mom confessions
A couple of weeks ago, I posted on Instagram Stories that we were driving around, and P was complaining about the Disney music.
“Stop that song! I no like it. Change it!”
Over and over again.
Finally, I was just like, “Ok, if you don’t want to listen to your music, we’ll listen to my music.”
I turned on Cardi B. (radio version), and… silence.
She LOVED it. It was possibly inappropriate, but thankfully we’re not yet to the point where she repeats back song lyrics. (She’s probably just saving all of the worst ones in her brain for the most inopportune time EVER.)
It was kind of a Bad Moms moment, and when I shared it, I got so many hilarious DMs back.
So I thought it would be fun to compile some more mom confessions… and hopefully hear some of yours, too.
Mom confessions (+ some hacks):
1. Every single morning in carpool drop-off, I pray intently that there’s absolutely no reason I’d have to get out of the car. I’m in my pajamas, no bra, and not even wearing shoes. Keeping it classy in the morning.
I also eat Liv’s soggy leftover waffles on the way home every.single.day. and that’s my breakfast until I have time to make a real meal, usually around 10 or 11.
2. We have two iPads, but the girls are only allowed to use them when we’re traveling. On road trips, we use a headphone splitter for the iPad so they can watch a movie while we drive. We used to stream the iPad audio through the Bluetooth in the car, but then we realized we couldn’t talk much so they could listen to the movie. Driving to and from Orlando a couple weekends ago was pure bliss because I could listen to all the podcasts I wanted while they were totally happy watching Coco in the backseat.
3. Sometimes both kids shower and get shampoos after swim lessons… but only one of them actually had class. (There are a few showers and never a line, so it’s not like we’re hogging the bathroom or anything. But there’s no way I’m doing two bath times.)
4. A few people have asked how we sleep in on the weekends:
In the living room, we’ll set out two bowls of cereal covered in Press N’ Seal, two waters, + the TV remote. Liv and P come into the living room and snack on cereal while watching Netflix until we’re awake. We get an extra hour of sleep and it’s the best ever.
Scenes from the living room on a Friday night:
5. Sometimes we sit in the Starbucks parking lot while we snack because that means I can eat my egg bites while they’re hot and both kiddos are restrained.
6. Parenting is SO MUCH PRETENDING TO BE ASLEEP. I pretend to be asleep for at least 45 minutes each night while we put them to bed (so that they’ll actually fall asleep), and feel like a complete zombie afterwards. Parenting is a little bit of hiding, like when you’re scooping chocolate chips out of the almond butter jar, partially hiding in the pantry because I don’t want them to have chocolate right before bed.
7. Parenting is also a lot of accidental headbutts from your children. P crashes her skull down onto my face at least once a day and actually made my lip bleed from it. When they’re born you curse their giant heads, and when they’re older, you lament the fact that they’re extremely sturdy and heavy, too. (I mean it’s good on the occasions when they fall, but still very painful when they headbutt you.)
8. Sometimes I make myself an enormous lunchtime salad… even though I had lunch already. I’ll sit on the couch with it and watch the girls swarm around me like salad-loving vultures as they pick out huge bites with their fingers. I make them a salad with dinner almost every night and they rarely touch it. If I make a salad for myself, they eat the whole thing, so it’s my not-so-sneaky way of getting them to eat vegetables.
So, fellow mama friends: please drop your confessions and/or mom hacks in the comments section! Friends sans kiddos, I’d love to hear about something your parents used to do that you think is hilarious now.
Happy Wednesday and I’ll see ya soon!
xo
Gina
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I’m totally stealing the cereal idea.
The cereal idea is amazing! Thank you for sharing!! I am curious what headphones you use? Our little one doesn’t like the ones we have.
I am 1of 7 siblings and when my mom would go to make our lunches for school the stuff she bought for the week would be eaten, so she sneakily hid them in the dryer! It took us a long time to figure that one out. Of course it was staples not refrigerated items
This is my favorite post ever! I am totally stealing some of these hacks.
I absolutely love all of these (and this is why you need a podcast)! My kids are a bit older now 12 & almost 11 – but I am pregnant with twins and feel like I need a refresher course on little ones!
The cardi b mom rap version is hilarious. It’s on you tube.
