The center or an addition?

One of the books I’ve been reading about taking care of the baby after she arrives is Baby Wise. Baby Wise has mixed reviews, mostly because it focuses on more of a parent-directed feeding approach and schedule instead of child-directed approach to develop a routine. If you allow the child to settle into a routine, she will sleep through the night more quickly and learn important skills on soothing herself back to sleep, according to the book.

41P1Z65RKHL._SL500_AA300_ Source

Of course, there are a quite a few things in the book that I don’t necessarily agree with (if my child is hungry, I’m going to feed her, no matter what the schedule or routine is supposed to be), but one of the things I really liked that it said was:

[my almondshell version]

A child is supposed to be an addition to the family. In many families, a child comes into the picture and becomes to center of the family. The parents lose their sense of individuality and stop showing each other as much affection, hanging out with their friends and this actually has a damaging affect on the child. The child wants to see parents who love each other, because deep down the child knows that if anything were to happen to their parents’ relationship, their entire family would suffer. A child wants to be brought into a family as a team, learn the way the team operates and eventually become a part of that team. They don’t want to be brought in as the new nucleus of the family cell.

The book stresses maintaining date night, alone time, and the spouse being #1, while the child is #2, and the child is ok with that.

This really struck a chord with me because I’ve trained clients and known friends who ended up in situations where their children came first, their husbands came second and their relationships crumbled.

I don’t think the book is saying that you should “love” your spouse more than your child, but rather taking the same care to show affection and plan things alone as you did before, which is something we’re committed to do.


We kind of like each other, anyway 😉

and I’m sure date nights will be a great way to maintain both of our sanity as we try to raise a little one.

We’re still going to hang out with friends, plan dinner parties and do all of the things we used to do, we’ll just have a little friend with us 🙂 I’m going to baby wear, and take her along with us whenever we can. I don’t like to stay in the house for too long, anyway, or I get stir crazy 😉

We also talked about how we’re going to share the responsibilities with the new baby, and for now it’s something like this:

-If the Pilot has to fly the next day, I’ll sleep in the nursery with the baby and do all of the wake-up calls [he has to have quality, uninterrupted sleep to fly safely]

-He’ll help me out on the nights when he won’t be flying the next day

-He’ll watch the baby either in the morning or after work so I can have an hour or so to go to the gym

-I’ll run the daytime activities while he’s at work, and he’ll let me sleep in on the weekends 🙂

Did you maintain or plan to keep a schedule with a new baby? How do you still celebrate your partner and keep your independence with a little one?

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  1. Randi on August 22, 2011 at 12:57 am

    Not meant to offend you at all, I’m just saying…. before my little guy I had all these plans too about what I would do and what I wouldn’t do, what methods & books I would follow…but Trust me it all goes out the window. You can’t predict what their temperaments will be like. Some plans that work for some babies don’t work for other babies. Every day is different and you can’t plan their schedules out just yet. You just have to roll with the punches and it’s hard because I’m totally type A like you. Some babies are totally chill and will do whatever. My guy was colicky and high maintenance from the get go and a huge mamas boy! I’d leave for class or the gym and he’d cry the entire 3 hours with my husband! no joke! I’m just saying don’t get this set picture in your head because going with the flow and not “fighting” with the baby makes for a happier baby and mama in the long run I’ve learned! (and i’ll end the annoying unsolicited advice that you get tons of I’m sure! 😉 I used to be so irritated by that too )

    • Fitnessista on August 22, 2011 at 1:26 am

      that’s exactly why i said i’m not going with a feeding schedule 🙂

    • Candice on August 22, 2011 at 2:09 pm

      I completely agree on this. My child refuses to get on a schedule…he does what he wants when he wants no matter how hard we tried to get him on a schedule. Sso we’ve learned we’re all happiest if we just go with the flow…although it does make it hard to plan anything!

  2. Mama Pea on August 22, 2011 at 12:57 am

    I LOVE Babywise and I always recommend it to my friends who are having babies. It saved me that first few months as a mom!

  3. Katie on August 22, 2011 at 1:07 am

    Be very, very careful about Babywise. More often than not, I’ve heard women express that it really sabotages breastfeeding because the schedule just doesn’t work for most moms/babies. I’ve worked with a lot of women who end up feeling like they failed because they couldn’t get the schedule to work with their baby and their breasts (when that’s totally NORMAL).

