Reader’s Request: Redeployment
Hey friends! How’s your day been? Has anyone enjoyed Indian food yet today? 🙂
So I’ve received quite a few requests asking for tips when your husband/boyfriend/fiance comes home from being away for a long period of time. I know that many of you are military girlfriends/wives or are in long distance relationships, so hopefully this post will help ya out 🙂
When they come home, it’s quite possibly the best feeling in the world. There is NOTHING like it and is one of the very few times in my life that I’ve cried happy tears.
After the fanfare, going home, making up for lost time (heh heh), it can actually be a little challenging. You’re used to being alone and doing your own thing. He’s used to being surrounded by dudes, under a lot of pressure, and doing the war thing. For some people, it’s easy to pick up where you left off, but for many, it can be a big transition to get back in the swing of life in your household.
Here are some of my tips:
1. Be patient. It takes a little while for things to settle back into your old routine, so it’s important to be patient. He’s may have seen things that he cant even tell you about, and you’ve had the stress of holding the fort down while he was away. Make sure to be patient with each other and respect the fact that you’ve each been through a LOT, in very different ways.
2. Let him sleep. He’s just been through an intense pace for a long period of time, no days off and lack of sleep. The past two times the Pilot came home from deployments, he was SO sleepy. Usually, I’ll try to wake up him to hang out with me, but right after deployment, I let him make up for lost zzz’s.
3. Find ways to make him feel involved again. He probably wants to get back into the routine too, so don’t feel like you have to keep doing everything that you have been for the last “x” amount of months. You’re used to doing everything alone, but your helper is back! Let him take out the trash, do the dishes, and other things he used to do before he was deployed.
4. Spoil him a little. When the Pilot comes home, we have many nights of his favorite dinners, planning fun things, relaxing and I’ll make him a few massage appointments. I’m excited to bring him with me to acupuncture this time, too! Usually, the Pilot takes ungodly long showers (like more than 30 minutes…sometimes he’ll fall asleep in there). When he’s been home for a while, I’ll go in the powder room and yell “The EARTH!! The earth! You’re hurting the earth and wasting water!”, but during his deployments he only gets 2 minute cold showers. When he comes home, I let him shower for as long as he wants 😉
5. Communicate. It’s always important to be communicative with how you’re feeling in all relationships. Being stressed out and bottling it up is so not worth it. Now, instead of having to rely on Skype or G-chat, you can talk face-to-face. If you’re having a hard time with re-assimilation, there are a lot of resources for military families. Military One Source will authorize up to 12 free counseling sessions through a local therapist. If you need it, take advantage of it!
Have you ever had to be away from the one you love for a long amount of time? Have any re-assimilation tips that I didn’t mention??
Hope you enjoy the rest of your day and I’ll see ya in the AM with a video post 🙂
xoxo
Gina
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What a great post Gina!! So excited for you two to be reunited again!! 🙂
me too, girl 🙂
Such a sweet post, Gina. When does he come home again?
Ps, your little “heh heh” in there cracked me up! 🙂
SOON-ish 🙂
Thank you so much for this post. Although my husband is not in the military, we do have friends that are, and have served overseas. My brother-in-law is in the military and he is getting married this summer, so I will be sure to send his wife to this post! So helpful and informative!
What a great post, as always. I am super excited for you two to be reunited. Will this be his last deployment?
for a while. he needs a break, big time. 3 deployments in 4 years is no joke
I can’t imagine being apart like the two of you have been — thanks for sharing this post with us!
This is an excellent post! While my husband isn’t in the military the majority of my friends and family have men that have been deployed so many times!! I’m so happy when they are reunited and I’m happy that you will be reunited with The Pilot soon! that HAS to be an amazing feeling 🙂
Hi Gina!
I’m 66 days away from becoming a military wife. I grew up near the largest Naval base in the world but never had ties to the military. Like you, I never thought I would become a military wife!
My fiancee completes residency in 4 short months. We’ve been protected from deployment for the past three years but that all changes July 1st. He’ll be fair game for the (wretched) 15 month deployments whenever the Army says go.
