8/9: No turning back
Yesterday, I had my first major moment of doubt.
This whole time, I’ve been so in awe and thankful that this is happening, pumping myself up for the birth –I keep telling myself that it’s the first chance I’ll get to show myself how strong I am- and relishing every little bubble and popcorn pop in my belly.
I’ve been listening to the Pregtastic podcasts (lame name, awesome podcast), and yesterday one scared the bejeezus out of me. A woman was talking about her birth story and basically said, “there was blood and guts everywhere.”
Blood and guts??
Obviously, I never expected the birth to be “pretty”, but that statement right there made me realize how REAL this all is. That baby is coming out –and it gave me a great visual of where exactly it’s coming out of… eep- and we have to be ready to take care of it. There’s no turning back.
My friend Jeni , who gave me the advice to start learning what to do after the baby’s born instead of focusing on the actual birth so much, sent an amazing care package including a motherload of baby care books. I’ll be sure to post photos of the books and my thoughts when I’m finished reading them. I read for about 2 hours last night and learned:
-about baby hygiene (cord care, baths, etc)
-about cord blood banking –which we’re planning to do
-arguments for and against circumcision, which sounds to me like a terrible, awful thing to put a baby through [When I asked the Pilot if he wanted our son to be circumcised, he said “F*ck yes he’s getting circumcised.” Wow. He feels pretty strongly about that one]
-Swaddling and putting the baby to sleep on his back.
While I’m sure that every parent-to-be has their doubts about whether they’ll do it “right”, I just feel like there’s so much I don’t know. I know how to cuddle and love, so that counts for something? As far as everything else goes, I might be reading for the rest of my life.
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My baby boy is 4 months and I remember going through the same feeling you are. It and you are normal.
Im still reading books but I tell you really funny one that I loved….Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy. She will tell you the truth and make you crack up at the same time.
i’ve read it! HILARE
I love that book! It was a good light read amongst the dozen baby books I read to be prepared. 😉
except for the fact that jenny mccarthy says you should NOT vaccinate kids, despite the overwhelming consensus in the scientific community that vaccines do more good than harm.
I know two men (who shall remain anonymous..) that needed an adult circumcision, which is a relatively more complicated procedure in an adult male. In spite of this, I’m still on the fence about it. Surely there is a reason the foreskin is there? Then again, there is probably a reason for all that body hair us women go to great pains to remove.
I’m sure it has been said in the previous comments, but nobody knows exactly what they are doing with children. I FREAKED when I went into labor with my first because I had absolutely no idea what I was doing …and I still don’t. My husband and I learn new ways to parent our two boys daily. Something that works for one doesn’t work for the other, so it has been a constant learning experience and game of trial and error. That being said, I think they have turned out really well despite not knowing what we’re doing 🙂 and when they are teensy, love and cuddles are really all they need….the rest kind of falls into place. It is kind of amazing how the ability to care for a tiny human just kind of appears. I think you’re going to do fantastic!
and about the circumcision thing, my boys are not circumcised, and neither is their father. it is a family thing, and I am ok with it. I’ve seen “gross looking” uncircumcised men, and *thankfully* my husband isn’t one of them 😉
I’m on board with your husband regarding circumcision. Mostly if your son goes into sports etc he may receive ridicule from other kids about it. I know someone who’s child was so upset about it that he decided to go through it when he was 15 and he was in rough shape for awhile. Obviously this is a personal decision that you and your hubs need to decide on but just wanted to share my opinion!
I think your feelings are totally normal! I know I’ll be a wreck when the time comes. I feel scared right now and it’s still years away! 🙂
You will be amazing Gina! This is something very natural that millions on top of millions of women have done, many without medical assistance! Your focus will be on holding that little bundle of joy in your arms! And the Pilot will be there to calm you if you start to freak, that is his job that day and he will handle it well! A mom knows what to do when her baby needs her, your instincts will lead you! You are going to be an amazing mom!
I have a one year old and I still read…all the time. After cord care, breastfeeding and the 5 S’s, then come naps, then food, then motor skills…Always reading! Though, I consider it an investment since we’ll have another one and hopefully I’ll be able to relax!
