Sharing all of the details
Hi friends! Hope you’re having a wonderful morning and that you enjoyed the weekend! Ours was fun and relaxing; I’ll be posting a recap up soon. We’re definitely finding our groove as a family and really enjoying having the Pilot home. Since his homecoming, I feel like I have so many things I can finally share and blog about.
As you guys know, the Pilot was gone for 7 months. (He left with the early crew since we were all in Tucson by that time and it would prevent someone else from having to go early.) It was a long 7 months, but the girls and I made the most out of the time together and loved being in Tucson with the family. We spent the summer swimming at my Uncle Eric’s house and playing with the cousins, got back into the routine with their new schools, and traveled together. We spent all of our birthdays and holidays here, put together care packages for him and video messages, and while we were certainly very sad and missed him like crazy, we still managed to have a ton of fun while he was gone.
It felt really weird blogging for the past 6 months because this was a huge part of my life, and I couldn’t talk about it. 6+ months of all of the bedtime routines, meals, school drop-offs and pick-ups, after-school activities, events, everything… it was intense. I want to acknowledge all of the single parents out there, who are constantly hustling at this level, every minute of every day. I’m in awe of you and I think single parents are real-life superheroes. During this unique season, the girls were amazing and we had a great time together. While it was challenging, I feel lucky that I was the one here with them and not the one who was away. I really appreciate your understanding for why I chose to keep this info private, and to those of you who did know what was going on, thank you for respecting our privacy and safety.
(Photo: Lindsay Colson)
Now, I have SO MUCH TO TELL YOU.
So, the Tucson move. The military didn’t move us to Tucson, but we did anticipate switching to the reserves after the deployment. We chose to come out here for the deployment to be with family, and get the chance to stay here if we did indeed decide to switch. The Pilot and I packed up a 28-ft Uhaul of necessities, he drove it across the country, and we moved back into our old house since our tenants were moving out (talk about awesome timing).
We spent so much time weighing pros and cons of staying in Valdosta during the deployment, but in the end, we decided this would be a smart choice. A major part in our decision factor was that one of the girls has Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).
I haven’t blogged much about it, and likely will not post more than the following paragraph. Essentially SPD causes the body to go into “flight or fight” mode. It’s not a behavior problem – it’s developmental – and certain things can trigger the feeling like her body is attacking itself. For some kids it can be a smell, taste or sensation, and in our situation, it was tactile-based. She would wake up in the middle of the night feeling like her pajamas were literally attacking her body. It was absolutely horrible and heartbreaking, and something we thought was behavioral for a long time. (And when I think about the times I was like, “Stop throwing a tantrum, just get dressed!” I feel so awful. There was nothing she could do about it.) Last holiday season, we were almost 2 hours late to school each day because of the constant meltdowns. All of the clothes she’d put on would feel like a million needles, and I spent a lot of time buying seamless clothes online that she hated, and cutting tags out of everything. After 6 weeks of zero sleep, we went to our pediatrician, who got us into an AMAZING OT who fixed the problem within 2 weeks. (This is incredible but joint impact and resistance helps to soothe that system in the body and prevents it from switching to the sympathetic mode. We do lots of climbing, pulling, crawling, and hanging around here.)
I was really concerned about relapsing while the Pilot was away. When one child has the meltdowns, the other becomes extremely afraid and cries, so both children are sobbing at the same time. It makes it really hard to soothe both kids at once. I knew that if we relapsed, I wanted to have a system in place for backup. If we stayed in Valdosta, I would have had to find another babysitter because our beloved babysitter was moving during the summer, too. I knew if we were in Tucson, if ish hit the fan, I could call anyone in my family and they’d be able to come and help. We hit a couple of tough parts during the first few months the Pilot was gone, but thankfully, knock on wood, it hasn’t happened again. We’re still in OT and do daily therapy exercises at home, but thankfully it’s completely managed and doesn’t affect school or her daily life. Our OT exercises are just part of the routine, including skin brushing and varying sensory inputs.
Many women and men stay at their base during their spouse’s deployments, but I also learned that a lot of people don’t. They head home to be with family. I feel fortunate that we were able to make this decision, and that we could be surrounded by so many people who love us. I still did everything I needed to take care of the girls and our house, but having family around really helped decrease the loneliness. We figured that since it’s our last of 4 deployments, we could take some steps to give ourselves a better experience. It was so, so worth it. It may not be the right choice for everyone, but it was absolutely the right choice for our family.
