Home for the holidays
Hi friends <3 Hope you’re having a great morning and enjoyed a wonderful weekend.
In the spirit of keeping it real…
(Sweet snuggly baby, blotchy eyes from crying, and a cold sore because my immune system is officially giving me the middle finger)
I promised myself and you guys that I would share the good and not-so-fun parts this time around regarding the newborn stage. I remember last time, around this same point in time, I saw the carefully curated photos of new moms on other blogs and it made me feel worse than I already did. How were they perfectly coiffed, not wearing pajamas, showered, and their kids looked happy and equally picture-perfect? Well the second time, I found that it IS a little bit easier to get dressed and showered each day -you figure out the logistics for that kind of thing, and getting a tiny baby dressed doesn’t make you feel like you will break them like it once did- but some things, no matter what, just aren’t easy. New challenges can make the experience seem even more daunting and trying the second time around.
I mentioned last week that P has reflux, but I didn’t really go into details or any of the other things that have been going on. When we were in the hospital, she had jaundice and started losing weight which is why I had to supplement so early. She was on blue light therapy for jaundice, and that’s why we were in the hospital for longer than anticipated. They eventually let us go home when we could borrow our own blue light to continue the phototherapy treatment here. When we supplemented in the hospital, she started violently spitting up. I had to call the nurses to help me because while I’ve seen a lot of babies spit up (and have four younger brothers), this was unlike anything I’d seen. They brushed it off as “normal spit up” -the jaundice was their main concern- and we were finally able to go home.
Over the past couple of weeks, the spitting up has been a part of life, and we learned ways to manage it. We elevated the head of her bassinet, started giving her small amounts of the supplemental formula at a time, switched to hypoallergenic formula, burped her frequently, kept her upright as much as possible, and I cut dairy completely out of my life.
We’ve had 6 pediatrician appointments (including one for her belly button, which wasn’t sealed completely and another to have her tongue tie fixed), a heel prick at the hospital to check her bilirubin levels (which decreased quickly, thankfully), and a major scare regarding the spit up.
Last week, she choked on her spit up, couldn’t catch her breath, and it scared the life out of me. It was during nap time, and I was watching her on the monitor. All of a sudden, it sounded like she was underwater. I ran into the room to pick her up, and she was entirely silent, skin bright red, and eyes wide. The spit up was so thick that she couldn’t clear it from her throat, and I had to firmly pat her on the back to dislodge it. I had 9-1-1 on the phone, and it was one of the most terrifying moments of my life.
We haven’t been sleeping much at all, which is expected with a newborn (especially one with reflux), but since the incident, I’ve laid awake in bed each night, fully ready to act in case something similar happens. Similar events have happened two more times, but less severe and she was making noise (able to breathe) during the episodes. We went to the pediatrician the first night it happened, and she said it was reassuring that it was associated with something (the spit up was stuck; she didn’t stop breathing for no reason), and gave us a prescription for Zantac. The first day I was convinced it was working, but now she just seems to cry and spit up even more. It breaks my heart because she’s so uncomfortable. When she hasn’t recently eaten anything, she is the happiest, sweetest baby. Otherwise, she’s sobbing and grunting. I’m just hoping we can get this under control for her.
For this reason, we’re staying in San Diego this week instead of heading to Tucson for Thanksgiving. We’ve been looking forward to seeing the fam for months, but it’s the right choice. We couldn’t think of something happening on the freeway, especially during the span of time where there isn’t cell phone service.
As for how I’m feeling, I’ve been trying really hard to fight the PPD and anxiety I experienced last time, but with everything going on, it’s been a lot to deal with. Sometimes I feel completely normal, and other times, mostly when I see how miserable P is, I start crying and have a hard time stopping. I just feel so bad for her, and wish there was more I could do to help her. I’ll be talking to someone about it this week just to make sure I can stay on top of things and won’t end up feeling how I did last time.
It’s a week for giving thanks, and I’m thankful that she’s otherwise very healthy, and while we won’t be in Tucson, we’ll all be together this week. There are so many things to be thankful for, and this is just a bump in the road in the grand scheme of things. I’m also thankful for all of you, and for your support and advice the past 4 weeks.
xoxo
Gina
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Thanks for being so open and honest. I will definitely keep you guys in my prayers!!
