Family: Weeks 37-39… and into Week 40
and feeling…
nervous/ready/excited/let’s do this.
Random thoughts/things that I’ve noticed:
-The funk that I was in from weeks 37-38. A lot of things compounded, and I wasn’t feeling like myself at all. After 4 days of constant on and off crying, I gave the midwives a call. I talked to the midwives, Tom, and my mom about it, and when madre called on Tuesday to say that she and nana were driving up here, it was the first time I cried out of happiness over that weird span of time. I instantly started to feel better, and their visit was just what Livi and I needed. Since the funk, I’ve made a conscious effort to get outside every day, go on long walks, and spend lots of fun time with Liv.
I think I felt guilty for feeling sad the last couple of weeks of pregnancy, which in turn, made me feel even worse. Here I am with the most exciting, beautiful thing to look forward to (something I know many women and friends want more than anything and can’t have, and it breaks my heart), and here I was crying my face off. I can’t do a lot of the things that I do to relax when I feel stressed (like a super sweaty workout or glass of wine), and I think the pre-birth hormones dumped in an intense way. When I went through postpartum anxiety/depression/whatever it was (as I was never formally diagnosed), I failed to write about it until I was coming out from the clouds. I feel like this was a disservice to those who were experiencing similar emotions and feeling as alone as I was. In my current situation, I’m committed to posting any of the not-so-fun things I feel are worth writing about (while still maintaining the fun spirit of my blog), in real time instead of retrospect.
The good news is that I have a great support system ready for when baby gets here so I don’t go down the same road again. Tom will be home for a couple of weeks, then my mom is visiting, then hopefully nana will be coming to hang out with us. In the meantime, I’ve put a lot of effort into ensuring the blog workload won’t be a factor while still publishing fun and useful content. We’re meeting with a maternal therapist this week, who is going to look out for me and make sure that this postpartum experience is different. To all of my fellow mama friends: don’t feel like you need to put on a smile or fight it out if you’re feeling weird/sad/anxious/unlike yourself. Talking to someone can make a huge difference -even if it’s just to vent!!- and they can get you the resources you need to feel better again. <3
Adding this in: we did meet with the maternal therapist, and she was amazing. I talked to her about the 4-day cry festival, and she said it was completely normal. We also talked about my first postpartum experience, and it turns out that I did indeed have many of the symptoms for postpartum depression and anxiety. The good news is that she said it’s completely preventable, and was happy to hear we’ve been proactive by making a plan for baby #2. She said it could be a very corrective experience, and that I don’t have to feel that way again. Last time, I was afraid to tell the midwives I was feeling anxious and guilty, and as the therapist said, a lot of women don’t come forward and say they don’t feel ok, because they think it’s NOT ok to not be ok. (Most confusing sentence ever.) Either way, I’m thankful to have resources, support and solutions at my fingertips for this time, and I’m going to take it so much easier on myself.
-Crazy pregnancy dreams continue. I had one dream that I needed to go in for an extra ultrasound (to check the status of our omgsobig baby’s growth), and the tech took out some super glue. I asked her what she was doing, and she said she was going to glue my eyelids shut for the ultrasound, and that it was policy for them to strap my arms down. I was like, “What?! No.” and I got off the table. She asked where I was going, and I was like, “I’m leaving. You can’t do that to me.” So weird.
-I need to change out my “leaving the hospital outfit.” It was originally maternity jeans + a loose top, but since it’s 1000 degrees, sundress FTW.
-I’ve had some INTENSE Charley horses in the middle of the night. One night my calf muscle got stuck, was hard as a rock, and I started yelping to Tom, who was sleeping soundly next to me. He thought my water had broken and it was go time, but it was just my stupid calf. He kindly massaged it for me while I thought to myself, “This is the worst pain of my life.” And then I realized I’ll be praying for something that feels like a Charley horse when I’m in labor.
-Bras are the death of me. I usually have no prob with them (and will sleep in a sports bra every night), and lately, I feel like all of them, even the ones that fit me properly, feel like they’re suffocating me. I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself when I took my bra off yesterday and let out an exaggerated sigh of satisfaction haha.
Weight gain: 36 lbs
Belly button status: Belly button? You mean this protruding ball thing?
