A year later.
Giving birth to Liv was the most amazing and happiest thing I’ve ever done. Yeah, there was some pain involved (and crazy animal sounds) but I’d do it again at this very moment to have her here. You could take all the hard parts, bottle them up, ask me to drink it, and I’d do it in a second. This past year was a whirlwind of memories: baby giggles, fresh wet hair from the bath, tiny fingers wrapped in my hand, little perfect legs out of diapers, and big gummy smiles, later with some teeth poking through. Milestones, learning, evolving… on all of our parts. With all of the beauty, there was also a lot of anxiety, which was condensed into the first few months of Liv’s life.
For the first few months after Liv was born, I had an elevated heart rate throughout the day and pretty much always felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack. I remember one time when she was only about 4 days old when my mom and nana came over. They knew it had been an all-nighter, and told me they’d watch Liv so I could take a nap. I went upstairs, crawled into bed, and felt like my heart was about to explode from my chest. That feeling remained with me, and I was always worried about Liv’s wellbeing, that I was doing everything I could to take care of her. Was she warm? Was her belly full? Was she happy?
I told myself that I’d wait to write about the anxiety until I knew it was gone, because I’m not the type of person to put up a “woe is me” post in the moment, when emotions are too fresh. I’d rather write about it after the fact, when I’ve made it through the experience, and remain mindful of the tips and strategies that helped me so that I’m able to share them. And here we are, a year later. I had no idea that life could be this good and after all of the anxiety, which slowly started to melt away, I can easily say that it’s gone. Of course, I still worry about her and want to do my very best to take care of her, but it’s a mindfulness instead of a panic now. And, a year later, I can 100% say that I’m myself again.
Often, I’ll wonder if it would have been helpful to write about what I was experiencing on the blog. I feel like I did a disservice to all of you by failing to document it, but then again, some emotions are too raw, too intense, and too confusing to adequately express to the masses. So for that, my dear reader friends, I am truly sorry.
Also, I feel like there would be no point in trying to explain what I went though, why it happened, and what could have helped me even more, because I never went to get help.
I was in a place in my life where I was surrounded by intense negativity. It seems silly now, because I was so fortunate to be surrounded by many people that love us, but I sought it through an outside source. At first, it was a way for me to receive helpful feedback, but in a fragile state, the personal and hateful nitpicking finally started to get to me. Being a first-time mom is challenging, but even more so when there are people watching to jump on a potential learning opportunity. Top that with serious sleep deprivation and a hormone dump, and it’s a pretty awful combo. I started to guard my blogging, my life, and my writing in hopes that they wouldn’t find anything to talk about.. but they always did, even if it was a salad from 2008.
When you have a semi-public life, you’re subject to criticism from others. I’m aware of that, appreciate it, and understand that it’s part of the package. At the same time, I felt like if I went to talk to somebody about what I was feeling, I was letting the hateful critics win. I realize now, that by failing to get help when I needed it, that’s indeed what I did.
While I don’t think I had postpartum depression (I’ll never know if I did or not), my struggle with breastfeeding intensified everything I was feeling. I was devastated with my low supply, even with all of the steps I took to boost it. (I even took placenta pills- something else I haven’t written about.) Pumping was miserable and I hated the fact that I spent so much time pumping when I could have been snuggling my baby. I am happy I was able to give her 6 months of breast milk, but for the next child, I’m not going to be so hard on myself.
That’s the main purpose of this post:
I can look back now at the mistakes I’ve made and things that helped me along the way.
If you’re experiencing what I went through, my heart goes out to you. Don’t be afraid to talk to someone about it and get help. Don’t let potential judgment from others prevent you from doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. Also, please don’t be afraid to email me.A few new moms have, and while I obviously can’t give medical advice, I’m pretty good at virtual hugs and pep talks.
There is enough negativity in the world- why seek it out? Now, I don’t allow the words of people, who have never met me, make me feel badly if that’s their only intention. Chances are that they have something else going on in their life causing them to share their toxic energy with the world. The aforementioned negativity has been out of my life for quite a long time- I’m much happier without it.