Child birth is a different experience for everyone…and even different with each pregnancy. I was very lucky to have three amazing deliveries and right after each little one was born, I forgot about the pressure and pain I felt. Sure, I was sore for a few days but it wasn’t anything unbearable. My advice…don’t believe everything you read or hear about child birth 🙂 Some people have horrible experiences and some are magical..either way, they aren’t you and it really is in the attitude you take in that delivery room 🙂
I’m not a mother but my thoughts is that it will all come naturally to you. You can read and read and read but when the time comes, you’ll know what to do. Don’t stress <3
I continually reassured myself through my pregnancies that women have been doing this for centuries, its what our bodies were built to do. I went into my first labor with no fear, just confidence and I truly believe this helped me through 3 medication free births. Fear = pain. Plus I watched oodles of Baby Story and figured if some of those princesses could do it, so could I!
when i did my ob/gyn rotation in med school, i actually assisted during child birth. i was right infront of the it, front seat baby! it.was.intense. i don’t want to get into details bc it’s not a pretty sight, but the moment those babies came out, and the moms and dads were crying in happiness, it was definitely one of the most special moments i’ve seen in med school. 🙂
just reading your comment is going to make me cry! it’s really an amazing thing- i can’t wait to experience it.
Circumcision is again, one of those things that is quite uncommon in other parts of the world (outside of the Jewish Faith, obviously) – just like hospital births. Just to throw that out there. Also, I think if the main reason your husband is for circumcision is so that his son looks like him…it doesn’t seem like a very strong argument – since it is compared to genital mutilation.
Also, again, I’ve mentioned this previously in a comment as well as other people – I’d encourage you to watch “The Business of Being Born” if you haven’t already. Just because it really shows some amazingly beautiful births and I think it might quell some of the horror stories that you’re envisioning in your head. It’s definitely a movie that will make you view birth as an empowering and amazingly unifying family event. You’ll love it.
Of course, I only suggest these things because I can tell you’re like me and like to do your research and see both sides of every story. You and your husband will ultimately make up your mind about what is best for you and your family and I am sure it will be the best decision. 🙂
–Circumcision is not “quite uncommon.” Unless you define 30% of males worldwide (WHO figure) as uncommon.
–Circumcision is almost universal in the Islamic faith–even more prevalent than in the Jewish faith.
i’d like to add to that genital mutilation is usually in reference to what happens with young women. and that procedure is VERY different than male infant circumcision
Except that ‘genital mutilation’ just means cutting or changing the genitals in some way. For whatever reason. It is not gender specific. Female genital mutilation is generally worse, and generally has more severe consequences, but that doesn’t mean male genital mutilation doesn’t exist. It all exists on a spectrum anyway – just look at the history of eunuchs.
And is very uncommon outside of the US unless it’s for religious reasons (Islamic or Judaic). As a European, I find the idea of chopping part of the penis off completely bizarre – like cutting off your eyelids! Why undergo surgery unless you actually need it?
I’m going to have to google search this whole “cord blood baking”….no idea what this is! I don’t have any kids so maybe i’m out of touch, but i’ve never even heard of this?!
Love is the best thing you can give our baby! You already have the most important thing done and done girl, all else will fall into place.
Don’t think my comment posted so here goes again. The origin of circumcision is Jewish. Abraham was born around 1812 BC in Ur (mesopotamia). This was not a fun time to be living in Mesopotamia because of the constant invading armies killing whomever they felt like at the time. Abraham (and this is the secular history version btw) was tired of his family getting killed so he and a few hundred relatives split for greener lands with less Assyrians kicking their butts. After wandering around in the desert for years and his family starting to fall apart, Abraham went off by himself one day and came back with a covenant from the god of his understanding. The covenant required two things: 1. Circumcise the male children, and 2. No more human sacrifices to any god (prior to Abraham receiving a covenant from One singular god, he and his family worshipped many hundreds of gods (as was practice in that time). Doing these two things differentiated he and his kin from the rest of the world, united them and Judaism was born. It’s a 4,000 year old practice that is uncommon in every part of the world other than Israel and the US. It definitely has nothing to do with cleanliness (total crapola), nor is it recommended by any medical organization. Unless you’re Jewish and you feel strongly about this custom being an example of your faith, I don’t see any logical reason to cut/mutilate a newborn baby boy. Studies have shown that uncircumcised (i.e., nature made) men have greater confidence levels throughout their lives and have better sex lives. The Pilot works in a seriously male-focused job and I totally understand the knee-jerk reaction, but I can think of no better gift than of giving your son a true “man-card”, unpunched, haha! Personal decision? Totally. But hopefully not without some serious research. It’s a religious custom, nothing more.