Awkward pregnancy moments:
By the end of the day, my shirt will tell a tale of everything that I’ve eaten. Almond butter splotches, dots of hot sauce, and crumbs are all common.
The walk is a full-out waddle. I think the world knows my discomfort, and it’s kind of fun to tell people “Any day now” when they ask when the baby is coming. Whenever we go out, I can’t help but wonder to myself if it will be the spot where I officially go into labor.
Cravings:
PIZZA. My ideal day of meals right now would be oats and egg for breakfast, soup and salad for lunch, and pizza for dinner. Oh, and pie for dessert. 😉
Aversions:
Not really anything, but I don’t crave a lot of foods. For example, nothing really sounds good to me until a plate of food is in front of my face. (Unless it’s dessert or a soft pretzel. Then, all bets are off.)
Workouts:
Are still consistent, but very mellow. I’ve been walking a ton this week with some TRX work thrown in, but that’s about it. I was going to take a barre class on Sunday, but it’s officially a scene to get from the floor to a standing position again.
Looking forward to:
-Finally meeting this little lady, and seeing Liv meet her sister for the first time. It’s so soon, I can feel it. <3
xoxo
Gina
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You really are looking so great and fit! I totally agree that posting in real time about issues is beneficial to readers, although I feel the same need to wait to post about any issue til it’s been resolved. I remember posting about breast feeding problems and was so pleasantly surprised by the helpful response (I just have a blog that family and friends read but people posted who I didn’t even know read my blog). It’s so nice to have support and understanding in issues like these.
thank you so much, friend. and yes, the support and tips from the online world never cease to blow me away. xoxo
You look absolutely beautiful! So excited for babies arrival! What lipgloss or lipstick shade are you wearing? So pretty!
thank you so much!! it’s one of the tarte lip stains. i stock up on the holiday gift sets and rotate through the different colors
We have achieve Full Torpedo Status! Best wishes for a safe, healthy, happy delivery Gina! So happy for your family!
haha yes we have! it’s out of control 🙂
thank you!!
What did they tell you to do to avoid postpartum depression?
sometimes you’ll get it no matter what, but a huge part of it is having help (through childcare, your partner, friends) so that you can have some time each day to take care of yourself, eat nutritiously, and exercise. she also said that having adult interaction each day is really important, as well as having a plan for housework, work-work, and meals.
So good to know, i was wondering the same! I had a bit of it after my son was born and am nervous about going through it again. THANK YOU so much for making me realize i need to bring it up BEFORE it happens again, thanks girl you look amazing and so excited for your news!
xoxoxo
xoxoxo
Just wanted to chime in. I am a therapist, that works a lot with postpartum depression/anxiety women. What Gina was told is right, there are things you can do like she mentioned above to help you and hopefully avoid it, it can be very helpful, but sometimes it just happens even if you have no issues in your life. the bes thing is to be proactive now and especially when baby arrives. even once mothers start experiencing symptoms, doing the things mentioned above can help a lot of women get through it. Just fyi, having postpartum depression/anxiety once does not mean you will definitely have it again, all pregnancies are different. Wish you the best this time around, at least you have the tools needed!
PS, I wasn’t aware that Postpartum Depression was preventable. I’ll have to look into that if I ever have a behbeh.
I’m so glad you wrote about this so honestly (& am so happy that you have a great outlook for this time around). I can totally relate to the feelings of weepiness and guilt. Just in the past couple of days I’ve been starting to go through those normal achy and new feeling since I’m starting the third trimester, and was even kind of sad that my workout this morning seemed so pansy compared to my pre and early pregnancy ones. I was instantly hit with guilt because there was a girl from high school who just posted on Facebook about her infertility issues and miscarriage. I felt absolutely awful wishing that I would be done with pregnancy that’s going to lead to meeting my little girl. I think it’s normal for especially women to put a lot of guilt on themselves, particularly when it comes to all things maternal. We definitely have to cut ourselves some slack, and in this case just remember that all the aches and weirdness are temporary and for the greater good. 🙂
so very true. why do we guilt ourselves so much? <3
i think after the beeb is here you guys need another san diego trip 🙂
xoxo
I completely agree! we already decided that we have to retire in San Diego so we might as well start looking for places and get this kid hooked on all things OB Noodle House and sunshine. 🙂
You really look so great! I’m so glad you have all those resources for after the baby comes! I remember my mom and husband were gone when the baby “woke up” after the first 2 weeks and I was wishing I had more help later:) your plan sounds perfect! I felt similar to you after I had my son and I wish I could’ve felt better sooner as well. I guess ultimately having a c-section after hrs and hrs of labor, really affected me and I just felt pain for a while and couldn’t get back to my active self and I think that’s why I was in such a funk for the first yr.
