You don’t have to be “good”
This past weekend, I got a comment suggesting that I should stop running because I’m not very fast. It made me pretty upset, not because this commenter was saying I was slow -I’ve been called far worse since I started blogging- but because it’s frustrating to see that kind of attitude in the fitness community. In fitness, and in life, we’re all aspiring to achieve different goals and so many people are just beginning their journey, whatever that may be. Support (or lack thereof) can make or break an experience, dramatically impacting the final result.
As an instructor, one of the things I hear every day from participants is: “I’m not very good at this!”
“Oh, it’s my first time taking Zumba and I’m not coordinated”
“I’m not very fast”
“I can’t hold a plank for very long”
It goes on and on and on.
I always tell them that no ones cares how far/fast/skilled they are- just do the best they can and have fun with it! But comments like the one I received made me realize that some people do care about how others perform and aren’t shy to voice their opinions. In addition to being elitist, it’s exactly the reason why so many beginners are afraid or discouraged to try something new.
Here’s the thing: if you’re doing an activity safely and you enjoy it, that’s ALL that matters.
I do a lot of things.. sometimes too many… and I’m not particularly great at all of them.
I’m not a fabulous writer -have always been a math girl- but if I would have let that fact get into my head, I never would have started blogging. I read a lot of beautifully-written blogs that inspire me to get better (my lovely friend Gena at Choosing Raw comes to mind) but at the same time, some of the most grammatically-correct blogs are also the least interesting to me.
I’m not an extremely talented yogini, despite the fact that I’ve been practicing for years. My tight quads and hammies interfere with a lot of the poses, but practicing yoga makes my heart sing, so I still do it.
I’m a mediocre-at-best gardener, but it’s something I want to learn, and we all enjoy having beautiful flowers and herbs when they do survive.
The fear of not being “good” at something can stand in our way if we let it.
Beginners have to start somewhere. Chances are that the first time you try something, you probably won’t be great at it (unless you’re some kind of prodigy) until you’ve had some practice. Sometimes after dedication and practicing, maybe you still won’t be professional caliber…. and that’s ok.
When I first started running, I felt I’d never be able to finish a mile without my lungs exploding. Can you imagine if I had people telling me I was slow along the way? I probably would have quit before I started. Instead, I was fortunate to be surrounded by positive running buddies who made it fun, and despite their own abilities, they supported my current level while inspiring me to improve. My friend Kelly is a perfect example. She’s a true runner, insanely fast (we’re talking 6-minute miles for 10s of miles), and whenever we run together, she goes at my speed even though it’s a snail’s pace for her.
I’ve become a better runner over time, but I’ll probably never be “great.” I’m great at other things that are more important to me, like being a mom, wife, daughter, friend and sister. Everything else is just for funsies… and if you take it too seriously, that’s a quick way to zap the fun out of it.
This post is just a little reminder to all of those who are “great” at whatever sport or activity you love: lend a hand or some encouragement to someone you see who’s just getting started.
To all of my friends who are beginning a fitness journey: keep up the great work. Do it safely, do what you love, and find a cheering team to support you along the way.
xoxo
Gina
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That makes me so mad! I can’t believe someone would have the nerve to say something like that (under the guise of anonymity, I’m sure). I would qualify you as a fast runner! I ran a half marathon in 2:30, so when you can bust out a half in under 2 hours, I would say that’s pretty speedy! People are so ridiculous and mean sometimes! Man, it makes my blood boil. Why can’t we lift each other up rather than constantly tearing each other down?! I’m sorry people treat you that way, but thanks for being honest about it on here!
I admire your ability to rise above the negativity. Why do people waste their energy on trying to bring others down?
I appreciate the uplifting message to all of us slow runners, unflexible yogis, and weight lifting newbies who are all trying our best to be our best. You have motivated me not to give up and not to worry about what others may thinking:)
Thank you, Gina.
Awesome post, Gina! Couldn’t agree more with you. I’m sorry to hear someone said something like that to you! Regardless, I’m glad you took it and turned it around into this inspiring and encouraging blog post. 🙂
i’d rather be jane of all trades and master of none. 🙂 variety is the spice of life and there are plenty of people who prefer to be experts in one thing and that’s great! i’d just be bummed i was missing out if i could ONLY have one hobby or try one thing at a time.