circumcised men have a far lower risk of contracting HIV
http://www.who.int/reproductivehealth/publications/rtis/9789241596169/en/
I agree that it’s totally a personal decision, but I disagree with the “greater confidence” thing. Most boys in the US are circumcised, and if he plays sports or has gym class in front of other guys it could be really tough on him.
You’re going to be an amazing Mum…I think (hope, for myself!) that mothering comes naturally, and that it is a beautiful desire of yours to want to read and read and learn and learn all that you can before your little boy arrives. But after that, all the loving and cuddling will come so naturally, and i’m sure the rest is a learning curve, that you and the pilot can learn together. So happy and excited for you both! 🙂 xyx
I think sometimes we tend to hear more of the…unpleasant? stories, but there are a lot of beautiful birthing stories too! The only one I’ve witnessed was my sister’s third, which she did at home in a birthing pool. She had an uncomplicated delivery and she knows how to manage her pain. On my end of things, my sister was sitting upright (so the view was a little different than what is typically depicted in movies, etc) and the baby came out of the water clean as a whistle. Everyone’s story is different, and it’s nice to hear about the ones that went smoothly, too!
Random, but I’m so excited to report that at my recent first ultrasound, I found out I’m 4 weeks further along than we originally thought! (Which explains a whole lot…). Apparently I had a “false period” in June and was actually already pregnant, therefore I’m at 12 weeks instead of 8 – hello almost the end of my first trimester!
My ex-husband was uncircumsised and I can say without a doubt that it caused so many issues. He was insecure to the point that it caused many marital problems (hello, we’re getting divorced) and was constantly doing things to try to prove he was “manly”. For one, he joined the marine special forces which he didn’t love but did because he was trying to prove something. His job is a major reason we are divorcing. So again, it’s affected every aspect of his life. In my talks with him it was very clear that he had a deep rooted resentment against his parents for not giving him the procedure and at 28 he still hasn’t been able to find any confidence and self love. I truly believe most of it stems from the way his “manhood” was. That is such a difficult decision because you are trying to predict the future of how this will affect your son’s life. However, I have seen the negative way it can affect a man and wouldn’t wish that on anyone. If you all choose not to have it done I hope that you all will be able to ensure your son will never feel insecure, unhappy, or different (in a negative way). I truly wish you all the best as you all navigate the world as new parents!
I need to point out that your husband grew up in an entirely different time than this child will. Circumcision rates are dropping quickly and an uncircumcised boy will not be the lone boy intact in his gym class. Most of the men in my life (husband, dad, brother, nephew, and so on) are uncircumcised and have had no physical or emotional trauma from being left the way they were made.
Like Vicki, all the men I have known who are uncircumcised, including my husband, have had no issues with it. My husband was never ridiculed in school or in his job (Army). And him being intact has absolutely no effect on our intimacy, or if it does it’s all positive. Haha.
I think if a man is insecure about it he is likely to just be insecure regardless. Or, on the cleanliness debate, if a man has infection issues down there he is likely to have cleanliness issues regardless. Look at how different every woman’s genitals are, some women have way more issues than others. I believe men are the same way and it completely depends on the individual, not on whether or not he’s circumcised.
I have four kids, ranging from 9 months to 6 years (so yeah, I’ve been busy!). I was so nervous about the birth the first time around, and thought I needed to be “prepared,” so I read everything out there and thought I good to go. Of course, nothing can really prepare you, since every birth, mother, and baby are different. Thank God, I have had four relatively uneventful births, and the 2-4th pregnancies were so much more enjoyable because I let the birth-related stress go. However it was going to happen, it was going to happen and I didn’t obsess over it.
My advice: Tune out other people’s stories. Everyone wants to tell you about their 4th degree tear or 48-hrs of pushing or whatever. Smile and nod, and discard the info from your mind.
