A tribute to my nana
My nana’s house has been the family hub since before I was born.
After church, we’d go over to nana’s house for breakfast, donuts and coffee, which would turn into nap time, and then into the nighttime parties at her house. Located in historic downtown Tucson, it was one of the very first houses built. When you walked in the doors, you could feel the love in the house.. smell the fresh frijoles and tortillas on the stove, and marvel at all of the family photos, ancient details (wrought iron, crafted by my Tata himself, hidden hallways and wooden ceilings), saints and candles.
When the parties would begin, family would flood through the house and backyard until the middle of the night. The food and drinks would be never-ending, and I’d often fall asleep to the sounds of mariachis and laughter. Even when I was so small, I always knew how special and fun it was at nana’s house.
My nana passed away last week, and we’ve been grieving together and spending time just how she would have loved to see it. We’ve been sitting around a bonfire in the backyard, sipping beers, and playing mariachi music way too loudly. Even though she’s no longer there, I can still picture her coming outside to say “Shhh! Ya sobra! Come inside, it’s too cold.” When we haven’t been outside by the bonfire, we’ve been huddled inside, listening to stories about the “good old days” and making family photo boards to document her beautiful life.
It’s been hard for me to say goodbye to someone I love so much, yet I feel so blessed that I had her in my life for so long, and that Livi got to know her.
I debated writing this post, because I felt like nothing I could say would able to accurately express how beautiful my nana was: her mannerisms; her cooking; her joyful attitude; how warm her hugs felt; how much she loved being surrounded by the family she created; how insanely fun those parties were at her house. I didn’t want to write anything at all, but rather sit in the numbness that I’m feeling, the sadness in my heart, and continue to go one as normally as possible. I haven’t really cried since she passed away, but was sobbing when they took her to the hospital two Saturdays ago.
I was leaving my usual yoga class, and had a missed phone call from my mom to tell me nana had been taken to the hospital. The Pilot already knew what was going on, so he continued to take Liv to a birthday party (where I was originally going to meet them after yoga), and I drove straight to the hospital. When I got there, my heart was broken. Even though it was devastating to see her in pain, we were happy they were going to let her go home and enjoy her last days with family in her own comfy bed. My nana told me not to remember my nana (her mom) like she was in the hospital. She said “remember your happy nana.” I feel her energy with me, and my last yoga class, a week after the hospital incident, it was hard for me to believe how much had changed in that entire week.
We were there the night she passed away, after the U of A basketball game. We left a couple of hours before she peacefully went to another world, at her home, with so many people who loved her. She was the youngest 98… still cracking jokes, scolding us for being loud (even though she loved the noise and laughter), and having dessert first (the family motto), even when she was sick. She knew how loved she was, and while she lived a long and beautiful life, it doesn’t make it any less sad or any easier. I got to hold her hands, kiss her forehead one last time, and tell her how much I love her.
We miss you, nana. For the rest of my life, I’ll carry your energy with me… and pray that I can leave behind a legacy half as beautiful as your own.
5 generations:
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I’m sorry to hear of your loss. My Grandma passed 10 years ago and we were very close. I miss her everyday. Remember she will always be with you.
Such a beautiful post, Gina! Reading this really re-emphasizes what is truly important in life- great reminder during the holidays. My prayers are with you and your family.
This was truly beautiful. Family is the everything and your daughter will be blessed to have known her!
My dear Gina and family! Words cannot express how deeply sorry i am for you. I lost my nana in 91. i will never forget seeing her sick in the hospital and the look on her face.
I believe that everything happens for a reason…it was a blessing for you to be stationed in Tucson for the time you were so you could be with her and enjoy many memories that will help you in your sorrow.
Take all the time you need to grieve. We will still be here when you are ready!
BIG hugs to you all…..
Your post was absolutely beautiful. I sent a message to you via facebook letting you know how sorry I was and that my mom had just passed days before Thanksgiving. This post made me cry and remember again, all the wonderful memories I had. Today was tough for me, we had to put down my best furry friend ever – our 17 1/2 year old pup. As empty as I feel, I know it will pass and the memories are something I’ll always have. Sounds like your nanna was a one of kind – and let me say, that seems to run in your family. Praying your hearts heal my friend.
