1/21: Thoughts from the week
I totally get why new moms cut off all their hair. It’s a luxury to get a shower, let alone style or dry anything. Twisty bangs + ponytail or messy bun for the win.
I wrote about our adventures in breastfeeding here, but just as we’re starting to get the hang of it, it’s also become even more difficult. She prefers my left side over the right, so I have to pump my right side after every feeding to keep supply up. She’ll only nurse on the right side for maybe 5 minutes, but will go all day on the left, and I have no idea how to get her to like the right side, which produces less. That’s also the side I had surgery on a few years ago…
The funny thing is that for a couple of days, I thought my right side wasn’t producing anything. I’d pump, and nothing would come out. Tom was watching me pump yesterday and said “How long have you been using that battery pack?”
“All week.”
“No wonder you’re not getting anything! Those batteries have to be dead by now… try the AC adapter”
And sure enough, I plugged the pump in and was pleasantly surprised by milk!!!
Wow.
We’ve been tracking all of her feedings and diaper details since she was born,
and it’s funny how you can go 7 years without discussing body functions with your husband, and then be cheering for them together.
It really is possible to survive on no sleep. The first few days were an adrenaline rush and we were up all night as she cried and cried- now she’ll sleep for a couple of hours in between feedings. I used to NEED my 8 hours… I get maybe 4 or 5 broken hours of sleep and am doing ok. Everyone says to sleep when the baby sleeps, but I usually only have time to pump my right side, grab some food and then she’s ready to go again.
Bed rest is the worst thing ever. I hadn’t been doing any real activity –the midwives said if things look good at my 4 week checkup, I can resume normal activity again- just dishes and laundry around the house while the baby would snooze. We went on a couple of family walks (1-2 neighborhood streets down and back) and that’s about it. After cleaning up around the house on Tuesday, I was changing clothes and looked down to see I was standing in a small pool of blood. It scared the bejeezus out of me. After a call to the midwife, she said “you’re to be on the couch or in bed only. That’s it. Take the next few days and don’t do anything, except for cuddle and feed your baby.” I’ve loved all of the cuddling and feeding time, but as an antsy person who likes to be up and about, it’s been challenging for me.
Hormones do some crazy things after you have a baby. As blissfully happy as I am, I still cry everyday. I worry that I’m not doing a good job, it breaks my heart when she cries, and the fact that Tom goes back to work this week has been giving me a lot of anxiety. Tomorrow I’m going to do a practice run and see how I do by myself throughout the day and night.
Everyone says it’s normal to cry and to feel this way, but you’d think that hormones would protect you at a time like this. They should make you feel like a superhero so you can get through the really challenging time. Instead, they make you feel really fragile and emotionally sensitive. I’m excited to feel normal again.
I’m also excited for the day when she looks up at us and knows who we are and smiles. For now, I’m just the boob 😉
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Hahahahha “I’m just the boob”. NOOOO you’re not. 🙂 Seriously, being a college student is nothing compared to being a new mom, but I totally feel you on the twisty-braids // ponytail // messy bun tactic. That’s what happens when you have time for one thing only: a baby or school.
Yikes! I would have been freaked out to be bleeding that much too. Please take it easy like the midwife said!
You sound like youre doing a wonderful job adapting to motherhood – I hope everything goes well with Tom going back to work!
((hugs)). I never did the physical stuff (post childbirth, breastfeeding) but I did the sleepless nights and THAT WAS BAD ENOUGH on its own.
You may not FEEL like a superhero, but actually you are one. 😉
And yes, it’s all worth it when you get the smiles, the giggles, the ‘whole body wiggle-laugh’ and those things are just around the corner. xx
Hang in there, Mama! With my boys we hit a major turning point at 6 weeks where I really felt pretty normal and we hit our stride with breastfeeding. You are doing an awesome job, keep up the good work 😉
It took me about 6 weeks too- then I couldn’t get him off the boob for almost 3 years! It is tough in the beginning, but know that it’ll get better- WAY better- before you know it. Good luck to you- you are doing great!
I cried every day for 2 weeks. The constant worrying will eventually stop, eventhough it may not seem like it. My 9 week old has ALWAYS preferred my right side and luckily enough, I produce more than enough to feed her and have extra to store from one side. I tried different holds, nipple shields and basically everything. To this day, she maybe nurses on my left side twice a day for a few minutes and then wants the right. Make sure to keep her feeding off of both sides, I resorted to solely pumping my left side and nearly dried up a few weeks back. Now I use that side if she just wants some extra soothing or comfort since I know not much is flowing out of it. She will know who you are very soon. As soon as I walk into the room now, our daughter turns her head toward me and gives me the biggest smile, definitely the best thing I have ever seen :).
