Home for the holidays
Hi friends <3 Hope you’re having a great morning and enjoyed a wonderful weekend.
In the spirit of keeping it real…
(Sweet snuggly baby, blotchy eyes from crying, and a cold sore because my immune system is officially giving me the middle finger)
I promised myself and you guys that I would share the good and not-so-fun parts this time around regarding the newborn stage. I remember last time, around this same point in time, I saw the carefully curated photos of new moms on other blogs and it made me feel worse than I already did. How were they perfectly coiffed, not wearing pajamas, showered, and their kids looked happy and equally picture-perfect? Well the second time, I found that it IS a little bit easier to get dressed and showered each day -you figure out the logistics for that kind of thing, and getting a tiny baby dressed doesn’t make you feel like you will break them like it once did- but some things, no matter what, just aren’t easy. New challenges can make the experience seem even more daunting and trying the second time around.
I mentioned last week that P has reflux, but I didn’t really go into details or any of the other things that have been going on. When we were in the hospital, she had jaundice and started losing weight which is why I had to supplement so early. She was on blue light therapy for jaundice, and that’s why we were in the hospital for longer than anticipated. They eventually let us go home when we could borrow our own blue light to continue the phototherapy treatment here. When we supplemented in the hospital, she started violently spitting up. I had to call the nurses to help me because while I’ve seen a lot of babies spit up (and have four younger brothers), this was unlike anything I’d seen. They brushed it off as “normal spit up” -the jaundice was their main concern- and we were finally able to go home.
Over the past couple of weeks, the spitting up has been a part of life, and we learned ways to manage it. We elevated the head of her bassinet, started giving her small amounts of the supplemental formula at a time, switched to hypoallergenic formula, burped her frequently, kept her upright as much as possible, and I cut dairy completely out of my life.
We’ve had 6 pediatrician appointments (including one for her belly button, which wasn’t sealed completely and another to have her tongue tie fixed), a heel prick at the hospital to check her bilirubin levels (which decreased quickly, thankfully), and a major scare regarding the spit up.
Last week, she choked on her spit up, couldn’t catch her breath, and it scared the life out of me. It was during nap time, and I was watching her on the monitor. All of a sudden, it sounded like she was underwater. I ran into the room to pick her up, and she was entirely silent, skin bright red, and eyes wide. The spit up was so thick that she couldn’t clear it from her throat, and I had to firmly pat her on the back to dislodge it. I had 9-1-1 on the phone, and it was one of the most terrifying moments of my life.
We haven’t been sleeping much at all, which is expected with a newborn (especially one with reflux), but since the incident, I’ve laid awake in bed each night, fully ready to act in case something similar happens. Similar events have happened two more times, but less severe and she was making noise (able to breathe) during the episodes. We went to the pediatrician the first night it happened, and she said it was reassuring that it was associated with something (the spit up was stuck; she didn’t stop breathing for no reason), and gave us a prescription for Zantac. The first day I was convinced it was working, but now she just seems to cry and spit up even more. It breaks my heart because she’s so uncomfortable. When she hasn’t recently eaten anything, she is the happiest, sweetest baby. Otherwise, she’s sobbing and grunting. I’m just hoping we can get this under control for her.
For this reason, we’re staying in San Diego this week instead of heading to Tucson for Thanksgiving. We’ve been looking forward to seeing the fam for months, but it’s the right choice. We couldn’t think of something happening on the freeway, especially during the span of time where there isn’t cell phone service.
As for how I’m feeling, I’ve been trying really hard to fight the PPD and anxiety I experienced last time, but with everything going on, it’s been a lot to deal with. Sometimes I feel completely normal, and other times, mostly when I see how miserable P is, I start crying and have a hard time stopping. I just feel so bad for her, and wish there was more I could do to help her. I’ll be talking to someone about it this week just to make sure I can stay on top of things and won’t end up feeling how I did last time.
It’s a week for giving thanks, and I’m thankful that she’s otherwise very healthy, and while we won’t be in Tucson, we’ll all be together this week. There are so many things to be thankful for, and this is just a bump in the road in the grand scheme of things. I’m also thankful for all of you, and for your support and advice the past 4 weeks.
xoxo
Gina
240 Comments
Leave a Comment
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
I am so sorry yiu are dealing with this! It is so hard when they are so tiny and have problems. My son was diagnosed with tracheomalacia at a week old (basically horrible gasping like noises from a floppy trachea) and I was like you, crying and staying up listening to him at night. It’s so hard but hang in there, a year or two from now this will be just a bad memory.