Have faith in your body. It knows what it’s doing.
Have faith in yourself, your husband, and baby. Everyone will do what they are supposed to when the time comes.
Enjoy pregnancy and the wonderful, wonderful time you will have with your new little baby. I wish I had savoured the time with my oldest, rather than spending it – like the pregnancy too – stressed out and obsessed over every little detail. (Not saying that you are obsessed, just encouraging you not to spend too much time worrying about things that are beyond your control!)
Awww, you shouldn’t worry (although I know you cannot help it.) You will do just fine. Every birth story is different. Once you get through that, the hard stuff starts. It’s like weddings. I see people planning weddings for years and talking about the stress of it. I tell them, you think the wedding is stressful. wait until you get to marriage – that’s when the real work starts. Same applies. That said, I know you will be a great mom! And you have a network of moms to ask for any advice. xox
Would you mind sharing the specific books you received and are reading? I’d love to get them as well…
Thanks!
yes, i’ll post them in an upcoming post 🙂 (prob early next week)
I just want to encourage you (and your hubs) to do serious research regarding the circumcision. I decided against it after hearing the nurses in the hospital talk about the board they strap babies down to during the procedure. Also, there are different laws about anesthesia during it so look into how your hospital does it. The first thing our pediatrician said to me when we met was “I want to thank you for not circumcising.” There are really no medical reasons to do it as long as you practice proper hygiene.
Tell the Pilot that uncircumcised penises are much more sensitive than circumcised ones. That’s how I sold my husband on the idea of not doing it. 😛
Normal feelings…believe me…once your son is born it will feel like he has been here forever and it will all come naturally…love and cuddles are the most important part!
I agree with your husband on the circumcision…although it was very hard sending my son off to get his…but they numb them up and babies forget very quickly…in the long run, it is more hygenic for him and they say if the father is circumcised the son should be too so they will look the same. I also agree with having the baby in the hospital…even the easiester births can have some complications and it is comforting knowing that there are a team of NICU Drs. and Nurses that can be there in seconds.
And unfortunately, this is only the beginning of the worries…once your child is born, you worry about everything!! 🙂
While I was prego, and with the same fears as you and everyone else, someone told me the birth is the “easy” part…and it is so true! Its over before you know it and no matter what, you will find yourself remembering it forever.
If you haven’t already, please make certain that you check out Dr. Harvey Karp’s The Happiest Baby on the Block–get the DVD-It has fantastic visuals and covers all of the major points from the book. It IS a life changer!!
Circumcision just doesn’t seem natural…
My husband (who is circ’ed) was pro-circumcision when I was pregnant. We talked about it a lot and he read up on it and ultimately changed his mind. Maybe Pilot would be open to reading about it and then making a decision. I’m so glad we didn’t do it!
I just don’t get the “I want my son to look like me” thing (not saying that the Pilot said that, just in general!) I don’t know many parents who go walking around naked where their kids can see them once the kids are old enough to remember. Maybe if the boy asks the dad about it once he finds out there are two ways to look? But then the dad should just state the facts and that they did it for the best interest of the child. There are so many reasons NOT to do it; I don’t think the arguments for it stack up.
obviously, very heated feelings on both sides! Don’t worry too much about the blood at birth, you don’t see it! They clean you up before you get a chance to notice 🙂 Don’t worry to much about reading everything now – better to wait to see where you need help once the baby is here, then read books accordingly. I read a lot, but had to go back anyway once I had specific problems to address (bfing, sleeping, etc). Don’t stress!
That’s funny about the Pilot’s reaction- my BF says the exact same thing, with equal passion. Like, “Are you nuts? Of course he has to be circumcised” (our baby is still imaginary at the moment). When we actually have to face this, it will be tough because I can’t see any good reason to do it. It’s painful, and this is the baby’s first experience of life out here in the world- can you imagine going to a scary bright cold strange place, and then someone attacks you? I don’t like it. But I’m not a guy so I have to find out from my bf what makes this so important before I throw the idea out. I guess.
Hi Gina!