The night before Liv’s birthday, she woke up with teething pains a couple of hours after she had fallen asleep. I quickly went upstairs to hold her and give her a teething strip, and as usual, she fell asleep in my arms as we laid on the couch together. It was surreal to think that exactly one year before, it had been the most primal night of my life and here I was now, in the most serene. My eyes pricked with tears, and as I looked at the stars illuminating the ceiling from her Twilight Turtle (which I had turned back on), I half-expected to have some sort of cliche epiphany. But, everything I felt in my mind and heart were cementing the truths I already knew. “You’re going to do everything possible, for the rest of your life to be the most loving mom and take the best care of this little girl.” I felt her legs draped over the the side of my body, when a year before, she easily fit in the crook of my arm. I thought about how tiny she still is and yet how much she’s grown and changed, how proud I am of all of us for being a team through the peaks and valleys, and how grateful I am for my little family.
Even with my struggles this past year, it’s been, by far, the most blessed. During the depths of my anxiety, I was always thankful to be Liv’s mama and that we were so fortunate to have a healthy, happy baby. It’s always felt too good to be true, but now that the fogginess is gone, I can confidently say that it is.
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What a beautiful post. Eloquently said, Gina. I am sorry that you had to deal with that negativity during the most fragile and intense period of motherhood. I can still clearly remember those first few months, and it was… nothing that I ever could blog about. In fact, I didn’t blog for the first 5-6 months of Eli’s life, I’m pretty sure. It was all too raw, too intense, and too important it seemed like. And of course, I was also afraid of the criticism, since I felt I had no idea what I was doing. I am looking forward to baby #2, because the confidence in myself that I’ll at the get go will just be AMAZING! And I really want to enjoy the first little moments that I was too overwhelmed and freaked out to enjoy before.
Gina, this is such a great post! I am not a mom yet, but I have several friends who went through intense bouts with anxiety following having their first baby and while I agree with you that it is sometimes not the best to blog about it when it’s happening, I think it’s really great that you have shared your story now and can reflect back with a clearer head. While I don’t know you personally, anytime I see a negative comment on your blog (or actually any blog I read regularly!) I wish I could delete it before you see it. I find it so senseless for people to be so critical of someone who is doing nothing more than trying to provide quality posts and letting people into their lives. Anyway, thanks for doing what you do and congratulations on your first year with Olivia!
This is so beautiful Gina. It is so nice to read such an honest post on motherhood as opposed to “everything is blissful and amazing.” Olivia is such an angel and I have been saving all your family posts to help me when I become a new mom.
Thanks so much for such a moving, honest article, glad you are feeling better now.
Beautiful post and amazing retrospective! 🙂 You’re doing a great job at all of it! 🙂
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While I am not a mother, I can understand how panic/anxiety and other people’s perceptions can influence your daily life. Add that to a brand new situation that you are adjusting to, I can understand how difficult it was. I am happy that you feel that you are 100% yourself again, and I do understand the hesitation to seek help, but it is okay to need some support. If nothing else than to give you the tools to cope with what you are going through. Thank you for the this beautiful post and Happy 1st to the beautiful Liv!
Gina, this is beautiful. I rarely comment and I’m not a mom, but I can so relate to your feelings of anxiety and the mistake of seeking out negative energy. I’m so glad you are in a better place now and THANK YOU for sharing!
What a beautifully articulated post.
I am so sorry you had to deal with negativity from others. My best friend and I have always read your blog with love and admiration – and we’ve always thought we’d like to emulate you when we became moms ourselves.
Well, I am now pregnant with my first child and have an entire folder of your posts that I will be referring to when the baby comes. Between all the must-have baby items, post-baby mind/body stuff, and all the parenting tips in between, you have already helped tremendously and I’m not even a mommy yet!
Thank you so much for sharing your world xo
While I enjoy the many benefits of “healthy living” blogs and read them daily, I often feel like maybe I need to take a break and just step away from reading because of how easy it is to feel inadequate- whether it is because I didn’t work out for a few days or because I just know my own life isn’t picture-perfect. However, I will say that I always, always find your words genuine and uplifting. I’m sure that anyone who reads the blog appreciates your honesty and openness just as much as (if not more than) your awesome workouts and recipes! You set a wonderful example- so thank you! I truly hope to be as wonderful a wife and mom as you are somewhere down the line 🙂
This is such an honest and beautiful post, Gina! I want to thank you for being so raw and real about your emotions and I am so glad you are feeling back to normal 🙂 My husband and I are just now starting to try to have a baby – while I am nervous as heck I am beyond excited as well and hope that I can be half the mom that you seem to be! You seem like the type of person who is a true blessing to everyone who knows you – the world could use more people like you!! Congratulations on your beautiful little family and Happy Birthday to Liv!