When I saw that video I was having a very bad mom moment- actually two that day. I went to my sister’s to pick up an old car seat to trade in. And my 1 1/2 year old son was playing in the backyard and found a giant shard of glass. I had a heart attack. Then when I got home I was prepping dinner and next thing I find my son grabbing a paring knife off the counter. Now I am paranoid and push all items as close to the wall when chopping vegetables. So Cardi B has nothing on my failures lol
Yes to the headbutts!! I have a 2.5 year old boy, and get injured in the face constantly. I thought it was a boy thing, but apparently not! It hurts so bad but I refuse to punish him for being cuddly – so I just deal 🙂
Oh my gosh, your weekend morning routine is amazing!! My daughter, who’s 7, is NOT a morning person and most of the time we’re awake before she is, otherwise I would definitely steal your idea. And YES to the hiding. I am completely guilty of hunkering down in the kitchen with a cookie or some other treat while she’s distracted playing in the other room.
Yasss to the cereal on the coffee table. My boys are older now but when we were in survival mode I totally did that.
Oh,and the other day accidentally taught a car full of 8 year old boys the word “sharted”. Long story but we were passing a farm and one of them was pretending the smell was them. The word just skipped out (pun intended )
What song by Cardi B?!!? I need to try this hack haha!
These are brilliant and I will be saving them for later use – always love when you keep it real!!!
My mom did the same for me with the cereal as a kid! She taught me how to pour my own at like age 3 cause I was up at the crack of dawn no matter what they did. So I’d get out some cereal and watch tv until she was up
My son (4yo) loves “Party Up” by DMX, he doesn’t repeat the lyrics but he dances up a storm…
Apparently he is secretly an early 2000’s frat boy!
My 4 year old loves it too! And sings the chorus – oops
When my daughter was little, I never had the regular radio on when she was in the car. I picked her up form my in laws once and must have forgotten to turn the radio off. SO when I started the car, the radio was on. I knew I’d get way more questions if I turned it off, so I left it one. I figured what can go wrong in the 10 min home. So of course, P!NK’s U + UR Hand came on, which I love but was not appropriate for a 2 to 3 year old. I just chatted to her hoping for the best. Fast forward a few weeks, she was in the tub. I stepped out for a millisecond and hear her singing, “its just you and your hand tonight” lolololol!
If it makes you feel any better, i got my kid hooked on nerdcore rappers. I’m still worried for the day I get a call from his pre-k asking what a ska robot is and why my kid is singing about zombie t-rexes.
Omg pregnant with my first and I’m taking notes! Ha ha
These are too funny, putting my son to bed is a lot of pretending to sleep as well, and I am always so groggy after. I didn’t realize how much they picked up from the radio until we were driving along and my little guy started singing along to the NOTORIOUS song from the Notorious B.I.G. but singing it as No, No, No Oreos! I still crack up every time I think about it.
This is such a cute post. Your mention of Coco reminded me —- you had mentioned that your daughters love watching that movie in a previous post. So on a recent flight, I saw Coco on the entertainment screen as an option. I remember you mentioned that it’s so good and I saw it’s won some awards so I thought why not? Woww – that movie had me gulping and holding back tears at the end!! I must have looked crazy on the plane. It took so much strength for me to hold back and not burst into tears. That song ..that song .. that song they play towards the end. Oh my. What a beautiful song and a beautiful movie.
Leaving the cereal and water out is such a good idea!
Speaking of kids saying things at inappropriate times- One of the funniest moments I had with my son who is now 19..was when he was about 2 years old. I was holding him as we were waiting in line at Walgreens to pick up a prescription. It had been a long day , I was tired, and the lady customer at the counter was asking the staff a gazillion questions . under my breath I mumbled “Come on lady!”…and 5 seconds later my then 2 year old son yells “Come on lady!” I was horrified as she turned around and I said ” Gabe that’s not nice. We have to wait our turn.” Lol lol
My 4 year old son is totally into Katy Perry. The other day I heard him singing “You change your mind, like a girl changes clothes. You PMS , like a B*$&#, I would know.” OOPS! Hope that one doesn’t make it to school.