    Most parents, midwives, and lactation consultants I know strongly prefer The Secrets of Baby Behavior.
    It’s put out by a baby behavior research group at a major research university, very mom-baby-family (ie-dad) friendly, and supports breastfeeding!

  4. Manda on August 22, 2011 at 1:36 am

    I read your blog occasionally, but this is my first time commenting. I can’t stress enough that you should drop that book in the trash can ASAP. It’s simply terrible, and if you’re planning to breastfeed and follow their advice you will be facing an uphill battle.
    Baby will settle into her own *routine* as you and she get your rhythm down, there is no need for strict scheduling and forcing a newborn to cry-it-out.
    It has always upset me to read about how new babies are expected to fit into their parents schedules. While they may give lip service to the thought that a strict schedule is good for a baby, it’s often all for the ease of the parents. They’re babies. They’re needy. Sometimes they cry and fuss and sometimes they sleep like angels. It all depends on the individual baby and the specific family. A baby changes everything, including your schedule! And that’s ok, it’s actually part of the miracle of having a precious new life in your care.
    The key to keeping a healthy relationship throughout it all is the same as it is when any stress comes at your marriage – do it together and communicate.
    They are only small for a short period of time, and believe me that time flies at an unbelievable speed. Those sleepless nights spent nursing a teething baby are such a distant memory, but such a sweet memory as my little man tells me “I can do it myself, mama,” when I try to help him with most anything. I went the attachment parenting route and I’m so happy that I did. We fell into our own little routines and I am so happy for that time we had together while he was a baby because we are so bonded now. It really did make the toddler years a bit easier.
    As a nurse and a mom, these are the things I often pass along: while you’re pregnant learn as much as you can about breastfeeding (So That’s What Those are For, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, and anything by the Dr.s Sears are great resources); find people you trust now so you can lean on them later – La Leche League, the boards on kellymom dot com, family, etc); get your partner involved in the learning and start talking about key issues now (sounds like this is already going on).
    For more info on BabyWise check out ezzo dot info.

    • Jenn P on August 22, 2011 at 12:29 pm

      I disagree with the advice to “throw it in the garbage”. Not necessarily because I agree with all of the tenets of the book but because I think it’s important to read all of the information and not just the info that conforms with one belief system. I read no less than 12 books during my pregnancy. Some of them were 300 pages of pure wisdom. Some of them had a helpful idea or thought here and there. Then there were the ones that I set aside and basically considered a manual of everything I didn’t want to do. I think reading opposing opinions and the logic behind those opinions is imporant to help you decide what is the best direction for you. This doesn’t just apply to pregnancy & parenting but to all aspects of life (politics, religion, health & nutrition etc).

      As moms, we have all done our own research and decided what works best for our families. I think it’s only respectful to allow others to do the same and come to their own conclusions without disrespecting them by telling them what to do, what to read and what to throw in the garbage. That’s just my 2 cents anyhow.

      • Manda on September 8, 2011 at 10:18 pm

        I agree with reading a lot of different perspectives. However, this book is really on the harmful side. And the “throw it in the garbage” is just my opinion of the book – we can each choose what to do.

  5. April on August 22, 2011 at 7:59 am

    I’ve never read Babywise so I’m not familiar with it, however for me, I’ve always started off letting the baby determine when feeding time is. I let them nurse on demand and now that my baby #2, Avery, is five months old, we are developing into more of a routine. A LOOSE one. I will say with my baby #1, I was more “by the book” and wasn’t able to just RELAX…(even though I said I wouldn’t be anal, LOL)…I was afraid to leave the house if it was too close to his time to eat or nap, etc, etc but now with #2, it’s TOTALLY different! I’m more mellow and we just GO…if she’s gonna be hungry when we’re out, no biggie, we pull over and I feed her! (I wasn’t big on nursing in public the first time, even in the car, but now I’m more relaxed.) And just an FYI, with both my babies telling me when they wanted to eat, it worked out great…AND my son was sleeping through the night by 6ish weeks and my daughter sleeping through the night by approximately 2 months! Granted, she is going through a growth-spurt rfight now and back to waking up 1-2 times a night. 😉 Whatever happens, you will find you do what works great for you and your little girl, no matter what the books say! I read The Baby Whisperer and was so determined to “follow” her plan with baby #1 but with some babies, you just have to go with the flow. 🙂 And give yourself some time when it comes to going out and date night…with baby #1 it was easier cuz he was so laid-back but OMG, baby girl is SO demanding and wants mama ALL THE TIME. I finally out for a girl’s night the other night at a friends house and hubby called me with Avery SHRIEKING in the background. She’s five months old now and I’m JUST NOW feeling like I can TRY to get out without her. Hubby and I did go out alone together once about 3 months ago (when we left it was close to our 2 year old’s bedtime and at that point Avery was sleeping a lot as a newborn) but haven’t been able to since then. So we’re trying to line up a sitter now!