This is so beautiful Gina! Please do not think I’m a weirdo for saying this, but I totally just got ‘let down’ as I was reading this. Touched my heart. My little lady is laying on me right now, sleeping, and as I was reading this I couldn’t help but tear up. You’re an amazing woman!!!!!!!! <3
Beautiful post. I often wonder if I’ll continue to blog when kids (hopefully) join us.
Gina this post exemplifies exactly why I come back to your blog everyday. Your voice is so genuine, real, and moving. I have been reading for a long time now but have never commented. Thank you for sharing!!
Exactly.
Beautiful post, Gina. Such a privilege to have you share with us.
Hi Gina- I noticed as I was scrolling down the page that someone else, with their private email, was showing on my “leave a reply” form. Might want to let your host or whoever know 🙂
Also, I have to give you credit for not moderating your comments, considering the trouble you’ve had in the past. Takes balls!
thank you for the heads up- we’ve been trying to get that fixed for a couple of weeks and nothing yet. there was a host-wide server upgrade and that’s when the problems started occurring. sorry about that :/
Gina, you are an inspiration. Please continue doing what you do. This world would be a better place if everyone lived their lives with the intention you set for yourself.
I struggled with PPD after my first, and I absolutely 100% do not blame you for keeping those struggles to yourself at the time. Your readers seem mostly wonderful, but when you can’t write a simple post about tips to help a new mom, baby products you love, or what kind of underwear you wear to the gym without getting a handful of venomous comments, I can certainly understand the desire to keep some private things private. Your only obligation at the time was to your newborn and yourself, not to the internet community.
My PPD was not borderline. It was bad, and I did have to seek treatment. I was sad, anxious and socially withdrawn, and the sadder I felt, the more guilty I felt for being sad. Even if I had a blog (I don’t), there’s no way I could have provided any kind of insight about it until after I was back to my old self. Baby #2 came along last year with absolutely none of the same postpartum struggles. It’s amazing how different the two experiences were for me.
Thanks for writing this. I struggled with my first with breastfeeding. We pumped too, it took me 2.5 months to get her to latch on properly (she was 4 weeks early) but I still struggled with pain. I wasn’t depressed but I sure was stressed out which didn’t help at all.
We now have a 5 week old and struggled a little with nursing only to find out I have Raynaulds syndrome which makes nursing SO painful. Again, not depressed but frustrated. Also this time around I don’t have an amazing set of girl friends who have newborns. With my first, we had a group of 5 of us and we spent every Monday together and sometimes 2-3 other days of the week for a whole year together. I struggled this past month with being lonely and am getting past it but sometimes having a newborn/baby isn’t what you expect it to be.
Congrats to you for breastfeeding/pumping for 6 months – lots of mom’s would have given up. I feel this time around for me I am not going to be as hard on myself and just go with it. Again, thanks for posting this and sharing.
Happy 1st Birthday to Liv!
Cheers.
Gina- I’m right there with you. I know how the anxiety feels, and it’s horrible. I was worried that I was almost starting to resent Shannon, that I wasn’t doing a good enough job, that my husband was judging me when I couldn’t get her to stop crying, that people passing by were judging me. Her doctor’s appointments were the worst, because I was worried he would say there was something wrong with her. I woke up every half hour to check on her. I was too anxious to even leave her with my mother for a while, so that I could get some time to myself. It was such a dark time, when I felt that it should have been surrounded by light! It was, I just had a hard time seeing it at the time.
I didn’t seek help because I was afraid people would see it as failure. My husband finally broke through to me, and it’s because of him that I’ve managed to regain my former self. I started reading your blog, and a few others. I started talking to friends. I sought therapy in my horse, Willow. I’m back! 🙂
You’re doing an amazing job, Momma! Olivia is beautiful, smart, and so very, very healthy. I love reading about her adventures and your pictures always bring a smile to my face.
What a great post! My 11.5 week old daughter is asleep on me as I read your post. I have had worries, worries others will judge me for my choices on what to do for her and worries about making sure I’m making the right choices for my daughter. I sat here and cried as I finished reading. Thanks for sharing, it’s nice to know you’re not the only one dealing with ‘being a new mom’. I always enjoy reading your posts. You seem like a great mom who loves her daughter! And happy birthday to Liv!!