Hi Gina. My baby is 8 weeks (and I have a 3.5 year old as well) and we are just coming out the other side of 6 weeks of severe GERD and an RSV lung infection. The lack of sleep and seeing your baby upset is an awful combination. I totally feel your pain. Hang in there and consider switching to Nexium to manage the reflux, it’s worked well for us.
I should have mentioned that too. Nexium was better for my little man too.
Hang in there and continue to take good care of yourself, Mama. You’re doing great and you inspire the rest of us who are just starting out on the wild ride of parenthood.
Would you consider an Angel Care monitor or something similar? I don’t know if that would put your mind at ease. I didn’t have one with my son and I had major PPA and worried about him constantly. Looking back, I wish I’d had one.
I really appreciate your honesty here. I am still deciding on having a 2nd and it helps to see it from many angles.
I can only imagine how terrifying it must have been to see your baby stop breathing. That must be one of the scariest things in the world. It sounds like you made the right decision for your family regarding travel and for peace of mind. I really appreciate the openness and honesty of this post. I’m sure other new moms will read it and feel like they’re not alone in their struggles. Sending you positive thoughts and hugs <3
Thanks for sharing momma! Your story is 100% like my daughter when she was little. Its so heartbreaking to see them go through this. It does start to clear up around 6 months, so there is an end in sight!
I’m sorry you’re really going through it right now. I’m glad you have good doctors to help you all through this, I’m no doctor but I’m 100% certain Penelope will get through the reflux, you’ll get through the PPD, and in no time at all Livi will be calling you and P downstairs for pancakes with Tom. One day at a time right? Tom, Livi, and Penelope are incredibly lucky to have you, don’t forget that. <3
PS, I hope you know you’re doing the absolute best you can for P. I’m Sure she feels loved and safe, if a bit annoyed at the reflux. I hope you can find a professional to talk to about the PPD. A couple of chats with someone trained in that area might be a big help. Take care of you!
Sending you super crazy happy positive pro-digestion vibes! <3 <3 Removing the stress of traveling will definitely help you deal with everything going on. Have a peaceful, easy Thanksgiving with your little family and remember that *everything is temporary*. <3
I have no advice, but I just wanted to send you some virtual support. I can only imagine how scary and hard that is. You are doing a great job, mama!! And it won’t last forever; y’all will figure it out. 😉
Gina, I’ve followed you for so many years – my heart sank when I read this post. What a crazy scare you had! So sorry you’ve had to deal with that. My second baby (now a year old) had reflux too. It is no fun at all but they do grow out of it. This too shall pass! Hang in there mama!
Sending so much love and positivity your way Gina. You are amazing and you will get through this and baby girl will be just fine. Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers. I’m 39 weeks pregnant myself and have been struggling with anxiety during this last trimester so I really appreciate how open and honest you’ve been about your experience. xoxo
Oh mama, hang in there! I had a baby with reflux too, but not quite to that awful extent. One thing we did was visit the chiro several times and that really seemed to help!
Thank you for sharing and being so honest about what you are going through. I had my first baby on October 21st and sometimes it seems like everything is so easy for others on blogs and social media, and it makes me feel frustrated when I find this transition difficult. I pray that you all get through this tough time quickly, thinking of you!
I feel the exact same! I’m a first time mom. My baby boy was born on 10/26. I read lots of blogs and I feel like I’m the only one with a fussy baby and it can be very discouraging.
So sorry to hear this and all you are going through. As a pediatric speech therapist we see this a lot. This is not a normal part of feeding and reflux and you should pursue any resources you can. I highly recommend finding a feeding therapist/pediatric outpatient group that works and specializes in feeding. Sometimes Doctors miss things that are not as commonplace
As a mom utilizing speech/feeding therapy for swallowing problems and aspiration risk, I can’t agree enough!
I agree please ask p’s Dr if she may have Pyloric Stenosis. Its a common condition , easily fixed with a procedure. Its an overdeveloped muscle that projects the formula up not allowing her to digest.
we are going this morning- i will definitely ask about it. thank you <3
She is precious. No reflux advice, but sending wishes for rest (for you!) and health (for the babe!) your way. You are an awesome mom — remind yourself of that, and that you’re doing your best, often. Sounds like you’re running on fumes, so take it easy on yourself
Thank you for sharing so honestly. I’m a month away from my first baby and I really appreciate hearing the good and the not-so-good all together. It’s not helpful or relatable when people pretend that everything is so easy breezy.
