Yesterday, I had my first major moment of doubt.
This whole time, I’ve been so in awe and thankful that this is happening, pumping myself up for the birth –I keep telling myself that it’s the first chance I’ll get to show myself how strong I am- and relishing every little bubble and popcorn pop in my belly.
I’ve been listening to the Pregtastic podcasts (lame name, awesome podcast), and yesterday one scared the bejeezus out of me. A woman was talking about her birth story and basically said, “there was blood and guts everywhere.”
Blood and guts??
Obviously, I never expected the birth to be “pretty”, but that statement right there made me realize how REAL this all is. That baby is coming out –and it gave me a great visual of where exactly it’s coming out of… eep- and we have to be ready to take care of it. There’s no turning back.
My friend Jeni , who gave me the advice to start learning what to do after the baby’s born instead of focusing on the actual birth so much, sent an amazing care package including a motherload of baby care books. I’ll be sure to post photos of the books and my thoughts when I’m finished reading them. I read for about 2 hours last night and learned:
-about baby hygiene (cord care, baths, etc)
-about cord blood banking –which we’re planning to do
-arguments for and against circumcision, which sounds to me like a terrible, awful thing to put a baby through [When I asked the Pilot if he wanted our son to be circumcised, he said “F*ck yes he’s getting circumcised.” Wow. He feels pretty strongly about that one]
-Swaddling and putting the baby to sleep on his back.
While I’m sure that every parent-to-be has their doubts about whether they’ll do it “right”, I just feel like there’s so much I don’t know. I know how to cuddle and love, so that counts for something? As far as everything else goes, I might be reading for the rest of my life.