I have read your blog for years and been to shy to comment but I am going for it! First of all, big congrats on the baby! You are going to be a wonderful mommy! Secondly, on the topic of circumcision, my husband is a doctor. He specializes in pediatrics and had performed many circumcisions. He says that many babies do not cry AT ALL. And if they do cry, it is only before the surgery when the nurses clean “the area” because it is cold. Babies nervous systems are still developing right after birth, so the baby does not feel it! IN NO WAY is it akin to genital mutation. It is actually very important for social development throughout childhood for your little one to “look like daddy.” However, this is just my 2 cents, take it or leave it!
Again, big congrats!
Sorry for the typos! Auto-correct on smart phones are not very “smart!” Go figure!
I thought I was going to go into OB/GYN for a long time (I’m a dermatology resident now though). OB was by far my favorite rotation in med school. I loved delivering babies and especially seeing the Dads cry when their babies come into the world! Amazing! I think just remembering that… You don’t have to know exactly what to do! Ultimately we are animals and animals are made to give birth and raise young! So trust your body, educate yourself, have a positive outlook and then roll with it! Trust in yourself and your journey 🙂
I’m just going to throw this out there re: circumcision.
1. Neither of my two boys are circumcised, there were also no other baby boys born in the hospital the day mine were that were circumcised. (Yes, circumcision rates are really dropping.)
2. Would you have your daughter get breast augmentation at birth so that she would “fit in” better or “look better”? I’m guessing no. Unless medically or religiously necessary, circumcision is a cosmetic procedure.
3. A circumcised penis looks like a sexually excited penis all. the. time. I personally am happy not to have to change my boys diapers knowing what their penis’ will look like when they are erect.
4. At least at the hospitals I delived at, parents are not allowed in the room during circumcision. It is a painful procedure, enough so that the hospitals don’t want you to watch. Also, they wrap your newborn up in a straightjacket during the procedure. They feel pain, just like us.
Not allowed in the room? That kinda sounds like a lawsuit to me…
Oh yikes! I saw the word “circumcision” in your post and knew immediately that you’d get a lot of comments and unsolicited advice. I always think it’s funny how most people understand the social boundaries of when to lecture and when not to, but think that matters related to the breastfeeding and circumcision of somebody else’s child is their business…
agreed!
my baby son’s genitals are my own business…thank you very much!
If it makes you feel any better, I did circumcisions on on of my rotations when I was a first year resident (I am an obgyn resident). Babies really do not mind it so much, I promise. We give them these little lollipop-type things called “sweet eez” which are basically just sugar water sticks that they suck on. They are REALLY distracted by this, and get super pumped about it. If she wants to, at my hospital the mom may hold her baby (this is really dependent on the hospital though). Then they get nice and numbed up, and the actual circumcision these days is extremely safe and extremely quick. Most babies are so preoccupied by their lollys that they don’t even notice what has happened, and the only time they cry is when we take their pop away 🙂 Only a handful of babies I cared for ever cried curing a circ. Also, it has been shown to lower risk for HIV transmission and transmission of multiple other STDs. Pilot has good reason to want it, I’ll do it for my boy(s), if I have any.
Also, someone above noted that they strap babies down during a circ. This is only partially true. We basically lay them down in this little thing and they get a seatbelt. Babies squirm A LOT — when they are happy, sad, or indifferent. And I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not put any sharp objects around a squirming baby. Hence, seatbelt. No squirming, no accidents, no slipping, everyone’s happy.
There is a very interesting segment on NPR online called The Baby Project. Lots of interesting articles, programs, and blogs on many different topics.
awesome- i’ll check it out!
You are woman, but where’s your roar? Ladies just *know* how to be a mama. It’s part of who we are, but it stays deep inside until the baby arrives. Though I am just beginning on this journey, and still in the *fun* stages of starting a family, I have closely watched 5 of my girlfriends start their families, and many have said the need to read is so much less after the little one is born. Instinct takes over; you refer to books/websites for info, but instinctively you will have a great understanding of what your baby needs. And my theory? Frankly, I turned out better than fine, and my parents didn’t have all the new precautions and books and suggestions that bombard young mothers today. Women do it in the backwoods, in the inner-city, in the outback, and beyond. I think you can do it in Arizona with your family and a doctors near-by.