Thank you for being so courageous and opening up to us! You go girl 😉
Gina,
My heart absolutely breaks that you went through so much anxiety and negativity over the last year. I think someone would have to be a blind to not see what an incredible person and Mom you are!
What a beautiful post! Thank you for speaking truth. That part in our lives is always so difficult to let people know what is going on. The expectations we have for ourselves when we have children are so hard to live up to. We have to find what works best for our families. Well said, Gina!
So beautifully written. I’m so sorry you went through such a hard time at the earliest moments of motherhood. Olivia seems like such a gentle and sweet little girl and she has you to thank for that! Thank you for sharing this with us!
What a heartfelt post. I understand where you are coming from. Blog or not I think we often can only open up about our struggles when we feel really safe and with whom we feel really safe and not judged. This was such a new experience for you, as it is for all first time moms, and you have come out of it on the other end, happy, wiser, confident. Kudos!
Thanks for posting this. I can relate so much. Our little girl is 8 months and I feel like the “fog”, anxiety, panic is finally starting to fade. Only my husband knew what I was going through and I’m sure people were confused and hurt on me being so closed off with my baby but I had to do what made me happy. It’s so hard to write it out in words because a lot doesn’t make sense. I wish people would give new moms a break.
You brought me to tears. You are an amazing mom, and one that I admire greatly. I am a mother of 2 girls (2.5 years and 8.5 months) who works full time, exercises, and manages to somehow cook dinner and make time for family as well. I almost feel like I have gone through some of this with you since I read your blog every single day. Thank you for sharing your experiences with motherhood. It is not always easy, but you are inspirational to all of us readers!
Thanks so much for sharing this! Props to you for being so open and willing to open yourself to others. I think so many women appreciate it and can relate. You’re awesome!
Thank you for sharing, Gina! You rock!
Gina, I know what negative outlet you’re referring to, and KUDOS to you for just stepping away from it. It exists to tear people down. That’s it. It’s bullying in it’s simplest form–they say things they would never say to your face, just so they can. I used to read it when I was bored, then I realized that though I don’t have a blog anymore, so they couldn’t hurt me—it generally brought my mood down. Why read hurtful comments about bloggers you love, even to defend them? It’s not worth it and 2 seconds on it just brings out negativity in your spirit instead of love and encouragement. I think you’ve done an amazing job with Liv and look forward to every single post. Keep being you <3
Bless your heart. I know you aren’t looking for sympathy, but your post really touched me. My baby was born before the internet was popular, long before there were blogs, websites, etc. And I’m not a blogger, just enjoy reading them. When I discovered blogs, it was yours I found first, because I was looking for a recipe for breakfast cookies. You opened up a whole new world to me, all because of your breakfast cookie recipe. I so admire people like you and many others who are willing to take the time and have the courage to share a part of your lives with us. I especially admire those who don’t dress it up, but share the good and the bad, and don’t try to gloss things up to show us something that isn’t real. But I’m also appalled that women can be so cruel and judgemental of people that they don’t even know, dedicating whole websites to pick on bloggers and what they have posted today. It’s no wonder that our country is in the mess it is. There are too many people who either have too much time on their hands or were not raised with the good manners and grace that the rest of us were.
I say all of that to applaud you for your honesty, at a time when it felt comfortable for you to share. And also to applaud you for keeping the most important things first in your life, your husband, your daughter and your family and friends. Never let this blog and the critics get in the way of the most important things.
I look forward to “watching” your precious girl grow up. And if you say or do something that I disagree with, I’ll keep my opinion to myself. That’s what my mama taught me to do and what I’ve taught my own daughter to do as well.
Here’s to the coming year! May it be the best yet.
Logan (and really to anyone else who is curious),
I understand and agree with a lot of what you wrote, but to say that our country is in a mess because of GOMI users is a gross misstatement. Just because a person does not like a blogger, does not mean that person 1. has nothing to do all day or 2. has bad manners. I have browsed GOMI (the website that generates negativity to which Gina refers) before, and I am a hyper-productive, hyper-polite member of society. I was a teacher, and, after that, developed software used worldwide to keep hospital patients safe and alive. Like everyone else, people who criticize blog users are multidimensional and their identity is not an internet website. I feel that insulting an entire group of people based on limited information is exactly what you are so mad about, yet exactly what you are doing with your statement.
