Not so fast
Remember my April Fool’s joke?
It was more of a “I hope I’m joking” kinda thing.
I know now that I’m not preg, but I was totally wondering-thinking in the back of my mind that I might be. Not gonna lie- it scared the bejeezus out of me.
For our first pediatrician appointment, two days after Livi was born, we walked past a couple who were walking out of the office with a newborn and a toddler. The toddler was probably a little over a year old. We said hi to them as we walked past, and I think they could see the zombie in our eyes, because the man said, “The funny thing is that we thought it was hard with just one.”
I can’t even imagine.
Many times over the past 13 weeks, I’ve thought to myself “what if we had twins?” or “how would I do this if we had a small child, too?” It just seems impossible but it’s probably like anything else that’s challenging: when you’re there, you make it work. I tip my hat to all of women with babies- single moms are rockstars, and so are the women who take care of their children with a husband who is deployed or traveling for work. You all amaze me.
Of course, if we were pregnant, I’d get excited for the idea and count it as a blessing, but ideally we’d like to wait a few years. I was talking to a guest at work last weekend who has 4 girls: one 24, 22, 16 and 14. She asked me if we had kids and I told her about Livi- how old she is, that I’m having so much fun with her and she’s been growing so quickly. She asked when we were going to have another one, and when my eyeballs spun to the back of my head, she said, “You have to have a second kid, so she’ll have a friend. Wait as long as you need to, but it’s something you have to do.”
When she told me this, I was still thinking that there was a chance I could be pregnant. My hips were hurting –my first pregnancy symptom- sore boobs, and debilitating fatigue. I realized that it was just soreness from being back at work, and I’m probably going to have to get used to the tired thing until I can drink caffeine again. I’d been off coffee for quite some time, but after I’m finished breastfeeding, I’m bringing it back.
For now, we’ll be focusing on one thing at a time over here
(one funny, lovely, amazing little thing)
and maybe we’ll be a little more careful about other things.
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I’m 38 weeks pregnant with my 4th, all my kids are 18 months apart. I think 18 months is a good gap cause you haven’t forgotten how to take care of a newborn and the 18 month old is old enough to start to communicate pretty well with you! I get people all the time coming up to me saying how do you do it, I only have 1 and I’m overwhelmed. I always tell them that it’s easier with more than one kid cause your children play with each other. People who choose to only have one child have to always entertain and keep that child busy. My children play with each other all day. I thought it would be hard when I got pregnant with my 2nd, but honestly it wasn’t bad at all.
I know having lots of kids isn’t for everyone, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. They have lifetime friends, we have great family get togethers,family vacations are a blast (sure it takes longer to get things together, but watching their first time at disneyland or camping puts a huge smile on my face) and my husband and I will have someone to (hopefully) take care of us when we are super old.
I think either way, kids will adapt to having a sibling or not, because they’re not going to know anything different. I have one brother who is 13 months older than me (I was born three months early – we still would have only been 16 months apart, but I sped things up a bit) and we’re pretty close. We’re polar opposites, but get along well. We never played together a ton once we were old enough to make other friends in the neighborhood and stuff though, so I think if I had been an only child it would have been the same.
My parents both have siblings and are close with none of them. My mom and her siblings (she has 3) don’t talk, ever.
Who gives that kind of advice?! I’m an only kid and I’ve never felt deprived by not having siblings! There is no right or “norm” with families… You can only do what’s right for you! I might have punched her in the face 🙂
Word! I’m an only child too and I found that woman’s statement offensive.
So glad I am not the only one who thought it was offensive!
I’m an only child and have lifelong friends that are like siblings to me. I’m a military spouse and the women I stand beside are my other family! I had friends to play with all the time, I am well-adjusted, and my parents taught me the value of things and tried their best not to spoil me.
Our child is also going to be an only child because we feel that our family is complete (and no, my husband is not an only child).
Your family is yours, and it should be the norm that you do whatever is right for your family.
Also glad I’m not the only one! My goodness. You don’t “have” to do anything with your family structure! If it’s in the cards for your to have more children, awesome, but only children certainly don’t suffer or lack friends.