Best wishes and I can’t wait to hear when it’s go-time for you!:)
i could totally see that happening. it’s frustrating when you want to do things that make you feel like YOU, and you can’t for whatever reason. i’m hoping that staggering out the help and support will make a huge difference.
thank you for the sweet wishes and hop you have a great week <3
You look great! Glad you’re feeling better 🙂
This is beautiful! And you are beautiful! Thanks for all the honesty and for keepin’ it real. 🙂
Wishing you all the best . You have got to be the cutest pregnant lady ever.
Thanks for sharing your experiences and for keeping it real.
thank you, friend <3
What an amazing post about the importance of getting help for PP mood disorders/emotional turmoil. Having been in a similar situation, I respect how difficult it is to share that experience with anyone in real time–let alone on your blog! Totally understandable you didn’t want to share it in early 2012, and props for having the courage to speak out now.
thank you so much, rose <3
I’m not pregnant, but I do have a lot of issues with anxiety, and I thank you for talking openly about anxiety and depression. I always feel like I have such a mix of upbeat positive energy (I’m a pilates instructor on the reformer and I see individual pilates clients), and also the daily dealings with the anxiety and fear. I try to focus on the positive, and realize that we all have our “things” that we have to deal with and conquer. I love your strength and positive outlook, while keeping it all real and relevant. sometimes if I’m having a hard day, all it takes is a peak at your blog to make me feel better, so thank you! Very excited for you and your family, you are a beautiful person inside and out. xo.
thank you so much, lonnie- i really appreciate the kind words
everyone has their own things going on, and it’s interesting to hear that others can be dealing with similar situations and emotions when we’d really have no idea. (like i’m sure your clients would never guess that you struggle with anxiety)
sending lots of love to you!
I’ve never been pregnant but I think that even in general as women, we are constantly dealing with hormones that at times can completely change us into a different person. I have on and off dealt with big life changes that I have needed professional help with. I’m not sure why we beat ourselves up and feel bad about well….feeling bad. We can all use a little help every now and again. It also helps to hear (especially from a professional) that whatever we are going through is normal. Congratulations on your little one and lots of love and light your way!
that is so, so true. hormones are crazy things indeed.
thank you for the good wishes! <3
You really are the cutest pregnant lady! Thinking happy labor thoughts for you.
thank you so much <3
You’re so brave to come out and talk about it!! I know you will hel so many people!!! The only way we can get through the storm is to tell others that we’re in it- so they can help us out! If we can’t see what’s wrong how could we possible fix it?
amen to that <3
I watched on Bravo Don’t Be Tardy, Kim had a post birth placenta smoothie. Apparently it’s supposed to help with postpartum depression. I don’t know, but when it comes to intense emotions anything’s worth looking into. You’ll get through this! You have a strong support system. That’s something I wish I had.
i’m going to do the pills, but a smoothie is a little too real for me haha.
<3
Your honesty made me really get emotional just now Gina. I could write a lot, but I just want you to know that you are doing your best. That’s all that is needed. Prayers to you. <3
thank you so much, friend. <3 i appreciate the prayers, too! xoxo
You look absolutely beautiful Gina! I really enjoyed this post, and will probably read it again someday if I get pregnant 🙂
thank you, crystal <3 hope you're having a great week!
I’m so glad you’re feeling better! My good friend had her baby today and my best friend is due tomorrow so it’s been fun comparing your journey with theirs! My bff is more than ready to get this party started too. So excited for you <3
no way! that is amazing! <3
You look so amazing, Gina! I hope for your sake little miss makes her appearance soon, but if she happens to come on 10/17 that would be pretty cool- I’m getting married this Saturday! I’ve followed your blog for years now so just felt compelled to share. October is such a great time of year for celebrations! Sending Labor vibes your way!
thank you so much, kim!! HAPPY ALMOST WEDDING DAY to you! so exciting <3
thank you for the good wishes, too!
