Home for the holidays
Hi friends <3 Hope you’re having a great morning and enjoyed a wonderful weekend.
In the spirit of keeping it real…
(Sweet snuggly baby, blotchy eyes from crying, and a cold sore because my immune system is officially giving me the middle finger)
I promised myself and you guys that I would share the good and not-so-fun parts this time around regarding the newborn stage. I remember last time, around this same point in time, I saw the carefully curated photos of new moms on other blogs and it made me feel worse than I already did. How were they perfectly coiffed, not wearing pajamas, showered, and their kids looked happy and equally picture-perfect? Well the second time, I found that it IS a little bit easier to get dressed and showered each day -you figure out the logistics for that kind of thing, and getting a tiny baby dressed doesn’t make you feel like you will break them like it once did- but some things, no matter what, just aren’t easy. New challenges can make the experience seem even more daunting and trying the second time around.
I mentioned last week that P has reflux, but I didn’t really go into details or any of the other things that have been going on. When we were in the hospital, she had jaundice and started losing weight which is why I had to supplement so early. She was on blue light therapy for jaundice, and that’s why we were in the hospital for longer than anticipated. They eventually let us go home when we could borrow our own blue light to continue the phototherapy treatment here. When we supplemented in the hospital, she started violently spitting up. I had to call the nurses to help me because while I’ve seen a lot of babies spit up (and have four younger brothers), this was unlike anything I’d seen. They brushed it off as “normal spit up” -the jaundice was their main concern- and we were finally able to go home.
Over the past couple of weeks, the spitting up has been a part of life, and we learned ways to manage it. We elevated the head of her bassinet, started giving her small amounts of the supplemental formula at a time, switched to hypoallergenic formula, burped her frequently, kept her upright as much as possible, and I cut dairy completely out of my life.
We’ve had 6 pediatrician appointments (including one for her belly button, which wasn’t sealed completely and another to have her tongue tie fixed), a heel prick at the hospital to check her bilirubin levels (which decreased quickly, thankfully), and a major scare regarding the spit up.
Last week, she choked on her spit up, couldn’t catch her breath, and it scared the life out of me. It was during nap time, and I was watching her on the monitor. All of a sudden, it sounded like she was underwater. I ran into the room to pick her up, and she was entirely silent, skin bright red, and eyes wide. The spit up was so thick that she couldn’t clear it from her throat, and I had to firmly pat her on the back to dislodge it. I had 9-1-1 on the phone, and it was one of the most terrifying moments of my life.
We haven’t been sleeping much at all, which is expected with a newborn (especially one with reflux), but since the incident, I’ve laid awake in bed each night, fully ready to act in case something similar happens. Similar events have happened two more times, but less severe and she was making noise (able to breathe) during the episodes. We went to the pediatrician the first night it happened, and she said it was reassuring that it was associated with something (the spit up was stuck; she didn’t stop breathing for no reason), and gave us a prescription for Zantac. The first day I was convinced it was working, but now she just seems to cry and spit up even more. It breaks my heart because she’s so uncomfortable. When she hasn’t recently eaten anything, she is the happiest, sweetest baby. Otherwise, she’s sobbing and grunting. I’m just hoping we can get this under control for her.
For this reason, we’re staying in San Diego this week instead of heading to Tucson for Thanksgiving. We’ve been looking forward to seeing the fam for months, but it’s the right choice. We couldn’t think of something happening on the freeway, especially during the span of time where there isn’t cell phone service.
As for how I’m feeling, I’ve been trying really hard to fight the PPD and anxiety I experienced last time, but with everything going on, it’s been a lot to deal with. Sometimes I feel completely normal, and other times, mostly when I see how miserable P is, I start crying and have a hard time stopping. I just feel so bad for her, and wish there was more I could do to help her. I’ll be talking to someone about it this week just to make sure I can stay on top of things and won’t end up feeling how I did last time.
