32 weeks
and feeling a little anxious.
12 weeks: 17 weeks:
30 weeks: 32 weeks:
It’s really fun to be able to look back at past pictures. The little baby and the belly have grown so much, and the belly has also changed shape. This week’s pic looks a little rounder and less pointy than last week.
So back to the anxiety thing…
Anxiety is something that I’ve struggled with in the past. When I first moved to North Carolina to be with Tom, I was hit by a very intense bout of anxiety. I had moved to entirely new surroundings, wasn’t used to the culture or people, had no idea where anything was, and after being in Tucson my whole life, it was a huge adjustment for me. It was also a GOOD thing for me because it helped me to give up control and go with the flow, discover and explore on my own (instead of just knowing where everything was and having the comfort of all of my friends and family), especially after a lifetime of being suuuuuuper Type A [which I’ve written about a few times before. I have eased up so much over the years, and being with Tom has helped me in many ways. He’s taught about what’s worth stressing over, and the fact that he flies and puts his life in his own hands everyday really puts things in perspective]
Anyway,
I’m at a turning point in my life which will bring a great deal of change (good change!), and it’s starting to become more *real* every single day. I’m ready and excited for the new challenges, but change is change and always creates an onset of uncertainty and fear of the unknown. Being pregnant has also been very helpful for me because there are so many things I have no control over, so I’ve had to go with the flow and remain optimistic this entire time. Any stress or sadness that I feel, the baby can also feel, so having her depending on me has been my #1 motivation to just relax and enjoy this time instead of fretting over the “what-ifs.”
I’m also anxious to meet her. I had another incredibly realistic dream last night where I went into labor 2 weeks before my due date, Tom was flying, so the midwife, our doula and I delivered the baby… in our backyard. The last part was kind of weird, but the baby looked the same as she does in each dream… a head full of black hair, big brown eyes and the sweetest little face. I just can’t wait to snuggle and hold her.
I’m also anxious about the birth. I’m excited to be able to see what my body is capable of and the fact that we’ll finally get to meet her when it’s all over, but one of my friends said to me last week “you’re going to realize that the baby has to come out somehow, and it’s going to freak you out.” And I did. And it did. I can’t believe I’m going to admit this, but I think it’s a fear that many women have… but I’m afraid to die giving birth. I always have been, and while I know the chances of that happening are very small, it still scares me.
We watched a video of a birth in our Bradley class last night and when it was over, Tom looked at me and said “Uh, your face is a little white. Are you ok?” Yeah I’m ok. I’ve just never seen an up-close look of a vajayjay delivering a baby.. and all of the “stuff” that comes with it. Wow. Let’s just say when they offer me a mirror to have a lookie, I will not be taking it.
Notes from the week:
-I’m not as tired as I have been, which I think has a lot to do with the iron. I feel pretty great, the only thing is that I can definitely feel the extra 25 lbs I have on me + the change in my center of gravity. Other than taking breaks a little more often than I used to, things are bueno on the energy front.
-Baby is still kicking and dancing away, and I’m pretty sure I’ll never get sick of it. I may take a little video of my dancing belly when I play her a Zumba song- it’s pretty amazing
-My sweet tooth is outta control! I just want cookies and cake and brownies… all day. In order to satisfy my cravings without going too buck wild (baby likes sugar but she needs nutrients, too), I take a serving of frozen gluten free cookie dough from the freezer, plop it onto a plate and microwave for a minute.
Instant homemade cookie:
-My brain is still gone. If you see it, please let me know. I done and forgotten a lot of silly little things, but left the burner on “low” on Sunday morning.. and noticed it was still on on Monday morning. I’m very thankful we still have a house.
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I don’t even have a baby and I leave the stove on all the time 🙁
Oh Gina, you are brave to put all that put there, it’s not an easy thing but younwill do just fine. When the going gets tough, you will find it within you to do what will be needed to see your baby.
You know, I have three children and I can honestly say the thought of dying while giving birth never crossed my mind! You are going to do great. You’re fit, healthy, and have a positive mindset. Visualize. And now I can’t wait to meet your baby too!
Oh you are just too cute! Please don’t think I’m weird for thinking that. I’m not even pregnant and I feel like my brain is gone, but that could be because it’s on strike for me making it write all these papers.
