Mat leave and childcare
Over the last 4 weeks:
-I’ve watched a LOT of trash TV during nursing and pumping sessions. Biggest wastes of TV time: The Revolution, The Chew, and the fact that E! has turned into the Kardashian channel. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Kardashians, but if that’s not on E! during the day, it’s some morbid show like “Teens that Kill.”
-I’ve successfully rotated between maybe 5 outfits. I love my nursing tank tops, and will usually rock one of those will a zip-up hoodie and lulu pants. One day I will wear real clothes on a regular basis.
-I’ve eaten a lot of eggs and cookies
-I’ve snuggled a little lovebug, sang more songs out loud than I have in a long time, fell out of love with my pump –it does a great job, but turning it on makes me cringe because pumping is such a pain, and have really enjoyed daily walks and hanging out with my friends
-It’s been a lot of insanely hard work, and I feel like I’m so so busy busy, and not busy at all at the same time. If we have one appointment or outing planned for the day (tomorrow is her one month checkup!), I feel like the day is packed
Each day, I try to plan one thing to get us out of the house, and today it was one that I had to do solo: stop by work.
It was only for a little over an hour, but it was my first day being back at work in 5 weeks. Nana watched Livi for me, so I went to take an optional Tabata training that I ended up missing. I thought it was at 1 instead of 12- FAIL.… so instead, I talked with my bosses and work friends and also got the rest of my leave time figured out. I’m very fortunate to work where I do, and the ability to take a personal leave of absence to spend time with Livi has been incredible. As much as I love my job, I have to admit that wasn’t sure how I’d feel being back there. I didn’t know if I’d walk in and dread the thought of going back, or feel energized and excited.
It was definitely the latter.
It was great to catch up with everyone, and I can’t wait to learn the new class formats. I’ll probably observe and take quite a few classes too, just so I feel like my confidence is back before I start teaching again.
4 weeks have already flown by, and I bet the next 8 will go by even faster, so we have to figure out childcare while I’m gone at work for the day. We’re very lucky to be surrounded by friends and family here in Tucson, but many of them work fulltime and I while I’m only part-time, it’s 3 full days each week.
When I was in elementary school, we did the daycare thing for a little while- my brother and I hated it. They split up the “little kids” and the “big kids” so I would hear little Kyle crying for me through the fence, and spend playtime holding his hand through the hole in the fence at the bottom. We also stayed at a daycare that a woman ran out of her house, which was amazing. She had a playroom entirely filled with toys, and was such a kind and sweet woman.
Moms out there, who usually watches your kiddos when you’re working or out and about?
When you were young, did you stay at a daycare, have a nanny, or your mom/dad home with you?
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I had Ms. Jessie…she stayed with us from the time I was 3 or 4 until we went to school full time and then, she came in the summers until I went to high school. I ADORED her and if I ever have a little girl, she’ll be named Jessie. She was an absolute Godsend.
My mom stayed home until we were in school, when I had my oldest 2 they went to a dayhome (someone with a home daycare) for the first few years, then to daycare from about 3 on. Since having my 3rd child after a 10 year break I couldn’t stand the thought of going back to work, mostly for the morning hassle of getting ready so I started my own dayhome. I filled up immediately with moms I met and the gym and now get paid to play all day 🙂
My mom stayed home with my brother and me, at least until it was time for preschool. I know it’s nearly impossible for a LOT of families to make that work, but I am so grateful that it was how our situation was. I loved it when I was little!
I’m not sure how common nannies are in your area, but when I lived in Cleveland, I was a full time nanny for two-years. I found the jobs through sittercity.com, care.come, and nannies4hire.com (usually sittercity or care though). The parents have a small fee to pay to access the database for sitters (but the first month is free) and you can do background checks and everything. It does seems weird at first to use websites for childcare, but I’ve had mostly great experiences!!
I was a daycare kid and don’t really have many fond memories of it. I stay home with my two boys, but work as a fitness instructor and can leave them in the nursery while I’m working or training. The thought of you and your brother holding hands through the fence is so sad!