It’s a week for giving thanks, and I’m thankful that she’s otherwise very healthy, and while we won’t be in Tucson, we’ll all be together this week. There are so many things to be thankful for, and this is just a bump in the road in the grand scheme of things. I’m also thankful for all of you, and for your support and advice the past 4 weeks.
xoxo
Gina
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Sending you SO MUCH love. Thank you for keeping it real – you have no idea what that does for others. I’m due with #2 in about eight weeks and I’m terrified to re-experience postpartum. I will hang onto this tightly when I’m in the middle of it myself. You are so strong and amazing and I hope this tough time goes quickly for you!!! <3 <3 <3
Thank you for being so open and real! My little one just turned 7 months yesterday and we had a very similar experience when she was younger. we truly tried everything to help her severe reflux (I gave up sugar, dairy, caffeine, spices, gassy foods) and literally ate plain chicken and sweet potatoes for days but nothing seemed to help. She would violently projectile after each meal and was just miserable. I hate to say It but the only thing that truly helped us was time. Around 3 months things started to get better and seem to have almost completely stopped by 6 months. I will keep you in my prayers! I know how hard it is watching them hurt! stay strong girl you’re doing amazing 🙂
This breaks my heart because I can completely relate! Having a newborn is hard enough and then add reflux to the mix….it’s nearly impossible. I went through it with both boys. I “slept”, both times around, with them on my chest at night because they could not sleep laying down. Zantac didn’t work for either of mine, but Prevacid did. You might want to ask your ped. about that. The Dex baby inclined sleeper really helped, too. I only put my son in it during the day when I could monitor him but it’s the perfect incline for reflux babies. It WILL pass….promise!
http://m.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=29311736
I’m sorry you’re having these issues with the little one. But like you said, at least she’s mostly healthy and that’s a great thing to be thankful for!
My Mr Number 1 had jaundice, tongue tie, colic and reflux. It was a terrifying, exhuasting time. At about 5 months everything resolved itself. He was formula feed because he couldn’t latch. 14 months later Mr Number 2 arrived and PPD hit. The mothering part was easy – you know what you are doing, you have a routine but as a mother you loose yourself (in my case). Make sure you follow your doctors instructions and there is no shame in taking meds to help.
Sending love and prayers your way, lady <3
Gina, I am a longtime reader and you post today hurt my heart. I will pray for healing for little P. Thanks for all that you share each day! My husband jokes that you are part of the family because I am always trying one of your recipes-we eat the egg/banana:oat pancakes every Saturday!
Oh GINA! My heart is hurting for yours momma.
This sounds like Maddie! AND OMG why don’t people talk about this stuff, its insanely hard. We switched formulas SIX times to find one for her in the first six weeks of her life and then a dr berated me for it. Go with your momma gut, ok? Do what you think maybe right!
Maddie is six months old today and in the last two weeks the spit up has finally decreased, which is apparently “right on time”…at six months it’s ‘supposed’ to. Oof.
I am saying a prayer for little miss P right now, for God to comfort her and help her grow so its no longer an issue and another one for you & Tom!
Gina, bless you for being so open! I can’t tell you how meaningful it is to see someone share their experience- both the good and the challenging. As I’m sure many readers can say, I can completely relate. My 6 mo old has reflux and colic.. And teething now. I suffered from ppd and anxiety with my first baby and now my second. Somehow, it seems harder this time. I am missing moments with my older daughter and given this may be my last baby, I feel so sad that I can’t just enjoy her- there is so much crying: I feel terrible for her, but it’s also so hard on me. I see a therapist, which does help. Also, the most helpful of all is the ppd group I go to- this is seriously so helpful if you can find one in your area.
I wish I had some words of comfort and could give you a big hug. I know how you feel and how hard it can be. You are doing great- I am sure! For the reflux, I’ve had some people tell us to try different meds. We are on Zantac and I have never really known if it works. It’s so hard with a fussy baby.
🙁 I’ll always remember this sadness I have had, while also feeling so grateful.
One last thing- I get cold sores too and they are the bane of my existence. They come when my immune system is low or when I am stressed. I use Denavir.
It is pricey, but I wish someone had told me about it years ago! It cuts the healing time down considerably for me (from 10 days to about 3 or
4 and the sore itself is less awful) I use at first sign of sore and it has truly been the only thing to help.
Take care of yourself sweet Gina. <3
I am so so so sorry. You are a beautiful mother, and I am so sorry to hear that you and P are suffering. I am sending you all my love and support. If it helps, I was just like P when I was a baby, and she will grow out of it! <3
Thank you for your honesty. I am SO sorry that you are struggling. My children had terrible reflux as well, and I can relate to all of your sentiments. We started on Zantac initially as well, but found that it didn’t work. Prilosec did wonders for us! You should absolutely ask about it if you aren’t seeing any improvements from Zantac.
