My experience with Basis
This post is sponsored by Basis.
Hi friends! Happy almost-Friday! I hope you’re having a lovely morning and I’m so happy you enjoyed yesterday’s podcast episode! I had a blast talking with Dawn and learned so much from her during our chat. If there’s anyone you’d like to hear in upcoming episodes, please let me know. (I have one coming up with an expert in HIIT training and science, an RD speaking about prenatal nutrition, and a psychologist on the way.)
Sooooooo. There’s a lot going on. The past few weeks have been extra crazy and something about last week’s full moon really set everyone off. The girls and I were all kind of grouchy, we slept terribly, and P and I were both very emotional. Last Wednesday while the girls were at school, I started crying and was weeping until it was time to pick them up. While I was at home, I had some tea and crawled into bed for a bit, and when I got up and checked my email, already feeling much better, there was an email from Basis asking me if I’d like to try their new mental health services. Talk about perfect timing, right?
Here’s a little bit about Basis, which is a totally new company:
– You pay $35 to speak with a trained specialist when you’re going through a tough moment or situation. The specialist uses science-backed approaches to help guide you to solving the problem and the 45-minute phone call or video chat will leave you with actionable steps and perspective.
– You can schedule the chats to fit with your schedule and do not have to buy a package or monthly subscription. You can literally “drop in” for $35 for each session, which to me is considered a steal for a talk sesh + help determining a plan.
When you sign up, you can briefly describe what you’re going through and request a female or male provider. You can also pick a topic where you’d like to focus and I picked parenting.
I scheduled a call with Meagan and was really looking forward to chatting with her about the stuff that’s been going on, mostly regarding our sleep issues.
You guys. I was SO DANG SMUG when both girls slept through the night from when they were babies until they were 2ish. I read The Baby Whisperer, followed her steps, and BOOM. Perfect sleepers for the most part. Then when they each turned two and figured out they could get out of their crib (or bed), that’s when things got rough. I’ve done so much research, we’ve tried so many different things, and I can’t get them to stay in their beds for a consistent amount of time. (Usually if they do it, it’s a fluke. Or we just stayed up way past their bedtime dancing at the Greek Festival.) This is a huge reason why I love traveling and hotels so much. They sleep through the night because we’re all in the same room!
They come in at different times, flinging the door open, maybe crying, and crawl into bed with me. When Liv comes in, she sprints down the hallway, barges through the door, and basically takes me from dead asleep to fearful for my life within 10 seconds. I have a really hard time winding back down after they come in, so in the mornings, I’m dragging. [Worth noting that it doesn’t bother me that they come in, but it bothers me that they wake me up. I put them to sleep in their beds so that they’ll hopefully learn the stay there, and they can come into my bed if they’re scared or whatever in the night, but don’t wake me up.]
(Even my beloved sleep mask can’t save me from this.)
Everything I’ve seen online recommends traumatizing them somehow. Ok, I could lock the door. And I’d have two screaming, inconsolable children in the hallway and I’d never go back to sleep. I know that Liv also has anxiety, which is something that affects me, and I don’t think that it would be a smart idea to lock her out of our room.
I was really interested to talk to the Basis specialist to see what she had to say.
So, this session was very unlike therapy. She didn’t ask, “How does it make you feel?” or tell me exactly what to do. Instead, she guided me to resources online and helped me think of some ideas to change the situation. For example, we came up with the game to tiptoe like a mouse into my room. We practiced it last night (with a contest to see who could be the quietest mouse) and the girls were both so sneaky and quiet in the middle of the night. We also tried to think of some ideas to motivate them to stay in bed, the way they feel motivated to behave in church or get ready for school on time. They just know and do it.
The session was the most helpful because I could just freely talk to someone. Sometimes I use my mom or my friend Betsy as a sounding board for whatever’s going on, and I don’t always want to be a Debbie Downer, ya know? It’s nice to have a neutral outside party that will chat with you about challenging situations.
It’s also worth noting that I checked out some similar services online and many of them had a therapist checking in on me multiple times a day. It already takes me 5 business days to respond to texts so I’m sure that would just add to my stress haha. Many of them also required monthly subscriptions.
If you’re interested in trying out Basis for yourself, especially as things get stressful or busy, here’s my referral link to give it a whirl. It will give you $20 off!
Hope you have a wonderful day and I’ll see ya soon.
This is awesome! What a great tool. I’m saving this post and will pass on to several gals I know. As far as the sleep….. holy cow. I’m an older reader (my kids are 12 and 15), so keep that in mind. I read every book, scanned tips and websites but could NOT keep my youngest out of my bed. She always went to bed in her bed and every night (1-3am) would end up in my bed. We locked doors, did behavior charts, the whole deal. Nothing worked. Finally I just went with my gut. If she feels like she needs to be in here then she needs to be quiet and I don’t want to even know she got into my bed. She listened and boy was she quiet and still. At age 4 it finally stopped. I have no idea why. Now, and since then, she’s the only one that has to have her room pitch black to sleep. She’s the only one who has to have her door closed. Even when my husband travels and I ask her to have a sleepover with me, she’ll NEVER sleep with me. Ha. Not once since that day. So funny. Anyway, hang in there. You are doing a great job and know that sometimes mama gut wins. Sometimes the 3 year old wins. 😉
I am in my forties now, but I still remember getting up in the middle of the night and joining my parents in their bed. Until one night, they turned me away. WHAT!!!! Well I sat there and cried my eyes out for a long time but they didn’t give in. Finally I went back to my bed and never tried it again. There was no way I was taking the chance of being turned away again. So it worked, but obviously, still resonates with me now, so it is a very powerful childhood memory for me. I think it definitely stoked my fierce independence and self reliance traits. I later learned my mom was crying along in bed the whole time I cried on the floor, lol.