Thank you for this, Gina. I definitely have a tendency to shoot myself down before I even give myself a good chance to begin. I feel like if I’m not instantly good at something, it probably means I shouldn’t be doing it, and my repeated failed attempts at getting into running are definitely proof of that attitude. But it’s an attitude that I really want to work on changing, because at the end of the day, it’s not about being the best, but about enjoying what you do. Thanks again for such a great note to start my week out on.
All I can say is “What the hell is wrong with people?” As a triathlete, I’m not particularly “spectacular” at any of the 3 sports, but am more mediocre at all 3. But you know what? I love racing. It is something I do for me, and no one else.
It is the attitude of that commenter that stops many people from trying things that they might love even if they aren’t at a professional athlete level. I think you handled the comment with grace. I really don’t know if I would have responded the same way. 😉
Thank you so much for this post! I love to run and have completed 4 half-marathons…but at speeds that average around 9:45-10 minutes or more a mile. I get discouraged sometimes when people talk about how I need to be “faster.” It makes me so sad to feel pressure like that in the running community that says you aren’t a runner unless you run 7-8 minute miles. I think everyone’s accomplishments should be celebrated and getting out there and challenging yourself no matter what your pace should be one of them. And frankly, I thought your speed while pushing a crazy, heavy stroller was so impressive!!
I definitely needed to hear this today. I’ve been feeling pretty bad about my running lately – I absolutely love it, but sometimes I think that because I’m not super fast I should stop wasting my time with it. So dumb, and that will NOT be happening anytime soon. Thank you 🙂
DO YOU! Amen! Love what you are doing too, that is all that matters is that you love it and truly enjoy it! You don’t have to be the best! <3
I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned in my 20s (which I’m about to exit) is that I’ll never be good enough for anyone at everything or good enough for everyone at anything. I just finished a very competitive graduate program and my boss can still make me feel like sh*t with a single comment. I’ll never be good enough for him – and that’s his job really, to push me so I don’t get complacent. Should I stop doing my job because someone thinks I’m not as good as I could be? No, I don’t think so. For a while being relentlessly pushed in one aspect of my life basically made me shut down in all other aspects, because I realized how far from “good enough” I was at everything. I’m a heck of a lot better at my job than I am at running, so that makes me…a terrible runner? I don’t know. I’ve kind of lost perspective on how objectively good I am at pretty much everything, and I’m trying to embrace that. Someone will always think I’m crappy at what I’m doing or making the wrong choices in life, but right now I’m really trying to focus on making choices that make both myself and my husband happy and that we feel are right for us, and there really isn’t a lot of room for other opinions besides ours.
Anyway, great post. I love the encouragement and this is definitely a topic we all need to think about!
I can’t believe someone said that to you! I’m not a great runner myself, I prefer cycling, but with a 3month old and a husband who is deployed, hopping on my bike and hitting the road isn’t an option. So I take the jogger to the park with my dog and son. There are tons of runners at this park and I anyone told me that I might as well stop because I was too slow I would be like “really?!” I don’t tell people who ride a bike that they should be riding faster or farther! I’m always happy to see fellow cyclists no matter thee skill level. Negativity of this sort proves one thing about said person: they are insecure with themselves and put others down to bring themselves up. How unfortunate to be so unhappy with your life that they have to resort to such actions. Let it roll right off, you inspire more people than you realize Gina!
I don’t read many blogs but I absolutely love yours. Your upbeat, happy personality is so contagious and it inspires me to get moving! Thank you for always being so supportive to people you have never met and just know it’s helping so many people! By the way I am a much slower runner than you, but I am still so proud after each run 🙂
Love this post, and your positive attitude toward life. 🙂
Gina you are an amazing human! Thanks for continually putting yourself out there to make all of us feel loved and supported. So sorry that sometimes putting yourself out there makes people feel compelled to say not so nice things but know that you are loved and appreciated!!