Additionally, you say that if you disagree with Gina, you will keep your mouth shut, because that is what a polite person does. This, too, is misguided negativity toward GOMI users. Most GOMI users on the healthy living blog forum don’t hate the bloggers for no reason. The largest and loudest complaint is that healthy living bloggers make money by publicizing and endorsing orthorexic (sometimes anorexic) and dangerous behaviors. Gina’s blog may have helped you, but others have perhaps been harmed by what they interpret as an unhealthy or unnecessarily restrictive lifestyle. If this is the case, then those people probably feel that Gina profiting off of the vulnerability of (some of) her readers is immoral. (Of course, not all posts on GOMI obviously reflect that feeling, but most do at least hint at it). A lot of them also feel that they have no other outlet, as bloggers often delete negative comments, and, if they don’t, their readers tear to shreds anyone with a dissenting opinion. Though users who are criticizing Gina and other bloggers are hurtful and may be rude, they are attacking more than just Gina; they are, I think, attacking an incestuous culture that is oh-so-subtly built on encouraging restriction and profiting on those most susceptible to that message.
I hope you don’t take any of that as a personal attack because it wasn’t meant to be; it was only meant to, I hope, shed some light on the intentions of those on GOMI. I agree with a lot of what you said. I think Gina seems like a loving mom who puts her family first, and I also hope that she continues to enjoy motherhood and has a joyful and adorable second year with her daughter.
Thank you for writing this, absolutely agree.
GOMI has made fun of her family and child on multiple occasions. That doesn’t sound like a group of polite members of society. I get that you don’t have to agree with with Gina or her blog but you cat ladies take it to a whole new level.
I understand what you are saying. What I was trying to convey was that everyone is multidimensional and you may not be able to deduce someone’s character based on one facet of his/her personality. I mean, obviously you can feel about people how you want, I have no problem with that.
The other thing I was trying to get across was that people are not angry because Gina has a family or a baby, even if that is what a comment says on the surface. People are angry because they feel that Gina and others are publicizing and encouraging a dangerous lifestyle. I personally don’t care about either GOMI or Gina, but as much as I understand how Gina feels, I also empathize with GOMI users who are horrified that the healthy living blog world (maybe unwittingly, maybe not) preys on vulnerable women.
I am really not trying to start a debate or insult anyone. Again, you can and should feel however you want! I just was hoping that I could offer some perspective about what some critics feel.
I have read plenty of GOMI, and the VAST majority of the comments attack bloggers’ personalities, their husbands, their familes and their appearance in a very unproductive way. Even if they want to convey that the healthy living blog world “preys on vulnerable women” they don’t do a very good job of it—instead, the major focus is just on making fun of bloggers.
>>People are angry because they feel that Gina and others are publicizing and encouraging a dangerous lifestyle.
What in the world could possibly be dangerous about Gina’s Lifestyle? She eats whole foods and works out. One can’t get less dangerous (health wise) than that. Her husband puts his life on the line daily so loonies can have the freedom that allows them to attack his wife. Again, what in the world is this particular little loving family doing to encourage a dangerous lifestyle?
Sorry Cate, but no. Positive, productive people don’t make time for GOMI. I”m not usually one for generalizations, but that’s one that I’m 100% confident making.
Amen.
Love this post. Made me emotional and I am not a Mom or close to becoming one. I admire your writing on this blog and look forward to your honest posts. Congratulations on your lovely family!
Gina, what an honest, raw, and beautifully written post. I’m not a mother yet, but almost all of my friends have children and I’ve seen firsthand how the first year of motherhood affected them. I deal with anxiety myself (even without children!)…so I can only imagine how it intensifies when you are responsible for another life.
I only know you through your blog, but I can tell you are a wonderful mother. And I really think that if a new mom needs guidance and tips, she can go back and read the posts from Liv’s first year to learn how.
