Advice for a new mom
It was quite a whirlwind of a weekend,
which ended with the best little thing possible
and a new little family starting to get in the swing of things.
Thank you again to everyone for all of the congratulations and love- weโve loved reading your amazing comments and tweets, and the the realness of everything didnโt hit me until Tom was putting Babyโs carseat into the car to drive home. Major waterworks over hereโฆ I feel very blessed and thankful <3
Iโm really excited to get the hang of things now that weโre back home and canโt wait to share the birth story with you guys. For today, hereโs a very special guest post my good friend Heather:
Hi, Iโm Heather from Heather Eats Almond Butter. Many thanks to Gina for inviting me to share guest post on her blog, one of the first I ever read. Gina, Iโm honored! I wrote this post several weeks before Ginaโs little one was due to arrive, but by now she should be cradling her beautiful baby girl in her arms. Gina, many congrats to you and The Pilot. I could not be more happy and excited for the both of you, and I know youโre going to make amazing and wonderful parents! I became a first-time mom myself in November of 2010, and I thought Iโd share a few things about motherhood that surprised me.
8 months pregnant and eagerly awaiting the arrival of our baby girl.
First off, I never thought I would be one of those women who loved being pregnant, but once the nausea wore off around week 14 or 15, I truly enjoyed the rest of my pregnancy, and I donโt think I have ever felt so comfortable in my own body. Still miss feeling those little kicks and hiccups!
As far as labor and delivery goes, of course I planned and planned which everyone told me not to do. We hired a doula. I was going to have a natural birth. The baby would enter into a calm, quiet environment smelling of peppermint and lavender essential oils while my favorite music played in the background. Um, yeah, not quite. Our daughter arrived happy and healthy, but there was pitocin, crying, and an epidural involved. Now Iโm of the mindset of get the baby here. A healthy baby is what matters most.
I never realized how sore Iโd be the days following birth. There were stitches involved, and letโs just say that for a few days, my husband didnโt realize my Boppy pillow was for breastfeeding. He thought it was some type of donut cushion for me to use when I sat on hard surfaces. All I can say to any woman about to give birth: stock up on the ice packs at the hospital and take lots of sitz baths when you get home!
Breastfeeding โ I had big dreams. Iโd read all the books. I had my nursing bras and pads all ready. I figured we might have trouble with getting a good latch at first or I might be sore, but Iโd never thought Iโd have to deal with a low milk supply. However, I did, and after 6 months of trying just about everything, I stopped breastfeeding and returned my rented pump to the hospital. I learned never ever judge a mom for giving her baby formula as sometimes itโs the best option available. Again, do what you have to do to keep your baby happy and healthy even if things donโt go according to plan.
I had no idea how much sleep babies truly need. Of course I was going to be the hip mom wearing my little one all over the place. She would sleep on my chest and life would go on as usual. There would be lots of walks, hiking, and coffee dates with my friends. Again, so much for planning! We do take plenty of walks, and I meet my friends for coffee all the timeโฆjust not during nap time. We plan our lives around the nap schedule, and although itโs challenging at times, everyone is much happier when baby gets all the sleep she needs.
There are many more lessons I could share with you, but Iโll close with probably the most important one learned over the first year of our daughterโs life: Things donโt always go according to plan when it comes to a baby, but thatโs okay. Theyโre totally worth it. She is so very worth it!
Our daughter on her 1st Birthday.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Thank you so much to Heather for the guest post <3
Whatโs the #1 piece of advice youโd give to a new mom?
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Enjoy your new baby and new family, keep it only the the four of you (baby, mom, dad & Bella) at least for a week, then let your mom(s) and mom-in-law come and help out. Those few precious days alone as a new family can never be made up. Also, do what feels most natural for you and your family, and remember there will be a new rhythm to your family and life, and be sure to ask your and your babyโs healthcare providers all the questions you want/need to ask-being helpful to you and your baby,that is their job. Hold your little one as much as you can!! My hubby felt it was his job as dad and hubby to be as supportive of everything as possible, and he was great, as I am sure your hubby will be!!
1. Sleep when baby sleeps! This is old school advice that I ignored when my daughter was a baby. There will be dishes, laundry, and so much other stuff you may want to catch up on during babyโs nap time but try to get a nap in whenever you can!
2. Enjoy your baby while sheโs still a tiny, precious baby! I couldnโt wait for her to start talking, walking, eating solids, etc. and didnโt focus on how great the infant stage was.
3. Itโs your baby, raise her how you want to! Donโt let anyone intimidate you into doing something youโre not comfortable with. You will get a lot of unsolicited advice and donโt feel bad if you donโt want to take it!