During our first week in Tucson, I took a spin class at (r)evolve. This is cheesy but I’m going to tell you anyway: they played the song by Coldplay that says, “Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones” and I had to keep myself from sobbing. There I was, on a spin bike about to cry to a club remix of a Coldplay song. I felt overwhelming joy in that moment, and felt proud of us for taking a huge step for our happiness during a challenging time.
We came to Tucson not knowing if we’d get to end up staying here. After many late-night discussions and potential action plans, the Pilot is getting out of active duty. The active duty life has been incredible for our family and has given us lifelong friends. I’m really excited for the next steps and can’t imagine what it will be like to choose where we want to live, even though we’ll be in Tucson for a little while. He’ll still be flying regularly, but will be wearing different patches. 😉
I just feel like the elephant that’s been hanging out on my chest got up and walked away. Thank you so much for being here, and for reading, chatting with me IG, and being awesome the last 7 months. While I couldn’t tell you everything that was going on, I hope you know how much you being here helped to support me and keep me going when things were a little more challenging than usual.
And with that, the Pilot is taking weekend wake-up duty for a while, and I’m sleeping in every weekend from now on. muahaha.
Love to you all, friends.
xo
Gina
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We always went home during deployments for my children. It was a great memory making time with grandparents who we never got to see. Some other wives acted like you weren’t as tough if you didn’t stay but for my family it was the right decision. My hubs was an active duty helo pilot for 11 years in the usmc. He switched to AF reserves flying tankers and loves it. He took a pretty big pay cut to join a regional airline but he makes up for it by flying Air Force trips 1-2x a month. And the airline pilot life is amazing. We have been on 10 free trips with my kids in 1 year. Every time we get a school break we go somewhere and we hardly ever get bumped! Taking our kids to Europe soon! Love our new civilian reserve life! Bonus we bought a house 8 houses down from my parents. Same street I grew up on!
i love that you were able to do that, too!
i briefly thought about the military wife martyrs while we were making or decision, but knew that it was a smart move to make this a better experience for myself and the girls.
that is amazing your hubby is in the reserves now, too! I’m so excited about the reserves and commercial pilot life. SO awesome you live so close to your parents, too!
Just wanted to jump in and say thanks for their service and I’m a flight attendant for a regional airline and our military pilots make the best coworkers–their perspective is really valued in this commercial aviation world.
That’s so wonderful and reassuring to hear!
I’m THRILLED for no more active duty and No More Deployments! You’ve all been through quite enough of that. You deserve to live and love the rest of your lives physically together. I’m excited for your future possibilities!
I’m so sorry to hear about the disorder! Luckily you’re a kickass mom with a kickass family support system to help you and the girls. And now Tom will be there too.
As a reader for nine years of your blogging, I’m constantly impressed by your beautiful character and strength.
Settle back, relax, and enjoy yourselves. You’ve all earned it. All the virtual hugs. And pancakes. <3
I’m THRILLED for no more active duty and No More Deployments! You’ve all been through quite enough of that. You deserve to live and love the rest of your lives physically together. I’m excited for your future possibilities!
I’m so sorry to hear about the disorder! Luckily you’re a kickass mom with a kickass family support system to help you and the girls. And now Tom will be there too.
As a reader for nine years of your blogging, I’m constantly impressed by your beautiful character and strength.
Settle back, relax, and enjoy yourselves. You’ve all earned it. All the virtual hugs. And pancakes. <3
thank you so much. oooh pancakes, too! YAS.
thank you for such a sweet comment. i’m so thankful the pilot will be around for a while and we can be together as a family for a bit
I don’t blame you one bit for not sharing you were by yourself! You are a super mom! So glad the pilot is back home with you guys.
My daughter also had SPD, and we have been going on 3 years of therapies and figuring it out. She’s sensitive to noises, but most of her SPD comes through in her vision, movement, and executive functioning. It’s Such a hard disorder to identify (and a lot of the medical profession doesn’t view it as a disorder which sucks!), so I’m so glad you were able to figure some of it out! I would recommend reading The Out of Sync Child and The Highly Sensitive Child!
i loved the out of sync child and will definitely recommend the other book you suggested!
it’s nice to hear i’m not alone with the SPD. it’s not something that mamas commonly discuss and OT has been a game changer for our family. i hope your daughter continues to do better and better
Reading this brought back lots of memories of when our (now 23-yr old) son was in 2nd grade and would refuse to go to school just about every morning. Turns out he had a sensory issue that was causing a lot of anxiety surrounding school. The school viewed it as a behavioral issue, which was not helpful at all (actually had the principal say “maybe we should call the police, since he is technically truant”!!). The Out of Sync Child was wonderful, as was Occupational Therapy (I think all kids should go to OT!). Now that we are on the other side of it, I can say, you aren’t alone (even though it feels like it sometimes), and keep doing what *you* know is right for your family, because you will get a lot of unsolicited advice about what you”should” do…. Best of luck!