For my first two years I had a 60+ year old babysitter and apparently I loved her, I was to young to remember. After I turned 2, my grandma (mom’s mom) had retired and so she took care of me from then on out! It was the best!!
I am sure you will find a great place for Olivia to stay while you are at work. I can’t believe she is already a month out! WOW!!
I am fortunate to be a stay at home mum with my two children. My 5 year old just started ‘big school’ this year and my 2 year old may start preschool next year a few days a week. Both my parent’s worked since both my brother and I were babies, so I was always looked after by my great grandmother & grandmother.
I went to montessori school and had a great experience! I learned to read early and ended up going into an accelerated learning program after Kindergarten (which was also at the montessori). I’d recommend looking into it!
Gina, you should check out care.com. I’m not sure if it is applicable to Tucson or not, but here in Cali, you can log on as a parent, list the information you want potential nannies and babysitters to know. Nannies and babysitters register on care, create a profile, and then can read through posts by parents who are looking for sitters. Every sitter and nanny is background checked for a criminal history (you as a parent can ask for the background check summary to be sent to you), you and the sitter list availability and how much you are willing to pay so there are no surprises later on. You can chat with potential nannies and sitter through the website and meet up for interviews. It is great! While I don’t have any little ones, I have used it to find babysitting gigs to earn extra cash for medical school. I hope it works in Tucson!
My Mom stayed home with my sister and I, so I wanted the same for my own family. I won’t lie: it’s difficult and as a total over-achiever it was very hard for me to shelve my career. However, I want my children to spend their days with someone who loves them, so it is worth it a hundred-fold. I hope you find a situation that works for you!
My mom stayed home with us when we were young! And when my kids were little, for the first couple years I was home with my first and had my second! And only family watched them when I needed to go out! And when I went back to work part time, my first was in preschool and my second I put into a daycare at the Ymca. After a couple months, he started crying when I would drop him off! So he didn’t go back! My mom would keep him for a couple days while I worked! Then when I went full time, my husband changed shifts so that we only needed a sitter for a few hours in the afternoons, and my MIL watched them! When they were both in school, I had a neighbor who would watch them for a couple hours after school until one of us got home! I will try to help my kids (when they have kids) to stay home or to work if they choose to do so! It was incredibly hard to drop off a crying baby at daycare! I would leave in tears and cry all the way to work! But we had a mortgage to pay and we needed health benefits! And my kids turned out pretty well, and became independent teenagers and adults!
My sister and I were lucky enough to have a family friend watch us until my sister was old enough to watch me. As we grew up she was like another grandma to us as we were the only ones she watched. 🙂
I work full time but I have it worked out where our youngest of three (the older ones are in school) who is 15 months only spends 15-20 hours a week in daycare and I actually took her to work with me for 6 months. It was hard to work with a baby literally on my lap but so worth it!
I’m actually a director at a daycare and they have come a long way since I was a kid. If you have questions about what is involved, send me an email! No matter what you choose to do with Olivia, you have to feel COMPLETELY comfortable with where you send her. You have to ask a bunch of questions and do your research about the facility your leaving her with!
Good point! I visited one daycare that I was completely uncomfortable with. I immediately knew that wasn’t the one. I didn’t like how isolated the rooms felt..long halls and it would sometimes be just one worker with the few babies. My preference was for one that was more open concept and everyone could see what was going on for the most part in the rooms. Even with the one we decided on, I had to go there twice before I could comfortably make my decision.
Daycare all the way and loved it! At one point I also went to a lady who ran one out of her house and I remember feeling really lonely. There weren’t many kids and not a whole lot to do.
Does your gym have a nursery? I’m a personal trainer/group fit instructer….mine does so that’s where my daughter will be when I go back to work. Our daughters are practically the same age. Mine was born on 1/3.
No, it’s an adults only resort, and I teach all day :/ I love that our babies are almost bday twins!
Latchkey kid from age 5.