Mo
What a beautifully written & touching post. I cried while reading this because so much of what you said rings true to me. Even though my Nana passed away 5 years ago, I still miss her & think about her everyday. Like your Nana, she was an amazing & beautiful woman. It is a blessing to have had them in our lives. And like you said, her energy will be with you. My condolences to you & your family.
so sorry for your loss- what a special woman
This was beautiful! I wrote a blog post after my mom passed away this summer and it might be hard but I think it is incredibly cathartic and a lot of people can empathize with what you are going through. She sounds like an amazing person!
I’m sorry for your loss. My grandpa died two years ago and it’s still difficult to deal with. How amazing that she got to meet your daughter though! your family is blessed.
So much crying right now! Your Nana sounds like an amazing person. I lost my grandfather five months ago and it still doesn’t feel real. I know the sadness that you are feeling. My baba left behind a wonderful legacy much like that of your nana. It will get better as time goes on. I promise you. It may not seem like it at the moment but it will get better. Here’s to amazing people who created wonderful, amazing and loving families!
What a touching tribute. I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family.
Beautifully written! Im so sorry for your loss. Big Hug and prayers to you and your family!
This is so beautiful. Your nana sounds like the loveliest woman and reminds me so much of my great grandma. So very sorry for your loss. Wishing you and your loved ones peace during this sad time.
I am a faithful reader of your blog but rarely comment. Just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for your loss. May the happy memories of your nana bring you comfort during this difficult time. Hugs!
thank you so much for commenting, heather <3 hugs back to you. xo
What a beautifully written tribute to your Nana. My heartfelt condolences to you and your family for your loss. I lost my own grandmother too early in life when I was only 10. To this day, I still think about all the things and love I could have gained from her had she not passed away so early. It’s wonderful that you were able to spend so many happy years with your Nana and that your daughter got to as well. <3
thank you, suzanne <3
so sorry to hear about your loss, she seems to have rubbed off on you, cause I think you have such a warm heart and energy. I can read it through your blog<3 her energy lives on. xo
thank you so much, cait <3 xo
I’m so sorry for your loss. This was a beautiful post, covered in love!
<3
Sending love and prayer to your family right now. What a beautiful life she lived!
thank you, kyla
This is beautifully written, Gina.
I teared up reading it, thinking of my own grandma….they always leave a special imprint on our hearts <3
yep… they’re always with you <3
Beautiful post Gina — thinking of you & your family!
thank you, michelle <3
I’m so sorry for yours and your family’s loss Gina. Sending love and prayers<3
thank you, gina 🙂
Beautiful post, Gina. I loved the stories of your nana and even though it must have been so hard to write, sharing her with us furthers the impact of her life. I now love her, too 🙂 You and your family are in my prayers. All the best for the holidays.
this warmed my heart so much. thank you, sharon
What a beautiful tribute! I’m so sorry for your loss.
thank you, dawn. xo
What a beautiful post and tribute to your sweet Nana. I just passed the three year mark without my grandma, and it is never easy. However I am always happy when I write a little note about her on FB, because there is always an outpouring of love and support to lift you up- as you are experiencing now. I like to think of it as my grandma sending me hugs through my close friends and family.
While she has left the psychical world, her spirit and legacy live on in you and your family. You will find ways to honor her in your everyday life, which is a beautiful thing
Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time!
<3 thank you, amy
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost one of my grandmothers in 2008 and we were so close and I still miss her every single day. It gets easier once the sting goes away…luckily you have some pictures of her and your daughter together, and you can tell her all about your Nana as she gets older so she never forgets. xo
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost one of my grandmothers in 2008 and we were so close and I still miss her every single day. It gets easier once the sting goes away…luckily you have some pictures of her and your daughter together, and you can tell her all about your Nana as she gets older so she never forgets. xo
thank you, laura <3 i'm so glad for all of the pictures we took of the two of them together
I’m sorry for your loss Gina.You’re 100% right in that you are lucky to have had her in your life for so long, and that she got to experience Livi’s life, and Livi hers. But no matter what, a loss is still a loss, and grief is so hard. Lots of extra love to you, for as long as you need it.
thank you, mia <3
so sorry, gina. I was crying reading your post. She seems so beautiful.