It is so refreshing to read a blog being completely honest! My baby girl was born October 9th and we are going through the same exact thing. It is heartbreaking watching your little one suffer and not knowing what to do and then reading all these blogs of these moms doing it all makes me feel like I am not doing anything right. I cant wait for a tear free day from both of us and wish the same for you. Thanks again for your honesty.
As a new Mom, this made me so teary eyed. I feel for ya. Just know, things WILL absolutely get better. For you & baby P, I hope that happens real soon. Thinking of you guys & and sending good thoughts your way.
I hope sweet P starts feeling better soon! Unfortunately we struggled for nearly 8 weeks before our little one started to improve. She choked on spit up… not nearly as severely as P but enough that I immediately bought the rock ‘n play to keep her propped up. She didn’t sleep well, she was gassy, and crying… and so was I. Around week 4 or 5 we switched her to hypoallergenic as well. We buy Nutramigen and you can get both Enfamil coupons and Nutramigen specific coupons if you are using that brand. You’ll both get through it, mama. Good luck!
I will pray for you and your sweet baby. Thank you for such an honest post.
I just wanted to send you some love! Like so many, I appreciate your honesty as I am ttc. You and your family are in my thoughts. I hope that sweet Penelope gets some relief soon. I know it must be so hard for you to see her so miserable; try to remember that you are indeed a wonderful mother! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Appreciate your honestly about real life– so sorry for the struggles through!! Will be thinking of y’all and praying for a wonderful thanksgiving at home 🙂
I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you. Thank you for keeping it real.I’m praying that Penelope starts feeling better soon. You are an INCREDIBLE mother! Your two daughters are so lucky to have you as their mama. <3 <3 <3
Wow. Poor P. Hope she gets better soon. Good luck to you!
I don’t comment a lot, but wanted to say that I truly can understand how you feel, and it does go away. My baby is 9 months old, and I have an 8 year old too, but with him I had no PPD. This time around I felt it before leaving the hospital! They shrugged it off there then wrote me a book of prescription’s the next week. Nothing helped and eventually I stopped trying any meds. 6 months in I started feeling slightly normal, but was also taking a supplement called 5htp which may have helped? Please just know that the second time around is harder and eventually, you will feel a little bit more like yourself, bit by bit. ??? xoxo
So sorry to hear this. I hope things get better for the whole family soon. Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way!
I’m not a mother, but this was heartbreaking to read. I feel for you. But I must say…I didn’t even notice the blotchy eyes or cold sore! I thought it was just a pretty au naturel photo.
Enjoy your San Diego Thanksgiving. 🙂
You’re doing a great job, Momma! This too shall pass, hang in there! I really appreciate the honesty of this post. As a recent FTM, I was very caught off guard by how difficult and trying the newborn stage is.
hi Gina! Back when you announced your pregnancy, I let you know that I was expecting and due about a month after you and thanked you for sharing your pregnancy. Well,I had my baby on her due date, almost two weeks ago, and it’s been challenging for us too. We also had a big baby–9 pounds 8 ounces– and thankfully I was able to deliver her vaginally without any issues. But breastfeeding and weight challenges started right away. My girl had low blood sugar the first night in the hospital and they made us supplement with small amounts of formula until it stabilized. My milk started coming in onDay 3,but because of her size she needed more and ended up miserable, refusing to latch and crying hysterically almost all of that day until my husband insisted we give her formula. Once we did, she latched happily and nursed well and my milk came in fully. I thought all was well, but then she stopped pooping! Then at her first check up she had lost almost a pound, which they weren’t too worried about because she was so big, but they did a quick weighed feeding and there was no change. We had to go back the next day and she had gained three ounces, which was great. We also saw a lactation consultant that day,and latch and transfer appeared fine. But, she ended up not pooping for three days and two rounds of rectal stimulation. The poop was gross and stinky and I’m pretty sure the formula was the culprit. When we returned for the next weight check, there was no change. We blamed the poop! We went back today and despite appearing quite healthy otherwise and having plenty of wet and dirty diapers, she’s only gained an ounce in three days. :/ apparently, there are added challenges with a big baby! I know she’s doing well, but it’s hard to control the anxiety when it feels like I’m failing to nourish her adequately. This is also my second child, and I thought it would be so much easier this time, but it’s still so, so hard. And yeah…sleep. All that to say, I’m In this with you. You’re an amazing mama,and you’ll get through this with a healthy babe in your arms.
