flying solo
Hi friends! How are you? Hope you’re enjoying the week so far. I feel like I’m coming up for air because the Pilot is back in town after 7 nights away. It was the longest time that it’s been just the girls and me since my surgery and it went pretty well. The only small disasters were when P flushed an entire roll of toilet paper and refused to sleep. There are worse things.
I thought I’d share some thoughts, learning points, and things I did to make this time a little bit easier. I know 8 days is small potatoes to friends out there with deployed partners and single mamas and dads all over. (I think the most we’ve done since P was born is 3 weeks, but prior to having kids it was 6 months x 3 times. Woof.) There’s a large chance that the Pilot will be gone for much longer in the future, so I thought I’d type out this post to refer to later and share some ideas with parents in similar situations.
Some of the things that helped during 8 solo days with two small children:
Make dinner during naptime, so all I had to do was heat it up. This was CLUTCH and is something I’m going to try to do from now on. It’s not always the most realistic, and it’s not the best for entrees that need to be served fresh out of the oven, but I can at least chop and prep during the day.
It made dinner time so much easier, which meant I could start the kitchen clean-up and bedtime rituals earlier.
(Blue Apron chicken with capers and roasted fall veggies + Annie’s mac and cheese)
I got subs for my barre classes. I very rarely get subs, so I felt ok about asking for help with my nighttime classes for a week. P has been really difficult to get down for bed lately and unusually clingy. I knew I’d be stressed trying to leave on time for my sessions armed with the knowledge that our babysitter would be having a terrible time trying to put her down. Later on, I may switch to only teaching during morning hours while P is at preschool.
I got a babysitter once to play with the girls while I went to yoga and grocery shopped and it was glorious.
We had a planned adventure every single day. Whether it was something small, like crafts on the patio and riding scooters, or something larger like an afternoon at the jumping castle park + dinner out, it was helpful to have an idea of something fun to do each day. I love taking the girls to different places, so this was fun for me, too. I looked at it as an extra opportunity to spend some quality girl time with these noodles.
Dropping the “rush” mentality. The dinner hour can be pretty hectic since I’m usually trying to cook and get ready to teach. Since our meal was already prepared – we also ordered pizza one night – and I had subs for my classes, I didn’t feel like I had to rush around. I let them take baths until they were wrinkly prunes, let them play outside as long as they wanted, and read as many books as they felt like reading. We didn’t have anywhere we *had* to be, and that was relished.
Some of the harder things:
As I mentioned last week, P decided to stop going to sleep at night. I’ve learned that I need to increase her awake time on the days she naps a little later because otherwise, she’s up all night. (And wants me to lie by her until she’s crashed. It used to work when she was actually tired, but now she kicks her legs around and tries to poke me in the eyeball.) After two solid nights of zero sleep, I went into survival mode and just let her sleep in our bed. By the third night, Liv was also in our room, sleeping on an air mattress. I probably created a terrible habit, but in this case, sleep wins. After the first night of letting P sleep in our bed, I felt like a new person. I have no idea how I’m going to get her to sleep in her room now and am considering letting the girls share a room to make things easier. I’m hoping that if she wakes up during the night, she would see Liv sleeping there and avoid screaming her face off? (Parents with kiddos who share a room, please let me know if this helped or hindered the whole sleep situation!)
I missed my family even more than usual. After two solid nights of partying, I wished so badly I could call my mom to come over. She would swoop in, magically lure P into dreamland, and let me sleep for a couple of hours the next day. She’s an angel like that. I longed for the time when we lived near family because we’d always be hanging out together: out to dinner, chilling at my mom’s house, or meeting up for random adventures. Since literally all of my friends here were out of town for the weekend or sick, I had pretty much zero adult face-to-face interaction. The clerk at the grocery store probably thought I was bananas when I talked her face off haha.