Seriously!! I’m not an only child, and even I found that super offensive. Most only children still have friends – they are just neighbors, classmates, cousins, etc. Not really an issue. I HATE when complete strangers tell you what to do with your life.
Re: “what if we had twins”, I just found out that my cousin (who’s a doctor) is pregnant with identical twins! And, my first thought was “damn, that’s going to be hard”. But, the matching outfits will make it worth it 🙂
I’m not yet working on kiddo #1 (soon, hopefully!), but I already know I want at least two little ones. I’m both an only child and an eldest — I have a half-bro and half-sis who are 11.5 and 14 years younger than me, respectively — and my life is so, so much fuller with them in it than it was before. We didn’t grow up together, per se, but I’m so grateful that they are part of my life now. I don’t at all want to imply that anyone else should have multiple kids, but I know it’s what I want. As for age gap . . . I don’t think I’m in any place to make that decision before I’ve even had a first baby!
This is not related to the post, but in regards to Livi. She really is beautiful with her coloring and features. A great combination of you and the Pilot. I love watching babies grow into their features (and personalities, in person).
Has she been introduced to Eegee’s yet????? 😉
aww thank you!
not yet- but as soon as she starts solids, she might have to try some 🙂
I think how many kids you want or how far apart you want them spaced is total personal preference!
My friend has a 2 year old and has told me she wishes they had tried for a second child earlier because now that her 1st is sleeping through the night and not in that “baby” stage she is really not ready to have a tiny crying baby again!
I’m 21 weeks pregnant with our first and would like to try again for a sibling when this baby is 1. We have to do IVF to get pregnant (which is not easy or cheap) so I’d like to try as soon as possible while also having time to recover and enjoy baby #1! Everyone has a different situation or deciding factors on when/if to expand 🙂
I thought your April Fool’s post was funny… mainly because I happened to me. I have two girls…a 17 month old and a 5 month old. They are 362 days apart. It was surreal to be looking at a 3 1/2 mth old and already be pregnant again. I am not going to lie, it was overwhelming at first, but we adapted.
Some days I get really anxious about having 3 kids under the age of 2. I know those first few years are going to be super challenging, but I am beyond excited about watching all of our children grow up together so close in age. My younger brother and I are 15 months apart, and I could him as one of my best friends. So, I always knew I wanted at least two children and hopefully not too far apart in age. Guess I got my wish. Plus, I’ve been told by so many other moms and by many twins themselves that even though it’s a ton of work in the beginning, twins are the best – instant playmates! 🙂
that’s what i’ve heard too!
if anyone can do it, it’s you. i look up to you so much, lady <3
you have such a full and beautiful family!
xoxo
I totally thought I could be pregnant this weekend! I was so, so exhausted – like, can’t get out of bed exhausted, which is very unlike me, even while I was pregnant. The only other time that happened was just after I conceived. But, yesterday I totally ovulated (that was a few days late) so I’m pretty sure I’m in the clear. I am so ready to have another one too, but the timing is not right at all.
it’s such a personal thing, deciding to have a kid at all, deciding if/when to expand the family, how many children you’d like, how far spaced apart, etc. Thankfully my hubby & I have always agreed on wanting 2 kiddos and no more. I’m due in a few weeks with our second daughter, and our girls will be pretty much exactly 3 years apart. Personally I wasn’t able to fathom being pregnant again, going through all that entails, until after my daughter turned 2. At that point I was able to get excited about it again! But everyone’s circumstances are different. We are so excited for our 2 girls, 3 years apart, and DONE. I am very ready to never be pregnant again! (-:
Ok, for those of you gals who got preggers right away after giving birth, do you remember if it took a lot of ‘doing the deed’? I ask because we would like to get preggers again very soon (i have a 6-month old) because of my ‘ahem’ age and I wonder if there is any ‘secret’ aside from doing ‘it’ often, which can be a little challenging, ha ha.