Aww I just can’t wait till you have your little bundle of joy!
My husband leaves the burner on all of the time and we catch it hours later… and he’s DEFINITELY not pregnant, so don’t feel bad! Thanks for sharing your baby belly pictures, it’s a beautiful process!
Oh my gosh, yes. I do not want that mirror at all when I have a baby. I’m not even pregnant and I have fears of seeing it happening. I’m cool with not looking!
I have dreams about what my future child will look like too. I’m curious to see if it’s even close.
I’m trying to figure out how to make a single-serving microwave quinoa flour muffin. I tried the version on “chocolate covered katies ” blog and i tried another with egg whites, and cannot get it right 🙁
Thoughts?
Eat up your cookie dough ! I do and I have no pregnancy or workout completion to justify it. Oops.
p.s. I’m wondering specifically about quinoa flour because I think some recipes that call for peanut or coconut or oat flour will be very different.
I’ve been eating many a bad quinoa mini muffin in my experimentation (I don’t waste food no matter how awful it turns out…that’s proabably not such a good idea).
I thought the mirror was weird too and when I was having my first child they offered me one and I declined. The nurse said she would bring it over and if I wanted it removed she would. I thought it might be weird but when the going gets tough and you are tired…seeing your babies head and the progress might just spur you on and give you that extra boost you need. Or it might totally freak you out 🙂 Try to be open minded. You’ll never know how you will feel until it’s time. Either way you will do what is right for you and it will be great.
1. You are Not going to die giving birth
2. You’ve been in incredible shape for years, I predict an easy peasy birth.
3. Stop worrying, life is Great and you are both going to be wonderful parents.
🙂
thank you for the encouragement <3
life IS great
Stop thinking those thoughts!!! It’s NOT good for you or baby! Everything will be great you are in amazing shape and have been taking such great care of yourself!!! Deep breaths!
I remember the sweet tooth being buck wild at the end of my pregnancy. Michael and I were splitting a lot of vanilla bean cheesecake from cheesecake factory on the weekend. And I’m not even a dairy eater!
Oh mirror, mirror<—–hells to the NO! I wanted no parts of that too!
Gina, you’re doing to do great giving birth and you and Tom are going to be amazing parents.
I’m also extreme type A, but having a significant other in the Army definitely mellows me out a bit. I’m already anxious about being a mother and I’m not even engaged!
I can relate on the sweet tooth front. Mine started kicking in majorly at about 30 weeks and has just started to wane slightly, 9 weeks later. I try to combat it with fresh fruit and small bites of something sweet, though that doesn’t always work, hehe.
Hey Gina,
I’ve always told my self I’m not an anxious person not wanting to admit that I kind of am. My husband and I are trying for a baby and I can’t help but always feel anxious! How were you able to stay calm? Anyway, Maybe I should E-mail you! Your just stunning and glowing! God Bless!
yoga has been so helpful. i learned how to take deep breaths and stay in the present, which helped a lot. i still freak out from time to time, but yoga breaths help immensely
i’m at week 24 right now and kind of starting in on the anxiety and panic thing. it’s just starting to become so incredibly real, and it feels like the time has literally FLOWN by. and honestly, i know the fear that you have about dying before the baby is born, or in my case the baby dying before it’s born. but you can’t live your life in fear and i believe that you guys are going to have the sweetest baby girl to hold and snuggle in just a few short weeks. i’ll be thinking and praying for you!
I completely understand your fear of dying while giving birth, I am 36 weeks and it crossed my mind before too. The worst part is that I worry that I won’t be there for my child, it is did happen. Although it is not a thought that consumes me by any means it has crossed my mind. We are going through a lot right now and so much unknown. I am sure we will both be fine though!
Random question–where are you buying workout tops? I’m having a hard time finding maternity exercise clothes. Still wearing mostly regular lulu ones from before. I have the same fears, think the mirror is a bad idea! And watched birth videos on babycenter and was freaked out!
i’m still wearing all of my lulu clothes- they’re the only ones that still fit me!
This is great..
“Being pregnant has also been very helpful for me because there are so many things I have no control over, so I’ve had to go with the flow and remain optimistic this entire time.”