It sounds absolutely exhausting, but you guys are clearly doing a kick ass job!
I have a 7 week old and told my husband today that I feel like a milking machine. Hang in there with breast feeding, it does get easier!
It seems like you are doing a wonderful job as a mommy! You will be just fine next week! 🙂
Hi boob, 🙂
So sorry about the bed rest – I know it must be challenging, but enjoy all that cuddling and maybe catch up on some reading. You’ll be up and out and about before you know it. 🙂
Also sorry about having to pump – I know it’s hard and frustrating, but it will keep up your supply on the right side, and hopefully Livi will eventually get used to nursing on both sides.
Gina, for the first six weeks, I honestly thought there was something wrong me. As much as I loved my new baby girl, I thought she was just kind of boring. I mean, she didn’t even react when we were right up in her face…but that first smile changes everything. Just wait – it will be here soon, and it only gets better and better. She’ll start giggling and giving you kisses. My favorite moments of the day by far! 🙂
Don’t be so hard on yourself, I appreciate your honesty 🙂 Its music to my ears. I didn’t want to be honest about how I was feeling for a long time, then when my daughter was about 3 weeks old I called my friend who has a baby also and cried my eyes out to her… It felt wonderful! You feel guilty admitting that it is hard but the truth is it is really hard ! I think that is what makes it worth every second! Just hang in there and try not be super woman 🙂
PS The first smile is the best and it will be here before you know it 🙂
Oh my goodness! I can’t imagine how life rocking this must all be! From relatively normal life to bed rest with a babay! You are doing an amazing job. You are doing everything right. Know that you can only know what you know, and you will learn the rest along the way! No one is perfect, even mothers. Livi is lucky to have you, and all this will be a distant memory in such a short time! Sending you all the love and support in the world, you are a super hero. <3
Gina you are doing an AMAZING job, and just from reading it is so apparent how much love you have for your daughter and family. Being a mother is the hardest job around, and it doesnt come easy; but it already sounds like you are getting the swing of it. Thank you for being so honest and sharing your struggles with all of us.
Thank you for being inspiring to your readers, each and every day!
For a self-admitted Type A personality it must be hard to be in such a new and likely overwhelming situation with a new baby, lack of sleep, lack of experience, and a slowly healing body (and hormones!). I think you just have to trust yourself and the process and go with it, learn along the way and ask for help. Give yourself time to get familiar with this new situation, it will take a while to be on top of things. You’ll be a pro in three months!
Hang in there!
Honey, you are a wonderful mother to Livi, and have been since the first day you found out she was on her way. Know that i’m only a phone call or text message away… I know I have no babies yet, but sometimes an ear is all you need! <3 you friend!
You’re doing a great job mommy!! Unfortunately the crazy hormones are going to be around for awhile, but talking to other people and admitting how you feel helps a ton. Livi loves you…she just can’t show it yet. 🙂
I feel you on being just the boob. For weeks I would cry to my husband that all I was to the baby was a mill buffet. It does get better. Also my boy liked the right breast much more than the left so my lactation consultant urged me to start every feeding on the left side just for a few days. Their sucking is strongest when the first few minutes of every feeding so starting on the weaker side ensured that it kept producing. He still prefers the right but will happily drink from the left. Good luck!
Oh how clearly I remember the emotions of the first few weeks with my babies, I know a million people have probably already told you but everything in the first year is just a stage, it all works out one way or another and then it’s on to something new to fret about. I guess it’s probably like that forever as a parent. My hubby was much better prepared for all my crying the second time around 😉 Both my babies had a repulsion to one of my breasts too, I ended up just nursing on that side in the night or when they were very sleepy. Sometimes I would let them go on the other side then when they had nursed happily for a minute or two I would switch them over. worked sometimes, other times it would result in a full on melt down. by they time I was introducing solids I had pretty much dried up on the one side. They grew just fine off one boob though and I nursed them both well into their first year. Only problem I had was the lopsided boobs for a while but after weaning it all evened out. You will be fine on your own with your little gal, I loved having my husband home at the beginning but you two will get into your own grove and you’ll love it 🙂
honey, you are doing everything right!!! It is so hard to be a new mom, but amazingly you just keep plugging along! it gets a lot easier, even at 3-4 weeks. my baby used to feed for 1 hr each time, so i spent 8-9-10 hrs feeding, more if cluster feeding, but it got gradually better, as the babies grow and become more mature/efficient. crying will stop at about 2-3 weeks, but make sure you talk to you mwife if it does not!!! you are stronger than you think, just take it one hour at a time!