  6. April on August 22, 2011 at 8:09 am

    I forgot to say, I exlusively breast feed (*and pump for my mom to give Avery bottles when I’m at work) and what started about 3 weeks ago, my little missy will NOT take a bottle…which is one reason it’s been hard to go out with my hubby. Then you have my first son who took ANYTHING…bottle/boob/sippy/whatever and would go to ANYONE who held him. So amazing and hilarious how different all babies are! LOL

  7. Amber on August 22, 2011 at 9:42 am

    I drove myself crazy reading this book and others during the first few weeks of my son’s life. I always felt I was failing him and doing something wrong! But now I know babies will be babies. My son didn’t get on a schedule until I went back to work and he went to daycare at around 10 weeks. You will find what works for you. That baby will become the center of your world, no matter what. And that isn’t a bad thing, by any means! There is NOTHING better than a sleeping baby in your arms–even if those darn books say to lay her down when she is not fully asleep so she can learn to go to sleep on her own!! Cherish that time. Good luck!!

  8. Jaci on August 22, 2011 at 9:51 am

    I don’t have kids yet, but one of my best friends has always been able to have the greatest balance between kids and family. Her and her husband still go out, they see their friends, go to concerts, and have plenty of family time, too. Rather than saying she can’t go somewhere because of her babies, she will bring them along for the fun if it’s a child appropriate activity 🙂

    I complimented her on this a few months ago and she told me that since her first child, her mantra has been this: “Don’t live with the baby, let the baby live with you.” Seems like fitting advice for this post and I think you’re on the right track with keeping your relationship a priority.

  9. Melissa on August 22, 2011 at 9:58 am

    We personally love babywise! We have 2 boys, A is 3 1/2 and G is 13 months. We have had great success with Babywise. The great thing about what they teach is that it is PARENT DIRECTED so yes you do have a schedule for things…but YOU dictate it so if the baby is hungry and it is not “time” feed them and adjust the schedule…you rule the schedule it doesn’t rule you! We also have birthwise, toddlerwise, and preschoolwise and have loved them all! Now that my boys are a little bigger that schedule on the freezer is covered up by paintings from my little “artists” but I know how to pretty much keep them on a loose schedule. For my husband and myself children were a wonderful addition to our family, but did not become our all and all. We love them very much but after our personal relationships with Christ, our marriage relationship is next, then our relationship with our children and by following babywise (somewhat loosely) we have been able to remember to keep ourselves united as a couple…that being said…we are less “cool” than before date nights are less frequent–now replaced with trips to the “jump zone and yes…chuck E cheese…sadly…I think that just happens and there are times when we would like to be “us” but after children the dynamic does change…but all for the good! (ooh yea…I also babywise is awesome–out of my girlfriends who had babies around the same time, G was the first to consistently sleep through the night!! ) Blessings you as you enter this new exciting chapter in your life!!

  10. meagan on August 22, 2011 at 10:18 am

    I haven’t read Babywise (or any parenting books–though, my first is coming in the mail tomorrow–“How to Make the Terrible Twos Terrific”–can you tell I have a toddler?) but that’s the approach that we take to parenting. Our child is an addition, whom we adore and is part of our family. Even though we don’t have a ton of money to go out on dates, we still do as often as we can, our parents watch her when they’re in town, we make special dinners after she goes to bed. I absolutely believe that children need the security of seeing their parents committed to each other and the family.

    To me, the more challenging your baby the more you need to make sure you can make time for yourself and your husband. Find a sitter your trust and get. out. of. the. house. My kid isn’t challenging, but there were definitely days when I needed to GET OUT! And weeks were we absolutely had to have a date night to reconnect.