(A snack plate we enjoyed on the patio while the girls rode scooters and ran around)
I was way more prepared and ahead of things than usual, but my anxiety levels were up. I was continually thinking of the next thing. I do this on a regular basis anyway, but it was more extreme. Since I used more nap time and preschool time getting ahead on dinner and chores, that meant I had more to do work-wise at night. After the first night of going to bed at 2am then being up with P the rest of the night, I made sure I had the bulk of work stuff done during the day. It was a solid reminder of how much the Pilot and I are a team: we swoop in to take care of the kiddos and accomplish stuff around the house together.
Of course, I missed my best friend. It’s easier for me now that I’m used to time apart, but it’s always nice to reconnect after the day and have a glass of wine together.
Are there any things you do to streamline your routine if your partner is away? Please drop all your knowledge on me.
How do I get P to go to sleep? I can’t lie with her for 90 minutes because I have to get Liv ready for bed, too, and then I’m a zombie after staying in her dark room for so long.
Hope you have a great day and I’ll see ya in the morning with Friday Faves.
xo
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Is she ready to drop nap? When bedtime became such a chore every night I dropped the nap (wah!!!) and bedtime went back to normal. I know she’s only two but some drop it early! I thought I’d miss that nap but I didn’t because of the freedom it created. I now have another baby so we are back to nap city and schedules.. so I’m actually looking forward to when she stops napping haha.
i loved when liv stopped napping because i felt like we could do so much more!! i think P still needs it for now though
Definately agree with dropping the nap. My two year old was going to bed after 10pm when he was 18 months, and we dropped the nap back then. I think at 2 they can handle it. Try it for a couple of days and see how it goes. She will probably go to bed a little early at first, but then she will adjust. Good luck!
thankfully the past couple of days she’s gone down earlier but if it gets crazy again, i think i’ll try dropping it and see what happens!
My girl went through the same thing. She went from sleeping through the night, to screaming her head off for an hour at bedtime then being up in the night because she was scared. It went on for months, so we bought a sound machine and a night light and told her we would sit in her room when she first went down. If she had a tantrum, we would leave and eventually she understood to be quiet and lay down and we would sit for a bit. She stopped napping around 2 years old as well and sleeps was better at night without the nap. I know it’s hard and feels like it lasts forever bit stick to a routine as much as possible and communicate exactly what you want her to do, that seems to help too. You’ll get through it!
i loved the reminder to communicate exactly what you want her to do. last night i gave her a little pep talk before bed and i think it helped! (i just told her that if she wakes up to remember that mama, dad and sis are all here, and she can go back to sleep.)
thank you!
Time changes ruin everything with kids. My kids have been waking up at 4:30 am or not being ready to go to bed at their normal time. We finally got them adjusted, I think. It’s so hard when they have sleep regressions. Hang in there!
yes!! the time change had everyone off for a while there!
Yep, dropping the nap sounds like the best solution. My two and a half year old has been nap free practically since midnight on his second birthday, and he goes down in a jiffy. Sometimes even before I’m done reading goodnight stories! Both of my boys (5 & 2) sleep in the same room, actually even in the same bed, and it’s been working great since I can get them both down at the same time. Occasionally they’ll come in to my room because they’ve woken up, but I do think having somebody next to them has really helped them feel more secure at night. But Liv and P wouldn’t need to be in the same bed, just in the same room maybe lol. Hope this helps!
so so glad to hear it’s worked for you! i think we’re going to try the joint room and see how it goes
My third little girl was always up in the night scared or wanting someone with her. But once she starting sharing a room with her big sister she slept SO much better. Might be worth giving a try?
yes! i think we’re going to go for it. we have nothing to lose at this point
I feel ya, the hubs has been gone a lot in the evenings and while I can prepare in advance and it goes pretty smoothly, I always feel more anxious about things. Also my littlest, who is about P’s age always has a harder time going to sleep when her dads not home. I have found that she does better with me leaving before she is actually asleep if I tuck her in with a lovely to snuggle.
p used to do that, too, and sleep so well if we walked out right before she was asleep. now if i try to leave when she’s still awake, she screams, “MAMA LIE DOWN.” haha
I can’t even imagine what it’s like taking care of one child, much less two on your own. So challenging especially with P’s sleep issues. You should be proud of yourself!