Just an observation that in home child care centers, while potentially wonderful and also the least regulated and the most likely to have problems/accidents/incidents. Professional child care centers are more highly regulated, have more rules because of liability issues and are more likely to be monitored. That said, we have had the same nanny for the past 11 years. I went back to work part-time when my son was 6 months old and then took about 8 months off when my daughter was born. We found a wonderful loving nanny and she has been with us ever since. My kids don’t really need her the way they used to but she has become a part of our family.
My dad worked the day shift and my mom worked the night shift; therefore, one of my parents was always around. Unfortunately, it was really difficult on there relationship and left us with no all-together-family-time.
My fiance is stationed at Ft. Gordon in Augusta and I’m a nanny for a couple with a newborn there 3 days a week. I found the job through networking on base. Maybe you can find someone by talking to your mommy friends? Care.com is also a great resource!
At-home daycare all the way. We have used three different ones (the first two each moved out of the area, they were great) and all three have been FANTASTIC. Start asking people NOW where they go, a lot of the best places have waiting lists. People talk a lot about centers being better because they teach the kids stuff, but I really just want my kid to be loved, comforted, and get individual attention. And in my area (Iowa), it for sure seems that in-home daycares can give more of that. Plus they are a little cheaper 🙂
Seriously, start asking around NOW.
A family post with no pic? I want to see your smiling face holding your beautiful baby! It makes my day!
BTW, I am 9 months postpartum and on days I dont work, still rock the lounge pants and nursing shirts.
My mom and I lived with my grandparents – my grandpa and mom both worked, but my grandma didn’t so she took care of me all the time. I have the best memories of going to the park and feeding ducks by the lake, going to the library and reading all the time with her. Right before my 3rd birthday, my grandma decided I needed to start socializing with other children – preschool wouldn’t take me because school started right before my birthday- so I went to a woman’s home daycare on our street one day a week. I remember the woman tried to make me take a nap and took me to this room and the entire thing was Flinstones – wallpaper, bedding, everything. I screamed and cried at the top of my lungs – after that she never made me take naps again. It ended when my grandma started hearing rumors that she was making the older children watch the little ones so she could just do whatever she wanted – so she yanked me out – which was fine with me because I didn’t like it there. Off to preschool I went and I loved it!!! Not the first day though 🙂 The image of you and your brother holding hands through the fence is SO sad.
I was able to have my mom at home with me. As I got older.. like .. school age.. I appreciated having my mom help out at school.. and growing even older.. always at all of my sporting events. I am really hoping that when my fiance and I marry and eventually have children that we will be able to have that srt of arrangement. If that is not feasible, I think we will have some grandmas that would be more than willing to help when they are not working. Otherwise… I am not sure what we’d do!
I’m super fortunate in that my sister is a stay-at-home Mom and she offered to watch the baby (when it’s born of course) when my husband and I go back to work. Her two kids are both in school, so she has a few hours of free time during the day (though she does take online courses).
Currently, she lives an hour away from us, so we are looking to buy a house closer to her. It will be worth the commute to work to have her watch the baby instead of putting it in daycare or trying to find someone else to watch it.
Also, both of my parents are retiring soon and they offered to help. Family has been my lifeline!
My mom left me with my grandmother while she worked in my early years but by the time there were three of us, she decided to stay home. I stay home with my kids. I always assumed I’d work when they were in school but it hasn’t worked out like that and I don’t foresee changing what we do anytime soon.
My son stays with a retired couple while I am at work. They watch three other babies (4 total). We really lucked out- they treat him like he”s their grandson!
I went into daycare at 4 months old when my mom went back to work. Honestly, I think it developed my little self into an independent person who can speak to and become friendly with all kinds of people. I don’t have kids but I can say…Don’t feel guilty about whatever you choose to do because it will be right for you (and that pilot guy). 😉
I don’t know how close you are, but check the cdc on base–sometimes they have part time openings. The base should also have certified child care providers that care from their homes. When my 12 1/2 year old was first born, I managed the base thrift shop 3 days a week, so I used one of the in-home providers. Good luck, it’s a really important decision!