Thank goodness I’m not the only one with food all over me! Haha!
it’s a disaster. and i keep making the mistake of wearing black shirts
Gina, I’ve been reading your blog for years now and don’t usually comment (I need to make a better habit of it haha!) and I just wanted to say that you are the most gorgeous pregnant woman ever! Seriously stunning. Wishing you all the best as the new little miss makes her entrance into the world. XOXO
Nicole
thank you so much for reading (and for commenting!), nicole 🙂
thank you for the sweet wishes too- i appreciate it so much
xoxo
You look awesome in these photos! Well done you for taking such good care of yourself and your little girl throughout your pregnancy. Wishing you the best labor and delivery experience this week!
thank you so much <3 i appreciate it!
I love that last picture! I can’t wait for you to welcome your daughter into the world!
thank you!
Gina, you look so amazing. Pregnancy and postpartum hormones are for REAL. Crying is a normal thing, in fact you’d be weird if you didn’t lose your shiZ a little. Hang in there and try to enjoy the moment- even though the last bit of pregnancy is so trying. It’s amazing and miserable at the same time! You are crushing it- and I’m sure you will continue to do so when the little miss is out!
that’s good to hear- thank you!
it’s definitely amazing and miserable. i’m trying to enjoy the end because it’s very likely our last one, but at the same time i’m like ok get this baby outta meeeeeee
You are the most beautiful pregnant woman I’ve ever seen. 🙂 You’re almost there!!!
wow, thank you so much heidi <3
Have you thought about encapsulating your placenta? Being predisposed for anxiety made me cautious about what might happen post partum. Having the pills evened out my hormones so much! I could tell when I hadn’t taken them because I was more on edge. And they help boost milk supply!
yes! my acupuncturist is doing it, and i’m so excited. i took them last time, but i waited way too long.
You look utterly adorable and make me miss being pregnant! I wish you all the best as you head into the 4th trimester. <3
thank you, jamie- i appreciate it!! <3
You look so gorgeous, Gina! Wishing you lots of love and luck with these last few days (well, I hope it’s days for your sake!) <3
thank you so much, friend. ahhh i hope so too!
Hone stretch! You look gorgeous. I just wanted to tell you that the bawling and feeling sad trombone are totally normal. My doula encouraged me to do all the crying I wanted in the early stages of Labour (crying about the change and how my son wouldn’t be an only child anymore and how can I still show him I love him, etc) to help acknowledge and move past the feelings. I think I cried for 2 hours…
Also, I HIGHLY recommend dancing during labor. It helped me get through the beginning of the rough stuff and is still a joy to think about! And I bet you have some awesome moves 😉
thank you so much <3 that's really interesting that your doula said to get it out. crying can be so therapeutic, and it's like you said, i'm also feeling the loss and change of liv no longer being an only child. it's exciting and amazing, but definitely going to be a huge change
if i dance during labor, i'll instagram it ahaha
You are such a gorgeous pregnant gal! Thank you for sharing your experience with postpartum issues. Not many talk about it but women need to know they aren’t alone. We need more education, imo about it. I suffered from postpartum anxiety. I didn’t even realize it was a thing. Heard a lot about depression side of things but not so much anxiety. Anyway, took me a while to get the proper help. Would be great if others didn’t have to suffer so long. With baby number 2, I was proactive and postpartum time was night and day with second child. Hope that’s your experience too. Labor dust to you!
thank you! it’s reassuring to hear that you had a much better experience the second time around. i hope it’s the case here too <3 lots of love to you
I am so happy to read that you are surrounded by so much love beautiful One. You are so dear, and I am so glad that you now know you never have to face anything alone. Sending you all my love <3 <3 <3
thank you so much, friend. i really appreciate it <3
So, I don’t have kids, so take this as you will. But whatever you happen to feel, it’s valid. Whether it’s sadness, hormones, joy, whatever, it’s all okay and nothing says anything larger about you other than you’re a person who feels real things. I’m so happy to hear you have a great support system in line. Feelings are normal, hormones Can have really strong effects! It’s ok. Much love to you ??