This might totally be a shot in the dark but I spoke with a naturopathic Doctor once that said if a breastfeeding mom is consuming peppermint, it can trigger reflux in the baby because it relaxes their digestive tract too much.
Hang in there, mama. You’ve got a lot on your plate and are doing an amazing job.
I have an 8 month old and your description of P choking took my breath away. I’m so sorry mama. I can only imagine how hard it is watching your sweet baby struggle. She has to eat… it’s heartbreaking that it’s painful for her. I hope some relief comes soon. Thank you for sharing the reality of your situation. It’s so easy to beat ourselves up during the extremely difficult first weeks when the media and some blogs would have you believe you should be nothing but happy and put together. Wishing you and your family the best. Hang in there.
Hi Gina! I’ve never commented before but I wanted to tell you that you’re not alone. When my son was a newborn, we went through similar digestive issues. He was diagnosed with severe reflux and he was on Zantac for awhile. The spit up never stopped. He was x-rayed, given a GI series, tested for pyloric stenosis. I was encouraged to and did stop nursing. At 4 mos we went to a pediatric gastroenterologist who eventually diagnosed him with severe MPSI. We had to give him neocate, an amino acid based formula For severe milk protien allergy and overnight he was a changed baby! Definitely see a specialist sooner than later if it’s possible. My daughter was diagnosed with reflux immediately. We tried zantac and Prevacid but settled on Nexium, which was amazing. If the zantac isn’t working don’t be afraid to ask for something different, it made a huge difference to us. Good luck momma!
I relate to this completely. I always felt so alone because not one of my friends with kids had gone through what we were going through. My daughter had severe reflux and protein intolerances. At one point I cut out all top 8 allergen foods from my diet which left me feeling so depressed. Just know you’re not alone in this, many families go through this with their babies and it does get better! My 15 month old outgrew everything around 10 months and is thriving. If you don’t get enough help from your pediatrician maybe consider seeing a pediatric GI. Doing that was really helpful for us. I hope things improve soon, you’re doing a great job!
Reading this brought tears to my eyes as just one year ago we welcomed our second baby and I know how hard it can be…even the second time around, when certain aspects are easier, there is still a learning curve to find a new normal as a family of four, the postnatal hormones are crazy, and these big life changes, no matter how sweet, can be so daunting. I’m sorry you had such a scare! I’m praying that you and your doctors can help P find relief and that you are able to have a peace and calm about the whole situation. The beauty of the second time around is that you know these rough times are only for a season…hang in there and focus on the blessings! Happy Thanksgiving 🙂
My daughter had severe reflex and I removed gluten and dairy from my diet. We did some of those colic drops, we also saw a GI dr and did Prevacid and erythromycin and it helped a ton!
Healing thoughts and prayers to you all. You are an amazing mother and your little girls are lucky to have you.
Also, I wanted to let you know that you just described my daughter’s first year. She was just diagnosed with FPIES Syndrome (and breastmilk did trigger her reactions). She also has reflux and is on Nexium. More than likely, P does not have this syndrome….but it took us a year to get this diagnoses and I wish so much it had happened sooner.
Love and stength to you all!
Thank you so much for mentioning FPIES, Ericka! When I read Gina’s post it was my first thought also, as my almost 2-year-old has had FPIES since she was born. The description of the mucus-y spit-up that never ends and a baby who is inconsolable when she’s eaten but happy as a clam otherwise sounds all too familiar. And it took us 9 months to get a diagnosis because my daughter’s allergist refused to diagnose her until she’d eaten solid food on her own and had acute reactions, not just reacted to foods in my diet or to formula.
Gina, like Ericka mentioned, it’s probably a long shot that sweet baby P has FPIES, but if you continue see the symptoms in her and a hypoallergenic formula still isn’t helping I would gently encourage you to look into FPIES as a possible cause. There’s still so much research to be done about the syndrome, and it’s such a “new” diagnosis that it only got its ICD10 code at the beginning of October, but FPIES is real and scary and often overlooked, even by experienced physicians.