My mom stayed at home with all four of us girls until my youngest sister went to school full time (1st grade).
There are pros and cons to both situations… we did both with our girls: big daycare at first (close to my husband’s office, so he dropped off, picked up, and often went for lunch :-)). After 2 years (and the arrival of our second daughter) we decided to go the “nanny” route due to the crazy high costs of having two in daycare…. managed to convince our favorite daycare teacher to come work for us (a win-win!). She was a huge part of our family…and now has two sweet babies of her own…. My husband works out of the house now, so he’s home when the girls get home from school. Go with your heart and your gut….and don’t beat yourself up over wanting to work…. you’ll both win: happy mommy=happy baby/child 🙂
Have you looked into a Nanny or an FCC provider on base? I have had great luck with FCC provider’s on base. Make sure to look for one that doesn’t have a jam packed house!
I think the maternity leave thing works quite differently here in New Zealand – if you were working before your baby, you get 14 weeks paid parental leave (also provisions made for fathers taking this instead, or adoptive parents) plus on application your job will be held open for a year unpaid. My Mum stayed home with us kids for ages, I can’t remember ever coming home from school (even high school) and Mum wasn’t home. She did start working part time once we were at school, but it always fitted in with the school run. I’m lucky enough to be a stay at home Mum for the forseeable future. Hopefully I’ll be able to do the same for my kids as Mum did for my brother & I.
Just putting it out there that even though I love being at home with my son, sometimes I really wish I was working!!!!
I went to daycare for years and years and then ended up working at one for about four years. While I understand that it can be very hard and scary to be away from your family, it is often SO good for kids. The kids I’ve been around have drastic transformations after being at a daycare even for just a short period of time!!! They often times interact better with others, have better communication skills, and are more independent than they were before they were in a daycare situation.
In my own personal experience daycare was hard at times (being away from mom and dad) but was SO SO fun at other times. I know your baby is just a tiny little thing but maybe some of this will be helpful for the future….daycare provided a lot of activities that I probably wouldnt have been able to do if I had stayed at home with a family member. I also made TONS of friends in daycare that I am still friends with to this day!
My brother and I went to a home daycare for the first 5 years of my life and one place we went ended up being a really bad situation. The lady would leave the house and have her kids be in charge and I remember hearing my younger brother cry in the basement and she wouldnt do anything about it. Not trying to freak you out or anything!! Just want you to make sure you reallyyyyy research your options!! Hope this was at least somewhat helpful!
I actually also worked in a childcare center in a gym for a while and that was awesome! Definitely reccomend that if thats an option for you!
I feel like picking childcare would be so hard! I’m fortunate that when I have kids my mom is willing to watch kids for me!
My mom stayed home and I’m fortunate enough to be able to do so as well. My hubby watches her if I have to go somewhere, I usually make appointments after 3, that is when he gets home. Otherwise, I take her with me.
I think I mentioned when you were pregnant about getting some good DVDs or seasons of shows to watch. I spent a lot of time in a rocker, watching tv. That’s how I got hooked on the housewives!! Lol! Beverly Hills and New York! Damn Bravo and their replays! 😉
Whether you work full time or part time, leaving your kids with someone else is tough. I talked to a lot of co-workers, and they all seemed to go to the same place. The day care provider is out of a home but accredited, and she shares a lot of our views. She teaches the kids ASL, grows a garden with them in the summer, makes her own baby food and the babies are never separated, leaving room for learning and modeling. We also are lucky that my MIL takes one day off a week to be with him. It made going back to work much easier! I don’t worry about his care (and I can enjoy eating lunch with both hands). Best of luck.
I put my daughter in day care for like 6 days. The last straw was seeing a scene exactly like you described with your brother. I hit up my sister for day care, for 20 hours/week in her preschool years. It broke my heart to leave her with strangers so I was lucky I had family willing to help.
I feel so bad for you in pumping hell. I think you should give it up and try to enjoy this period. It’s TOUGH even without being a milk machine. Formula fed kids are not at any disadvantage and there is no medal of honor for BFing for x months. No wonder you felt relief being back at work for an hour.