That’s also a lesson for the rest of parenthood. There is so little we have control over and something usually tends to derail the best laid plans so going with the flow and staying positive is about all you can do. Parenthood has given me so much more and so many more lessons, over and beyond just having the child…everything else, too, has been a gift.
And you are looking adorable and beautiful. You’re getting so close!
So glad for this post! It came when I really needed to “hear” that someone else is dealing with change (and you do it so well!).
Today was the official move in day for me and my boyfriend, and while I’m super excited we’re finally living together after 5 years of dating, I started to cry on the drive from New Jersey to Connecticut. I’m going to miss exactly the types of things you described…having ”those places” I always go to, knowing where things are, and seeing my parents everyday. I moved back home after college and have been living with them for almost 4 years. Felt a little like a baby for crying about it, but missing them is going to be the biggest challenge. I’m reminding myself that the distance isn’t that far and we’re seeing them in 2 weeks for Thanksgiving. Like you said, there’s no help in stressing over it, so I’m going to focus on enjoying the changes. 🙂
I love looking at all of the progression of pictures!
BTW why have i never thought to microwave cookie dough?! uh, duh Heather! I love cookie dough!
I don’t have any kids, but I appreciate you putting it all out there in this post. These are things that I worry about if/when I get pregnant. I’m also super Type A and don’t like to not be in control.
I think you’re handling your pregnancy beautifully and I have no doubt that you and Tom will be amazing parents. You are stronger than you know. 🙂
You are soooo cute preggo. You look like you swallowed a basketball…you are only belly! Girl be thankful.
With both my pregnancies i was freaked out at the thought of labor. I knew i did not want an epidural or any meds with the labors…and thankfully i had both my boys all natural. which is funny cos i dont like any kind of pain. Funny thing is, with my oldest i watched any and everything about labor etc. But with my 2nd i would not watch anything, cos i did not want to think about labor until i was actually in it. LOL But when the time came i was ready for it to come. I was miserable the last month.
What helped me was to remember that women were made to give birth…the body is totally set up for it, and even if your mind doesn’t know what to do, your body does!
My husband was calm and cool during our son’s delivery, positioned near my head, but my mom had a “front row center” view of the birth. I remember looking over at her, and she was pretty white; looking like she might faint!! She was OK, and we still laugh pretty hard about that!
The mirror does seem a little weird. But, it actually does help. I agree with the other comments, seeing the baby’s head and the progress gives you that extra boost to keep pushing and meet your new bundle of joy. Also, it helps know when and how to push.
You look great and you’re getting so close now! I had my little bean on the 1st of November and while it’s absolutely exhausting, you fall in love with them so quickly that you won’t really mind. 🙂 Just be ready to deal with sleep deprivation….
As for the mirror, I never thought I’d want to see it but when you’re in the situation, things might change! I was somewhat exhausted from pushing (and a billion meds – even though I wanted to go intervention-free, I ended up with cytotec, pitocin, epidural, iv, antibiotics and two blood pressure injections cause mine dropped very low.. at least I avoided the c-section though I guess) and having the mirror there and seeing the progress really helped. I actually had my eyes closed to push after his head came out so I didn’t see the rest, but knowing the head is right there and seeing his hair was pretty amazing.
Even though it might take a day (or two if you’re unlucky) to get the little bean here safely, it’ll seem like a blur afterwards. You’ll do great!
You are intensifying my baby fever!! Take it one day at a time and remember to be present 🙂
First of all I need gluten free cookie dough, but seriously girl your belly is really poppin! I can’t wait to see the little nugget and your life together. Mwah
You look so fantastic… and I just found chocolate bars that I’d stashed for you and forgot to ship. Darn, i’ll have to send them soon 🙂
you spoil me!!! crazy girl
I can totally relate to this post! I am 32 weeks on Friday & totally starting to feel it, both physically and emotionally. I have become super anxious, which is not uncommon for me, but it is all getting so close & real. When we finished the nursery this week, I sat down in there and was just like wow, she will be here so soon! Also, those birthing videos are so intense!
I am not pregnant but I TOTALLY share your fears of dying giving birth. Its not a serious enough fear to ever stop me from wanting to have kids some day but its always been in the back of my mind like what if that happens?