Blessings to you and your family. My Dad was a Navy pilot and was gone 6 months of every year almost until I was in high school. Military families are unsung heroes. My best to you in your next chapter.
thank you so much, and to you and your family for their service
Thank you for sharing, Gina. For always be real and vulnerable. You should be so proud of everything you took care of and managed while the Pilot was away. I would have teared up during that song, too.
I’m so curious to hear where your journey takes you next. My BF is in the active AF reserves (funny how that works), so I get it. Getting to choose where you live must seem like a dream!
So happy for your family. You have all sacrificed so much. Enjoy this special honeymoon time!
xx Hill
thank you so much, friend. i’m so excited we get to stay in tucson for a while and be a family again 🙂
Hi Gina,
So glad you have the Pilot home! That must be such a relief. My husband travels a bit for work and it is so stressful with a two year old who doesn’t sleep (her’s is part behavioral and partly do to severe sleep apnea…we have to wait to have surgery on her adenoids and tonsils until she’s older because she was a preemie and they are worried about her being under anesthesia…). I think a lot of your readers figured Tom was deployed. At one point I wondered if you guys were getting divorced. I have never been in your situation so I am not sure what I would have done, but I have always felt like being honest with your readers is the best thing to do. It was very obvious he was not there. This is not meant to be a rude comment. I sincerely hope you don’t take this the wrong way.
I also want to encourage you to be more open about your daughter’s struggles. When we paint a picture that everything is perfect and 100% wonderful (as I have often felt bloggers do) we are doing a disservice to others going through a similar struggle. Just wanted to say everyone has s**t they deal with. Putting it out there is brave, and continuing to do so is what real life is.
yes, it was a tricky situation. i didn’t want him to just disappear from the blog, but there was no way to say, “hey the pilot isn’t going to be around for a while” without advertising “hey, we’re alone!” everything about it felt wrong, and it was one of those times where i wasn’t sure how to address or handle it. i feel like there wasn’t really a correct answer, and my heart told me to just not talk about it until he was home.
also, this is horrible, but in the past when i’ve posted he was deployed, every time a plane went down, well-meaning readers would send me the link and ask if he was ok. it gave me a lot of fear and extra stress when i already had a lot of those emotions, so i felt like this was something i didn’t want to go through so publicly this time.
i completely agree that it’s important to show the real side of life instead of a highlight reel. when it involves my children’s struggles instead of my own, it’s not something i’ll be posting on the blog. i’ll absolutely continue to share the difficult things i do through
xoxo
Oh my gosh that is horrifying about people sending you links. Wow. I’m so sorry.
I think the reason I am encouraging you to share more is because I’m a speech pathologist who works with kiddos who had SPD. Not wanting to talk about these types of struggles makes it seam like it is something to be ashamed of. Something to hide. Just my two cents. Maybe I would feel differently if it were my own child. Best of luck to you and your sweet family!!
Thank you for sharing with us! And thank the Pilot, the girls and you for your service to our country. I’m so glad that you were able to spend the last few months in a place that you clearly love and have so much support in. It had to have made all the difference. So glad all is getting back to normal!
thank you! i’m so happy we decided to come out here – it definitely gave us a better experience
Yay!
I think a lot of us figured out Tom was deployed but knew you had your reasons for not actively discussing it. Safety first.
You rock for keeping it all together while solo parenting!
thank you so much, friend
thank you so much for sharing this with us.
and thank you and your whole family for your dedicated service to our country.
you all are truly superheroes!
the sweetest. thank you!
I’m so happy for you that you’re all back together again! Seven months is such a long time — I admire your strength and appreciate your family’s service and sacrifices.
I would love to hear more about your experiences with SPD. Not about your daughter – I totally get that that’s private – but a little more detail about what you’ve found to be helpful in addressing it. I’ve had questions about my own kiddo’s behavior over the years (wondering if she’s just very sensitive or if she actually has SPD; the things that she reacts to have changed over the years; used to be loud noise; then it became visual stuff; then it became clothing and shoes).