I hope P can get some relief soon. I am 14 weeks pregnant and am always referring back to your old posts for advice! Thanks for keeping it real and please know you are such an inspiration to so many of us…troubles and all!!
You have plenty of comments/support here, but I also want to add that you are doing a great job. Those first few weeks are enough to stop me from having a 3rd baby (I think…), so I can’t imagine what reflux adds to the mix. My advice: schedule some extra play dates/lunch bunch for Liv, so that any guilt associated with focusing on P is lessened. All the best to you!
I am so sorry you guys are going through all of this. I pray P can get some relief from the reflux very soon. Poor baby, and poor you! How scary and stressful for her to choke like that! I’m sending my love to all of you. And thank you for your honesty. The newborn days are HARD and it’s nice to be reminded that we’re all in this together. Hugs, mama.
My heart is breaking for you. I have two little ones and completely understand the anxiety, stress, tears, worry, helplessness. There’s nothing I can say to make the situation better but know you’re not alone. You and your family will be in my prayers. Stay strong.
Oh Gina! I wish I could give you a big hug and bring you a batch of cookies (DF of course). You know I’ve been through two years of horror with my own medical battles and doctors just would not listen to me. Three doctors even misdiagnosed me which is why I am never scared to question them. I strongly believe in being your own health advocate. I know they’re saying everything is fine but if you don’t think it is then push them. You are the Mom and know better than the doctors if something is not right. Hang in there friend.
Hang in there Gina! You’re a great mom and both P and Liv are so lucky to have you. I, too just had my second baby, she is 9 weeks old. She had issues with excessive amounts of spit-up, not reflux as far as I know. The pediatrician told me she can sleep on her tummy for all naps as long as she’s supervised, and that should help. This advice shocked me of course, because of the SIDS risk, but he assured me that as long as she’s supervised it’s safe. I trust him, he has so much experience. Something to consider, maybe ask your pediatrician. Or what about putting her down on her side? Now that we’ve passed the two month mark things have settled down and gotten easier. Just remember the newborn stage is so short. You’re almost through the worst of it. You’re doing great!
So sorry Gina 🙁 having a newborn is so hard in general, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with other things as well. My third just turned three months and even still there are days when I’m in my pajamas all day and not the nicest mom to my two little boys. It’s so tough but you’re doing a great mom! The girls are blessed to have you
Therbiotic dairy-free probiotic, tummy sleep once my daughter could lift and turn her head (that’s the only way she would sleep more than 40 min stretches), and just time passing (about 6 months) helped. Meds didn’t seem to make a difference though I’m sure all respond differently.
Lots of caffeine and deleting my Facebook account helped me manage. I cut EVERYTHING out of my diet and was completely miserable and scared sh-tless I was causing her issues because I ate this or that…. None of the diet changes made a difference. I’m so sorry it’s so tough. I hope it passes quickly and that you all can get some rest this week. Hugs. :/
Poor girls! My youngest who’s almost 13 months just stop spitting up at nine months he didn’t have bad reflux it was just moderate BUT I know how you feel with being so scared for them. He literally spit up after every single feeding, numerous times a day etc. He was a big guy too (11 lb at birth) and even though he was puking so much he was still putting the weight on and growing like a weed So kind of put my mind at ease …hang in there!!!! It’ll get better!!!!
My thoughts are with you and your family in this stressful time. Sounds overwhelming. I hope you will find an experienced caregiver who can come over for a few hours and give you a break.
Hang in there, Mama. Thinking of you and sweet little P. Hope everyone starts feeling better soon <3
Sending good wishes and prayers Gina! xxx
Oh Gina, thank you for being vulnerable and sharing the unedited version of how you’re feeling. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I do know I will be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers. You are an amazing mother doing everything you can and your girls are so lucky to have you. Sending healing love and hugs to baby P, and more love to you. Your readers are here for you. If there’s anything we can do to make this process easier on you, please let us know. I’m sure many of us would be willing to do anything and everything we can to give an ounce back for all the amazing need you provide us with. I know it’s hard to ask, but please, please, we want to be there for you!