I am so sorry. This must be very stressful for you, and for P. Can you get another pediatrician, just for a second or third opinion? Sounds tough to be brushed off like this as ‘normal spit up’. Find someone who makes sense. This does not sound like normal. Trust your instincts.
Hope, things get better, and have a wonderful thanksgiving. Maybe, you get surprise visitors!
Thank you so much for this post and your honesty and openness sharing this. My son had awful reflux as a newborn, and wouldn’t tolerate breast milk or any formulas until we finally tried soy, and I remember how awful dealing with that and worrying about him being in pain or uncomfortable felt. And you’re right, seeing so many blogs with perfect pictures of new moms with perfect makeup and hair, talking about their 6 week old sleeping through the night already, etc, only made me feel so much more depressed and alone! It also made me feel like I wasn’t allowed to express how exhausted or overwhelmed I felt! I truly feel for you and your daughter and hope that things get better for your little girl! But thank you for sharing this, I know it will help many moms out there just to feel better, it definitely would of helped me at this time last year! The world needs more honest blogs 🙂
Thanks for sharing ! Hope your finding time to take care of yourself and hope P starts feeling better soon xxx
I love reading your blog and love that you share the normal aspects of your life and keep it real. We all have those tough times and I sends hugs your way! Happy Thanksgiving!
Praying for you, your family, and your sweet baby girl. Your honesty in this blog post is so refreshing, even though this stage of life is so trying. Just have faith that like with all baby phases, this too will pass. Hopefully it will pass soon and you can get some relief. You are doing an amazing job momma. Hang in there and happy Thanksgiving!
Oh Gina I’m sorry things are stressful right now. I can’t imagine how scared you must have felt to see your baby choking. I hope things get better really soon. I’m sorry that you won’t be able to go home for the holidays 🙁 but thankfully you have your hubby and two sweet kids with you 🙂
Sending you so many hugs!
When I commented the other day with tips for reflux, I typed this part of the story and then erased it because I didn’t want to scare you: one of my most vivid memories from when my older daughter (a couple months older than Liv) had reflux was when I was standing in the middle of my kitchen one day, holding her while she screamed bloody murder after having a near-choking incident, spit-up literally surrounding me all over the floor, and calling my pediatrician’s office sobbing because she was in pain and I felt helpless and hopeless. We made it through, but the first 6 months or so were SO tough. I felt like a terrible mom that I wasn’t enjoying the new baby stage at all because the reflux was such a problem. Oh, that and the fact that I never looked put together because not only was I rarely showered, but I always had a nice scent of sour milk on me from spit up!
As far as practical advice…the Rock-N-Play was a lifesaver for sleep–I seriously can’t recommend it enough! I had to keep her upright as much as possible. Baby wearing and tummy time were both limited because she couldn’t handle the pressure on her stomach. The car seat was a necessary evil–it ALWAYS made her spit up, but obviously I couldn’t drive anywhere without her in it.
Hang in there…it will get better! Hugs!
Gina I’m sorry you and P have been struggling! My heart hurts for how terrified you must have been calling 911. Wishing you all some sanity, some sleep, and for P to get through this! You’re doing great mama, don’t forget it!
Sending positive thoughts your way! Hope you have a happy thanksgiving at home!
Oh my god this sounds like my story with my now almost 3 year old. No one can understand what it’s like being up all night with a refluxing baby. Look into the summer infant mapper. We used that for him to sleep and it worked wonders! It can transfer to the crib too when you’re ready. He slept in it for so long. We also used a snuza to monitor his breathing and give me some peace at night. A little pricey but worth every freaking penny. After I nursed, we held him upright for 30 mins before laying him in the napper. My husband did this part so I could go back to sleep. I changed, nursed burped, then handed him to hubby and he held him up for 30 mins. This helped me get more sleep. Also, Zantac helped us a bit, he finally came off it at 2, but there are other meds that work better and differently. So if it’s not working, demand something else. They told me he was a happy spitter and fought with me saying I was just over feeding him. He finally had a barium swallow study (after 3 aspiration pneumonias!!) that proved reflux. I cried because I was so relieved that no, I’m not a crazy FTM. Email any time!!! I seriously have been exactly where you are. I’m expecting number two and praying for no reflux!!