it was a long week lol <3
this is very interesting. Our girls are the same age (Penelope is a few weeks younger) – and a few weeks ago, my daughter also went through this no sleep situation! We would be in her room 10 times (she would wake up every time we snuck out). Then my husband or I just slept with her (first in her crib .. omg, then on a mattress on the floor). Eventually we couldn’t do it anymore. We were so tired it was becoming a big problem. We turned her crib into a bed because she was climbing out to escape, and the first two nights we shut the door on her and she had extreme tantrums (we would let her go two minutes and then go back and simply put her into her bed and say goodnight), then let her go five minutes and do it again. Never more than five minutes because personally cry it out method is not for us. This only lasted two nights and now she is “back to normal” goes to bed with a smile and stays there all night.
Could Penelope be acting this way because your husband left? Our daughter started doing this the exact night that we were away for 2 nights. After this, she had some extreme anxiety that we wouldn’t be there when she woke up. We had to keep reassuring her we would be here all night and also when she woke up.
I disagree with skipping naps if she needs it. for us, our daughter NEEDS a nap or by 5pm she is overtired overstimulated and very cranky/aggressive.
Good luck!
i’m so glad that it resolved quickly for you! it sounds like the EXACT same thing for us. we’re not into letting her cry, either, but i find that sometimes usually if i leave for a moment (and she screams for like 30 seconds) and i go back in, she calms down and goes to sleep quickly.
i’m going to try to hold onto the nap as long as possible! she still needs it for now
xoxo
My little girl went through the same thing when she was about that age. She would scream her head off until we came back into the room. We tried dropping her nap and then she just ended up a miserable beast for dinner time (I work full time, so having her in a terrible mood for the 2 hours a day I get to see her didn’t work for me!). I know not everyone agrees with a reward system, but for us a sticker chart totally worked. The rules were she could play quietly with a doll or stuffed animal or flip through a book, she didn’t have to go right to sleep, but to earn her sticker, she couldn’t fuss and scream. It was literal magic how quickly it worked…yes, she didn’t always go right to sleep, but usually within an hour or so she was out, without the added stress to our evening, and she was so proud to earn her stickers and claim some fun little prizes!
that is amazing!! so so awesome that it worked <3
Sending you <3. As I am sans kiddos, I cannot relate to your week solo, but I often get anxious, over-think things, and miss my family at times, so I can relate to those struggles. Had to chuckle at P putting tp in the toilet. At least it was clean water. I wasn't so lucky on Saturday night when the main plumbing line in my [rented] home came up a shower drain, overflowed and spilled onto the floor in bathroom, office, and hallway. One of the top 5 most disgusting things in my life ever. Clean up involved an emergency plumber phone call, 3.5 rolls of paper towel, and a lot of bleach. 🙂 for you that the Pilot is back home.
oh noooo! plumbing stuff is the worst haha. and yes, i was glad it was clean water when i had to fish the cardboard piece of our the toilet lol.
xo
I agree on the nap thing – my son doesn’t usually have a hard time falling asleep – but after his second birthday in July, suddenly we were in this sleep regression of him getting up every hour after about midnight through the rest of the night. It KILLED me. It was worse than the newborn 2 hour chunks! We’ve gotten better and I am only up 1-2 times of the night most nights to find the bink, get the blanket, in/out/back to sleep. He only takes one mid day nap, but if it is more than 2 hours, night time is ruined. 2 hours or less seems to be the magic number to make nighttime sleeping consistent. Best of luck and I hope you can sneak in a power nap when they nap!
thank you so much for that tip! i started capping her nap at 2 hours and it’s seemed to help. fingers crossed!
My 3 yr old has been using a glow worm, yes like an 80’s glow worm for a year. I hear the thing start singing on the monitor at 2 or 3 am and then he goes back to sleep.
ok i’m ordering one! thank you!