I stand with you, Gina and Ericka. It’s never easy to see your precious little one struggle in any way. You both sound like you’re doing absolutely everything you can muster to figure things out and improve the quality of life for your babies every chance you get. If I can offer any assistance, even if it’s just answering questions from the perspective of a Mama who’s a little further out in the FPIES journey, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
Sending big hugs and lots of support your way. <3 <3
I almost never comment on things I read but I really related to this post, thank you for keeping it real. My experience was that most people didn’t want to hear the tough parts of caring for a newborn and made me feel like I was “complaining” when I tried to express how I was feeling. This made me feel like I did not have an outlet and very alone at times. Good for you for having the courage to post this, you will be a comfort for a lot of other moms going through the same thing right about now. I hope you all settle into a smoother routine soon.
Your honesty is appreciated more than I can put into words. Everyone tries to put a front on social media and it does make everyone else feel like they don’t have it all together. Thank you for what you do and I want you know how much your blog has inspired so many! I will be praying for you and baby… I can’t imagine what you are going through!
I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this right now. Big big hugs and positive thoughts for healing and comfort for baby P!
While I didn’t deal with this I had other issues (unplanned c-section, tough recovery, and breast feeding issues) and a really hard time going from 1 kid to 2 kids and I can completely sympathize the feelings of PPD and PPA. Lots of love to your family!
Sending your family lots of love. I’ll be thinking of you guys. Hope she feels better very soon!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I’m sure it’s difficult to put yourself out there like that. When my son was a newborn , I felt so anxious and alone. I bet this post has helped some new mom’s feel a little more “normal ” and a little less alone. Sending positive vibes to you and your family.
Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your story! I hope you and your beautiful little family have a wonderful holiday together, and I will pray for some sweet relief for you and Princess P!
oh! I wish I could scoop you up into a giant hug. You are a wonderful mom, wife, and human being. You’re doing all that you can. It will all be okay.
Thank you for being so real. My baby boy is now 11 weeks and also has reflux. I was in a hole for a good 6 weeks seeing all my friends continuing normal life with their newborns while I hadn’t left the house. My son was put on Zantac and it took a few weeks along with the things you mentioned to get better. What really helps is just getting older and his digestive system maturing. He is still a high maintenance baby and I will probably never be out to dinner or shopping for hours any time soon but am trying to focus on the positives. He is healthy and getting better to predict and help. The hardest thing for me as well was seeing how uncomfortable he was so I am sorry for what you are going through but find comfort in your honesty. I hope P gets better soon. Thank you 🙂
Our little guy was born Oct. 1 and we’ve been dealing with silent acid reflux (no spitting up). I’ve heard him choke and cough then gulp and swallow the spit up over the monitor, so scary! The Fisher Price Rock n’ Play sleeper has been our life saver. It elevates his head more than just a few inches and the constant rocking is very soothing to him. My OT friend said it is perfectly safe for our baby to sleep in for the first few months. Our doc put him on zantac but he said that zantac is only the first medicine to try for babies and a lot of time, babies need something different. He told us that we only needed to try it for a week and then if our baby didn’t show drastic improvement, we would move on to a different med. So far it has worked but a friend whose babe dealt with much worse acid reflux only found relief taking omeprazole. Sorry for such a long comment, good luck! Hope baby starts feeling better SOON!!!
Thank you for being so honest! Im sending positive, healthy energy to you and your family!
Thank you for posting something so honest! Sending lots of positive thoughts and prayers your way – just hang in there and know that you are doing an amazing job, Gina!
Gina – you are so strong and are doing all the right things!
I’m sure you have already looked into it but my sister gave my nephew Holle brand formula she ordered from Germany. This formula doesn’t contain the synthetic preservatives that many U.S. formulas (even organic) contain. He was unable to drink any other formula and would breakout in all sorts of baby hives with excessive spit up when she had to substitute with other grocery store formulas if she ran out of Holle. Just in case you wanted to order some to try it – it was a lifesaver for him!
So sorry you are going through all of that. I don’t have any advise for the reflux, but if you are not getting sleep because of your fear of her choking again, you should look into an Angelcare monitor. You can’t put it in the bassinet but you can put it in the crib and it will beep once after 10 or 20 seconds if there is no movement and then an alarm will sound if there is no movement afterwards. It truly is a lifesaver with not having to worry about them not breathing at night. They have one that has a video monitor too.
