenes work. All of your loyal readers will still love you and will still be here even if you cut back your output. Focus on the aspects of your work that love and cut out the rest. Your health (physical, mental, emotional) and your family are more important!
i hope you know how much i appreciate it <3
Taking breaks and stepping back is crucial to our mental, physical, and spiritual health, not to mention the health of our families. In today’s culture, it’s hard to do, though. This article goes right along with what you’ve written.
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/21/opinion/summer-lying-fallow.html?goal=0_ef12d21c8f-711dc43efc-98529241&mc_cid=711dc43efc&mc_eid=30b7c10a7c
thank you so much for linking to that article- i needed to read it <3
I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this, but it’s so helpful that you posted this because so many of us can relate. I’m a working mama to a 1-year-old, and it’s amazing how quickly my priorities have shifted. It’s not easy and I don’t think I have it figured out at all, but work takes a back seat once I get from the office. I used to sign on a lot in the evenings to finish stuff or get ahead, and I just don’t have the time and energy for that anymore. I still struggle with how to take care of myself, though, b/c I’m so focused on taking care of my son and being a good wife. And I totally relate to what you said about not wanting to constantly hustle – a quiet, happy life is a lot more appealing these days.
i totally agree. i used to have the ability to hustle all night after a full day, and after a certain point, you’re just so dang tired. all that really matters is our relationships around us. work stuff can wait <3
xo
Seriously?!? You just got back from a $5k+ cruise vacation, life must be so hard. Get over yourself.
You write like 4 blog post a week, with 2 being post about what you plan to do or did over the weekend. Let me guess, pool time, drinks/wine, and dining out?!?
As someone who has no regular babysitter and a travelling husband, you constantly share date nights.
Is your mother out of town?!? That must be why you are overwhelmed. All your problems are self imposed.
This post makes me vivid as a real working mom with a real job. Get childcare and do your job. It’s not that hard. Grow up. Your girls aren’t infants needing constant care. Oh wait but they sleep like infants, right?!?
You run to your marde when things get “hard” and let your girls do whatever they want when Tom isn’t home. You obviously can’t discipline and can’t adjust to being an adult. I can’t wait to read/see what happens when Tom is really gone for flights.
i’m sending you a lot of love and i hope that you can do some things to make yourself feel better and not feel the need to lash out at strangers on the internet.
Sending you all the good things. Plan yourself a sabbatical for a month or two. Stay offline as much as you can and take the time to enjoy life and really figure out what you want to do. Chalene Johnson has lots of great content about setting priorities and life design, and Laura Vanderkam is another great resource. You got this lady! You’re doing amazing things and have built a successful business!
love all of these tips. thank you!
I’m sorry to see any cruel comments above, and hope you delete them. I have tons of help from family too and people love to make that an issue. If my husband was a pilot (a family member of ours is) it would be crazy to adjust to that! They work so hard to make rank.
I love what you have built and will keep coming back. Take care of your self and your girls. I get the struggle. I am purely a SAHM with no side hustle aside from volunteer work because I can’t even do justice to homeschooling my kids and you know what? Let me just say I applaud you for being a wife who has invested so heavily in your husbands career. I am sure Tom can’t be grateful enough to you – they can’t do their jobs if we don’t do ours. Hang in there! I used to work as a virtual assistant – maybe that would be helpful in the fall once the girls are back in school. Prior to that, take a break, and I am so glad your family took that cruise, and that you share what you do in Tucson, because I like reading it.
Ignore jerks. It’s astonishing that people can be so mean. God Bless!
thank you, lovely. i hope you know how much i appreciate the kind words <3
Gina,
As a long time reader who NEVER comments I felt compelled to today to say how deplorable the comment above by “Jessica” is. She clearly doesn’t understand the time it takes to write all the content you do, edit it and make sure it’s perfect prior to publication for eleven years straight. Some people can be just nasty and I think she is taking things out on you that are somehow reflected through her own life/experiences/unhappiness. Family is meant to support and your job is VERY real, never let anyone take your accomplishments away from you! You have SO much support and love so do everyone a favor and delete that sh*t ASAP and don’t look back.
thanks girl- i hope you know how much i appreciate it <3
You’ve created an amazing place here. I’ve been reading since the end of 2009 when I first found you!! Take care of you and your family. That’s always the priority. You are doing what you need to do! Thanks for sharing. Haters gonna hate….
thank you so much for reading for so long <3