I use the Baby Einstein Sea Dreams Soother for my 2 year old son, it attaches to his crib or you can stand it up on a nightstand. https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Einstein-Sea-Dreams-Soother/dp/B006YBHE6M/ref=pd_lpo_vtph_21_bs_img_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=C99MK94A8ZCBH1H85VR2
It is the best thing I swear, I put it on as I am putting him down and whenever he wakes up he turns it on himself and it soothes him back to sleep, the only downfall is it takes 4 C Batteries so I have gone through a TON of batteries but it has saved my sanity not having to run in every time he wakes.
ok i’m going to order one- thank you!
My son went through this exact phase and everyone said drop the nap. However, it was seriously a phase and worked itself out. However – it took like 6-8 WEEKS. Two years is the final sleep regression and a lot of parents think it means drop the nap but it’s actually just the regression and if you stick it out many of them go back to napping. A majority of kids will go back but it’s tough so parents give up prematurely. Obviously, it’s not one size fits all but just something to consider that the majority of kids will continue to nap until 3 or 4 if you get through this part 🙂
The baby sleep site is my bible so you may find this helpful: https://www.babysleepsite.com/toddlers/5-things-about-2-year-old-toddler-sleep/
For us, I got him a crib aquarium. It has a light and he can watch them and it sings lullabies and he could turn it on. He found it comforting. We also got an okay to wake clock and stick to that, he still uses it at almost 5 and my now 19 month old has one.
I would also leave and come back. Could you tell her, I’m going to go put Liv in bed now, if you lay nice and quiet I’ll come back and check on you. This worked wonders for my son. If he fell asleep, I used to leave little things to let him know I had been back (this proved to him that I was coming back in and he was more trusting when I said I’ll be right back). I would leave a sippy cup of water or something like that (sometimes he would ask for something random, mom can you leave my lego when you come back?). After the liv is in bed excuse, you could say mommy had to go potty, I’ll be right back, lay nice and quiet and I’ll come back. Just keep making up excuses 🙂
Good luck!!!!
thank you so much for the link- it was so helpful! i’m trying to hold onto the nap as long as possible because she still seems to need it.. and i need that hour and a half haha.
i love the tip to tell her to be nice and quiet and i’ll be right back- thank you! i used that last night and it helped a ton. she was so much more calm, and went to sleep pretty quickly after i came back to check on her
Our 2 year old (turns 3 in Jan) has to have a nap or she is awful. She also likes naps. She will tell me that she wants to take a nap if we are out running errands close to her normal nap time. She started waking up at night and being difficult to sleep when we started potty training. While I was home on maternity leave with our youngest (who is now 7 months old). I don’t recommend potty training a 2 year old while having a 2 month old but for some crazy reason that’s what we did. She would get up 5-6 times at night. It was ridiculous, especially since she had been sleeping through the night essentially since she was 3 months old.
We were desperate b/c the baby was getting up at least 2 times and then she was getting up several times, and they were never up together so we got no sleep. We ended up doing a reward system as well. I was against it at first but we ended up telling her that if she slept all night or only got up once to pee at night she could watch 1 cartoon in the morning. It saved us! And also allowed me to get her settled with a cartoon and breakfast then feed the baby without her distracting him. At some point we will break the habit of a cartoon every morning but for now sleep wins!
oh my gosh, it’s the worse when they alternate waking up like that! when P was a newborn, it happened so much. we were up with both of the girls pretty much all night.
i love the cartoon reward. sleep wins, for sure!!