Great post! I don’t think people like that realize just how discouraging a comment like that can be. It’s hard enough not to compare ourselves to others physically and I’m often reminding myself to set personal goals, not goals based on others!
PREACH! Beautifully stated, Gina! I’m a fitness instructor also, and kind of a “generalist”–I teach a lot of stuff, but I’m not great at any one thing. I’m always striving to improve, but I’m with ya–as long as you love and enjoy what you are doing, who cares about being “the grand supreme best?” I agree with the other commenters. You handled that negativity with grace and professionalism! Thanks for brightening my Monday! 🙂
What a beautiful post, and with impeccable timing. I just started a garden I’ve been wanting to start for years (when we bought our house it came with a greenhouse). I felt such pride once I was finished planting the tomatoes, bell pepps, strawberries, zucchini & broccoli. I don’t really care if I kill everything (okay, I kinda do), but I can’t believe fear of failure has kept me from doing something so emotionally rewarding for all these years. PS I can’t BELIEVE someone criticized your running and told you that you should quit. Pisses me off the nerve of some ppl, but thanks for using it as a platform to inspire others.
sad that someone felt like saying that, or felt they needed to say that. It’s wrong. I know i’m not fast, but i still run when i wanna run. I may not be too great at weight lifting, but I do it anyway. I try my best. And you are an amazing person! i adore you! Your workouts keep me going! and I appreciate you and all you do for your readers!
I couldn’t agree more! When I began running it was extremely challenging for me. I am still to this day not a fast runner by any means, but I LOVE the way it makes me feel! If anyone decides to take up a new sport/activity do it! Who cares if you’re not the best, I believe we should do things because they make us happy.
Has this person not noticed the epidemics of obesity, childhood obesity, diabetes and heart disease that are ravaging our country? Everyone and their mother should get out and move more, whether you’re fast and even if you don’t like it! (Though, ideally, you find something you like!). We encourage kids to play sports even if they are bad at them, adults should do the same.
Great post! Way to turn a negative comment into a positive post. I feel the same way that you do, I do a lot of things, some I am not good at, some I am, but I am not going to stop any of them!!
I love that!! I was struggling with this issue when I started Yoga, because My hamstrings keep me from doing some of the poses ‘good’ – but Yoga just makes my body happy and meanwhile I don’t care if the other participants are way better. It’s MY feeling about it that counts!
Thank you for posting this today! I’m about to start running for the first time in my life so I can run a race with friends at the end of the summer. I needed to read this to remember that it doesn’t matter if I’m slow or not “good”. THANK YOU!
Great post! It’s almost unbelievable what people will say when hiding behind a computer screen! I’ve been running for years and still can’t break a 10 minute mile for more than 3 or 4 miles, but I still do it because I love it! We all need to remember that no matter what, we’re “good enough” and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.
Awesome post!! We all start somewhere…I will never be “great” at running or yoga, but I love it so I keep going. That’s all that matters…and the fact that you’re teaching your daughter to follow her heart and not let people get her down. Best example you can set for her =)
Thank you for this, friend. 🙂
Screw whoever wrote that comment. You’re such a stud!
Such a great post! I’ve been struggling with the “I’m not a ________ as everyone else” issue for a while. I then realized that I’m running, eating right, etc. for my health and for myself. I’m just going to be the awesomest I can be. Thanks for writing this!
I can’t believe someone would say that! I’m so glad that you posted this – you are very encouraging! I took my first Zumba class yesterday and almost walked out after 5 minutes. I’ve never been a good dancer and apparently am not very coordinated either! But I stayed for the whole class and ended up having fun, and even though I was lousy, I feel like I got a good workout and enjoyed trying something new!
To the person that commented that you should quit because you aren’t the best (although better/faster than I will ever be at running!)–then, what is the point of doing anything? Should we all only do the things that we could be #1 at? Look at it this way and that criticism loses its edge completely. How silly. I love your positivity!
“The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it.” –Chinese Proverb
What a beautiful and encouraging post Gina! Thank you! What a wonderful read for me to start my day 🙂 You are an inspiration to all of us!