I think child care and schooling is such a big hard and investigational experience
I am lucky that my MIL watched my daughter until kindergarten and then choosing kindergarten was a task
We settled on a Christian academy
my mom was a nurse and would travel to NJ (from NY) to work. my grandparents lived in NJ so she would drop me off there. she worked longgg long days- i remember waking up at 2 or 3am with her to leave. i’d get to my grandparents around 4 or 5, sleep on the couch a little, then wake up to the smell of my grandmothers cooking. she made the BEST oatmeal. i have no idea what she would put in it, but it was so creamy and had those occasional big chunks of oats that were my favorite. then id spend the day with her in the kitchen- she was always making tons of Polish food. aww that just brought back so many memories … 🙂
Finding a daycare solution seriously stressed me out. I started asking friends for recs asap because I wanted to feel totally comfortable and also knew that the good ones went fast. I was just looking for part-time and started off looking at bigger centers, and I never found a place that seemed right. Plus, in my area, most centers have full-time rates only no mater how many days you need, and I couldn’t justify paying that much money if I didn’t like the place and we only needed care 2-3x a week. I ended up finding a home daycare that is licensed and was rec’d by a friend, and she is wonderfullll! And we are able to pay by day, which turned out to be a bonus because I would have chosen this place regardless!
I went to daycare out of a woman’s house too, and it was right down the street from my house. I loved it because it was small and we all got to play together. Plus, it was convenient for my mom. Have you looked into any home daycare centers?
Isn’t it amazing how one trip is your whole day. You articulated it perfectly. Those first 5 weeks I felt so busy, but did nothing all day but take care of the baby! I mean…it is the hardest job in the world! I remember getting ready to go to the mall (and my husband is SO impatient pre-baby he likes to go go go)–it takes like an hour to get her ready, then feed right before we leave, then we would get there and she would want to eat again. Same at her check-ups. Like I said to you last night it gets so much easier. Now, she wakes up from her nap and I am amazed that we can get out the door in 10 or 15 minutes if she’s dressed already!
As far as childcare I am VERY fortunate. I do in-home training and my mom comes here 2 days and my mother in law comes 2 days and on Friday I only see one client in the afternoon and he’s like right down the street from my moms house so I bring her there. I usually see a few clients in the morning and a few at night, so Mike watches the baby 2 nights a week. I am very, very, very lucky to have this setup. I have no idea how I would do daycare. I’d be a mess!!! I know how you feel about it. Ella LOVES other kids though, so I am sure if she got over the initial stranger anxiety she would love it. When I have been to play groups [earlier on] with kids Ella’s age it seemed like they were doing things a little faster like crawling, etc. She’s also tiny so I am not sure if that had to do with it–but I will say the plus side in daycare is the social interaction. I started trying to bring her to my gym daycare [although the hours there suck it closes at noon by the time I’d get there] and she had a ball with the kids for 5 minutes until she saw me through the window and had a meltdown. Ha. Then I had the mommy guilt and gave in. I plan on trying again, it’s a win-win because she gets the benefits of daycare and I don’t have to leave the building.
When I was a kid my grandfather watched me when my mom worked and I wasn’t in school. So I never experienced daycare, nor did my siblings. We have a big family and always had someone around helping
family for the first 18 mos-2 yrs, then daycare (or “preschool”) is what we’re doing for my baby, and it’s given me a lot of peace of mind. however, I was in a small at-home daycare when I was an infant and don’t even remember it, so obviously I wasn’t traumatized!
The fact that you don’t have to leave her 8-5 5 days a week will make many options more palatable.