In regards to #2 – on a recent drive home from Tucson, my daughter was in the backseat watching the ipad with headphones on. I REALLY wanted my husband to listen to The Dollop podcast about Donald Trump, which we did with reckless abandon while she was happily watching Despicable Me 3. Fast forward a few weeks and out of the blue she asks my husband why we were listening to something that kept saying f*ck on the way home from Grandma’s house. I guess we need to upgrade her headphones 🙂
I have a horrible potty mouth and kept telling myself I’d clean it up around the time that Stella seemed to be grasping language. At about 18 months, I was feeding her and I dropped something and made a huge mess on the carpet and I succintly said, “F*CK!” Matter-of-factly my sweet angel baby said, “f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!” I wanted to laugh so badly but the huz was shooting me daggers so I kept it in. Eeps! Oh well.
My parents did the cereal thing with us when we were kids! Except we didn’t have Netflix, we would just pop in our favorite Disney tapes. Seems like a win-win.
My 15 month old headbutts when he ‘kisses’ you. It hurts so bad but is so adorable I can’t help but to ask him for a kiss and almost get a bloody nose in result.
I told my hubby I wanted wireless headphones to workout in but actually use them the most when I have the kids solo at night. Due to hubby’s schedule that is at least twice a week so I will get their dinner fixed and then pop in one side of my headphones and either listen to a podcast or an audiobook. I feel bad sometimes but honestly I can only answer so many ‘but why’ questions in a row from my 3 yr old before feeling like I might pull all of my hair out. Usually they are so consumed with eating their food they don’t notice. And I can pause the audio when they ask a question. It saves my sanity!
We bribed our 3 year old to stay in bed longer in the morning by promising she could watch a show if she stayed in her room until her clock glowed. She was getting up around 5:45am and we bought the okay to wake clock. So now she must stay in her room until 6:45 when her clock glows so she can watch a show. Every single morning.
I’m not a mother, but I totally loved this post and think it was still funny and relatable! Please make this (or something “confessions-themed”) a recurring thing!
Love the cereal idea-might have to try it! Our kids are almost 1, 4, and 6 so sleeping in might be a ways out for us though!
I never listen to kids music in the car-my 4 year olds favorite song right now is “Young, dumb and broke”!
I use my 8m old to get my 2.5 year old to eat a wider variety of food. Rowan started solids a few months ago, and Rhys is on the typical toddler chicken nuggets/ mac n cheese food path at the moment. I feed them at the same time, and when Rhys is eyeing Row’s food, I tell him how much his brother LOVES it, and how he should try it, too! It works about 50% of the time, but I’ll take it. Rhys also calls my glasses of wine “mom’s juice”. I know I can’t be the only one!
haha that is brilliant 🙂
and right there with you on the mama juice. when we used to pass the wine aisle, liv would yell “MOM! IT’S WINE! YOU LOVE WINE” haha
My husband and I are foster parents and when we had our first placement, I found myself taking dessert to bed every night…..especially when it was girl scout cookie season!
One time when I was little, it was storming outside and thundering, my brother and I were misbehaving and my mother told us the thunder was because God knew we were being bad and he was angry. She must have been really tired of our behavior at that point! I’ve recovered from that one 🙂
that is so amazing you’re doing that <3
and LOL to the story from your mom. that's intense hahah
The cereal idea is awesome and so is the salad one! Kids always want what you’re currently enjoying lol.
Up until this newfound cereal knowledge, on the weekends I direct my 5yo to my phone (games and kids YouTube) and the snack box in the kitchen (goldfish, pirates booty, peanut butter crackers, etc.). Breakfast of champs Also, we practice the ritual of dessert BEFORE dinner. She thinks we’re giving her the gift of gods, but really we just don’t want the sugar high before bed.
i think we should do dessert before dinner, too. any time i give them dessert, i regret it because they’re up way too late and super hyper
My kids LOVE Jimmy Buffett…to the point where it’s a little weird. Their favorite song is “ Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes” and my 6 year olds favorite line is the one about running into a chum with a bottle of rum and drinking all night. Oops! But we blast that song whenever someone’s in a bad mood because it’s an instant tantrum stopper for them!
Also, when my girls start bickering with each other, I make them go out in the backyard until they stop (note: they are well-supervised by an adult from the window). They usually end up making up a game to play together and getting along!
i love that! hahah
the backyard is such a magical place for that. i feel like when they’re getting cranky or bickering, i shoo them outside (and can see them, too) and they start having fun together instantly
This post is amazing! Thank you so much for sharing! Love the cereal and salad ideas!