thank you, sandy. that onion cutting ninja keeps coming in here, too
I’m so sorry for your lost
thank you, anna
I’m so sorry for your loss, Gina! Sending lots of love and light your way.
thank you, lucie <3
I’m so sorry for your loss. I have no grandparents left at all, and the one who lived until I was 15 was extremely mean and nasty to my sister and I so I have no idea what you must be going through, I have never lost anyone I really loved before. I am glad you were able to say goodbye and be close to her before she passed. I’ll be praying for your family this Holiday season, that 5 generations picture is so beautiful and monumental.
i’m so sorry to hear you had to go through that. family is supposed to lift each other up and support one another, so it breaks my heart to know that always isn’t the case :/ sending love to you this holiday season.
So sorry for your loss. Your grandmother sounds like a beautiful woman!
thank you kelly. yes, we were very lucky to have her <3
I am so sorry for your loss, Gina. I lost both my grandmothers within a year of each other, and it was the hardest thing our family has ever had to go through. Wishing you and yours comfort and peace.
that sounds absolutely heartbreaking 🙁 thank you for the wishes and hope you enjoy the holiday season. xo
I am sorry for your loss. But I think you really are lucky to have spent so much of your life with her. And Thanks for sharing, I understand when you loose someone so special you want to shout out to the world how great they are. I feel greatful you shared that.
i totally agree.. everyone should know (at least a little) how amazing she was/is <3 thank you
Gina, I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you for sharing your beautiful post with us.
thank you, kaori <3
This made me cry so much. Your nana was a really beautiful person. I’m so sorry for your loss. I miss my “gaga” every day and it’s been 8 years. <3
I’m so sorry for your loss! This post was beautiful though, I’m so glad that you shared it with us.
So beautiful! My thoughts and prayers are for you and your lovely family. <3
I’m sorry Gina. I lost mi abuelita many many years ago at a young 95. She was crocheting blankets for “the old people” up until a few days before she passed. She was surrounded by friends and familia. My abuela, my Wela as we called her, the matriarch of our family passed this May. Her home is exactly the way you described your Nana’s. The hub, the gathering place of the family. Laughter, music, kids playing in the field in the back, stories of the old days being told around the table, fresh tortillas (oh my god, she made the best [as grandmothers always do] and frijoles. Elephants in every room amongst candles and saints. It was such a happy place.
You wrote a lovely tribute to your nana. I some way, I know her through my love for my own Wela. And I feel your pain and your love. My heart goes out to you and your family. I’m so glad you got to move back to Tuscon and spend so much more time with her. That Olivia got to know her love. Your nana will always be with you. In spirit and in heart. Blessed be.
Aw beautiful post! You’ll never stop missing her and she’ll always be with you!
I am so sorry for your loss Gina. Your post was beautiful. It brought me to tears. I feel so inspired by the love in your family. I hope one day to be the kind of grandmother your abuela was to you. What better legacy could you leave in this life than love that radiates your whole family and 5 generations. She sounds like such an angel. Keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.
Sending love and light your way – may your warmest memories of your nana comfort you at this transitional time.
gina – i am so very sorry for your loss. what an incredible woman your nana was. the photo of five generations is incredible. your post is beautiful. sending you love and comfort.
So sorry for your loss… my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Your post broke my heart and instantly picked it up again. Even tough it seems odd to write to someone you don’t actually know – I’m honestly sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your beautiful memories and reminding me, what life really is about. Love and strength to your family.
thank you, sophie- i appreciate it so much
So sad to hear this news but so glad you have the fond memories and family with you now and forever. Thinking of you and your family.
thank you <3
This was such a beautiful tribute. I have happy tears in my eyes for how beautiful a life she lived. I’m so happy you have so many wonderful memories of her. I’m so sorry for your loss here but sounds like you gained an angel whole will lightheartly ring in your ears when your family plays the music too loud :). Hugs to you and your family
I am so sorry for your loss. 🙁 Your love for your family always shines through on here. Sending much love to you and your family.
So very sorry for your loss…how blessed you are to have had such a loving soul in your life.??
thank you, gabriella <3
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost both of my grandmothers this past month and can appreciate some of the things you’re feeling. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, they are a powerful reminder that our loved ones are never really gone.