Best of luck to you Gina! It’s wonderful watching you and Emily on this journey as I prepare to embark myself. I value both of your opinions, based on how you live your lives, though I will do a rock star vegan pregnancy. And congrats on your new digs as well. It must be amazing to have a chance to start growing some roots in your own beautiful space.
Namaste.
thank you, lovely! xoxo
Oh…Forgot to ask if you plan on making your own baby food when he’s old enough. I have about a month before Ill be making it myself and I wonder if your readers have any suggestions on what kind of food processor to use. I saw the Baby Bullet on tv but Im not sure…any ideas?
Oh…Forgot to ask if you plan on making your own baby food when he’s old enough. I have about a month before Ill be making it myself and I wonder if your readers have any suggestions on what kind of food processor to use. I saw the Baby Bullet on tv but Im not sure…any ideas?
yep i definitely plan to! will prob use the vitamix 🙂
my husband was a big time swaddler. it worked wonders with DD1 and he was the one who always remembered to do it.
The best decision i ever made was to take my husband to a one-day class at the hospital where he learned to diaper, bathe, clothe, feed, burp, swaddle, etc. I had done it all babysitting, but he had NEVER done any of it. And by week 3 he was a pro! But that class gave him the confidence to treat the baby more like a football and less like eggshells.
I remember feeling the same way! It is overwhelming and it feels like there is so much to learn. I was a bit anxious about the learning curve, but now that I’ve been through it (I just had my first child) I realize that so much of it really comes naturally- especially if you are breastfeeding.
One thing I’ve noticed is that everyone has their advice and it ranges greatly. This was very confusing to me. I would hear completely different things from different people. Ultimately, I ended up going what made sense to me the most. I would take a bit from each person sharing with me, but had my own spin on things.
I wish that someone would have recommended getting the following video- The Happiest Baby on the Block. I SO recommend this to you! I am a visual learner, so the video was the best option for me. I think I was a bit naive about what it would be like when the baby came. My husband and I are so mild mannered and quiet…I assumed we would have a calm, peaceful baby. Boy was I wrong! I was not at all prepared for my daughter’s extreme fussiness (I hesitate to use colic, since we aren’t sure that’s it). I couldn’t believe how emotionally draining it was. The video really shed some light on how to calm a fussy baby, but it’s not just for fussy babies. It helped my husband and I to understand how to meet the baby’s needs and to understand where she was at developmentally when she was born. Highly recommended. 😉
the circumcision thing is something you luckily don’t have to worry about now…but I remember feeling the same way. My husband was the same as Tom though. I just was like…no way I can do a Bris (Michael’s Jewish)…no way…need to do it in hospital. Luckily we had a girl. Just seems so awful, but everyone assures me that it’s just skin and no pain. But I ten to doubt because how do they know what the baby is feeling!
I need to email you sometime sooon…have some goodies for you. Some MUST HAVE’s after the baby is born. Anyone tell you about the ice maxi pads?? Well, I have like a bazillion brand new packages of them we “borrowed” from the hospital (the nurses were wonderful helping me borrow goodies) and never used because it was all SITS baths when we got home. They were like the most amazing thing after birth. Not to be creepy…someone told me about them when I was preggo and after I knew what they were all about I was like “Ohhh Yeahhhh…these things are the most amazing things ever invented!”
Our daughter is 2 and is definitely Daddy’s little girl, but at the end of the day it is all about Mommy : )
p.s. this reply was meant for ‘The Proof is in the Pudding’, opps
haha its so interesting the strong views people have for or against circumcision… im jewish so for me its just sort of a given.. but so interesting to hear people’s reasons why it should or shouldnt be done!
Gina,
I have 4 amazing sons of which were all delivered naturally and I literally enjoyed every single birht. It sounds crazy to say I enjoyed it, but I really did. It’s so magical and amazing.
I tried hypnobirthing, and then had complications with my first son with me spiking fevers, so i got the epidural to give myself some rest and sleep after 13 hours or labor! Then he was born 12 hours later!
My second son was born in 6 minutes , kinda crazy .
My twin sons were born an hour and one minute apart and actually have different birthdays!
K I just kinda went off on a tangent there.. Its hard to say dont worry, but try your best, baby girl is in control and you’ll just go for the ride! I know it’ll be everything you dreampt of ! hugs