I had some old steamed broccoli in the fridge that I shoved down the garbage disposal today, but the smell stuck around waaaay too long. I felt like Liv does with cauliflower- “STOP THAT SMELL!” Hahaha. Thought you should know.
haha! she STILL says that after all these years
I have two very loud boys – 15 months and almost 3. The 15 month old is always just yelling and screaming, for no discernible reason. Last night I finally figured out how to keep him quiet – a toddler spoon covered in peanut butter. He was quiet for about 15 minutes while I cleaned up from dinner. It was amazing!
that is perfect!!
These are so funny! My son loves Queen! We listen to a lot of classic rock and my husband will ask him what he wants to listen to on their drive to daycare each day. He always bobs his head along to the music; it’s so cute!
Your cereal idea is genius! I’m not ready to use it yet, but will definitely when the time comes. I will let my son blow bubbles in the kitchen. Once the floor is covered with popped bubbles, I wet a rag and wash the floor. It’s the only way I get the floor clean some weeks!
the girls haven’t listened to enough queen in their lives. i need to change this.
LOVE the bubble tip, too! i never let them blow bubbles inside but i might as well because maybe it would inspire me to clean the floor a little more 😉
My mom was (and still is) so creative and probably had more mom hacks than I realize. One awesome one had to do with car time, the front seat, and the music. My sister and I had alternate days. If it was our day in the front, we enjoyed being in the front. But if we were in the backseat, we could chose the music (radio station or CD). Genius idea because it prevented a lot of shotgun or music bickering (though we still complained if we didn’t like a song ;)).
that’s genius! i’ll definitely keep that in mind for the future
Hahahaha love it! Sebbie’s only 6 months old but there’s already a lot of hiding while getting him down for bed, and I can only imagine how much that’ll increase as he gets older!
If I call anything a ‘special treat’ my 3-year-old will eat it. Time for broccoli special treats! She’s all over it. Broccoli dipped in whatever sauce she wants just placed on her dinner plate, nope, that’s poison Mom, why are you trying to kill me? Everyday is an adventure!
haha i love that!
OH man! Great post, had me crackin’ up 🙂
When my sister and I were young (like 8 and 5), once we decided to “ice skate” all over the kitchen floor and poured water all over the floor so we could slide around. My mom came up with a pretty great punishment – we had to drink out of sippy cups for a MONTH! It was the worst haha
Loved this post!! I love it when moms keep it real. The internet assumes if you make one sarcastic comment about parenting that you hate your child, but you gotta keep things lighthearted sometimes! I love the cereal tip! Our Saturday morning involves solo iPad time when he wakes up, and it can sometimes buy a good chunk of sleep for the grownups.
AMEN. you do what you gotta do!
Oh, the musical education of our children! LOL. I tend to have apple playlists on my ipad that I bluetooth to the car and play fairly mindlessly. Driving and singing. Driving and singing. I mean, I don’t play the P!NK playlist but I thought the 80s playlist was pretty safe. Two funny stories, though …
One day my daughter, out of the blue, said “can we not play the scary song in the car anymore, Mummy?” The scary song? I had no idea what she meant until she rattled off the lyrics word for word … “Mama. Just killed a man. Held a gun against his head. Pulled the trigger now he’s dead.” Alrighty. Bohemian Rhapsody. Fair enough, kiddo.
One day we we’re driving along and the 80s playlist came on … Bon Jovi, Aerosmith, George Michael, etc … Thought nothing of it until my son in the backseat asked me to turn the music down and he asked “what does it mean he’s feeling pretty firm ’cause the girl is stacked?” Holy crap! I stumbled around an answer “well … um … that’s a good question … it um … well, you know these rappers … they just put words together to rhyme … it doesn’t really mean anything … so silly” and then quickly deleted Bust A Move from that playlist when we got home! hahahahaha.
Gina I love this!!! Love the cereal + iPad splitter idea! too funny! Not a mom yet but def keeping some of these ideas!M
Seriously loved! So funny and so true!
These made me laugh! If my kids are bugging me (mom can I have this? Mom can I watch tv? Etc, etc etc) and I want them to scram I’ll tell them: “come here so I can blow your nose!” Or I’ll tell them “hey – come here and clean up all these toys off the floor”. Either of these two comments will have them scrambling to get away from me so fast AND they’ll go to their room and keep a low profile for a minute or two so I’ll “forget” about cleaning their nose or cleaning up. Works like a charm.
haha oh the things we endure as parents!
funny story and Love the cereal and salad ideas!
love your family