Congrats again!
#1 piece of adviceโฆyou will sleep less than you ever thought was possible and just accept that. No one tells you that. They tell you that you can sleep when the baby does, but in reality, you probably wonโt sleep when the baby does because thatโs when you shower or fix a plate of food or do anything else.
Congrats Gina, and, Pilot on the birth of your beautiful daughter.
And Heather, awesome guest post; so filled with fantastic wisdom and insights. I found myself nodding in agreement throughout.
xoxo
Thanks Averie! ๐
So agree with you, Averie! Accepting that youโll be tired (and knowing that itโs only temporary) helps make the newborn phase more enjoyable and less stressful!
I cannot wait to read your birth story and how it went. I also canโt wait to see more pictures of Olivia ๐
Since I am not a mom yet (give me like 4 years) you are one of the people I look to for new mom advice. I look forward to more family posts.
Donโt worry about spoiling your baby and hold her as much as you want. Sleep when she sleeps, if you can. Overall, just enjoy every minute. As a mom of two, I know they grow up so fast and before you know they are walking and talking. And while those milestones are great, you miss those moments of cuddling from time to time. It is very rare that my three year old lets me hug him for more than a quick minute and my one year old just wants to get into everything he sees. Enjoy and congratulations again!
Congratulations, she is absolutely beautiful! It makes me realize how big my 8 month old is. It does pass so quickly!
My #1 piece of advice is to take time for yourself still. As much as you both donโt want to leave your little munchkin plan regular mommy & daddy dates. It will be good for all of you!
Heather said everything so well. I would just add that with my first son I felt like I put so much pressure on him/myself to hit all his โmilestonesโ. Now I just know that every baby goes at their own pace and I wish I would have just soaked up every last minute with him and not worried so much about the milestones. I also agree with being selfish, donโt be afraid to cut visit shorts with people or tell someone when it isnโt a good time to visit, people should understand that you need your time as your own family to settle into your new life.
As my therapist once told me, โLove is the most important parenting tool.โ
Also- crying is SO normal your first couple weeks. But donโt be afraid to tell your doctor if it doesnโt get betterโฆ!
I LOVE this!!!!! Thank you for being so honest about your experiences and being proud to share them!!!!!
My life revolved around naps for 3 years and I think allowing your child a great sleep schedule is one of the best things you can do for them. My girls are almost 3 and 5 and they sleep like champs!
Thank you again for your honesty and such a great post!!!!
Christine, Iโm all about the nap schedule. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Weissbluth was our like sleep advice bible, and we have now have a great little sleeper! ๐
Congratulations! Life only gets better (honestly, it really does) from this moment onwards. Beautiful picture.
Congratulations!!! ๐ Also Iโm guessing Tom is The Pilot? ๐
Ah, loved the guest post. I think itโs so true that many of us (young women wanting a baby) think itโs going to be so happy and great and things really donโt go how you might expect them. Iโm trying to teach myself this a bit more as I get closer to the time to being a mom someday. Iโm such a type A โthis will happen thenโ person and obviously thatโs not reality. Have fun getting to know Olivia!
Gina, Iโm so so excited for you and your beautiful little family! Even though Iโm not a mom yet, Iโm hoping to have that happen in the next year or so, and reading Heatherโs advice was super helpful and good to know โ thanks for the awesome guest post. Canโt wait to hear everything soon โ enjoy this time <3
What a sweet post! And both you and Heather have the prettiest daughters, oh my goodness- so cute!
Oh wow, thanks Joelle. Olivia is a beauty โ those big eyes. I canโt wait to see more pics!
Gina, so fun to read through all the other mamaโs advice โ so much wisdom in todayโs comment section. Thanks again for asking me to guest post. I am thinking of you all the time, and I know youโre enjoying cuddling with your new baby girl. Hold her and enjoy it as much as possible โ every minute. I so miss when Summer would would sleep on my chest, and I always tell myself when we have another, I am going to hold that newborn 24/7. I wonโt care about the house, the emails, the thank you notes I need to write, and the visitors can all wait. Just like everyone else says, it goes by way too fast. Love you!
P.S. I hope the breastfeeding is going okay.
thank you again for such a wonderful post, my friend!
love you <3
it's going... ok... we're having a specialist visit us today so we can get it down a little better
Oh good. We had an LC come to the house 3 or 4 times, and I would never have lasted as long as I did without her. Youโre doing an amazing job Gina!
Enjoy every second. They grow too fast. Sleep when they sleep. A huge congratulations to you and your family!