Oh my goodness, so sorry you are going through this! I’ve been going through a very similar thing with my 3rd girl and she is 9 months old. Se had Zantac and it did seem to help a lot. Tummy time also helped a lot so to strengthen those stomach muscles. It was so hard to have her sleep because she was always choking on spit up which always terrified me so I held her a lot when she was younger. It’s so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it will get better. Take her to a GI doctor, that will help a lot! Prayers to you, just take one day at a time!
Hugs, mama. Good for you for being real. It’s so helpful to others who are struggling to see the reality many moms face. Even though you know why P is upset, it’s still emotionally draining I’m sure to deal with a near constant fussy baby. It’s great that the second time around, you can be on top of the PPD. Knowing what it felt like helped me keep it away my second time. Whenever I felt the dark feelings coming on, I’d hurry outside with my littles and that helped immensely. Hugs again to you.
I so very much appreciate your transparency! Something to note about the Zantac (which you might already have thought about) is that the doseage goes by weight so it’s almost always having to be adjusted to work well. No one told us that initially when we had similar issues with my son and I wish I would have known. Also, we used a probiotic that seemed to help a ton with the acid reflux that you might be able to ask about. Lastly, we tried elevating the bassinet but it didn’t seem to help. I was so hesitant to use a Rock N Play for fear of flat head but eventually gave in, it helped tremendously, and my son’s head never had flat spots. Maybe you can borrow one from a friend to see if that helps. Hang in there! You are such an inspiration to your readers and most importantly a wonderful Mom.
Oh Gina, I’m so sorry to hear this. You’re doing an amazing job, even through the stressful times. Hang in there – there will be light at the end of the tunnel! Blessings to sweet baby Penelope and to you!
So sorry to hear about Ps reflux! See if the pharmacy can order the alcohol free ranitidine for you. I have worked in a pharmacy for 9 years and have a coworker who had her daughter use the alcohol free ranitidine some years back when she was a baby!
Have you given any thought to getting donor breast milk? A lot of hospitals now keep stock milk for premies and babies who can’t take formula. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. She is a doll! Hope she and you start to feel better.
My heart is breaking for you and your sweet little P. Sending you a big hug, and prayers that she will get relief soon. Are you considering another pediatrician? This does not sound like ‘normal spit up’, or frankly, even normal reflux. You are an excellent mom, so trust your instincts. So sorry things have to be ‘too real’ for you, but honestly even with red, blotchy eyes and a cold sore, you still look ten times better than I did 4 weeks after birth! Hang in there!
Oh hang in there little P! Poor thing! I am thinking of all of you and hope she gets better soon! Have a nice Thanksgiving!!!
Thanks for sharing and I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Saying prayers for you guys.
My mom always tells the story of when I was spitting violently when I was first born, and she asked the nurses to come see because she was nervous that it was so much. The nurse just looked at her and said, “oh, you can clean that up” and left. My mom thought, “of COURSE I can clean it up, but I’m worried that my baby spat up so much and isn’t getting her nutrition and maybe her stomach is hurting!” There’s spitting up, and then there’s the stuff that is really worrying! I’m sorry you’re having to deal with the really worrying :-/
Appreciate the honesty so much! We have a toddler and new baby at home and it is so hard. He is 4 months now and is severely colic. we have cut everything out of my diet and on reflux meds too. Thanks for being so real! I needed it!
Ick, I’m sorry you’re dealing with reflux issues with P. Have you considered a chiropractor for her? It sounds crazy – but my niece had the exact same issue. The chiropractor was able to help fix the issue – the meds didn’t work well for her either. A friend brought her daughter in after hearing how well it went with my niece and had the same results.
We had the same exact thing happen with our baby, and it was SO HARD. But after about seven or eight weeks, he started really improving, and by three months old things were SIGNIFICANTLY better. My doctor told me “in the scheme of things reflux doesn’t last long, although I’m sure that doesn’t feel comforting to you,” and she was right–but it is true that as babies get bigger and their bodies start to mature they do start to outgrow it. Now he’s a super happy baby who smiles after he eats! No more screaming and arching his back like he used to. Oh, one more thing–our ped was pretty negative about Zantac. She said it doesn’t work that great and she has much more success with PPIs. Something to consider.