    Also, especially if you’re nursing, don’t be surprised if in the first few months you don’t really want to be touched as much (speaking of being in a loving spousal relationship). I thought I was turning into a frigid wife, but I wasn’t, it was just that you’re nursing alllll day. A little person is on you alllll day. It can be tough when your husband comes home and wants the same level of affection as before. Just give it time though if you find yourself in that situation–everything goes back to normal 🙂

  11. Katie on August 22, 2011 at 10:23 am

    Hey Gina! I love your blog! Anyway, I just wanted to say, I have a ten month old and welcome to the land of unwarranted advice. I still get it all the time. Now it’s things like, “You’re putting him down for a nap NOW? I really don’t think he’s tired” or “You’re only giving him two naps a day?! The books say a baby that old should have at least three”. Oh the horror. I just smile and nod, because I know my baby best. And I can’t force the kid to sleep, can I?

    You’ll be a great Mom!

    • Melissa on August 22, 2011 at 4:53 pm

      Yes, smile and nod–it’s all you can do. Like Frankie said, “I did it my way!” Parenting is 100% individual and any ideas of what we thought we’d do didn’t always hold true — and that’s ok. I was anti-pacifier (Maya is 8 mths and LOVES her Wubbanub Giraffe as a playmate and sleep aid); I was queasy about the idea of nursing — it’s been my greatest pleasure as a mom – -even with major supply issues; I was thinking sleeping in our room would be best … within a month she was in her nursery.

      Point is, you do what works for YOU. And all the other advice be damned 😉

  12. Lori on August 22, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    ITA with that comment (from the book) because I had heard or read that somewhere a long time ago! Probably a little harder when and if number 2 comes along (for us)..but I agree that the marriage is just as important as the kids! Being that you are near family and probably will have them “fighting” to babysit, you should have no problems with that! We don’t live near family, so date nights are harder for us but we manage.

  13. Kara on August 22, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    Baby books are just for entertainment, in my opinion. Your kid will have her own ideas about how things will go.

    Also, the baby WILL be the center of your lives. It’s just unavoidable. Also, the baby will NEED you and won’t really understand why that guy (your husband) keeps coming around until she’s older. My daughter is 15 months old now and she’s just now starting to not panic when my husband takes her from me (even if it’s just so I can pee in peace). He’s been here the whole time too, no deployments or extended travel.

    I’m training for a 50 mile race and I agree that having a set “you” time is important. It also will make your husband much more comfortable with baby care.

    The only baby book you need is “Happiest Baby on the Block” because it explains how to physically calm your newborn, not how to raise it.

  14. Jenn P on August 22, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    One of the decisions my husband and I made early on was that we would not co-sleep. Don’t get me wrong, I drifted off with her a time or two during a middle of the night feeding, and we’ll bring her to bed with us on Sunday morning for an extra hour of “family cuddle time”, but we consider the bed a place for husband and wife and feel very happy and secure with her sleeping on her own in her crib. It worked magically for us. Our daughter slept in her pack n play next to the bed for 3 months and, by that point, was sleeping 10 straight hours and ready for her crib in her nursery. Every family has their own way of doing things, and I know co-sleeping works for some people. I personally just love to sleep in my husband’s arms and cuddle and have that alone time with him. That time, for us, was not something that we were willing to compromise on for a year or more. I think it’s been good for our marriage and our baby’s sleeping habits as well. Again, not preaching any specific sleeping style… just naming one of our plans that we stuck with to preserve the hubby-wifey bond 🙂

    • Melissa on August 22, 2011 at 4:18 pm

      I am 100% with you. At one month we put Maya in her crib and never looked back. We bring her to bed for morning snuggles on weekends — and sometimes she’ll nap with my hubby on the couch … but having our own space definitely was the right choice for us. And at 11 weeks, she began STTN and has ever since (she is 8 mths old now)

  15. Krista on August 22, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    Absolutely make time for you and Tom! That is one regret I have looking back now that my kids are 12 & 9. Our lives became so focused on the kids that we hit some REALLY hard patches in our marriage. Unfortunately, we didn’t have a strong support team so getting out of the house without kids was always very difficult. Now that they can stay home by themselves (Sarah alone, Noah only with his sister) we are starting to get our “life” back and make sure to go for long walks a few times a week and dinner a few times a month sans kids. And the kids love the freedom, too! 😉