Cannot wait to continue through this journey with you! I have always loved your blog, your macaroons, and your love for fitness. Your new little joy only enhances you and your blog! Lots of prayers and positive thoughts coming your way ๐
Heather I couldnโt have said it better myself. My mother and grandmother always said, โyou canโt spoil a babyโ. I agree. Hold and love that baby as much as you can. She will grow up in the blink of an eye.
Jennie
(mother of 3 boys)
Donโt be afraid to let your emotions flow initially. I cried daily for the first few weeks and Iโm blaming it on all the hormones running through my system. Also, the lack of sleep you are currently experiencing does get better. At week 2 and 3, I didnโt know if I could survive the exhaustion, but now we are at week 8 and it is much better, especially because the feeding frequency has decreased at night.
Comparison is the thief of joyโฆ. Donโt compare your baby to other babies who___________. Itโs never worth it (and leads to fighting, frustration and you name it). Your baby is perfect, gorgeous and amazing. Babies cry and thatโs okay. And the poem that babies donโt keep. The washing and cleaning and (fill in the blank) can wait, because a baby is only a baby for a little while. Soak it in!
You said it!! Great advice! I definitely struggled with this when I had my daughter. I worried too much about what other moms did, especially within my family, and realized that every baby and situation is different. What worked for others wouldnโt necessarily work for my daughter.
Congratulations, Gina! Enjoy this special time.. And as someone else said.. Let the tears flow! I used to put music on and just cry. This often happened when my daughter cried! My favorites : Roberta Flack- โhey thatโs no way to say goodbyeโ and Sadeโby your side.โ not necessarily about being a mother but so beautiful and boy did the tears flow. It was a special time for me and my baby. ๐
Fabulous advice, Georgia! Donโt compare! Not when sheโs a baby, not when sheโs in school (at any age), not when she plays (or doesnโt play) sports, etc. Olivia is perfectly Oliviaโฆ.whatever that turns out to be! Other motherโs will try to drive you crazy. Donโt let them =)
What perfect advice! I have struggled with this with my 3 month old but I am so much happier when I just let go!
IE: I was worried that sheโd never roll over because it seemed like all the other babies were. Then out of nowhere she did too. I had to learn sheโll do things when sheโs ready haha
Congratulations, Gina & Tom ๐ She is beautiful! She looks so much like you from those first photos! I canโt wait to read more about your new adventure into parenthood.
I have chills just from reading this postโฆespecially when you talked about putting Olivia (beautiful name!) in the car seat. My heart is so happy for you and The Pilot. ๐ Heather-I loved your guest post! I am a long time HEAB fan, and it was your pregnancy story with Summer that made me actually decide that maybe I did want to get pregnant one day. Well, it reaffirmed my feelings of wanting a family some day. ๐ I am starting to love the healthy living blog community even more with all these pregnancies popping up (pun?) because I think pregnancy and child birth are somewhat taboo in our society and itโs really a shame because itโs so, so important to share experiences and information with one another so we can all make the best decisions for ourselves and our babies. I love reading about how all of you women I have looked up to for years are handling pregnancy and children because it makes me start thinking about how to best take care of my body now so that some day I can be the healthiest mom possible. Thank you both for your honesty.
Thanks so much Laura. You are wise my friend. So many girls never think about preparing for having children up until they decide itโs time. I think youโre so smart to start taking care of your body now. Youโre going to be an amazing mom someday!
Thank you SO much, Heather! I canโt think of a nicer compliment to give someone. You made my day! ๐
A little late to the party here but my one piece of advice would be to learn to roll with it. As soon as you think you have something figured out, itโs going to change. And thatโs OK ๐ Olivia will surely keep you on your toes but youโll love her all the more for it. Promise.
I just thought of one more piece of advice. It is okay if it is difficult and increadibly draining. There were days of her nonstop crying and I remember being miserable (and likely hormonal and sleep deprived). I would be dying for my husband to come home. I adored my daughter, but there were some hard days. Then I would find myself feeling guilty for not just feeling 100% love and joy all the time. I realized that I love her more than everything but not to be too hard on myself. I needed me time for sure!
Parenting is both the most difficult and rewarding/amazing thing I have ever done!
LOVE this! Such such amazing info!!
Youโre so right, Heather โ motherhood is a great time to learn not to judge. You never know whatโs going on in a personโs life unless youโre the person!