It really is different for everyone and different for each baby. Crying may not stop after 2-3 weeks.
I try not to set up expectations like this for new moms (ie Your baby will sleep thought the night after a few months…Nope mine didn’t). If those things don’t happen on that timeline, then the mom might feel like she is not doing things right when really she is.
I agree 100%! Babies will develop on their own time. My 12-week old us still in the fussy stage and I am trying to ignore all who say it goes away at 3 months because it hadn’t and just makes it worse. Hang in there. It is hard, I know and my hubby is a saint for knowing how to deal with all my crying too; I still have times of feeling overwhelmed and I assume it doesn’t stop here:). I live your updates Gina, thanks for keeping this up I look forward to your posts every day!
Ditto to Ellen’s comment! It is just DIFFERENT for every mom and every baby. The recovery….some moms are working out, and resuming intimacy before 6 weeks. As a mom who had a 4th degree tear…umm, yeah, not too much at 6 weeks. I was also always frustrated because people would tell me you just ‘know’ what your newborn cry means, ie. hungry, wet, tired….I NEVER figured out different cries and felt like such a failure, like I must have been missing that mommy intuition. Take all advice with a grain of salt.Your little family will eventually find it’s ‘groove’…..just in time for everything to change again…lol! Some advice that you can’t go wrong with though, is to book a newborn portrait session in the next few weeks. It is honestly CRAZY how fast they change and to capture the newborn look in photos is going to be a cherished memory forever:)
You are doing awesome….hang in there!!!
Just want to say that I’ve been there…. it’s crazy hard and life changing… for sure. I also want to reassure you that it’ll get soooooo much easier. Hang in there!!!
Still thinking about making a trip to Italy with a baby this year?!?
Haha I’d like to make it to the grocery store w the baby first 😉
In a few months you’ll be thinking about booking that trip again 🙂 The first few weeks it feels like life will never be the same again but you’ll be surprised at how quickly you find yourself back to normal life!!
If I can do a trip to Italy with a 3 month old (solo) then you can do it easy with a 6 month old with your husband!
I did it with a 1.5 year old. I would say, it is easier when they can’t walk… 😉 Venice was a nightmare.. all those canals.
You’re doing a great job! It is all so new and crazy at first. Who am I kidding – it’s always new and crazy with your first one! But seriously, all the emotions and everything are totally normal. Don’t fret, you’ll have the hang of everything before you know it!
Yes, totally normal to feel that way. There’s a huge ‘dump’ of hormones right after childbirth. You’ve been through a lot so quickly. I wish there was some amazing super hormone that was turned on right after delivery that made us need 0 sleep and feel like rainbows and sparkles. I know it seems SO far off right now, but yes, 6-8 weeks was when I noticed things getting much much better with all 3 of my kiddos. Especially with #1 it’s all so new and daunting, but you’ll get the hang of it in no time. You’ve probably heard it already, but be sure to try and offer the right side first at all the feedings (instead of alternating sides) until you feel things are moving along better. That helped me some. Good luck and great job!
“I’m just the boob” lmbo!! love that!
Funny story:
When my first little girl was just a newborn, and I was getting the hang of nursing and all. I’d notice that I’d leak/ letdown when she’d cry (our bodies are seriously amazing). Well once I was in the shower, like you said IS a luxury, and I was trying to hurry…She starts crying and it breaks my heart so I rinse as fast as I could and run to her (in my birthday suit-my baby was crying! lol), to calm her and tell her I’m hurrying, while rolling her down the hall in the bassiet and she cries louder….and I start spraaaaying. Think kate perry’s california girls video with the whip cream…projectiling across the room. Funniest thing ever. lmbo
But it is so absolutely amazing how connecting how bodies are to theirs though…beautiful
Hi Gina –
I’m usually a lurker, but I just love your blog and your attitude. My kids are 8 and 11 years old…and I promise you, it gets much much easier. Trust yourself – you have terrific instincts and you already are a wonderful mother. It is HARD at the beginning. After 6 weeks it’ll be easier, and after 12 weeks you’ll be out of “the tunnel” and it’ll be MUCH easier. Just take it day by day, allow your body to heal, and realize you are in a whole new place now.
I wish you all the best – and be good to yourself.