🙂
This post leaves me wondering why you are so preoccupied with how your actions look to others. You care more about what other people think than your own well-being? I have been ripped apart and gossipped about on the Internet, so I know how it feels when people make below-the-belt comments, and I’ve also suffered from panic in the past, so I sympathize with that part of your post a lot. After a certain point, you have to have the pride to OWN your choices and stop trying to impress random people you don’t even know. If you are truly happy with the life you have made and the people in it, spiteful comments will of course still hurt you for a little while, but you won’t feel the need to fall all over yourself to prove your worth. It’s troubling that you would allow yourself to carry around the criticism for an entire year and let it change you as a person. I would hope that you are raising Olivia to be a little more emotionally resilient because your inability to process any type of negativity in your life is truly worrisome for a woman of your age. You are free to label me as a “hater” or whatever you would like, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re not going to be happy until you accept your own worth and BELIEVE in it.
whoa, a gomi user making sweeping generalities with limited information – shocking. wondering why I wasn’t oozing with self-confidence as a sleep-deprived, hormonal, new mom was your big take-away from this post? thanks for your concern. and no, you’re not a hater. you’re a proud contributor to unneccessary negativity without the fortitude to post your own name. you certainly have no shame in posting it on your blog. i’m curious, as a new R.D., are you going to refer your clients to gomi for support?
Holy hostility.
Let’s keep the whole post in context and appreciate that sometimes even the most upbeat, strong and motivating individuals have struggles which test them. It is how you move through those struggles and the life lessons you take away from that experience which defines you as a person.
Successful women in particular often learn this the hard way…taking flack from critical and jealous women who want nothing more than to tear someone else down because they think they can. Thanks for sharing your struggle, Gina. As a woman who exists mainly in the real world [rather than the virtual one], it makes you even easier to relate to.
An RD? My blog? I am not an RD and I don’t have a blog. I fail to see what in my post was so demeaning to you. I don’t thrive on negativity, I’m just pointing out the ways that you are getting in the way of your own happiness in a way that doesn’t coddle you. It’s not about oozing with self-confidence or not struggling with anything – it’s about owning your struggle and not being defensive and ashamed about it. There are always going to be people who live differently and think your way of life is stupid. Why would you fall apart over that? Like I said, believe in your own worth. Oh but sorry, that is sooo negative of me…
As someone who loves you and has read your blog for a very long time and still consider you quite an inspiration, why didnt you say, “Hey guys, I’m tired and hormonal and anxious right now and that’s what’s happening in my life”? I don’t read your blog because you have a “perfect life,” you used to be really real about why you did things and it was inspiring – and sorry, it’s more inspiring to hear from a woman who we know had anxiety about making babies in the first place admit that, yeah, it’s not easy, than just pretend it’s all sparkly and clean. No one wants to read a blog that whitewashes every aspect of life, ESPECIALLY not motherhood, which you have to be a complete moron to think is easy. I admit I stopped reading you regularly in the early months because you sounded so hard like you were trying to convince yourself that everything was fine, and it was triggering and painful for me, so i had to step away- which brings me to GOMI. crap, don’t let them affect the way you do you, and if you can’t ignore them maybe you really do need to step away and seek help. As someone who was bullied straight through high school by teachers and students, trust me I know how hard it is, but Gina, this is the Internet, and you can’t LET anyone steal your light, no matter what. Be real or step away from the computer and re-learn how to be real (when your life is lived through the camera, uploading pictures to re-cap every day, it’s pretty hard to live in the present).
I pray you’re feeling better now.
Agree with Alana 100 percent. Im sorry you went through all of this, but at the same time, I’ve often felt your blog was unrelatable in the early months of motherhood and even allowed myself to feel a little inadequate once or twice. I’m a mother of a one year old as well and while I was going through colic, sleep deprivation, fighting with my husband at times (mainly due to sleep deprivation!) and just general feelings of ‘i don’t know what I’m doing!!’ – it seemed you were going through a picture perfect experience. While everyone here is mainly singing your praises on how brave you are to post this, I feel it would have been much more brave to at least mention that things were tough at the time.
i don’t think i put on a facade about everything being sunshine and rainbows. i mentioned multiple times that things were really hard, talked openly about my struggles with breastfeeding (and was just criticized for “not eating enough and working out too much”), and the sleep deprivation. the anxiety wasn’t something i was able to articulate and wasn’t about to try, and then have my words be misinterpreted and overanalyzed. i talked about the good parts so often because there was still a lot of amazing things going on, and they were easy and comforting for me to write about.
i’ve always prided myself on being “real,” whether it’s talking about deployments or kitchen fails, and many other very personal things that have happened in the past 5 years.
you’re right in saying that i could have simply said i’m anxious and hormonal, but i can “could/should have/would have” myself into the ground and it wouldn’t change the fact that i didn’t. i made a mistake, which happens often and am owning up to that in hopes that someone reading can seek the help and support they need if they’re going through something similar. that’s all.