Loved this post! Another good thing to point out might be what would this person that commented consider a fast enough pace to continue running? There are always people that are going to be faster at running no matter how fast you run. Even elite runners like Kara Goucher always get beat by Kenyans and Ethiopians at marathons, but that doesn’t mean they should quit.
Love your blog!
This is such an inspiring post! I love how you turned a negative comment into such a positive blog post! Your blog inspires me to want to be a better person – it sounds silly but I genuinely mean it! You have such a positive and balanced outlook on health, family, and life in general and I am always eager to hear what you have to say. Thanks so much for being YOU!
By the way, I think you ARE great at writing…your blog is my absolute favorite 🙂
Absolutely love this post ! You’re giving lots of inspiration to a lot of people ! It’s so nice to hear that perspective from someone. People are sooo competitive, when we should all be doing our best and listen to our bodies.
I am a complete novice when it comes to lifting weights and strength training and while learning I have a tendency to put myself down. I am constantly worrying that I look silly and that I am not strong enough especially when I am at the gym surrounded by all these really buff men. I have been working really hard at turning my thoughts around. I try to tell myself at least I am doing it, I can only get better, and that I should focus more of my attention on myself and less on caring what strangers think. The strangest part of this mental phenomenon is that I have always has a positive attitude toward others while exercising. I don’t remember ever thinking negatively of another exerciser no matter their skill level. So, thank you for writing this post. It is encouraging to know that there are positive and encouraging people out there!
So, keep on running!!
Boo on that person. Really, who has time for that?
That comment does not even make sense to me….Who cares how fast you are?! Thanks for this post and for always being inspiring!
good words! even though i played a sports as a kid, i was never good and was never really encouraged to enjoy what i was doing. so i grew up assuming i was just not built for anything athletic and avoided exercise for most of my life after high school. then a personal trainer at my gym told me he admired my dedication to the elliptical machine (ha!) and offered to help me to build on my strengths. lo and behold, a few encouraging and affirming words later (and a lot of sweat and sore muscles), i found i WAS built to be strong and athletic, and i love physical activity and seeing what i can do with my body. it’s amazing what power a few words of encouragement can have.
You know what else? You aren’t even slow! You are faster than so many other people, me included. And I still run. Even if some people might not approve.
I also volunteered for Girls on the Run for the first time this year. A woman is partnered with a young girl for a practice 5k and an actual race (the girls have a ten week class they take in the meantime, but the “running buddies” only show up twice). My buddy and I finished in the last five for both races. She is eight years old and overweight, it’s the first time she’s ever done anything even remotely like this. I was insanely proud of her, and I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a bigger smile than when she finished. Getting out there is the entire point.
Thanks for doing your part to help is remember that our best is all we need 🙂
Thanks for this post! It’s a really great reminder that if you’re doing what you love and it makes you happy, then you’re already doing it pretty well.
Amen. I’ve been running for about seven or eight years now, and I’m still not “fast,” at least not compared to many other runners I know. But I love it—both for exercise and stress relief, and being average (or below average!) is not going to make me give that up.
On the flip side, I realized back in high school that being “good” at something doesn’t mean you’ll love it…or even enjoy it! I nearly based my entire career on something I was very, very good at; luckily, I had a wonderful teacher who noticed that this talent was not a passion of mine and pushed me to follow what I LOVED to do.
All this being said, I agree with all of this. If you are participating in an activity (and, as you so importantly noted, you are doing it safely) and you love it, who cares if you aren’t very good? Unless you’re going pro, it doesn’t really matter in the long run. And the more you enjoy the activity, the more likely it is that you will stick with it!
Gina, thank you for this post! I just ran a 10-k over the weekend and my only goal was to not walk during the race. Since the race, people keep asking me how fast I ran. And, while my answer is always “Not very fast”, I do not care because I achieved my goal of not walking. One more thing: one of my favorite quotes is, “It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.”
I so love this! I hear it from clients all the time. “I’m terrible at pull-ups, etc.” It doesn’t matter!!!! I love it so much more when people just TRY and work their way towards getting better. 🙂
You are awesome and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. 🙂 🙂
Love this post! I think a lot of people feel this way. I was going to major in dance and ended up switching my major and settling for a minor in dance because there were so many girls with that same negativity you just dealt with. They took the fun out of dance for me. I wasn’t going to become a professional ballet dancer, I just love to dance and wanted to explore it. I let their bad juju get to me, and I definitely regret it. Good for you for responding with this post. So many people have gone through something like this and it’s great to spin it in such positive light! You’re amazing!!