The first few weeks are tough. I remember feeling major anxiety at nighttime because I knew I wouldn’t be sleeping plus you’re still in pain and bleeding like crazy! I felt nuts probably for 4-6 weeks and felt like I was living an alternative life instead of just my life with a baby in it, which will eventually happen. It’s really a huge adjustment. My daughters first birthday is in a week and a half and I feel like I’ve only JUST gotten the hang of things. then of course you want to have another one, hopefully it’s just the first one that makes you feel a little crazy. I hope things get better for you in the next few weeks 🙂
Ah Gina–everything I have to say is cliche but you will get through it. If you have or can find an acupuncturist who does house calls it might not be a bad idea. Some will do it for their regulars, and some do it all the time. Maybe a family member could come and watch the little one while you lie needled for 20-30 minutes? Good luck. It gets better, for sure. As an aside, it is common practice in Chinese Medicine for the mama not to shower or leave the house for like a month postpartum-they stay at home and eat black chicken soup and re-build their blood! Take care 🙂
My girlfriends and I talked about what bullsh@t it is to be so deliriously happy the first 6 weeks after you give birth. It’s hell! You’re bloody, hormonal, weepy, exhausted, overwhelmed and completely sure you’re screwing everything up. Here’s the thing…… we ALL feel like that, and THAT’S normal. I can honestly tell you it gets do much better so keep that in mind while you’re in the trenches of six week hell. And guess what? You ARE doing awesome!! Hang in there, sending you live and lots of Momma support.! ~
<3
I also used to do ear seeds (non-invasive little seeds on square bandages that stick on ears) on my newborn . Maybe you could talk to the acu about that if you’re comfortable. Kind of calms the spirit, helps them rest. I had to wear my son in a moby for about 3 months so i could accomplish anything so I understand how valuable a long nap is…
(for them. I never got to ‘sleep when they sleep’ either)
Ahhhh, I love how open you are with this whole chapter of your life so we can be here to cheer you on! I think you’re doing an amazing job at being a FANTASTIC loving mommy!!!!
Keep inspiring girl!
Much Love
xxoo
(((Gina)))
Seriously- there for a while my boob was just her “breastfriend” but now she’s so happy!
Just wanted to chime in and let you know I had the same problem- she would completly ignore my right b. and it seemed to make very little milk.. I just kept at it, and ultimately started doing one breast at a time per feeding (or “block” nursing). And now… after side lying nursing (she can do it easier on my right breast) it makes WAY more milk and she prefers it. What the heck?! Just stick with it. Both of your girls will do their part!
And you will feel normal again.. People say it’s rough but then you’re in it and it’s shockingly difficult. You’re normal and each day gets better.. seriously. Those first six weeks will be a distant (and not too pleasant) memory.
Hang in there, it gets so much easier and you will look back on those days and think “that wasn’t so hard!” But I completely know what it feels like to feel so overwhelmed, googling every little detail to make sure you are doing things “right,” not sleeping, and crying A LOT. I swore I wasn’t going to make it at times, but you do and before you know it your baby is 4 months old (the age of our daughter). I can hardly believe that much time has gone and how much her little personality is coming through. Things like breastfeeding also become such a breeze, it just takes time. Now I look back and think, what was I thinking when I thought she was sleeping too much or what not, because we are currently battling the whole wanting to only nap for 30 minutes thing. I have just learned that each day with a baby is something new, it feels overwhelming a lot of the time, but the joy that comes with being a mommy far outweighs all of the bad stuff!
Sounds like the most challenging, but rewarding job! Hope things get better soon 🙂
Hang in there – you are doing GREAT!! The first few weeks are so hard. I would cry so much at the beginning, thinking I didn’t know what I was doing and that I was in way over my head. And for sure I was convinced that I would never read another magazine again or have time for myself. It will change before you know it and you will have your routine down. Cut yourself some slack, don’t worry about how everyone else did it and you will figure out what works for you. Breastfeeding is some seriously hard work – fwiw, my DD never nursed for more than 10 minutes (and only from one side) from the get go and I drove myself crazy trying to get her to nurse longer, convinced she wasn’t getting enough. It took me some major mental anguish to realize that I had a huge supply & she was just a quick nurser.
Take it easy and just no that it gets much, much, much easier. Every friend I know with a child has wondered at the beginning how they would make it through and all have managed to look back on the early “day-ze” and laugh 🙂
I love the total baby app for tracking feedings, growth, etc. works great and I still use it at 17 months old. And you r doing an amazing job. It’s do hard those first few weeks, but just focus on baby steps (once you are off bed rest) to do a small trip alone with the baby. And also do great to go to lactation groups or mom groups.
Awwwe, Gina, you are completely normal and you are a superhero! All moms are 🙂 At my 2 week check up, they asked me about “baby blues” and I said “I’ve shed some tears, but I have been able to laugh a lot as well,” then that following weekend came and I cried about anything and everything. I started to worry about post-partum depression, but the crying passed after a week or so and by the time my munchkin was 6 weeks old, I was feeling pretty good. Take care of yourself and enjoy cuddling your daughter…
you’re so much more than just a boob to olivia, always have and always will be. keep your chin up, you’re doing the best you possibly can 🙂
This was such a brave post and you will touch everyone who reads it. Thank you for doing what you do and giving readers inspiration, daily. I hope this goes without saying, but you have nothing to worry about – you are an amazing woman AND mother.