I’m looking forward to seeing what your next adventure is, with your husband’s career transition. Wishing you all so many good things!
have you read the out of sync child? that book is what changed the game for me. a friend recommended it, and i nodded my head the entire first few paragraphs. it was extremely helpful!
i would write about it, but all of the SPD kiddos are so different and treatment and advice varies on each situation. for us, we’ve just been doing the exercises and skin brushing our OT gave us, and have seen a world of difference. i’d talk to your ped and see what they think and if they can recommend OT. even if it isn’t SPD and just some sensitivity issues, they can help with that, too. please email me if you have any questions for things that have helped! (we have a lot of experience with the clothing and shoe problems)
thank you so much for the wonderful comment and i hope you have a great week <3
As a longtime reader, I read between the lines about the Pilot’s deployment, and I completely respect – and understand – your reasons for privacy. Thanks for sharing what you feel comfortable sharing. <3 I hope you settle into a wonderful routine now that he's home — and enjoy having him do all of the chores, like trash and grilling and weekend morning duty.
haha thank you! so excited to find a routine as a family again 🙂
Thanks for sharing all of this! I can’t imagine being on your end of the deployment, especially with the extra struggles with SPD – that sounds really stressful for all of you. I am so happy that you were able to be around family for support while he was gone! I also think it’s great that you guys made the decision to go to the reserves! After being active duty army for several years I was so happy when I found an Air National Guard unit here where deployments are few and far between – I ca’t imagine leaving my fam at this point!
that is so amazing you don’t have to worry about deployments anymore. it still seems so weird to be that it won’t be lingering over us from now on.
<3 <3
So glad that everything worked out for you and that you were brave enough to take a few risks and TRUST your journey. Thanks for sharing this!
thank you, friend <3
i'm a huge believer that everything always works out, so we decided to just go for it. so happy we did!
I think I’ve cried through all of your posts the past week or so! My daughter also has SPD so I am feeling all the feels reading about the difficult time you and your family had/have. You are such a strong and brave role model for your girls!
<3 <3 <3
SPD can seem so daunting and overwhelming at first, but i'm so thankful for all of the resources we have out there. you've got this <3 i hope your little one continues to do better and better
Yea for no more deployments!! 🙂
so so thankful
I cannot even imagine how hard the last year has been for your family with everything you’re sharing in this post. I am so happy you guys are reunited. As a military spouse, I 100% understand your choice of keeping this deployment private. Also, I am so happy the Pilot took the decision of getting out of active duty because that means no more deployments are in the future.
Thank you so much for sharing Gina <3
i can’t even imagine what a world will be like without deployments.
thank you for reading and for being here <3
You are amazing. Thank you for your service and for loving us readers so well. I am so sorry about one of the girl’s struggles, but 100% appreciate you keeping that private. Someone once told me “you are doing the best with the information you have”, so in terms of what you said to her before you knew what she was struggling with, you were doing your best. I’m glad you got support though. Grateful for you! Glad the pilot is home for a bit too, although I can’t imagine how tough that decision must have been.
thank you so much, friend. <3
Thank you for being so open and honest. I would never expect you to share anything that made you uncomfortable, but I appreciate the honesty and it just makes you feel more like a friend. (Hope that’s not creepy.) I’m not familiar with SPD so that was very enlightening. You and the Pilot are amazing parents and it’s clear that your girls are your priority. I would have made the same decisions if I were in your shoes. As a new parent, I always appreciate visibility into the challenges that other parents face b/c it’s a good learning experience and reinforces the need to just support other parents, regardless of differing opinions. Plus, it’s a source of comfort for those who experience something similar. My baby had reflux (has outgrown it now) but I went back and read your posts about P’s reflux and it was comforting to know that others had experienced this and come out on the other side. I’m so happy that you were near family while the Pilot was away, and even happier that your family is reunited again.
thank you so much- i totally understand what you mean. i wanted to write about everything so much, but it didn’t make sense at the time. i agree that it’s helpful to hear about experiences from other parents because we’re all going through something. it’s comforting to know you’re not alone <3
happy you're on the other side of the reflux, too <3
So was I just imagining posts about date nights and dinners and stuff occasionally? Totally understand the privacy, good decision. So will he be a commercial pilot now you mean by the new patches?
no date nights, but i had quite a few fun nights out with friends 🙂
he’ll be flying with the reserves but commercial is the goal
As an OT I just have to say thank you for the shout out!! I’m a long time reader and I remember you did the same when you injured your thumb a long time ago. It’s great for our profession to be appreciated, and I’m so inspired to know that it helped you and your family!! So glad you’re all together again. Great job handling it all solo!!!