Prayers and Hugs! Consider switching prescriptions for P. We were delayed in NICU due to (one of the reasons) severe reflux with our little one for 8 weeks trying to determine a solution. Eventually we ended on Prevacid. Unfortunately this drug is a last resort for doctors due to insurance not wanting to cover but for us the high cost was worth it, especially since it gave a solution to get our little one home. Reflux medicine will work within 72 hours (seriously dramatically work) if it’s the right fit for the child. We learned that via Miami Children’s Hospital top doctors, so I am not just speaking my mind here. This was our second hospital we dealt with in trying to solve the issue.
My reflux baby is 10 almost 11 now and I remember oh so well ! I was a mess she was so underweight because she hated eating we tried every medicine in the book but the only thing that heleod was time. I’m so sorry you are going through it it stinks !
Oh Gina I have been there- our stories are so similar- my second baby had reflux and while he didn’t have the awful scare you experienced with P (which thank god she is ok!) I did have so many roadblocks to my baby’s comfort and happiness. A few things- look into a rock n play sleeper- they are great for just moving room to room in the house and keep her elevated in a good position for reflux. They are a reflux baby’s best friend! Also I felt similar with my sons response to Zantac- his pediatrician put him on First Omeprazole (Prilosec for babies) and that seemed to help him a lot more. Also I’m sure they told you this but hold her upright at least 15-30 minutes after feeding. Hang in there mama, it really does get better!!!
I don’t usually comment but I had to reach out when you said that spit up has become a part of life. When my son was first born he would grunt and scream and cry until he’d find release, in either an explosive diaper or vomit. The dr’s told us it was normal baby plumbing at first, then they thought it was acid reflux, but nothing worked. I finally followed my gut and took him to a gastroenterologist who diagnosed him with anal stenosis and a lack of digestive enzymes in his tummy. Just like that we were able to take him off of meds and treat him homeopathically. I had my own bout with PPD and his situation definitely didn’t help. While your beautiful little girl might not have the same thing, taking her to a specialist might lead you to explore more options than a pediatrician. Just a thought and best of luck! You’re doing a great job!
Oh my goodness! I’m sure that was terrifying. You are so strong an beautiful, and P is just absolutely precious. Love and prayers to you, P, Liv, and Pilot!!
Hi Gina. Virtual ((hugs)) to you. Like someone said above, thank you for being so open and honest with all of us. So sorry to hear you & Baby P are going through all of that. I’m sure it’s rough. Keeping you guys in my thoughts and hoping Baby P gets over this hump so you guys are able to FULLY enjoy the newborn/baby stage at some point without any worries or scares.
We’re all thinking of you…..and P’s still one super precious, adorable, snuggleworthy babe and you’re one rockstar mama! XOXO
Praying for your whole family and sending good vibes for the holiday week. Also, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I am thankful for your blog and all of the wonderful information you include on it – but most thankful for your unique voice and ability to relate to and touch your readers. 🙂
So sorry to hear about P’s reflux! My son had really bad reflux as a baby too (among a few other health challenges). We had to try a few different meds to find one that worked for him. I remember how terrible I felt as a Mom at that point. Knowing how uncomfortable your baby is and not being able to help is miserable. I felt very alone and spent so much time worrying about his health instead of being able to just enjoy him. Glad to hear you are going to talk to someone. I know you are doing a great job and you will find a way to help P be more comfortable.
Hugs to you mama. What a scary thing to happen to you guys. Wishing you a wonderful and low key Thanksgiving. xoxo.
I’m sorry, hang in there. My second son has reflux and I remember the frustrating times (and guilt for not “loving” all the newborn moments). Prevacid was what helped him and he is currently 10 months and happy. I hope you can find a medication that makes P feel better and I hope you can catch a break soon <3
I’m so sorry to hear this! Sending hugs and prayers your way!
Sending positive vibes and virtual hugs to you! Keep your head up and keep truckin- you WILL get past this! It takes courage to share both the good AND bad parts of our days.
Hi
I just sent you an email! I had a very similar experience with my first. You’re not alone and it will get easier even though that’s hard to imagine right now.
Gina, love. I am praying for you <3 I am so sorry you had to experience something so scary <3 Praying for all of you xo
Sending postitive thoughts your way. Thanks for being so honest and open about things <3<3