Even though you say you cry everyday, I would never get that vibe because you write so utterly amazing. I hope everything adjusts itself good and Olivia starts putting a face to that boob! haha Hang in there
Don’t worry, you are doing everything perfect. It is very tough at first, and all of your feelings are 100% okay and normal!!!!!!!! As for the breastfeeding preference, as much as I sucks, my suggestion is to make her feed on that side. If she’s hungry, she’ll eat. Of course, she’ll cry–a lot. But, try to do it as much as you can handle her crying. Take advantage of all your family while Tom goes back to work! DO NOT be afraid to ask for help. I always was, I got through it, but why put yourself through the challenge if you don’t have to?
Aw man, EVERYTHING made me cry for about two weeks after I had my baby. I couldn’t listen to the radio because songs just made me bawl. And on the way to a follow up appt I happened to pass a graveyard-cried all the way to the docs office…hormones make you crazy, but it gets better!
I can totally relate! I had such feelings of guilt.
I cried a lot.. Probably every day. Also, as horrible as it sounds, I mourned my old life. I missed having my independence. I would remember sleeping in and running errands by myself and have a hard time accepting my current situation. Though thank goodness that was brief. There were certainly moments of daily happiness and joy, but there was a lot of other emotional stuff too. Everyone kept telling me.. Just wait until this and that..
And they were right!! It gets better and better.
The smiles… Omg like baby crack! When she recognizes you and prefers you and your husbands, it is an amazing feeling. Months 4-6 were my favorites so far.
Months 1-3 were really hard. :/ I miss those days, which is so weird since they were a struggle. I would count the minutes until my husband got home and immediately the baby. As hard as it was, I miss having her asleep on me. I wish I could relive it… And wish I would have taken more video!!
Husband~ ha. Stupid iPhone.
While I’ve never had a baby and have no idea what you’re going through I wanted to say thanks for the honesty. Your body just went through more than I could ever imagine and I’m amazed that you’re still getting blog posts up while feeding/changing/comforting a little one. Pretty soon she’ll be smiling every time she sees you 🙂
Hang in there, you’re doing a great job!
Bed rest? Wow, lucky duck. Let’s see, the day I left the hospital from each of my children there was no bed rest..or rest period!
Go get B-50 ASAP! My midwives recommended it with my first, and it really helps support you emotionally!
Wow – I honestly don’t have anything to say because I haven’t been through this yet, but I would think that loving your daughter and knowing what you know are really all anyone can ask of you. I know this doesn’t help your current frustrations, but your honesty and openness are SO appreciated by your readers! I don’t even know you, but I feel like if I go through the same stuff in 4ish months, I would want to email you and pick your brain (however weird that sounds haha – I’m not a creeper I swear).
As hard as it is, definitely give your body that break 🙂 The nurse I work with had her baby the same week as you, and I saw the two of them the other day. She had an app on her ipad on what time he ate, what time she changed him, etc- which I thought was pretty sweet!
Breastfeeding is one of the most challenging/rewarding things I have ever accomplished. My little girl is 11 months and I now find myself dreading the weening process. You will contemplate giving up every day and will always think that your supply is low, but trust those diaper outputs and her demeanor. If she is growing and putting those diapers out, let yourself relax because trust me you will go crazy wondering about how much milk she is getting. I too had one that preferred one side over the other and its mainly because you have one side that generally produces more milk and it comes out easier for them. One thing that I did was look at the position she was feeding. She may just like laying on that one side. Mine loved laying on her left side and feeding from my right, so I would feed her in the cradle hold for the right then switch her to the football hold for the left so that she wasn’t changing her comfy position. This helped a ton!! You can also start her on the side she doesn’t like, wait for letdown and get her to stay as long as she wants before she refuses to stay longer, switch to the side she likes, then try again on the other side just to keep supply up. Hang in there, you are doing great and those feeling of anxiety and inadequacy do subside and you will actually love that bonding time alone with your sweet girl. Cherish every moment!
I have the same left and right issue- seems like it’s pretty common! When I pump I barely get an ounce out of the right one and I can get up to 5 from the left 🙂
My son is 5 months old now and I remember how hard that first month is. Becoming a mother is the most amazing thing ever but it’s such a huge change! Be gentle with yourself and know that it will just get better everyday. The time will go so fast and soon she’ll be smiling and laughing!