  16. Angela on August 22, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    I feel pretty lucky to be experiencing two children with complete opposite temperaments. My son, who is now 3 yrs, was a very high maintenance baby due to the fact that he was born 7 weeks early. He needed to eat a lot and had some digestive issues. He was and always has been sensitive to over-stimulation. He hated crowds, restaurants and malls, but loves the outdoors. I had read many parenting books and had pretty ideas of how I wanted to go about things. My son, however, had a different idea of how things were going to go. Everything that worked for most babies, well that was and still is not my son. I would feel like a failure when someone would give me “typical advice” or when a books advice do not go as planned. Now I realize that is just the nature of my son….he is an independent thinker. Still at 3 years old, he likes the outdoors far better than a crowded place, but now has coping skills for it. He is type A like his mamma.

    Now I have a 3 month old little girl. She is is mellow and has a more go with the flow temperament, and it seems like advice that works for the “typical baby”, works for her.

    I think taking as much info in about parenting is awesome (knowledge is definitely power); just be prepared for taking the path your child wants to take you on. It is also hard to know how you will feel when little bundle arrives. I ended up nursing on demand and co-sleeping with both which was not my intention. And just like birthing; you never know what you are going to get. I wanted a home-birth for my son, but that is not the way it went down; but I got my home birth with my daughter. As far as getting in exercise….it is a MUST for my sanity. I appreciate a long, beautiful run way more now 🙂 Me time.

    Just know that no matter what, you will be an amazing mom and you will make the best choices for you and your family no matter what anyone else says or thinks. Oh and date nights are a must 😉

  17. Ali @ urbanfruitbat on August 22, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    I think this is amazing advice. The other terrible thing that happens is all the focus goes to the child, then the child grows up and moves away, and you don’t know your spouse anymore! It is majorly important to maintain your relationship! Thank you for posting this wisdom friend!

  18. Melissa on August 22, 2011 at 4:15 pm

    I liked Babywise a lot–and pulled that quote out myself as one of the best nuggets in the book!! It is very important to find time together as a couple and with my DH finishing up his MBA that time has been limited so we try to make the best of things and go out when we can — which isn’t often enough … but in December he is done so we use the time Maya goes to bed as “our time” (as a couple) or “me time” (to work out) now that she is on a predictable schedule. We have an 8-mth old and Babywise DEF helped from a sleep/wake organization standpoint. Once Maya turned 11 weeks old she began sleeping through the night (and has ever since) — sleeping from about 7:30/8 PM to 7 AM. So we are grateful for that time … we also put her in her crib in her nursery starting at the one-month mark. I think that helped a lot, too. Another great book — Healthy Sleep Habits. Happy Child (which helps create organized sleep patterns). We have a sweet, adaptable baby who has traveled to NJ twice and El Salvador once without any issues to her schedule because we were vigilant (but not totally anal) about her sleep. And now we have time for ourselves individually and/or as a couple once she is asleep.

    But those first three months (especially if you’re nursing??) — A BLUR.

  19. Candice on August 22, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Gina! I LOVE this book! With my twins I felt as for my sanity I needed to get them on a schedule. We followed it to a T. My babies slept through the night at 6 weeks last feeding being at 11pm waking for breakfast at 6. As they got older it got longer and longer. They are now 13 months and sleep 8:30pm-7:30-8AM everyday along with 2 naps! Some days they will even sleep longer but I wake them up to stick to the schedule. Sure there were days that struggled or threw off the schedule but for the most part they are right on. They eat, sleep and even poop at the same time.
    Every child is different though you just have to determine the eat/sleep schedule yourself but I def recommend setting one.
    AND YES.,. don’t forget your spouse! 😉

  20. Jen @familyfoodfitnessandfun on August 22, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    I would like to say that we maintained “date night”, but even now that the kids aren’t babies anymore, it is hard! But then again we have 3 boys and I don’t want to subject a babysitter to that kind of chaos too often ;). As far as a schedule, I kept my babies on a good schedule and modified when necessary. I also liked the book Baby Wise and found the schedule of eat,awake,sleep very useful. Another book I read that adhered to similar principles was The Baby Whisperer. This book was not as strict as Baby Wise which was nice!