I honestly can’t imagine being without him for that long. That’s almost 1/4 of the entire time we’ve been together! I luckily have an arsenal of resources to help me get through it, including many bookmarked Fitnessista posts!
Thanks for giving us all an insight as to the live of a military family and ways we can cope when it’s our turn…you’re so strong and I’m so excited that the end is near and your Pilot will be home soon!
This is a great post! Me and my boyfriend are in a a long distance relationship. We see each other about every other week and it can get hard. It’s no where near as hard as deployment but it’s just difficult to pick things up again when we see each other. We text and skype a lot and that helps but it’s not the same.
Love this post as well as your blog of course, I have been a “lurker” for awhile now and this post hit home because my husband is in the Navy and we have been through two deployments. I agree wholeheartedly with all of your tips.
I have also learned that I tend to take better care of myself when my husband is on deployment and it is important to continue doing so when he returns. I know a lot of military spouses (myself included) that eat healthier and exercise during deployments, and slide back into bad habits upon return.
We actually that we will be relocating from San Diego, CA to Jacksonville, Florida in 3 months, for his next 5 year sea tour.
so true- it’s important to stick with healthy habits after they come home, too
you will LOVE jacksonville. let me know if you need any recommendations!!
xoxo
My husband just left last week for Afghanistan. I am on day 6 of the countdown. Your blog inspires me and I want to pre-order your book!
Best wishes to you and your husband, Jamie.
lots of love and respect for you, your husband, and family.
hope times flies!
thank you, jamie!!
sending love and hugs to you. at the beginning it always seems so slow, but once you get into a routine it gets easier.
xoxo
I love this post. I won’t have to worry about this for 11 more months (ugh) but it will be nice to come back to then.
So glad he’s coming home soon!!!! 🙂
Your tips are really fantastic – it was a struggle for me to think of something to add – the Pilot is lucky to have such a great wife (and vice versa). The one thing I can recall is not to be upset if he chooses to spend some of his time with “the boys” as well – my guy missed his guy friends too. At first it was hard for me not to be a little miffed, but eventually I understood. Take care.
Mo
<3 thank you
you're right, sometimes they miss their buddies and go through withdrawals if they don't see each other every day ;)
Like a PP, I would say keep taking care of yourself! I eat healthier and exercise more regularly when my husband is away. Part of me just want to be really good lookin’ when he gets back! When your loved one is home, it’s easy to just get lost in one another and forget about all of the really positive things that help you cope while he’s away: healthy eating, exercise, spending time with friends. I always remind myself that I don’t want to be a friend only when he’s away…it’s important to be there for friends consistently. I also agree with the idea of letting him ease himself back into home. When my husband and I are together for the first time after a long separation, I want to do stuff and go places nonstop. He just wants to be quiet and rest. It’s important to make time for both!
Gina,
This is such a great post! It’s going to be incredibly helpful to so many people. Thank you for sharing. 🙂 I’m so excited that you and the Pilot will be reunited “SOON-ish”!
Stepf
thank you, friend! <3
The longest I have spent away from my husband is business trips, a week or so, and those are hard for me unless I am the one traveling! If I am traveling, I am super busy, but if I am the one at home, I definitely get lonely.
I have massive respect for military and their spouses. I have no idea how you do it, but I hope he comes home soon and stays for good! Sending you both some happy thoughts and wishes.
My boyfriend just redeployed from Afg and it’s really been an interesting adjustment. He’s at one of the bigger Army posts and came back with a nearly 3k person brigade so having that many people around him going through the same thing has been helpful. My best advice is not to make too many plans right when he gets home and to bring a snack and book to the redeployment ceremony (it took 5 hours to out process!). There’s no feeling like seeing your soldier/airman/sailor step off the plane after a deployment. Aaron hugged me so hard I almost passed out 🙂
best feeling in the world 🙂
great tip about the snack and book- that ish takes FOREVER
Blessed are those who wait… 🙂
What a great post! I’m not gonna lie, it made me tear up a little. I’m so happy that you guys will be reunited soon! 🙂
Gina, Thanks for this post! I have never commented on anything you’ve posted, but visit your blog daily. It’s really great that you can talk about redeployment. It’s something that as a former Airman, gets kind of glossed over when we get back from deployment. I think it’s the excitement of coming home that makes the redeployment talk so over looked. My husband was in the USMC and deployed several times to IRAQ in support of OIF and I deployed in support of OEF. TWO things I would add to your list:
1) Remember that a war zone is nothing like being here. The deployed member may have been deployed and had human contact with only one or two people at max while deployed and may not have seen anything green in months. My add on is to keep things simple when they return. Sometimes, too much can be overwhelming. (I speak from experience of my deployment as well.)