I don’t agree with dropping the nap, but maybe she needs the nap capped? Not sure when she naps, but mine is 2 (about 2 weeks older than P), and yesterday she took a 3 hour nap (usually 2 max) and slept til 4. Bedtime wasn’t fun and it took her way longer to fall asleep and up earlier. Just wondering if maybe cap naps at 2 hours and make them earlier? But I don’t think to drop the nap at all. I do agree with someone who said it could be because your husband was gone. DEFINITELY! I was alone the past 2 weeks while my husband was away and we couldn’t talk to him and she became totally clingy to me. Never wanted to leave me alone.
love that- thank you!! i’ve been doing that since you suggested it and it’s seemed to help. she’s up by 2:15 no matter what now
and you’re totally right that she was probably more anxious with tom gone
My daughter started doing the same – she would go to sleep on her own in her crib perfectly every single night and then all of sudden she wanted to be rocked before bed and then she wanted me to lay on the floor next to her crib and like you, I can’t do that for a long period of time because 1. I have another child to get to bed and 2. I have things to do after bedtime! So this is what I did and it’s been working: we have two dogs that she is fond of, after I rock her for a couple of minutes, I put her to bed with her dolls & books and then I tell her that I need to go feed the puppies because their SO hungry or I need to go let the puppies in the house because its SO cold outside and they need to warm up…she’ll usually respond very well and “encourage” me to go get the dogs and tend to them. I tell her that I’ll come back in and check on her when I’m done with the dogs…then eventually she falls asleep while reading or playing 🙂 so far, so good
love that so much! i used the “i need to feed the dogs” trick last week and it worked, but a couple of nights later, it didn’t. she’s gone down a little easier the past couple of nights so fingers crossed things will get back to normal!
Yes! Drop her nap. My son stopped taking a nap at 3 because bedtime at night took FOREVER! And he’d lie in there and talk til like 10pm. We dropped the nap and he’s out by 8pm! And I agree dropping the nap allows for so much freedom during our day! :)) Good luck!
thank you!! i’m trying to hold onto the nap as long as possible but who knows if she’ll let me haha
When you say the pilot will be gone much longer in the future, do you mean longer than 8 days or 6 months? Yikes. I hope just longer than 8 days!
Good luck with it all! All 4 of my kids hung on to naps pretty long so that can be tricky!
longer than both :/
thank you! i’m going to try and keep her napping as long as i can
I remember those days…..
If my son didn’t go down for his nap by 1:00pm at the latest – I would do everything I could to keep him up until 6:00 and then he would go down for the rest of the night. He stopped taking naps all together by 18 months – but he would go down for the night at around 7:00. He would want me to lay with him until he fell asleep (which did not take long at all). At that time it used to drive me crazy having to do this and I felt like I would be doing it forever – but no – now he’s 16 and I can barely get him to talk to me let alone tuck him into bed at night! Lol
So as hard as it is – just remember “this too shall pass” and down the road when you’re dealing with teenager issues/problems you will be wishing to go back to this time right now. Maybe not, but I sure do! Raising teenagers in this day and age is TOUGH! I have two right now and OMGEEEEEEE…….
thank you! such great tips! i’m definitely afraid for the teenage years haha
I disagree with others saying to drop a nap. I think it’s just a phase and you have to wait it out. It sucks and makes bedtime almost dreadful but it won’t last forever.
My son did this and sometime it would work to tell him I had to go the bathroom or something and I’d come back and check on him – most of the time he’d fall asleep before I got back. We also used a sticker chart for good bedtimes and that seemed to work also. It also helped when we got him a loft bed and we couldn’t lay with him anymore because we were ‘too big’ for it. There are a number of things you can try but really I think it will just take time as frustrating as that can be.
thank you! i think she still needs to nap so i’m going to keep it for now and hope this rides out!
i love doing that, too. i’m usually like, “i need to feed the dogs. i’ll be right back.” i’ll come back, but i’ll take my sweet time haha
I nodded along to everything in this post! I have an airline pilot husband, so most trips are 4 days, but I have been flying solo part of most weeks for nearly six years now. It helps to have routines and special things we do when Daddy is away, like eat dinner out or go play at a park. I NEED evenings to myself when my husband is away, so we get dinner, clean up, and bath going earlier so even when i have to do it all, I don’t feel stressed and rushed. As far as sleep, my 2.5 year old is nap-capped at an hour. She still might be awake a bit later than I’d like, but I’d rather not have a bear on my hands all evening with no nap at all. My kids have been sharing a room for almost 2 years (older son is 5). Actually started because he felt lonely, but I’ve been recommending it to anyone who complains about any sleep issues, haha! It’s been great for both of them!