It probably won’t happen quickly because i want it to, isn’t that always the case? ha ha
I didn’t get pregnant again right away, we purposefully waited until after our daughter was 2 to try again……
But: how familiar are you with your monthly cycle? I have always understood the best chance on any given month to get pregnant would be to have sex every-other day without fail, from around cycle day 8 or 10, until your period comes (or just until after you confirm ovulation through your body’s signs that you know, OR through temping/charting). That way you have virtually no chance of missing the “fertile window” and your bases would be covered. It’s exhausting though (-:
So funny..I thought the same thing about having another one..but I was pregnant with my second when my fist was 9 months oh gosh…those boys are 3 and 4 now and best of friends and we have a third (girl) due any day now….so I thought two would be impossible and now I am having three…woman we just dig in and learn how do it..balance is the key..I would not trade it for the world..and Livi does need a friend one day when you and the pilot are ready…LOL 🙂
OMG I say the SAME thing that man said! Having two IS no joke (and I have a step daughter so 3 on the weekends!) I think it all depends though b/c my eldest son was my “easy” baby and he’s still pretty easy going, but my youngest is a handful to say the least! Maybe it would be easier if things were opposite. Either way, we are blessed…but tired 🙂 All my friends say it’ll get easier b/c as some have said, they will keep each other company and play together, etc.
I found her comment so offensive! You never know somebody’s situation and it seems like as soon as you have a baby, everyone wants to give advice on how quickly you need to have another and what the “perfect” spacing is for siblings. My daughter just turned two and even though I got pregnant relatively easy the first time, I am now struggling with infertility. It is going to take a lot longer than I had hoped or expected and at this point I will be lucky to have another baby, never mind when it might happen and how far apart they will be. I have learned never to ask a Mom about when she is having another (unless she offers up info on it first) because you really might be putting your foot in your mouth. Not to mention there are people out there that only want 1 child and there is NOTHING wrong with that! My sister and I are 18 months apart and we barely speak as adults because there was a lot of jealousy and competitiveness between us. Every situation is different and to each their own. To imply that having a sibling is a MUST is ridiculous. This post sparked some anger because of my own situation, to end on a positive – I love your blog and your daughter is beautiful!
Hey Gina, not sure if you’ve seen this one before (or may have posted it and I forgot!) but I thought this was a great article:
“Ten Things I Want To Tell New Moms”
http://kateelizabethconner.com/motherhood-101-the-first-year/
i LOVED reading that- thank you!
So I just came across this….and am a new mom to a 4 week old and this is so so comforting and relieving because sometimes you feel you are the only one and other people make it look so easy! Thank you for always being so open and honest on your blog it’s really great!!!
I agree. You need another one.
Whenever y’all are ready of course!
I’m going to be REAL honest with you, it is HARD. A LOT harder than just having one.
Those first few weeks I thought I was going to lose my shit. (mine are 26 months apart), but I finally got a routine down and I LOVE IT. (so much so that I’m actually kind of sad we’re done- wow, I think that’s the first time I’ve said that out loud…errr typed.)
I love seeing my boys interact more every day and I’m excited they will be so close in age that they’ll probably still like all the same things and not be in totally different phases.
I agree with Jennifer. We had our first 2 18mo apart. It was challenging but so much fun and now our two are such good friends. Our third arrived 3 weeks ago and is 3 1/2 years younger then our daughter and 5 years younger then our son. It is nice not to have more then 1 in diapers and a little space. I think that tinge are challenging no matter the distance btween them, but the rewards are immeasurable.
A little (1-2 cups) caffeine while BF is okay. It passes less readily into breastmilk than alcohol… Fwiw! Studies show that little to no caffeine actually gets into your milk. I doubt I could’ve survived the ‘fourth trimester’ without my cup (ok… two cups) of coffee each day. My LO still naps just fine so I don’t think it affects him.
that’s good to know! this morning i had my first cup since she was born. we partied all night last night, and i had to teach 4 classes. got me through it 😉
Seriously, I got pg with #2 around #1’s first bday. It’s cool now, but I honestly have no memory of about 2 years of my life. lol I was so exhausted. I had one sweet baby girl in one hand and one hubby in the other. Then, throw in ball #3 and the juggling act begins and #1 was forced to grow up a little too fast for me. I love it now, but it was rough for us. Totally my opinion and experience, though.