2) Watch for signs if your significant other is not re-assimilating. Things like excessive drinking, gambling, partying, wanting-to-be-in-the-war-zone talk or depression can be key signs of a larger problem like PTSD. Keep an eye out and ask for help immediately!!! Even minor health changes can be a warning sign of something larger.
Hope your redeployment and transition go smooth! Best of Luck!
amazing tips- thank you!
and thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart, to you and your husband for serving our country <3
xoxo
We’re one month into deployment number three, this one being the longest, clocking in at 18 months. Last year my husband was deployed for 7 months and while still deployed, he was tasked for this current one. Ugh.
I don’t think I can add anything to the thorough list of tips you’ve provided, Gina.
Although, I guess I could say that it’s probably best to not have a ton of pre-conceived notions about how the reunion period will go. It’s easy to have grand expectations especially when your military guy arrives home tired, emotionally exhausted and probably smelly. It’s not always like the movies portray homecomings.
Ack, so much for proof reading. I meant to say “It’s easy to have grand expectations, but when your military guy arrives home tired, emotionally exhausted and probably smelly, it may take a while for them to look and feel like themselves again.”
I am so excited for you, for when he comes back 🙂 I can not even imagine how hard it is to have him be gone for so long, not to mention the time it takes to get re-assimilated into normal life/routines! Great post, though!
I forgot that it was Indian Food Wednesday, but coincidentally this: http://ohsheglows.com/2011/01/08/black-eyed-pea-masala/ is simmering on the stove right now!
Very nice post. I can’t imagine how excited your are for your husband to come home. I hope it’s very soon.
When someone is gone for a long time we will have a huge BBQ on their return. That way everyone can come visit and it takes the pressure off of having to go visiting person to person. After things settle down is the time for that, not when you first get home. Works for us. I cannot wait to hear the upcoming news. I do not know how you can stand it when it gets so close.
This was a great post, Gina! My man’s not in the military, but this year he was gone for work for 5 weeks, the year before that for 4 weeks, and the year before that, three months! As much as I missed him, it was hard when he came home. I think another great tip is to remind yourself that it’s okay if you guys have a week or two of feeling like strangers and have a hard time getting back into the groove, and it’s okay and normal. I would always freak out that somehow our relationship had changed or something, but it was just the readjustment period. He got home 3 weeks ago and I hope he never, ever leaves again 🙂
My boyfriend is in International Development. After living together in Europe for three months while he prepared to go away, I’m back to our old hometown apartment by myself and he’s living and working in rural Zambia for 6 months to a year. It’s only been 5 days and I still cry! So far the longest we’ve been apart from each other is 2 months. He doesn’t have strong enough internet where he is so we can’t Skype, but he has a cellphone I can call him on it and we can sometimes text. These tips are great because I know it’s going to be a massive adjustment for him to come back to our small apartment in a big city. A total 180.
Thanks for always giving me inspiration 🙂
hang in there, girlie. it will be over before you know it and will make you even more stronger than you already are.
hugs to you!
What a lovely post! You two are such an adorable couple! Looks like you have a solid bond and ways of keeping close despite the difficulties with deployment 🙂
This post doesn’t pertain to me but it was so sweet to read. Very thoughtful! I am so happy for you that you two will be together soon! 🙂
Aw, I’m SO excited for you Gina!! I can’t wait until the Pilot is home with you..I know how excited you are about his return. I think that it’s always hard for couples to radically change the amount of time they spend together, so I can’t even imagine how strange (but wonderful) it would feel to have someone back after that much time apart. You’re coming down the home stretch!