  21. Jenna on August 22, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    Beautiful. My hubs isn’t sure if he wants kids, and this is pretty much my counter argument. I don’t want to bring a new focus into my life, I want another unit in our family to share fun things with. I think far too many people have kids and then act like life is over…I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “get that out of the way before you have kids.” Why? I want to show my kids the world, want to play with them, show them plays and music. I just don’t get that thought process.

    • Fitnessista on August 22, 2011 at 10:49 pm

      amen, girl

  22. Laury @ thefitnessdish on August 22, 2011 at 9:06 pm

    Thank you for this post!!! You are so amazing!

    I am super lucky that Ella Weez has been sleeping through the night since week 1! I know. Probably sickening to other moms to see that. I didn’t get too crazy with trying to get her ona schedule..but she is pretty much on MY schedule at this point. She falls asleep around 8pm then wakes up around 11:30 or 12 then sleeps until 7:30am!

    As far as what you said about baby being the center of the fam, I love it. You are going to be such a super momma, super wifey and super fur baby mom 😉 I admit, it is a challenge for me…but it’s getting easier Munchkin and Michael were my everything before and since Ella is dependent on me for EVERYTHING..and the moments I am not with her I need the tome for ME…it’s easy to neglect the rest of your fam. Michael makes a point that we go out every Saturday night though. Once I felt a little better post birth, like about 7 weeks in, we started doing our date night important!

    Thanks for reminding me to not forget ALL the important people 🙂

    • Laury @ thefitnessdish on August 22, 2011 at 9:09 pm

      oh..and like we talked about at HLS….

      I meant to say..I never read any books and obsessed over getting the sched together. I was just lucky she adapted to my schedule… fed her when she wanted to eat, napped with her (the first 4 weeks) when she napped, changed her, etc. I just took care of her needs when she needed me 🙂 It all works out. You will do great. Let your motherly instinct kick in and listen to your baby like you’re listening to your body while the nuggett is in there 😉


  23. Yvonne on August 22, 2011 at 9:37 pm

    Hi Gina! I’m a long time reader and a new mom (my daughter is almost 3 months old) and just thought I’d pipe in with my two cents regarding Babywise! When I was pregnant, multiple mothers recommended this book to me with rave reviews. Every mom told me her success stories she had with this book and how it would make my life so much easier. It didn’t take much more than that to sell me on this book! I bought the book, read it cover to cover TWICE, took notes, book marked pages, etc. I was so ready and felt I was let in on a secret weapon that would make me so much more successful than OTHER mothers (yea I had the attitude of an a-hole… I have to admit, I was feeling pretty cocky about it). Well, after I gave birth, I followed the book to a tee… at around week two, my sweet daughter started getting very fussy and crying all the time and became somewhat ill-tempered. I was adamant about following Babywise, however, so I pressed on. All the while feeling like a failure and wondered what was wrong with me and what was wrong with my baby?!?! After about another ten days, her behavior got worse and I consulted my LC and pediatrician. I mentioned that I was trying to follow Babywise to them and oh, the HORROR that came across their faces. They told me to throw the book out the window and feed on demand. Well, I did, and within days, my daughter was a happy, content baby… no more crying, no more fussing, and by the time she was between 4-6 weeks old, she was on her own schedule (eating every 2 1/2 to 3 hours) and sleeping long stretches through the night (sometimes all the way through, sometimes 6 hours, but she always goes back to sleep after a night feeding). I guess what I’m trying to say is, no matter what literature you read, advice you receive, tips you read on a website, your baby will let you know what she needs and when her needs are met, you will have a very easy and happy baby! 🙂 Sorry this is so wordy! And of course, congratulations!!!!!!

  24. Yvonne on August 22, 2011 at 9:39 pm

    P.S. that being said, there are some wonderful pointers from Babywise that anyone would find helpful, regardless if you decide to “throw it out the window” or not!

    • Laury @ thefitnessdish on August 23, 2011 at 2:47 pm

      I agree 110% with everything you are saying!!! My baby is 3 1/2 months..and the SAME thing happened where she would cry for like 6 hours on and off an nothing helped (Gina, didn’t want to freak you out but hopefully this is helpful). This is SUCH a sensitive subject for women…and everyones baby is different. In my case…I found Ella was extremely sensitive to dairy so I cut is all out. I didn’t eat it much anyway but her first month of life I wasn’t getting around and ppl were cooking vegetarian meals for me some included cheese etc. She broke out in a rash and when I cut it all out it cleared up and her fussyness stopped. She was very gassy.
      I heave also heard horror stories about the 3 hour sched from day 1. Newborns have tiny bellys and will eat often. My doc told me just to feed her when she wanted.