Girl, preach! I’m a slower runner, and I’m just starting to get comfortable with a 9:30/mile pace. If someone had said that I’m not a real runner when I started because I’m not busting out 6-minute miles all the time, I would have cried and then never run again. Speed doesn’t matter; what matters is doing it at all and having fun with it! Thank you for this reminder 🙂
I couldn’t agree more! I definitely suffer from the perfectionist mindset where if I think I can’t be good at it, I won’t do it at all. But as long as you’re enjoying yourself and you’re benefiting from it (especially when it comes to exercise) than that’s really all that matters…we can’t be great at everything!
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am what most would consider a slow runner, and many times I get it in my head that I’m not a real runner because of it. Why in the world would I let myself think that?! And since when did exercise become about being the best? It’s not an all or nothing activity. I’ll never run 8 minute miles, but why should I stop using running to make myself healthier, push myself, and accomplish goals that once seemed out of reach? I can think of 2 running friends in particular who have encouraged me beyond belief in my running journey. About 2 years ago they dragged me out running, and we ran at a snail’s pace for 1 mile. I felt out of breath and pretty embarrassed at how difficult it was, but they kept me going. Honestly, if it hadn’t been for them, I would not have started running and ended up doing a half marathon. They made me believe I could do it, and I doubted myself almost every step of the way. I love this post, and I love your blog. Thank you for starting your blog (and continuing it) even though you doubted your writing abilities. Women have gotten to be so critical on each other, and it’s despicable. You are not just a runner. You’re a wife, mother, etc., and like you said, those roles are more important than any running speed or yoga pose. I wrote a novel, and for that I apologize, but I just had so much to say in response to this perfectly written blog post.
Wow, you handled that better than I would have. Just reading that made me want to throw my computer out the window. It makes me so sad that people have that type of an attitude. Considering only a very small percent of the population even gets the minimum recommended amount of physical activity and we kind of also have an obesity epidemic on our hands, all we should care about is that people are doing SOMETHING. You burn the same amount of calories running a mile no matter how fast your slow you go.
Kudos to you and your uber positive attitude. And quite honestly, if all of the bloggers out there were perfect, we wouldn’t ever want to read them!
Keep up the AMAZING work girl. I have loved so many of your posts recently, lots of food for thought and some great topics 🙂
This is a great way to look at life. I’m a little bit of a perfectionist (as I’ve gotten older, it’s less of an issue for me), but it used to really hold me back from trying new things in the past. If I wasn’t immediately great at something, I didn’t want to continue doing it. It also held me back in college because I would drop classes if I knew I couldn’t get an A in them. I love this post because it’s a great reminder to do what you love!
I love this- thank you for the reminder and shame on the person who actually had the audacity to tell you to quit running because you’re not “fast”. everyone’s “fast” or “good” is different, and no one should ever tell you that you’re not good.
Wow – I can’t believe someone would leave a comment like that. Without being Mary-Sunshine, I really try to be positive, and could never, ever imagine publicly embarrassing someone by saying something less than encouraging. I’m a big believer in the “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all” attitude.
I’m not putting myself down, or not not-believing in myself, but I’m not great at a lot of things, instead am ok at most. I’m not a runner (omg. ouch – and kudos to you for being able to run even a minute!! my poor shins are crying just at the thought), but I love walking. I’m slowly finding a way to incorporate walking (not just strolling to starbucks) into my daily workout regime. At first it was 3km, and then 4km, and last weekend 5km in just under an hour. It may not be the fastest, but hell, I’m so proud of myself.
I made the change this year to get healthy. To be my best self before my 30th birthday in November. I am most definitely intimidated by fitness-enthusiasts who make slow-pokes like me feel bad because I’m not only slow, but also trying to lose weight. Thank you for your positive attitude and encouragement to make modifications when necessary.
e-hugs. xox