Even though we only just started not-not-trying, I forgot what it felt like to have this little hope, and feel like you’re carrying a really exciting secret. I’m not even sure what will happen this month, and don’t have high expectations since we’re just now TTC, but I’ve been thinking about baby #2 and how much I’ll savor this pregnancy, the newborn phase (even with angry elf crying), and really everything.
Everyone told me to “enjoy every second” when Liv was a newborn, which at the time made me want to simultaneously laugh (because how could I enjoy being a sleep-deprived zombie, feeling like a dairy cow with the pumping contraption attached to me, and being flooded with so much anxiety I couldn’t relax or sleep at night), and cry, because babies really do grow so quickly. Also, well, you cry a lot when those hormones are all over the place. 😉 I totally get it now. I consciously savored Liv’s newborn phase: her baby snores, the sweet way she smelled, the coos, sleeping on my chest, how tiny her little fingers and toes were, her gummy smile. Now, she’s a very independent little threenager. The days were long, but three years FLEW BY.
Since this will very likely be our last baby, if we’re blessed to get pregnant again, it will feel like the end of a chapter and the start of a new one. The end of our “having babies” chapter, into having kids, who grow into adults. This is where I hold Bella into the air like a Baby Simba and sing “Circle of Life.”