My husband isn’t in the military, but I did enjoy reading this. My husband does travel a lot, so these tips still sort of apply. When he’s been gone for a long time, there’s no feeling like when I’m on my way to the airport to get him… SO much better than Christmas!! 😀
Great tips! I don’t have a military husband, but I am in a long distance relationship (opposite sides of the coast). We’re looking at one of us moving to the other’s location soon, and I’m nervous about getting back into the swing of the relationship stuff after being independent for so long. I think that open communication is the most important thing to have for a relationship to survive. I’m so happy that you and The Pilot will be reunited soon!
Thanks for this post Missy 🙂 My husband gets back in the next couple weeks from 7 months on Afghanistan and I am beyond nervous, being the first deployment! I feel like mine left about the same time yours did and is coming home soon. Good vibes all around!
good vibes to you too!!! so excited that he’ll be coming back soon <3
xoxo
I love this post.
You’re and amazing woman Gina!
AWESOME post!
I am so glad you did this!! I bet SO many people will benefit from this.
I dated a guy all the way through highschool plus a couple years after. He joined the Navy during the end of my sophmore year. We kind of broke up before he left, but he got lonely in bootcamp and he would write me. We slowly re-kindled and would write, call, email all the time! This was right before texting and WAY before skyping! Eventually he was sent to a base 3 hours from me so we had an awesome weekend relationship. It was pretty perfect for me because I could do the highschool thing during the week and fri night-sunday evening was bf time! I LOVED every second of it.
When he was deployed I lost myself. I had no idea what to do and eventually had to start depending on my friends more and more, which turned out to be a good thing! I would wait every day for a letter or a package and would write him letters as often as possible or send packages. Once we caught each other emailing at the same time and was able to have a quick instant messages. It was so unreal.
It obviously wasn’t ideal and definetly not something I would EVER want someone to go through, but it was pretty amazing and a great learning experience in the long run and I was never more proud of a single human being for putting their life out there EVERYDAY. I learned to trust, to talk about whats going on inside my head, and to really appreciate the little things.. like waking up to that special someone.. or even being able to touch that someone.. or smelling them.. or seeing their name on your phone when they’re calling.
I can not wait for you and the Pilot to be together again SOON!!
xo
Your post made me tear up remembering getting to go pick up hubby when he was away for a while. He’s not in the military, but he used to do the Robin Sage training scenarios and depending on who was running it we sometimes could not communicate AT ALL for over a month 🙁 I can’t even explain what happened to my brain, and it pales in comparison to what military wives have to do, but I have MAJOR respect for all of you lovely ladies!
I just found out my dad is going to the STAN for another year. I’m hopefully going to find a way to not mentally hold my breath the whole time, but its triksy. I always appreciate it when you post on this topic. You’re one tough cookie!
thank you mel, and thank you so much to your dad for bravely serving our country <3
Love this post! So interesting to peek into ur life….not at all stalkerish or anything : )
Awe great tips love! If I ever end up in that situation, I will keep those in mind:) I hope you and the Pilot have an amazing reunited time!!
Is it weird that you almost make me WANT to marry a military guy? I mean, I definitely understand that the challenges are numerous and often wrenching at times, but the rewards seem great as well. It seems like having to go through these periods of separation can actually make your relationship stronger. I know how easily some married couples can just slip into complacency and get bored… but the military life definitely seems anything but boring!
Periods of separtaion can also make a relationship weaker. Probably not the greatest idea to search out someone in the military just to make life “not boring.” Just saying.
i don’t think she meant it like that. also, all relationships have pros and cons, ya know?
you’re right- when they come home, it’s like honeymoon all over again. we don’t take anything for granted
lol @ viesa.. she totally looks like a pet fox in those picture!!! she is too cute:-)))
sounds like some good tips for whoever may need them. I cant really relate, but i can understand how it would be.. to an extent.
<3
lol @ viesa.. she totally looks like a pet fox in those pictures!!! she is too cute:-)))
These are great tips, and I really admire how you deal with all of this.
it’s definitely not a picnic, but its worth it 🙂
What a selfless woman you are! I was in a relationship with a Marine who was deployed overseas twice for 6 months each, it was definitely rough. I give you so much credit, I can feel for you because I know from experience it isn’t easy! Just keep counting down the days girl! <3
thank you, tina!