Gina, you did not make a mistake. You are not obligated to anyone to say anything about your life that you don’t want to. I cannot believe the entitlement that these people are spewing.
Ditto to April. No one should be criticizing you for not sharing certain aspects of your life. It is your life and privacy, and no one can take that away from you. Remember that negativity often spawns from insecurity and jealousy.
You rock, and have so many fabulous readers, so why focus on the negative comments? No matter what you do or who you are, there will always be negative people. So just think of all of your awesome readers instead!
Gina, this is so unnecessary. The sarcasm, the generalizations on your part–why? This person is actually trying to point out what true self-security is. If you disagree, why not express your disagreement so there can be a conversation? The above comment was not sarcastic or negative at all, despite your snippy reaction.
Being realistic and pointing out things that don’t seem right is NOT negativity. It is the only thing that promotes dialogue and growth.
It was absolutely necessary and well said. GOMI users are internet trolls who are ineffectual in their day to day lives and hide behind their computer screens while taking their frustrations out on people who live more fulfilling lives than they do. They don’t practice respect or positivity and don’t deserve it in return. I can’t imagine, for the life of me, why somebody would proudly proclaim themselves “A GOMI user” as their username. You have nothing else in the world to be proud of?
Just as bloggers don’t like generalizations made about them/their lives/their family, generalizations should not be made about GOMI users. I’ve read those forums, and have not commented, but agree with many of the opinions stated there. In between some comments that were clearly made out of humor (it is the internet, after all, and people enjoy procrastinating through social media), there are some very valid points. What’s also clear is that GOMI users are most definitely not all useless, jealous haters. Many of these users have professional jobs (lawyers, management consultants, financial analysts ivy league / top notch educations). There are always those 5 minutes at work when a person can procrastinate and take a break by reading/commenting on a forum such as GOMI. Just because many comments are made on GOMI does not mean that the users don’t have legitimate jobs, are stupid, or are lazy, fat, and simply jealous.
Agree to disagree I guess, Lucy. I’d say that ridiculing people on the internet (or even reading it for enjoyment) when you are at work is a double integrity fail.
Sensitivity is not a negative, it’s human virtue. The “resilience” you speak of is merely callousness. It would be a shame for any parent to raise their child that way.
Such an important post. I think the more women hear about this type of post-partum experience, the more they will realize that they are not alone. It’s ok to speak up and ask for help. It in no way means you are failing. Nobody should suffer in silence. Being a new mother is exhilarating and terrifying…for everyone.
Gina, I respect your honesty and openness.It must have taken some guts to put yourself out there.I find with a public blog, sharing so much of your life, you gotta take the good with the bad–but that doesn’t mean the bad doesn’t sting! Especially when everything gets picked at–2008 salads and all 😉
As far as being a new mom, it’s tough to open yourself up to ANYONE when you are dealing with anxiety, let alone a whole world of strangers!So many feeling come up and you don’t know what to make of them…but you definitely were not alone. I’m glad you had a good support system at home to help you through.
I know we’ve chatted before and I am so sorry you had to deal with such negativity during such a tender, emotional and special time in your life. I know you can’t control what others have written here but as far as other sources go you know what they say: “what other people think of you is none of your business.” I know I have let that type of negativity consume me and it’s just not worth it! Easier to say you can avoid it than to avoid it though.
You have had such a wonderful journey this year. Olivia is such a doll and you seem to be such a fabulous mother! It’s not an easy job, but it surely is the most rewarding!
Happy birthday to sweet little Liv!
And…You know I’m always a text or email away if you ever need anything! xoxo
This post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for opening up about your struggles. I am also a new mom and I have been having daily struggles since my little one was born. I just keep staying focused on the happiness my son brings me.
No matter what anyone says, you’ve done an amazing job. Despite not sharing the negative, I always have and always will admire you and how you’ve been such an amazing mom to Liv.
Beautiful, brave post, Gina! As the mom of a 10 1/2 month old, I definitely went through some dark times the first few months. Thanks for having the courage to share your story and Happy 1st Birthday to darling Liv!
Thank you for such an honest post. I just don’t get why people have nothing better to do than judge and be snarkey and cruel. If you don’t like a blog, or don’t agree with what the blogger is saying, than don’t read it. I don’t think it’s that hard of aconcept.