I don’t think its unnatural to feel anxiety and worry with all the changes you are going through right now. Heck when I think about all the changes involved with bringing a life into the world I get anxious! But its so reassuring to know its what your body is made to do, and that it will all be worth it in the end! 🙂
Most.adorable.preggers.ever. I am sorry to hear that you are having stress. But, such is life! And now that you are a mother, I think there will always be something to worry about!
You look great! You are so fit and slender with just a belly to show you are preggers. I swelled all over.
I am the queen of anxiety. While I didn’t worry about dying during labor I know my friend worried about that (and she now has 2 kids and she’s doing great).You are helping more people than you know sharing your fears and thoughts. Anyhoo despite being anxiety queen after my water broke I somehow became zen-like. I was so excited to know the next phase of this would be starting soon and I would meet my baby! While I eat healthy and work out, I am no where near as healthy and fit as you are and th doctor told me the fact I was fit would help with recovery.
Random brilliant advice a friend shared with me….It’s worth it to pay extra for your own room post birth. In college it’s fun to have a roomie, but when you need to sleep and breast feed and enjoy special moments with your husband and family and deal with the aftermath of birth… it is so nice to have your own place. I could have visitors without disturbing or even worse waking anyone. There are many reasons why it is nice to have your own bathroom post birth.
Best wishes to you! I am excited to one day check here and see the “Little Nugget has Arrived” post.
As a fellow control freak who has given birth four times, I totally understand where your anxiety is coming from. I always get stressed during pregnancy about not knowing WHEN labor will begin, which becomes more important when other little kids are involved. I think we choose things to freak out about because the whole thing is so overwhelming, but we focus our anxiety on specific things.
You’ll be fine! And in the end you’ll have your sweet baby in your arms 🙂 I think it’s important to voice your fears, though, even just to get them out of your head.
I’ve had three natural childbirths and during each one I have a moment of “Holy #@#$, what have I done?” But the good thing about doing it naturally, at least for me, is that I’m so into the process of it–really, kind of out of my mind with hormones and sensations and whatnot–that all I can really do is keep on keepin’ on. It isn’t like I’m sitting there analyzing the danger of the situation or worrying about stuff. All the worries come before, and then once labor really starts, you will be swept into the flow of it all. You will be so totally awesome, no matter what happens! You are in great shape and have a great mindset. I can’t wait to hear all about it!
I’m glad your hubby has helped you just go with the flow cause mine definitely does that for me as well. We need these people to help balance us when your minds get a little cray-cray…or maybe it’s just mine!
I can’t believe you’re so close to the end! I would be anxious too, but I’m sure everything will go perfectly and soon you’ll be the parents of the most beautiful baby girl ever! 🙂
i am loving your family posts & your openness & honesty. thank you for sharing. your daughter is going to be one lucky little girl 🙂
I can totally relate to you on the anxiety front. And the carting around 25 extra pounds front. I’m 34 weeks and am feeling like I’m ready to be done being pregnant and start having this baby anytime now. My fears for childbirth are not that I won’t be able to handle it, our bodies are designed for exactly this purpose, but more that something is going to go wrong. If my husband had a nickel for every email or comment I made that started “Now I’m worried about….,” we’d be ready to put this baby through college. Good thing we both have husbands who are rational, calming influences to counteract the pregnancy crazy!
I can definitely understand your worries as I think every women has those same thoughts before giving birth. My bro-n-law was hunting when my sister had her second baby and he didn’t have cell phone reception. She delivered quickly so he wasn’t able to make it in time for the delivery. My mom and I went into the room with my sister and I watched the whole process. I was only 15 at the time so it was quite overwhelming but also beautiful. 🙂
You’re such an adorable pregnant girl!!! I’m so worried I’m gonna be a hot mess when I get pregs!
I was scared to death about the birthing part too. I figured they had to come out somehow. When it happens I was so in the moment I didn’t have those feelings then. All you can think about is breathing and pushing the baby out. You will do great I know. I thought my births would be early too, but it was the opposite. My daughter was 10 days late and had to be induced. She also weighed 8 1/2 lbs and they said I couldn’t have a baby naturally that weighed over 7 lbs; wrong answer because I did. Then my son was induced also. I guess my babies were happy in their oven!