ok i think we’re going to do it! i’m hoping they’ll both sleep better
You’ve probably already tried this, but my son went through a similar bedtime issue and I KNOW he still needs a nap, so in addition to making naptime earlier in the day, we got a nightlight. Turned out the fear of the dark was a big factor (and new development). I got him this turtle and made a big deal of it and we were back on track: https://www.amazon.com/Cloud-Twilight-Constellation-Night-Turtle/dp/B000BNQC58
ohhh i love that turtle! liv had the ladybug version when she was little and P has a pink poppy troll that lights up like that. so cute! her room is dark though, so maybe we need to get her another nightlight
Poor momma! It is so hard when they are away and work so much! I prep dinner during nap time most nights but I just never know if D will be home at 4 or 6.
that’s a great way to do it. tom always says he’ll be home a certain time, but his words mean nothing haha
This probably doesn’t solve the problem of P not sleeping on the reg, but both of my parents traveled when I was growing up and to make it easier, I was always allowed to sleep in my parent’s bed with the other parent. It was a little something to look forward to even if I missed the other parent. (I’m an only child so it was a little easier to monopolize the one-parent time.)
i love that your parents did that! i’ve done the same with liv. she’s always allowed to sleep in our room when tom is gone. i hadn’t let P in on the party since she’s been in her crib until recently, but it looks like we’ll probably camp out like that when he’s not here. i like having them all close by so i know they’re ok, especially if i wake up during the night <3
Don’t drop the nap unless it goes on for two or more weeks. A few days doesn’t necessarily mean it’s time to drop it. Maybe cap it like others have said to an hour or two. I also agree with the person above who said to tell her you would come check on her and do that like a minute later, then five, then ten etc and she will go to sleep hopefully without tantrums. She probably missed her daddy too and felt your anxiety and that might be affecting her (and that isn’t your fault it just might be that P is a more sensitive little girl than Livi). Also, and I don’t know if you are hinting at it or not but if you DO have a deployment down the line or a more intense job for your husband (i.e. command) and it is stressing you guys out she might be feeling it too. I say that because we have been there 🙂 Good luck mama. Don’t cut the nap;)
it will likely be both. thank you for all of the advice and wisdom!!
thank you so much! i think we’re definitely going to keep the nap because she needs it for now
Good work momma! My husband is a pilot too, and it’s often me and the kiddos at home. And man, can it be tiring! I love your suggestions and you keeping it real!
right? i love getting to be with them, but by the end of the day, i’m zonked haha
My 2.5 year old is also suddenly having the hardest time going to sleep, which, in insight, might be due to the time change. I considered dropping the nap because, with my daughter, that’s what worked, but my son can’t handle napless afternoons. He asks for it, will sleep pretty soundly for an hour and wake up ready to tackle the rest of the day, so I understand why you might not want to try and drop P’s nap either.
My kids also share a room since we moved our son out of ours (when he was 1). It was a no brainer for as we live in an apartment in the city and it seemed to make sense for us that they’d sleep better together. They love it for the most part but I have to say that it makes night-time wake ups pretty stressful as we don’t want the little one to disturb the big one’s sleep, so we usually take the small one in our bed and my husband goes to sleep in his bed. Like you, I try not to stress about “bad habits” if it means that everyone is getting more sleep, but yeah, sometimes I worry about the message we are sending this child who is kicking his dad out of the marital bed to snuggle up with his mum, ha ha ha!
I would give the shared room a try if I was you, it might be your miracle solution. Anything for sound sleep!
thank you so much for chiming in. we were awake for 4 HOURS last night and i’m a living zombie today haha.
i think we’re going to try the room sharing this week. fingers crossed it helps. we’re going on 4 weeks now and i feel like i have a newborn again
you’re so right: sleep wins. tom has to fly again tomorrow so we already decided that she can sleep in our bed if she wakes up because neither one of us has the energy to get up multiple times again