A good friend of mine’s son used to wake her and her husband up every night, coming into their room and climbing into their bed. They finally put a sleeping bag and pillow on the floor for him and said he could come in and get into the sleeping bag without waking them up, and sleep the rest of the night there, but if he woke them up, they would take him back to his room.
Yes!! I was going to recommend this! A little place to sleep on the floor next to the bed. And the deal is, if they wake you then they have to go back to their own room. That is a good motivator for being very quiet! We also use the tot clocks with GREAT success for both my 5 and 2 year old. They know that if their clock is blue, they must be in their bed and when it turns yellow then they are allowed to get out. My 5.5 year old is a HUGE rule follower so having this rule always worked well. My 2.5 year old is not so much so I wasn’t sure how it would work for her but it’s worked well and she has never gotten out of her bed. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t cry for me, lol, I still get woken up for nightmares or other things and I have to go to them. But….they don’t get out.
ahh i love this idea but sadly it didn’t work. liv had a cot in our room for like 2 years, but she started coming into our room earlier and earlier (like 9:30 or 10pm, before we were asleep!) so we got rid of it
i like the ok to wake clock, but what do you do if they come out before they’re supposed to? i’d walk liv back to her room but she’s insistent on me staying with them until she falls asleep again and basically won’t let me leave the room without crying and waking up her sister :/
Oh boo about the cot!! For the clock, I purposefully set it earlier in the beginning to sort of ensure success and made a big deal about yay!!! you did it! you’re clock is yellow….and then I crept the time forward until the time I actually wanted them out. By then they were used to it and so if they woke and had to wait 5 mins or so they were generally okay with it. But yes, walking back to the room and I would say I will stay with you for a few minutes but then I’m going to leave. My son gets scared (he’s the 5 year old) and we started this thing where I go in and knock on our closet wall (which is the wall to his room). This way he knows I’m in my room, just on the other side of the wall. But we were VERY consistent in our approach. He started coming out a lot at night before he fell asleep and so after that went on for too long we started telling him that if it wasn’t an emergency he had to walk himself back and he did not want to do that. Honestly, I would say that I would pick something and just know you’re not going to sleep well for a couple weeks. But if you stick with it are firm about the rules, they may not like it but will catch on. I don’t know what you’ve tried already but you could incentive the deal (build a bear with a special something from mommy on the inside? maybe the promise of a sleepover in your bed once a month if they are following their clock and rules?) Good luck – sleep stuff will make you CRAZY!
This is a great tool. Will definitely be mentioning it to my clients!
I have one great sleeper (12…didn’t sleep through the night until 3) and one terrible sleeper (10 and still comes upstairs almost every night). I’m a terrible sleeper anyway and when I get woken up it’s so hard to get back to sleep. I tried every trick (bribery, crankiness, appealing to the fact that she can tell I can’t be a good mama when I’m exhausted) and nothing worked. I finally realized she just needs to be closer at night. We moved a futon mattress to the floor on my side of the bed and she sneaks in and goes back to sleep. It’s still not ideal but it works for everyone right now.
I have a wonderful (younger) friend who slept on the floor of her parents room until they finally kicked her out when she was 14. She said it was rough but she was old enough to deal by then. She is one of the kindest, strong, most thoughtful and well adjusted 27 year olds I know. Knowing this helps. Sometimes
How long is your discount code available for? I cannot think of any issues I have now but I’m sure in the near future would love this.
it should work indefinitely!
I am SO grateful you shared this. Because of my husband’s schedule I’m alone with my daughter most of the time too and hate always going to my mom with issues. For weeks I’ve been so anxious about my inability to get her to go to sleep, listen, eat, etc. I can’t wait to try out Basis and see what suggestions they have both for how to help my daughter and my anxiety.
it’s interesting because they don’t tell you what to do, but help guide you to determine and action plan with them.
i hope you love it and that it’s helpful for you!
Great post! I’d never heard of this service before and it sounds awesome! I’ll keep it in mind!
My son is 6 and started being scared of his room last year at Halloween when they did a turkey trot around the school and people dressed up as animals jumped out and scared the kids! (thanks school) We had a rough couple of months where he’d also come sprinting down the hall and barreling through my door and wake me from a deep sleep, same as Liv does to you! It’s the worst!
What I did was I let him stay in my bed for a few minutes and then I took him back to his bed. I’d have to sit on his bed until he fell back asleep, but for me the point was letting him know it wasn’t ok to sleep in my bed! It was so hard not to cuddle him in my bed all night when he was scared but I was worried for the future that I’d never get him out of my bed if I let him. We had some long nights where he’d be back in my bed in an hour, and where I’d have to put him back 3 times, and some nights where I was just like “screw it” and I let him sleep in my bed because I was exhausted, but it finally passed. He wakes up the odd time now (a few times a month if that) because his bedroom is in the basement (not a scary basement at all!) but I know he has scary dreams sometimes. I take him back to his bed and sit on it until he falls asleep, usually within 10 min, and we are good. He’s the best sleeper and sleeps in longer than any of us on weekends until 8:30 or 9am! So my recommendation would be to take them back to their beds. It will be rough at first but worth it in the end and I kind of looked at it like sleep training again! Going in to soothe the babies but not picking them up or putting them in your bed etc teaching them to sleep on their own through the night. Good luck!! xo
you’re totally right. i think i just need to deal with some nights of rough sleep for them to get used to staying in their beds. it’s just so TERRIBLE coming back to their room and having to sit here until they’re asleep again. it takes 1400 years haha
I know!! lol and all you really want to be doing is sleeping in your comfy bed. Lay down on theirr bed and even fall asleep for a min if you have to. I just kept telling myself it would be worth it when I could sleep in my comfy bed all night long without being woken up every 2 hours lol you can do it mama!