I seriously was so sad when you told me about this yesterday! Praying for sweet P and for all of you to get some rest. <3
Thank you for being so candid! Hoping you guys get some rest this holiday!
I’ve never commented but I’m a loyal reader of your blog. Your story sounds very similar to what I went through with my son. He had horrible reflux that got worse and worse until at 4 months we went through a month long nursing strike. Prior to this his pediatrician kept telling us that large spit ups was normal and there couldn’t be anything in my diet affecting him.
At 4 months, he started losing weight. He was put on zantac which worked great until suddenly it stopped two weeks later. Then we switched to prevacid which helped some but he kept losing weight and refusing to nurse. I had to get him to almost fall asleep then I could get him to nurse but he would scream if I tried to nurse him when he was awake. We were referred to a pediatric GI and diagnosed failure to thrive at 5 months. The GI doc did a test of his stool for blood. This is a simple test that I know now any pediatrician can easily do in the office. The test was positive for blood (none was actually visible to the eye) and I was told to stop all dairy and soy. He was diagnosed with GERD and MSPI. I decided to just do an elimination diet for 5 weeks until everything had left my system and his and he was a totally different baby. No more reflux or screaming at the breast! I slowly added food back in and discovered he’s also allergic eggs. The lactation consultant told me if he’s MSPI to also remove peanut butter and fenugreek from my diet, I didn’t ask why at the time since I was desperate to try anything. Once he was doing better we slowly weaned him off the meds and at 15 months his weight is back on track and nursing is still going strong.
My advice is to see a pediatric GI asap. Have the doctor test for blood in your baby’s stool. Remove dairy, soy, fenugreek and peanut butter from your diet. Don’t be afraid to try zantac/prevacid/ etc as it can help ease your baby’s suffering. Switch formulas to something like neocate or elecare asap.
Hang in there mama! I know how painful this can be to watch your baby suffering. Just know that this will eventually pass.
Oh Gina! I could’ve written this post myself one year ago. My little guy had such a hard time with reflux, we ended up in the emergency room from him spitting up blood. After trying several other options, Nexium was a lifesaver for us. Keep in mind it could take up to 10 days to see the full effect of any medication. I ended up having to cut out dairy, soy, and gluten because his reflux was made worse by food sensitivities. You might also try feeding smaller amounts more often, and consider thickening her milk–we didn’t end up doing this, but many others do. No matter what, just know that you are an amazing mama and even though little P is uncomfortable, there is no doubt that she knows you love her. This is hard, but you are handling it one day at a time. Thank you for being honest! Much love, mama.
Thinking of you and your family, and sending healing wishes to you and P.
I am SO sorry! Our number 3 (Isaac) just turned 6 months and is/was the same way. And everyone said it was “normal” and the doctor and nurses said not to worry but like you, if anyone ever saw it they would say, “Oh my word! What’s happening?” It was crazy projectile, eruptive “spit up” that was massive and he would choke. (and sadly for him he was miserable and it would happen up to an hour to an hour and half after eating…). We had him living in the rock and play with no time on his back.
I also cut out dairy and it helped (zantac didn’t seem to so I eventually quit). Long story short. I feel your pain.. it’s crazy and scary. He has grown out of it and looking back at pics of him being miserable it’s just a sad memory for the little guy. Here’s to hoping she grows out of it soon. it’s no fun and i feel like most people who say, “My baby spat up SO much too!” are reallyt alking about something else.. This is a scary spit up (like it would shoot up while he was on his back and just land all back in his mouth like a gusher).
But there’s hope. It ends. I’m so so sorry! Hang in there.
Oh Gina I am so sorry. I have 2 boys..now 16 & 14. My youngest had reflux so bad that I remember calling the doctor and putting the phone up to him crying and saying to the nurse this is how he is all the time unless he’s asleep. He had reflux so bad. I suffered from PPD too. Once they put him on Zantac he was a little better, but I will never forget that helpless, sad, frustrating feeling I had during that time. Like you, I was scared to death to leave him, or let him sleep in a different room.. I will say a special prayer for both of you tonight. I promise it will get better. Hugs to you from one mom to another. Tracy.
You are amazing for putting this out there for your fans to read. Thank you for your honesty. I’m so sorry it’s been so rough.