thank you so much <3 so so true.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and talking openly about postpartum anxiety and depression. It is so courageous for you to do so, and so many women can benefit from hearing your story. I hesitate to write this because I really don’t want to come off negative, but I am hoping you will clarify what your therapist meant by it being completely preventable. I am trained in perinatal/postpartum mood disorders, and yes, it is sometimes possible to prevent, but not always. Help and support do wonders for some people, but for others there is more to it than a need for support. Biological and hereditary factors can play a role, making it difficult to impossible for some to prevent. Just wanted to note that because I would hate for a mother (including you!) to have the added guilt that she could/should have somehow prevented it from occurring. Regardless, I think it is so wonderful that you are getting help now and putting your supports in place. Wishing you all the best!
that is an awesome point. i think she meant that just because i had it before doesn’t mean that i’m doomed to have it again. like you said, support, help and some advance planning (+ knowing what to expect!) can be what keeps it away, but at the same time, if it happens again, there are other steps we can take to make sure it’s resolved.
thank you for the kind wishes- i really appreciate it!
I didn’t know there was such a field as maternal therapy! I feel like that’s something I need to look into. Would you be comfortable to share the name of the group/person you saw by email?
i was referred to her by the hospital. if you talk to your doctor or midwife, they should be able to refer you to someone.
Thank you, I’ll ask 🙂
xoxo
It’s great that you have your support lined up. Wishing you all the best for an easier time with the port-partum period this time round.
I hear you on the shirt being a story of the day’s eats. It reminded me of the night toward the end of my third trimester when I took my bra off and a peanut fell out of my cleavage
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us! I tend to be an anxious person and already worry a lot so I’m prepping myself for postpartum, knowing that it might not be all happiness. It really helps to know other people go through the same types of things!
You look amazing! I used to get bad Charlie horses when I was pregnant with my son and magnesium helped. Either in supplement form something like a little natural calm or an Epsom salt bath. Also did placenta encapsulation and thought that made a huge difference in my postpartum mood and everything. Best of luck for your growing family!!
Those pregnancy dreams sound terrifying! Super-glue on your eyelids???? But that little lady is about to make her appearance, and you’ve got a world of bloggers waiting with excitement!
Oh my goodness, I had the same issues at the end of pregnancy #2. I kept feeling happy and awful about having another baby. I kept thinking I was ruining my first daughter’s life because she would have to share me. In hindsight, how silly! Haha. Glad you are feeling better. Those hormones are no joke!
Really at the end now! I’m with you on food… most of the time nothing really sounds appealing until I’m about to eat it. Except cookies! hehe
You look absolutely beautiful! Wishing you all the best for the last bit of your pregnancy and a safe delivery and after 🙂 So fantastic that your family is staggering their visits to help out.
You look beautiful! As a mother of two – just envision your 2 little girls playing with each other. Giggling non-stop. It.is.awesome! That might help a little with your depression.
You may not feel your sexiest, but you are a super cute pregnant lady!! All in front! Such a beautiful belly 🙂
My heart goes out to you! This is such an emotional time! With all 3 of my pregnancies I was so weepy and terrified at the end. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to feel! Concentrate on the lovely prize at the end of all this! The most difficult challenges in life are many times the most worthwhile. This is most definitely one of those times!!!!! xoxo
Best of luck with your impending arrival!
Not sure if this is helpful, but I am also pregnant (37 weeks) and have been dealing with intense, often regular (every 3-5 minutes) Braxton Hicks since week 26. (I was on bed rest for my first pregnancy, but apparently the protocol has changed since then.) I have noticed that on particularly bad contraction days, I am an emotional MESS. I think there may be something with the contractions that causes hormones to get out of wack. Taking it easy, drinking lots of water and resting seem to help reduce the frequency and intensity of the contractions, which in turn makes me much easier to deal with. 🙂
You’re almost there!