Sending you virtual hugs–I went through the reflux/PPA combo with my first combined resulting in severe insomnia and I would average 2-3 hours of sleep a night. The second time around (my baby is 3 months) I ended up going on Zoloft 4 days in (I went on Zoloft the first time around but was too stubborn at first and didn’t go on it until 8 weeks in) and this time the PPA never showed up. I’m a naturally-minded person but have come to believe that I am more sensitive to hormonal and life changes than others so I preemptively took the meds this time with no shame. I have a bond with my baby the second time around that makes me sad for myself the first time around because I was too tired and anxious to experience it. Just wanted to share a positive experience with drugs for PPA from
a usually-very-holistic person 🙂 xoxoxo
I’m so sorry your little one is struggling so much…have you tried probiotics? My husband is a chiropractor and he gives our kids probiotics from Klaire Labs. We use the Infant formula for our little guy. It has 10+ billion CFUs. It would also really help to take her to a Chiropractor, I think. She’s such a big baby…she’s been smooshed up for the past 9 months. And she just went through the most traumatic event of her life. Her little body might need a little adjustment so things go down and stay down in her tummy. If she really isn’t taking to the formula…some people have used Goat’s milk to supplement. We used it with our son but he was older. Goat milk is the closest milk to breast milk. Here’s a link to a recipe: http://www.westonaprice.org/health-topics/formula-homemade-baby-formula/
Just a thought….Love, Jen
I’m not a mother, but I am rooting for you both. I wish I could offer some words of advice or encouragement, but I have no idea what you’re going through, so all I can offer is a virtual hug and hopes that things turn for the better soon 🙂
My first had terrible reflux and everyone brushed it off. I was a horribly, terribly anxious first time mom and it was an awful time. He was only 5.5 and would nurse constantly, “spit” it all up and then we’d both change clothes and start over. I worried horribly about reflux at night and ended up co-sleeping with both my babies…and kids (my 7 year old still crawls into her “little bed” (a futon mattress in our room” in the middle of the night. I’d never tell a mama what to do-especially about something as sensitive as co-sleeping-but it saved my sanity. When he had bad reflux I’d sleep propped up with him belly down on my chest. Lots of back bends needed to fix the tight shoulders as a result, but it was more than worth it. I hope things get better for you soon. <3
It is so refreshing to read an honest update from a mama. I have a 3.5 year old and 4 month old (both girls too) and was driving myself insane the early weeks with my second one reading about how “perfect” everyone’s life was, how easy breastfeeding was, etc. I admire you for keeping it real. Hang in there and enjoy your little one. She is beautiful!!
Sending you, P, and the whole family warm thoughts and prayers. Thanks for always being honest, hope things get better soon.
That had to be a terrifying experience. You are doing an incredible job! I’m sending good thoughts to you and your family. Enjoy your holiday in San Diego!
Sending hugs and good vibes your way! I can only imagine how hard and how scary it must be to see your little one suffer. I have suffered from reflux since I was 14, and I can tell you firsthand that everyone has a different combination of drug(s) and food(s) that work for them. Hopefully you can figure out what works best quickly!
I really appreciate you keeping it real Gina, these type of things need to be talked about more. Thank you for sharing
I am so sorry you are going through this, very stressful. I really appreciate your honesty and think of all the moms you are helping. Sometimes just to know we are not alone makes all the difference. If it makes you feel any better I have often read your blog and then thought, “how does she do it all?” I am sending positive vibes to you and your family. You are an amazing mother.
Have they checked her digestive systems to make sure everything’s all connected correctly? It’s usually a pretty easy fix if it’s not. So sorry you’re going through this! So scary! Also sometimes when kids are allergic to dairy, they’re also allergic to soy.
Oh Gina ?? I’m sending you so much love and support. I went through the jaundice/reflux/colic thing with my son earlier this year. It was exhausting and scary. I have no real advice to offer other than looking into baby probiotics if you haven’t yet. Biogaia helped Jacob a bit. Worth a try!
I admire your openness in these hard, exhausting times!
PS… My son is almost 10 months old… Neither of got out of pj’s today!
Thank you so much for being real. The first few weeks/ and or months can be so so hard. Praying for you and your family this week.
I respect your authenticity. My 11 pounder had bad reflux and both of my boys have 20+ allergies. This isnt to scare you, just inform you as it might help on your journey to discovering the cause. I didnt figure that out til he was 2. I do encourage you to seek the root cause, although i fully remember the peace an easy med could bring (nothing wrong with them if they are treating the right thing!!)Just keep looking for answers and listening to your sweet babe.