My piece of advice for a new mom is โ breastfeed all the time! More than you think you need to. Just keep that baby girl resting on your chest (even when sheโs not eating). The more sheโs on you and the more you feed her, the better your milk supply will be in the long-term. Here are a few more breastfeeding tips for the first week or two of a babyโs life (since itโs not always easy and many people donโt get enough help and support!)
http://momsla.com/2011/05/9-tips-for-successful-breastfeeding/
Huge congrats, and welcome Olivia!!
1) Prioritize sleep โ yours and hers. Young children do best when they really do get all the sleep that they need. So do Moms.
2) When a baby is very upset and all the comforting stuff isnโt working take her OUTSIDE โ a change of scenery can work wonders. I used my porch swing a lot.
3) Simplify. Simplify everything โ beauty routine, housecleaning, plans โ whatever it takes so that you arenโt overdoing.
4) Accept help but only the kind that makes you feel helped (people sometimes want to help in ways that arenโt helpful) โ food, laundry, running errands โ these are REAL help. Take them!
5) Let your husband do stuff for the baby โ even if he doesnโt do things the way you would. He will learn by doing and he may always do things a little differently than you do but Olivia will be ok.
Good luck! I love your blog and even though I am past that stage in my life it brings back many happy memories.
thank you, karen!
Start saving for college now! ๐
Being a mom is the best and hardest thing Iโve ever done. Hereโs some advice from a new mom
1) I cried everyday for the first two weeks. Totally normal. Talking to my husband, family and friends helped.
2) Itโs okay to want to take a break
3) The days are long but the years are fast
4) No one really knows what their doing!
CONGRATS! sheโs beautiful and you look amazing ๐
Have LOTS of shows tivowed. You will have lots of sleepless nights, so you might as well catch up on some shows. I watched all of Buffy, Angel, Alias, Felicity, and countless other shows while nursing or trying to get my 3 baby girls to sleep.
Donโt worry about the house, cooking, laundry, blogging, exercise etc. ENJOY, ENJOY,ENJOY! Stare at Oliviaโs little face as much as you can. Let her sleep on you if that is the only way she will sleep! She will soon enough learn a schedule and sleep in her crib, but the first 3-6 months just let her lay on you so you can feel her tiny body on yours, smell her baby breath, and be there for every moment!
youโre rightโฆ thatโs the best thing in the world <3
Yes!! I watched The Food Network 24/7 haha, DVR is fantastic! (just like tivo)
Thank you for this post and thanks to all the moms who gave advice.
I am going to be a new mom in 7 short months and I will be writing alot of these tips down (cause no way will I remember all the great advice) My hubby even wants to see them so he can follow them to ๐
OMG Heather you summed the breastfeeding all up. I wanted it so bad, I read all kinds of books, but it just didnโt work out for me. The day some friends came over and shortly after breastfeeding, they commented that she was hungry and that she must not be getting enough. Some of us were just not meant to breastfeed our kids. It crushed me, but what is most important is that the baby is being fed and can therefore thrive. My best piece of advice is to get rid of the books. Babies donโt come with manuals, each one is different. Do what is best for you and donโt let anyone tell you otherwise.
Gina,
I just wanted to say congrats!!! I read your blog everyday and have been really enjoying following along in your pregnancy. She is absolutely beautiful! I have a baby girl whoโs not quite a baby anymoreโฆsheโs three. It goes by so fast, so just sit back and enjoy!!
Leslie
I forgot one thing, and I donโt think anyone has mentioned it. I HATED my well-meaning and incredibly helpful husband for a period. Everytime heโd say something while trying to be supportive (โmaybe sheโs hungry?โ eg) I wanted to stab him in the eyeball. Other mom friends reported the same. DONโT WORRY โ you WILL fall back in love with your husband again! Times 100!
Haha, itโf funny right? You can plan but it may not turn out the way you wish. I try to explain that gently to my friends who are deadset on natural births, that they should just keep an open mind, but everyone has to learn on their own! You seem like an amazing mama. On my way to read your blog now ๐
My advice: Read this post from NeverHomeMaker Baby http://babynhm.blogspot.com/2012/01/falling-in-love-with-ada.html
It really resonated with me.
Most importantly, enjoy every moment!
donโt overdo itโฆ.even if you start feeling greatโฆremember, they tell you to take it easy for six weeks for a reason. I didnโt listen to that advice and ended up with a blood clot that scared the crap out of me! I listened after that. And take any offer of help in the beginning and rest when you canโฆbecause the offers die down after a while and you will be on your own. Good luckโฆyou will do great!
What an amazing post! Canโt wait to read the rest. Your writing is truly riveting!
And here I was working under the impression that Iโm the only momma out there that used the boppy as a butt cushion! I thought I was such a genious for that idea! This blog has def made me smile today :))
<3!