This is such a lovely, honest post. As someone who is very upbeat and positive, but has also struggled with serious anxiety issues, this really strikes a chord with me. I don’t have children yet, but I am married so it’s on the horizon, and dealing with possible PPD definitely scares me! I am very lucky to have an amazing husband and support system, and my anxiety has been under control for several years, so I am hopeful that any postpartum issues will be manageable. I’m so glad you were able to speak with the maternity therapist and talk things out with others – it’s incredible how much that helps! All the best to you in the coming days and weeks with your new baby! So exciting! 🙂
Hey Gina, I have a pregnancy question for you. I am currently 20 weeks (we find out tomorrow if it is boy or girl!) and have been having TERRIBLE SI joint pain in my left hip and it kills me to go for walks. With your exercise knowledge and training do you know the best exercises I can do to still stay active that won’t bother my SI joint? Or what exercises I can do to help ease the pain? Thanks for your advice!
Gina, good luck! This is so exciting and happy 🙂 and don’t worry about the blog, we will be here whenever you decide the time is right. This is about you and your family.
Thanks for sharing. I used to follow the blog daily and my own ppa/ppd issues led me to stop following for a long while. I couldn’t fathom how someone had the time to accomplish new recipes, photography, writing and publishing posts, showering, eating, working out, working, and being an awesome mama. I deleted my Facebook account around that time as well… was only making issues worse.
Honestly most days I can’t even stay on top of the laundry and make sure there’s food in the fridge for preschool lunches and dinners. Forget about time for breakfast… That’s almost always in the car on the way to school and work. I used to love working out and did so almost daily, I’ve worked out twice in a year.
My almost 4 y.o. daughter is a very spirited/super active/wonderfully emotional and sensitive/fiercely independent and determined child that has never been ammenable to “schedules”/etc. My 7 month old son is generally content as long as he’s moving and not teething. When one or both of them are over tired or miserable with teeth or having a breakdown because someone’s “socks are hurting” it gets my wires all crossed and the anxiety issues resurface. No idea how to avoid it other than trying to meet everyone’s needs and often mine come last… Is what it is… Mama is a hard job.
Anways, I guess the point of all this is that any of the “not so good” or “not Fakebook” emotions or challenges that you face would likely be very beneficial and maybe therapeutic even for you and blog readers too.
I wish you all the best and lots of hugs. 🙂
thank you for the kind wishes and for the honesty. it’s funny because after liv was born, i felt very much the same way. i had to stop reading a lot of my favorite “mommy blogs” because they made it look so easy, and while i was doing a lot, it was really hard on me (or i was hard on myself, rather).
you’re totally right that mama is a hard job. sending lots of love to you and thank you again for the comment.
xoxo
Sending you a big, warm hug Gina. I had anxiety while pregnant with my second which came out of nowhere for me. I felt guilty for it because my life is so good and had no tools on how to handle it. Fortunately I wasn’t too proud to tell my very special midwife and she helped me talk about things and coping strategies. The good news for me was (and hopefully for you!) as soon as my sweet baby boy was born a year ago, the anxiety (and heartburn, hallelujah!) disappeared.
It is quite a scary time because it is completely unknown, but when you lock eyes with your baby your heart will triple in size with love. Seeing my two children interact make up some of the most precious moments of my life, too, so what a treat you have in store there!
Meditation, yoga, support from your family, breastfeeding (if you can, it does release some good hormones but if not, well, snuggles for the win), coffee dates with friends, ask your husband for lots of hugs, get outside, nap when you can, breathe in your newborns fluffy soft hair as much as possible… all these things helped me on my journey.
I’m wishing you all the best things for your second birth and time with your newborn.
Thanks for all you give us as readers (I did a meditation course after you wrote about it and it has given my whole life a new dimension…).
One more big, warm virtual hug xx
thank you so much for such a kind and lovely comment- i appreciate it so much <3 i will definitely keep all of your words and tips in my mind! so thrilled to hear that you fell in love with meditation, too.
a hug back to you <3 xoxo
taking a pregnancy test in the morning….(eek)….and loved reading this post just now as I prepare my mind for whatever is to come. I especially loved reading the comments and seeing so many supportive women, I LOVE when women LOVE on each other and throw out positive vibes <3
AHHH. sending love to you!!
and yes, there is an awesome group of ladies and friends around here <3