You have lots of fans. Way more than haters. Don’t forget that! 🙂
This was such a raw, honest post, it caught me in the throat as I read it. I don’t know that I would have the strength today to write such a thing. But it makes me love you all the more because you did. Next time around, you’ll be prepared. And think of all the wisdom you’ll have to share with Liv when she faces negativity from others. I known you’ve grown from this. We all have. And though I never thought I’d say it, for that I am grateful.
What a good point that Sarah makes about being able to share this story with Liv one day. I have suffered from severe anxiety too at points in my life (which, until you’ve gone through it, you can’t even imagine how horrible it feels…right?) and one of the things that helped me SO much was having my father admit to me that he has battled the same thing. I felt a lot less alone and wished he had confided in me sooner about it. Being open about these things goes a long way in making the rest of us feel less isolated in our suffering, and for the bravery with which you did that today, I thank you!
Thank you for writing this post – beautiful and real. I gave birth to my little Leo on September 19th 2012 and have felt, at times, lost in a sea of intense emotion. He arrived prematurely after a scan at 31 weeks revealed he had stopped growing. I can’t imagine life without him and his smiles are the best thing in the world but that doesn’t mean I haven’t felt close to breaking point at times. I appreciate this open post – it makes me feel a little less alone in the crazy world of first time motherhood!
So proud of you for writing this post! I have chills all over my body – thank you for being so honest. I love and respect you so much
What a wonderful honest post – thank you for sharing with everyone. When I became a Mum for the first time I remember feeling quite awful for a long time. I never spoke to anyone about it, tried to hide my intense fears and act like nothing was wrong. Thankfully I got through that, and with my second baby I was honest always about how good or bad I was feeling – hence a far far better newborn experience. You bought tears to my eyes! Happy birthday to your beautiful girl, and congratulations to you and your husband too!!
This post brought tears to my eyes… I know you’ll be the most wonderful mom to Liv for the rest of your lives! Love you friend!
ohhhh, lovely Gina! you get major props for opening up now – takes courage lady!!! and while i’m not a mama, i can safely say that YOU are an amazing mother. it breaks my heart to know that you were holding on to so much negativity and that you did not seek help, but at the end of the day you learned something huge from this experience and you’re a stronger person because of it. and i’m sure, if there is a next time with similar struggles, you WILL seek help (and there’s no shame in that!). sending you big (virtual) hugs!!!! xoxo
You know, once I googled “fitnessista zumba” because i was trying to figure out what you said about what you did during your pregnancy and also being involved with zumba, and i stumbled upon a creepy dark, dank hole on the internet that trashed blogs of EVERY variety. I couldn’t believe it! Anyway, those women truly have sad, personal existences if they read things that they aren’t interested in or don’t appreciate and LIVE to trash other people on anything they say or do. The fact that people can fall back on the ol’ “you put it out there, be prepared to take the criticism” but to be on your every move…pssh, not worth your time to see what they have to say about you. I personally think anyone who can blog their private details are really brave and I always love to see what you have to say!
Gina,
I applaud this post! I enjoy your blog so much and my enjoyment went up even more after you had little Liv because your blogging about motherhood is so real. I had a baby in May (my second, a little girl!) and so being reintroduced to having a baby has been pretty insane (my oldest is 5), and I feel like the last year was a bit of a fog too! Anyway, I find myself going back to your blog for advice and recommendations (i.e. homemade food for baby) because I love what you have done so far with your angel. Blessings to you!
Thank you so much for sharing, that tooka lot of courage.I’ll be a first time mom in a few months and reading stories like yours make me realize that you are never alone in what your feeling and to expect anything. I’m so glad things are better now and definitely stay away from those negative places!
So glad you wrote this post. I think I know what the source of the negativity is, that you’re talking about. I can’t even believe something like that exists, and the pettiness of it astounds me. Anyway, I just feel compelled to comment (which I don’t do regularly), because you are so much better than that. You are kind-hearted, smart, and intelligent… as a “normal” reader (who doesn’t go out of my way trying to find the tiniest details to snark on) I think you are doing such a fantastic job with your blog. Keep up the amazing work, and just keep being you!
You are so sweet. I bet you’ll get a ton of emails! You’ve briefly mentioned your postpartum anxiety before- After having my second baby this summer and going through some serious anxiety (again), it did feel somewhat comforting to know that I was not the only one. Thank you for being so honest and genuine– I just love reading your blog!