You are doing a great job!
I hear ya mama! It’s OKAY to feel the way you do AND to cancel plans. I felt similar with my guy who had tongue tie and reflux. If you’re still nursing (and it’s totally okay if you are not), keep on nursing as much as it work for you and P. I know breastmilk goes down easier than formula (as you said) and now that the tongue tie is fixed hopefully she can get more breastmilk. Hang in there girl. You are not alone. Mothering a newborn, and a little one as well, is tough.
So glad you shared this! I’ve felt insane since I’ve been pregnant because I’ve been struggling with anxiety attacks- which is new! I’ve even had to start medications. But I found out I’m not the only one and it really helps! Keep sharing and for sure see someone!! It really helps.
So sorry you are going through this – my heart goes out to you and little P! My second had reflux – I felt like I should be carrying around a barf bucket (sorry, gross!) instead of a burpcloth because he would spit up so much and so often. While he didn’t have any choking incidents, his weight kept dropping because he wasn’t keeping anything down in spite of feeding him allllllll the time. I cut out dairy, soy and gluten and it didn’t help at all. I got really sick one day and to give me a break from breastfeeding my husband went out for formula and came home with acid reflux control formula (I think it was Enfamil AR?). I had never heard of any such thing, but we were both shocked at how little he spat up after. We told my doctor who then had me start mixing rice cereal with my breast milk (a little controversial, as he was only 3 months, but her/our priority was trying to stop his weight loss). That also helped, but pumping exclusively when I was home alone all day with a newborn and 21-month-old was near impossible for me – very difficult to get two little ones under 2 to be independent at the same time for 20 minutes every 3 hours! So we eventually transitioned to the AR formula and all was well, the spitting up decreased significantly and his weight normalized. Hang in there. Thank you for all of your wonderful posts – I love reading your blog, as I’m sure so many do. I hope this helps in some way!
Oh Gina… I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. Thanks for being so brave and honest. I’ve been through severe reflux with both my kids and PPA. I will send you an email. Huge hugs to you. It will get better!
Sending you love & bigs hugs, Gina! Thank you for always being so honest. I’ll be saying prayers for your beautiful family.
Omg I’m giving you the biggest virtual hug! I want to lift your daughter and your family up in prayer that whatever is causing her issues will be healed in Jesus name! Hang in there!
Oh sweet Gina and P, you have my best wishes and I ‘m sending you lot’s of love! It shall pass and P will be great!
You’re so strong for being open to the world about this. You are doing an amazing job!
Girl, that is so hard! I will be praying that the reflux gets better and that you get some rest.
Gina, P is precious and I know it must break your heart to see her upset and not be able to do anything about it :(. I went through some postpartum anxiety/depression too and the best thing I did was just let it happen. Seriously. No fighting it–if you just let yourself experience it it truly makes it easier…it’s kind of like your body is trying to rebalance itself. Sending prayers and positive thoughts
Hang in there Gina, stay strong!!
Gina (and tom and Liv and pups too!) — i don’t comment often but have been reading for a while — THANK YOU for keeping it real — things are not always perfect and thank you for showing that — parenthood is HARD. You are doing an AWESOME job and have a lot of love from family and from the blog readers so make sure you feel those positive vibes coming your way!
So sorry you guys are dealing with so much. I agree you made the right choice by staying home this Thanksgiving. Sounds like you are doing a great job. And just like any difficult time – this too shall pass. Hang in there!
Sending lots of prayers your way and thank you for being so honest-it’s refreshing. Hope you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
First off, kudos to you for keeping it real and be so honest in your post. This is probably my most favorite post I’ve read in so long!
Secondly, I’ll be praying for you and P. So sorry she is having trouble and its causing you extra worry. I hope your able to get it under control and have some piece of mind.
Praying for ya girl! xo
Thank you so much for being so open. I am due in a few weeks and dont know anyone else pregnant or with a baby. Your posts are such a comfort to me and you make me feel so much less alone. sending love and prayers to your whole family.
Firstly, thank you for your honesty and openness on your blog. I understand, I’m a mom too. I actually won one of the Maternity work out tanks on your blog when I was pregnant the last time. All I wanted to say is I hope things get easier and that you figure things out as quickly as possible. I’m sending you so much love and prayers for you and your family!