Wow I’m so happy for you & your family! No more deployments?! Yesss!! Best of luck to the Pilot on his future career!
My prayers go out to your brave SPD child. That sounds like a scary experience for a sweet little girl. Way to go on taking the steps to diagnose her, mom! It sounds like it was the best decision to make the move to Tucson, too.
So happy you’re on the other side of this chapter of life <3 … a great learning and growing experience for all of you though!
Thank you for sharing these details! I’m so glad that you were able to be near family during the Pilot’s deployment. Especially with having kids – that’s got to make a huge difference. Enjoy sleeping in on the weekends!! <3
One thing I’ve always respected about you is how you protect your children’s privacy. You have great insight as to what’s an appropriate “share” and what should remain private. I wish more people would follow your lead. So glad the pilot is home well and safe. Wishing you joy in wherever life leads you.
Thank you for sharing so honestly and thoughtfully! I’m glad that the Pilot is home safely and family adventures with everyone can begin again. As an AF wife, I wanted to share that I also moved back home while my husband was deployed…which involved road tripping across over half the country with our cat! There were definitely challenges, like finding a short-term job and adjusting to being back in my childhood environment, but it was wonderful to not be so alone for those months. I also made some memories on the drive back at the end, when my dad drove to the halfway point with me and the cat and I endured freezing roads throughout Kansas!
Longtime reader here, just want to say that I am SO HAPPY for you guys now that the pilot is back, safe and sound. You have been through a lot over the years and it seems like your partnership with your husband is so strong—you’re a good team! As a former Air Force brat, I still remember how happy and safe we felt when my dad returned home. I’m looking forward to hearing about what the future holds for you guys 🙂 Thanks for always keeping it real (and fun :D)
So glad to hear that deployments are done and you are all back together again ??Thank you for being open and honest with your readers, it’s why you are one of my favorite bloggers! And thank you for sharing your experience with SPD-I’m a school psychologist, and this was a good reminder to me to keep an open mind and also go back and re-read the out of sync child!
Never feel guilty about choosing to go where you have family support – whether during a deployment or otherwise – raising kids is HARD. Doing it (and running a household) alone – I seriously don’t know how people do it. You and the pilot made a great choice for your family and that’s the main thing <3
My niece had sensory issues around ages 4-6. She did OT and I remember her mom doing the skin brushing and all sorts of things at home. Like your daughter it made it manageable really fast and the best news. She is it went away the older she got. Turning 16 next week and they are all gone. Hang in there and keep being the awesome mom you are! Glad you have your hubby home, thank you to him and your family for his service.
Hey G! So glad that you were able to be surrounded by friends & family….it makes all the difference!
Thanks for sharing & so happy this lil community gave you the support you needed…I feel like your blog supports so many on a daily basis.
Sending you lots of virtual bubbly!!!
First off, you are a rock star! I don’t have experience with deployment or with spd but you guys clearly have a solid support team in place which is amazing. Thank you for sharing all of this. I can’t imagine what it’s like to take on solo for 7 months and totally get needing to keep things private. You’ve got this and yay for no more deployments! Xo
So happy that he is home and your family is back together. You have not had an easy path, my friend! And you’ve handled it with grace and style. Sending you SO much love all the time! 🙂
I’m so happy the Pilot is back for you. I don’t blame you at all for not sharing that he was deployed or anymore details about your daughter’s SPD. I think the censorship and protection you give your family is awesome. I love how open you are whenever you are ready, and these last few posts have brought tears to my eyes. As a mother myself, I love that you share some of the messy details (sometimes funny, sometimes just raw truths) it makes it so nice sometimes when I am on Facebook or Instagram and see all the “perfect moms” and I’m over here in my pajamas and haven’t brushed my hair yet. I check your blog sometimes and sigh relief that somebody is saying it isn’t always perfect, too.
Oh wow! Thank you for sharing about your daughter having SPD. This must have been so difficult without your husband’s support. Thank goodness your family was able to help. I hope by the numerous comments above you would reconsider the decision to not share more about SPD. Knowing another human in the world understands and is going through the same meltdowns is comforting to us that are in the same boat. Sometimes it seems like bloggers lives are so perfect. It is a breath of fresh air for you to share the very real heartbreak of SPD.