      When all the screaming with no found reason was going on I reached out on my blog (and also to my LC) other mothers suggested just letting her cry. I never wanted to do that bc she was FREAKING out and it was heartbreaking. There were moments where I was in my PJ’s all day and needed to pee where I had to put her down. But the only position she liked was over the shoulder. Her belly hurt.

      G–thats where I told you about the counter clockwise belly rubs and you LC can show you the colic hold. Hopefully you don’t need it! That helped a lot (my LC told me about it)

      I don’t think you are going to, from what this post said, let the baby scream for hours if she’s hungry. Like I said before…mother nature kicks in. The books have great points..but you are the mother and you will learn to know your baby! You do need to get her on a schedule…but I didn’t start really doing that until when I was getting ready to go back to work. I still feed her when hungry and now it’s more of a routine with feeding and naps. It’s worked out around my sched and like I said she sleeps through the night.

      Just had to add that my exp was the SAME as Yvonnes. I went with instincts and she started doing long sleep stretches and eating every 2 1/2-3 hrs as well.

  25. Erica on August 22, 2011 at 10:49 pm


    When she arrives it will rock your world! They are such amazing little snuggly creatures and you will be in love even more than you could imagine! Do what feels right for you and your husband… you’ll be just fine 🙂

  26. Lindsay on August 22, 2011 at 11:03 pm

    I know I briefly mentioned this in my comment on your diaper post, but then when I saw you reading Babywise, I had to throw my two cents in. Trust your instincts. You won’t know what fits you until your little one is born, but don’t listen to ANY advice if following it makes you uneasy in your heart of hearts. A quote that really struck me while reading Jean Liedloff’s The Continuum Concept, is “I would be ashamed to admit to the Indians that, where I come from, the women do not feel themselves capable of raising children until they read the instructions written in a book by a strange man.” Pedis and experts don’t know your child like you do.
    I “do” attachment parenting because it works for me and my baby, and my husband. Our relationship is just fine toting our baby around with us all the time, she’s not the center, she’s an addition that we include in everything. But the important thing is she is included as an observer more so than the princess of the universe. We just go about our lives and she quietly absorbs and learns.

  27. christina on August 23, 2011 at 7:53 am

    You can plan all you want. EVERYTHING FLYS OUT THE WINDOW WHEN THE BABY IS BORN. Depending on the baby you’re born with, unless they “happen” to naturally follow what you intended it will NEVER HAPPEN. Forget the books.

  28. conni on August 25, 2011 at 10:53 pm

    Read as much as you can about whatever you want so that you can get ideas about what you like. When its all said and done, you’ll trust your instincts and that’s what will be best for YOUR baby. All babies are different and only you and your husband know what’s best.

  29. Leanne on August 30, 2011 at 10:22 pm

    Good for you!! I wish I would have done more baby care reading while I was pregnant. I just assumed that having 5 young nieces, I would be semi prepared. I knew what to expect, except for some of the weird oddities that come with newborns (especially the first few days). If you *liked* Babywise (I wasn’t a fan of the tone personally), I’d recommend Baby Sleep Solution ( Again, I wasn’t a huge fan of the tone but I got a few good tidbits of information. I’m in LOVE with anything written by Penelope Leach. I really appreciate how she writes and presents information, usually giving the pros and cons and not my way is best.

    Good luck and enjoy every minute. My little monster is already 12 wks and I don’t know where the time went.

  30. Leanne on August 30, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    and I agree with alot of the other posts. You’ll know what is best and every baby is unique. I found that rolling with her flow worked out and she naturally started sleeping longer stretches around 6 wks.

  31. Jennifer on December 16, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    I think the one part you took from babywise is the best one. I’m not a huge fan of the book, but date nights are essential and remebering to still connect and love your significant other creayes so much stability in the household.
    My husband and I don’t get out alone as much as we like to but we stiil hang out with friends ans our kids are just added entertainment. Parenting is what you make of it and it sounds like you have a good plan!!!

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