This is a great post, and I can’t imagine how excited you are to see the Pilot soon 🙂 My fiance and I have had a long distance relationship for over 8 years, and although it’s gotten better (now we have weekends together), I love your comment about being patient. It’s hard to jump into being “we” when you’ve been living as just “me” for a while!
This is an excellent post with great information…so much of what FFSC and NMCRS share at our pre-deployment meetings.
I just wanted to add on communication…don’t be right on top of him/her all the time chatting their ear off and bombarding them with questions/updates/tasks. Many of you all in the same boat get face to face time (skype) or at least real time convo (chat sessions or phone calls) but some of us out there don’t. My husband is a submariner…the only phone calls he gets are a-if they pull into a port or b-if they do a steel beach (has happened twice in his 14 year career), and sailor mail (email) is iffy at best, being affected by weather, their status on station etc. We’ve gone 7 weeks with no form of communication at all. Many special ops groups are similar in that real time communication is rare if at all. Point being, since you can’t always update each other on the goings on of the household, kids, what they’re up to “out there” and such, don’t try to make up for those lost weeks or months in one conversation. 🙂
And utilize your FRG resources and ideas for ways to help your children adjust to dad/mom coming back home too. They want to smother their previously deployed parent with loves, hugs, kisses, chats, and requests to do ALL the fun things they love and missed sharing. Deployed parents melt when they see their kids waiting on the pier/flightline/whatever but can quickly be overwhelmed after not having been in a “family environment” for awhile.
excellent points- so true! thank you <3
Hi Gina! I’ve been reading your blog for a loooong time (years, in fact), but I’ve never commented before. I just wanted to write to let you know how inspirational you are! You are SOO strong. I cannot believe how well you have handled the Pilot’s deployment, your challenging situation in Orlando, moving across the country, having to relocate Viesa, starting a new business, not being sure where you’ll live in a few months, etc. Throughout all of this, you have stayed so positive and fun. You are one of the main bloggers who inspired my roommates and me to start our own blog. Thank you for sharing your life with the blog community!
charlotte,
thank you so much for reading, for saying hi, and for such a beautiful comment. made my night <3
hope to "see" you around more often! 🙂
xoxo
Great post!! Love all the pictures!
P.S. I made quinoa for dinner and put Trader Joe’s Curry Simmer Sauce in it…does that count as my Indian for the day? 🙂
YES 🙂
Gina this post is awesome and although I have never been thru anything like a deployment, Scott travels lots on biz. Over the past decade I have hated it, gotten used to it, hated it again, sometimes enjoyed a little space, but when he does come home there is sometimes some re-adjusting.
I love how you addressed that things may be a little different in reality than you anticipate mentally. And your tips are fabulous…and I think are great tips in GENERAL for relationships…patience, communication, and a little spoiling every now and then works wonders 🙂
I’m not married to a military man but I just thought the way you wrote this and addressed it was so awesome. Clearly you and Pilot really love and respect each other – not demandingly or selfishly, but wanting the best for each other. My respect for you (which was already there!) grew a gajillion times reading this! You’re amazing!
thanks girl <3 we're a good team- i'm just ready for him to get home!
Loved the posy Gina! My DH was in the Navy when we were first married! I was newly pregnant when he deployed for 6 months! When he left, I moved back home! We kept our place in VA, and when he was returning I went back to be there to see him…for 2 weeks! Then the Dr said the last month I needed to be closer to home! So I left! I called him when I was going into labor and he jumped in the car and drove the 6 hours to get to me! So our adjustment was more adding a baby! He had some time to adjust on his own! Then a few months later he was out! That was more of an adjustment! Neither of us had a paying job! But it all worked out!
OMG!!! so crazy
you’re right though, everything always works out
i started tearing up, gina!!! I truly admire your patience, selflessness and willingness to understand and be as supportive as you can be. talk about true love <3
i’m about as in love as you can possibly get 🙂 i’m a very lucky girl