I’m lucky enough to live near both Grandmas so they take turns doing the baby-sitting while I work (I only work 2-3 days each week). It’s perfect because I love that my boys have such a close relationship with their grandparents. Mine always lived far away when I was a kid. My oldest started at a Montessori school a few mornings a week when he was two. He LOVES it and it gave me one-on-one time with #2 when he joined us. For me, this is a perfect set-up because I get lots of quality time with my boys but also get some adult time to exercise my brain every week.
hi gina,
i haven’t commented since olivia was born, so a HUGE congrats to you!! she is just beautiful! when i first went back to work (also in the fitness/dance field) i found that hiring a babysitter to come stay with my son was actually much more cost effective. i only work part time and i found it challenging to coordinate my schedule with daycare facilities. i also loved that my son was getting one on one attention- and lots of love. i have the names of a few wonderful girls that i would be happy to share with you. just shoot me an email.
A big congrats on your beautiful 1 month old baby girl! I love your blog and you are doing a fantastic job caring for her. She is one lucky little lady:). Being a mom has enriched my life so much. Love them to pieces. When you say LuLu pants…which ones specifically are your favorite? I bought one pair and don’t love them. Thanks for your inspiration!
the studio pants are my absolute favorite, but i also love my wunder unders and groove pants
thank you for such a sweet compliment 🙂
When my oldest was little my sister watched him at her home daycare. When the oldest started school & I started graduate school I paid my Mom to be a live-in Nanny. With the younger two when I worked my husband stayed with them, then when I got home from teaching he’d go to work. I physically can’t work right now, once I have normal range of motion in my ankle again I plan to start teaching some group fitness classes again and hopefully get hired back at the University to teach.
We have no family within 3000 miles of us and it’s been the ultimate in juggling acts trying to find childcare, especially when she was super small, that we could feel good about and trust. Ultimately, until she was about 3 years, we never found that; thus, hubs and I just traded childcare. We made sacrifices, reorganized our lives on every level, but it was just the way it was and we made it. Now she’s in school so it’s a bit easier but I don’t envy that feeling of trying to figure it all out…good luck, Gina!
Good for you for getting cleaned up and out of the house 😉 That can be a whole day’s accomplishment in and of itself!
I was fortunate that my Mom stayed home with myself and my brothers and that I was able to stay at home with my three kids for eight years. My youngest is in Kindergarten now and I have just gone back to work. The years have flown by so fast. I cherished the time I was home with them as soon enough they will be teenagers and not want to spend any time with me 🙁 I figured I could always go back to work but I could never get the early years back with them.
We had to really prioritize what was important to us in terms of wants/needs to keep us on budget with only one income.
I have some friends who would have loved to stay at home but were unwilling to sacrifice their annual vacations, manicures, pedicures, eating out etc. I have other friends who would go crazy if they couldn’t get a break from their kids by going to work. Every family has a different situation and vision of what they want their life to be.
You are fortunate that you are working part-time and in a job you love. That would be the worst going to a job you hate!
Best of luck in your search for a childcare provider. I’m sure you’ll find someone lovely!
I’m extremely lucky that my mom stayed at home throughout my childhood, and starting in second or third grade, my dad worked long days on Tuesdays and Thursdays in order to stay home for the rest of the week. Because we had so much time together, my sisters and I were homeschooled for the better part of elementary school – those are years that I definitely treasure 🙂 Anyway, I never knew it wasn’t “normal” to have so much family time until I started back up at public school in seventh grade and realized all my friends were latchkey kids! Sort of sad… but that’s life, and I’m sure you and Tom will figure out the best option for your family. It seems like your teaching schedule is/will be pretty flexible, plus you have family close by – both are huge blessings! And don’t beat yourself up about it if you end up with a less than ideal situation. It’ll all work out in the end. 🙂
Aw, that’s so sad that Kyle would cry but so sweet that you would hold his hand through the fence! My family and I were fortunate to have relatives in the area, too, so when I was really little my grandmas watched me when my mom temporarily had to go back to work full-time. Then when I was a little older my mom changed to a part-time job and a neighbor watched me on the 2 days my mom worked. It was perfect because the neighbor had older kids who I really looked up to, and they lived right across the street – couldn’t have asked for anything better. And we still keep in touch today! I’m sure you’ll be able to find a great situation for Livi’s childcare. Good luck!