I left the stove on once too when I was preggo lol 🙂 I also really worried about dying or having complications and actually had a discussion with my Husband about my wishes should anything happen during the birth. It helped calm my anxiety a lot knowing what the plan was. But when it came to the actual birth I wasn’t even concerned about that at all. Its kind of funny I’m having more anxiety now thinking about my second birth because I know what it feels like and I’m worried about having similar issues with this one, but I’m sure there will still be a baby at the end so I’m trying not to stress out over it.
Funny side note: I was in the room when my brother was born, I was 10 at the time, and I was front and center for all the action. Best BC ever. I never wanted kids after that until I turned 24.
I had a sweet tooth for baked goods toward the end of my pregnancy too!
The brain thing doesn’t get better after baby, I can’t believe how dumb I have gotten! Lol! I read once that it’s because the baby is taking all the good fats from you, so they aren’t going to your brain, but to hers! Omega 3, dha, EPA it up!
aw, gina, it’s going to work out just fine and in the end you will be deliriously happy and safe with a healthy bouncing baby!
i have to say, i’m nowhere near where you are in life, but i’ve been positive for years now that my main purpose in life is to create a big, loving family. i am sure. (how to get there, i’m not so sure of. of course there are other things i want to do, but that is the biggest.) i love the idea of being pregnant and all that comes with having a big family, BUT, with that said, the idea of actually giving birth totally freaks me out. i don’t handle any sort of pain/illness/things wrong with my body/etc well at ALL and just thinking about the process giving birth can make my stomach turn. so i definitely feel you on that. you just have to give in and have faith in yourself and the baby that you will work together to do what you both need to do to be safe and healthy. it’s really comforting to read your posts about this because i feel like no one ever talks about this side of it and they SHOULD! i hope it helps you to let it out a little bit here.
and a mirror? nooooo, thank you.
Yay for 32 weeks! I always look forward to reading your updates 🙂 Our fears and anxiety can seem so real to us. Know that you are strong, not just physically, but mentally + emotionally as well. Your baby girl is so very lucky to have you both for parents! As for the “stuff” just remember that you + the baby are everyone’s main focus.
your dreams give me chills. i love your updates and hope to God that i look like you when I’m preggo one day. thanks for being so real and open, and sharing this experience with us Gina!
do the mirror or take video of the birth – full frontal. i regret not doing it so much! i had a very quick and easy birth but but was anti crotch shots, however, i really think i missed out, especially when my hubs described how amazing it was. ps – mine wasn’t that messy and i didn’t poo 🙂
I am 6 months pregnant with my first baby and I thought I was handling things so well until the last week or so. I am suddenly wanting everything done NOW. My nesting insticts are hitting me hard and my poor sweet hubby is taking the wrath. Lucky for him, he is a firefighter and works funny hours that include being gone 24 hours at a time every few days. I’m sure he is secretly thankful to be away from me for a little while. I have started to incorporate yoga back into my life so I’m hoping that helps!
As for the mirror, NO WAY! I don’t need to witness the details. I just want to see my sweet baby when they lay him on my chest. 🙂
You are such an adorable pregnant lady. Seriously.
thank you, friend <3
I’m 38 weeks today and expecting a little girl as well! Hahaha. I love your comment about the videos in the birthing classes – hello, the 80’s called and want their pregnant people back! I almost fainted when they got into the nitty gritty of the post-pardum stuff…had to put my head between my knees. Something about the recovery freaks me out more than the birth itself. Weird, I know. Best of luck to you – you will do GREAT! I have been reading your blog for a few years and I’m a big fan…it’s been fun to follow your preggo journey too! Whenever I get anxious (all the time) I just envision kissing her little face (have been dreaming about it as well) and seeing my hubby do the same. 🙂
Take the mirror – it is messy but beautiful nonetheless. Your competitive, athletic side will take over when you can visually see “progress” – without the visual it is harder. You will be surprised. My husband thought that he didn’t want to look but when the time came he was down at the bottom of the bed, yelling out encouragement and looking like the ref at a baseball game.
Skip video of that part – no one needs to see that. It is an “in the moment” kind of thing. Do the nice non-graphic kind of video.